by: Lopaka Tanu
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Category: AU Humor
Warnings: Sexual Situations, Animal Abuse.
Challenge: Write a fic where a very elusive small animal gets loose on the M-ship.
Archive: Yes, say where.
Summary: A display of Earth lifeforms for the Taelons goes very bad when someone's Ka'atham comes in to full force.
Rated: R for adult situations and H for Humorous Situations.
Spoilers: Beginning of Third Season, before Thicker than Blood.
by Lopaka Tanu
The crowd had gathered for the first exhibit of Terran Life for the purpose of promoting a peace between the Taelons and Humans after the Crackdown. Human dignitaries had gathered for this first occasion at the Washington Zoo.
As a representative of Doors International, Renee Palmer had to attend to promote their coventure with the Taelons. She scowled as the royals and politicians flaunted their wealth and positions. These kind of people made her wish she still had her gun, the big shiny one with the large energy cannon that can take out a shuttle with a single blast. Her cheeks flushed as her body temperature rose. Big guns made her *happy*.
She cleared her throat as a hand pulled on her collar. Her actions got the attention of several people standing next to her. "Little warm for mid November." A few agreements then they were back to watching the display of Animals. Renee made a discreet exit towards the other side of the large crowd.
As she walked along, she caught sight of the Taelons Da'an and Zo'or avidly discussing what appeared to be a cage full of small black monkeys. Their hands were fluttering like a bird in a net as they whispered in their own tongue. She frowned as she only saw Agent Sandoval watching over them with his usual impassive face. 'Where the hell is Liam?'
Nearby leaning against said cage, but hidden behind the dense plant matter, Liam was sweating profusely. His body temperature had risen to a level that caused him to forego his usual attire for shorts, a cotton shirt and a light jacket. It was forty degrees out. Something was wrong, and the cot behind the exhibit was looking pretty good.
His tired eyes searched the large park for any possible threat to Da'an. Tired as he may be, he still had a duty to perform. There were the animals on the inside of the cages, then there was the animals on the outside in their colorful pelts. Humans were a constant amusement for him. Today however, they held a special appeal. Just watching them made his shaquarava tingle.
Another wave of heat surged through his body. He stumbled a little but was caught by a small hand on his arm. Turning, he looked at the face of Renee Palmer. She suddenly had a sly smile on her face that made him take a gulp. "Ms. Palmer?"
"Renee, please call me Renee."
"What can I help you with, Renee?"
She trailed his body with her eyes, her tongue darting over her lips. "The questing is how can I help you?"
"There is nothing you can help me with." He shivered under her gaze, suddenly he felt very cold. "If you will excuse me, I have to get back to my companion."
Just as he was about to go, she forced him against the cage, rubbing her body against him. "Oh come on Major, admit it, you are interested in more than just a touch."
Liam squeezed his eyes shut as he felt another burst of heat sear him to the bone. Her pelvic gyrations against his hips was causing serious problems with his body. Feeling something strange, he opened his eyes. She was nibbling on his neck as her perfume filled his nostrils, which was making him nauseous. But that was the weird sensation.
Looking to his right, he noticed his hand was restrained by her left. He turned his head in the other direction and noticed the same was for their other hands. So what was that sensation. He felt it again, something was rubbing against his...
Renee was starting to get more aggressive in her movements, so he decided to end it now. At first she held him in place like a crucifix, but his hybrid strength kicked in and he forced her to turn around. She got a look of understanding in her eyes as she complied.
He smiled. "Close your eyes." He whispered in a husky voice. As she complied, an evil grin crossed his glazed features. Slowly he slipped out from between her and the cage. "Bend forward."
"Gods! You are an animal!" Her throaty laugh made him cringe. "So what now, o kind of beasts?"
The smirk grew. "Beg for it."
"Please, oh please Liam."
He bit his knuckle to prevent a laugh. "Not like that. Make it more of a low growl."
"Longer and more throaty."
"Yes like that. Leave your eyes closed back up, and do it again"
She complied to his wishes. Suddenly she was rewarded as a hand started to rub her bottom. "Oh god, Liam!"
The hand stopped. "Keep growling!"
"Grrrrhhhhh!" Movement started back up again in slow agonizing circles. The callused hand slid up her skirt grabbing on to her panties. Pulling her closer. As she moved closer, a warm wind hit her exposed nether regions making her shiver with anticipation. Another hand started to massage up between her legs causing her to growl deeper with pleasure.
"Oh Liam, I never knew..."
"Never knew what Ms. Palmer, and why is that monkey... What exactly is that monkey doing?"
Renee screeched as she stood at attention. Turning around towards the voice of Sandoval with a blush, she started to speak. "We, I , that is Liam was..."
"Where is Major Kincaid? Da'an sent me to look for him. It seems he has been acting strange all morning?" His eyebrows were still in his hair line as Renee stared at him.
Looking around all she spied was the cages, trees, and a growling monkey. Liam had disappeared again. "I have no idea where he is, but I will be sure to tell you if I find out."
"You do that." He snapped the pocket watch shut and turned to go. "Oh, and Ms. Palmer."
"Yes, Agent Sandoval?"
"You do know it is a crime to molest the animals in this zoo, don't you."
She stared at him in shock. "What are you talking about? I have not in anyway harmed these animals."
He quirked an eyebrow. "Really, from what I saw, that Howler Monkey was getting more than an eyeful. In fact he also had both hands busy if I am not mistaken." Tut tuting her, he shook his head. "You should be ashamed of yourself. Go out and pick up a date if you are that desperate and leave the animals alone."
Renee cursed the word Liam under her breath as Sandoval walked away. She turned towards the cage scowling as the small monkey continued to growl at her. "Oh shut the hell up!" With a quick flick of her wrist, her purse smacked the cage effectively silencing the monkey. "Wherever you are, you smug bastard, I am going to hunt you down for this if it is the last thing I do." She stormed off leaving a growling cage of monkeys in her wake.
When she was no longer in sight or smelling range, Liam came out of hiding laughing his ass off. Another surge of heat hit him as he stumbled back against the monkey cage. "No, not here!" Too late, his shaqarava activated and several feet of the metal cage vaporized. At this, the monkeys screamed and scattered through out the zoo. "Ooops." Liam quickly took off as alarms blared.
After a few moments of searching he found Da'an, Zo'or, and Sandoval heading towards the shuttle. Sandoval stood scowling at him. "About time major. We were beginning to wonder if you had forsaken your duty."
"With a wit like you around Sandoval, never!" He smiled as they climbed in the shuttle.
"Your sarcasm is noted, Major. Make sure you stay with your Companion at all times or else."
"Lighten up Sandoval. No one got hurt, and I am human, I have to use the bathroom, unlike some implants I know." He ignored the glare from Sandoval as he activated the controls.
"You know Major, that can easily be fixed, and so can you for that matter." Ronald's tone took on a smug tone.
"And what exactly is that supposed to mean?" Liam turned in his seat as he activated auto pilot.
Da'an and Zo'or sat in questioning silence as they watched the two protectors fight it out. This was becoming more amusing by the moment.
"It means that I know about you and Ms. Palmer." The implant's naturally impassive face contained a hint of malicious amusement.
"There is no me and Ms. Palmer. She attacked me in the middle of the Monkey exhibit and I paid her back for it."
"Is that why she was giving a free preview, and a hands on demonstration?" Both protectors startled as the Taelons released a strained whimpering sound. "Zo'or are you all right?"
Zo'or and Da'an continued to blush as the Protectors looked on in confusion. Before Liam could ask any questions the Holographic controls beeped and took his attention. "Coming out upon the Mother Ship." As he manipulated the controls to land a weird grunting sound echoed through out the shuttle. "Sandoval, stop that, we don't need to rub it in. At least not until we see Renee again." He docked the shuttle as he finished speaking.
"That was not me, Major."
Liam shut off the holographic controls and turned to face Sandoval. "Then who was... it? Oh my god, how did that get in here?"
The other three occupants of the shuttle turned to see the fifth occupant sitting on the top of one of the chairs. Neck puffed out and eyes wide, the Howler monkey screeched at them. "Ooooeeeeeeeee!"
"Grab him Sandoval!" Liam tried to remove the chair around to bring back online the controls but the monkey was too fast and jumped out of the shuttle and ran in to the mother ship. "Oh @#%$!"
"Er, yes Zo'or?"
"What was that creature that just ran on my ship?"
Liam sat rigid, not turning to face his accuser. "That was a Howler Monkey. A primitive version of a human."
"Are you informing me that there is an Atavistic Human running free on my ship?"
"Yeah, that about sums it up."
"Find it, and exterminate it. What is the term, oh yes, use extreme prejudice."
Liam cringed at the sadistic tone to Zo'or's voice. "Yes Zo'or."
"Very well Major. Sandoval, I wish to see you on the bridge immediately." He stood and left the shuttle with a snickering Sandoval following him saying his usual of course Zo'or.
Liam sat watching them leave with dread, he knew he was in for it now. "Da'an, before you say anything, please hear me out."
"I am waiting major."
"First of all, I have not been feeling well lately. Then when Renee attacked me this morning, I just went..."
"I do not care to hear about what she did to you. I am well aware Ms. Palmer's amourus intentions. What I wish to know, is what Agent Sandoval referred to as a Free Preview and Hands on Demonstration." Da'an was suddenly at his protector's side with a hand on his shoulder. "Are you well Liam?"
"I'm fine." He squeaked out between the choking tears and fits of laughter. "She was felt up by a monkey."
"She let the howler monkey cop a feel, grab a wad, huff a puff. You know, touch her short hairs." Liam was now convulsing with laughter as he undid the pilot supports. "She was just about to find out what a Monkey Tongue feels like when Sandoval interrupted."
"Ah, and you found this amusing?"
"Are you kidding, it was freaking hilarious." He smiled as they walked off the dock. "You should have seen her face when she found out. She was completely livid. If looks could kill..." Liam shuddered for dramatic effect.
"Will not do anything about it, she would have to catch me first."
Da'an tilted his head to one side as he faced his protector. Gesturing with one hand, he pointed behind Liam. "You mistook me Liam. I meant she is behind you."
Liam eeped as he took off through the mother ship. "Gotta go Da'an! Find that Atavist you know!"
Renee stalked up as fast as her heels and skirt let her. "Damn him!" She released a growl of frustration. An echoing growl filled the ship. "Oh Shut the hell up!"
"Please Ms. Palmer, we are on the Mother Ship. Try and show a little more dignity."
"Show some dignity?" She screeched. "Did that little @#%$ tell you what he did to me?"
"Not as such, but from what I understood it was inappropriate."
"You could say that." She fumed, but was now more in control. As they walked along, she spoke again. "When I get my hands he is so dead."
"Very well, just make sure he can return the next day."
"Thank you." He smiled as they turned down the corridor. "Perhaps you can help me."
"What are short hairs?"
Liam cringed as he heard his name called out in rage. Renee was going to kill him for sure. Oh well it was worth the seeing her get touched and feel the way he did. He shuddered at the memory of her rubbing against him like a bitch in heat.
Speaking of heat. He pulled off his jacket. The temperature felt like it was the face of the sun. Sweating, he walked off down the corridor of the ship. This was just not his day.
He knew of only one way to attract or locate the Howler Monkey. Sighing, he figured he might as well get to it. His growls were heard through out the mother ship, which were echoed by that of the monkey and screams of Renee Palmer for them both to die as well as several other not so nice things.
In the med bay, Mit'gai tended to the physicals of the unlucky humans. His gloved hands and cold demeanor froze even the bravest of Volunteers. With a wicked look, he turned towards the entrance of the sterile lab. "Send in the next one."
A rather noisy bipedal creature came in making him blush in anger. "You will remain silent unless spoken to first."
The small creature screamed up at him as it bounced around the lab baring teeth and hissing. Its throat swelled causing the voice to grow deeper.
Mit'gai stared at him unfazed. "On the table now!" One hand gestured towards the tall lab table, which the two foot creature promptly climbed up on still growling. "Remain still." The creature just looked at him as it filled its vocal sac again.
"Enough!" His facade gone, he glared at the little creature while his body went through a full energy blush. While he had the upper hand, Mit'gai ran the scanner over the creature. He checked the results as the creature continued to stare at him with beady little eyes. "You are clean of diseases, but are covered in parasites. I suggest you remove your body hair, and be debugged before you continue on. Follow the lights to the sheering section. Do not give them any trouble or else I will deal with you personally."
The tiny creature blinked, hopped off the table, and scurried over towards the opening.
Mit'gai almost snorted as he watched the biped. "Humans become less evolved with each passing moment. Send in the next one!"
Liam was close, he could feel it. Whatever was happening to him was getting closer. He had stopped several times to examine a single Taelon here or a volunteer there. This was getting out of hand. He had stumbled three more times, each time he was caught by a volunteer. Both times a woman had mauled him. The last time, he had high tailed it out of there before the man could react to his touch.
He seemed to remember something like this with Ha'gel but he couldn't place it. Ah well, it would come to him in time. Right now, he had a little monkey to catch. For some strange reason, he had stopped responding to Liam's call.
Continuing on the trail of the tiny creature, he soon found out why. There was a ruckus in the med bay and Mit'gai was threatening to rescan the entire group if they did not obey his commands. They were not very bright because they started up again about how he had scanned a monkey.
"What difference does one human's race make. You are all primates. Now be silent!"
Mit'gai's eyes narrowed. "Report back to my office for rescanning, suddenly all your data is corrupted."
"No it's not, it's right here." A bright volunteer pointed out a data stream.
Mit'gai looked at it, pressed a few buttons on the control and the entire thing went blank. "How careless of me. I forgot to back up the results." Groans filled the med bay as Liam headed out snickering.
A loud ruckus from the sheering room drew his attention, he knew he was on the right track by the sight that greeted him. Fits of laughter was all he knew for five minutes.
Sheering shop ten minutes before:
The volunteers lined the wall as the Howler Monkey came in the room. They looked gloomy as the barber called out next. No one moved up, so the Taelon in charge selected the next person.
"You, the small furry one. Come here now." The Howler monkey followed where he pointed. The barber took one look at it and shook his head no. "What is the problem?"
"I will not sheer a monkey."
"I believe that racism is a form of discrimination. Which if I am correct is against your laws."
"But it is a monkey. It might bite me."
The Taelon appeared to sigh. "Very well, I will do it this one time." He grabbed the sheers in one hand and the monkey in the other. "Sit still or this will hurt a lot."
The monkey panicked at the sound of the sheers coming on. It tried to get away, but the vise like grip of the taelon held it in place. "BE still!" The monkey screamed as its body hair was removed in great lengths. When it tried to bite the Taelon it screamed. "I believe you will find us quite toxic to your kind you atavistic beast."
When he was through, he let the monkey go which shot out of the room like a bullet. He turned with a sadistic grin to others. "Next?" All which promptly passed out.
Liam watched as the volunteers cleaned up the large piles of monkey hair. There was going to be hell to pay for this at the zoo, that's if Zo'or let him return it, alive.
He tracked it through out the mother ship from compartment to compartment. Till it was seen heading to a room he had never seen before. Just as he was about to enter the room, another attack hit. This one lasted longer than the others. It was close, time was almost here.
Inside the room were several large machines that looked like cannons. He ignored them as he heard the screeches and growls of the monkey on the other side of the room. On a console the monkey was screeching hit holographic controls. Liam snick up on him and grabbed it by the back of the neck.
The monkey went nuts as it tried to hit the final flashing button. Liam held the monkey away from him as he read the Taelon symbols then turned towards the large cannons. "Well it appears you almost scorched the Earth little one. I knew you hated humans, but this is a little over kill don't you think? Too bad you didn't have any Taelon energy or you might have succeeded." The monkey just growled as he looked at him. Liam shook his head and shut down the controls. Time to end the great monkey caper. With a resigned sigh, he headed to the bridge and his destiny.
The bridge was quiet as he brought the growling little almost hairless monkey to see Zo'or to decide its fate. Zo'or sat in his chair with a smug look at his tiny adversary. "So we meet again my little atavis. You proved to be worthy opponent, but in the end I won. I rule this world, not you. One day I may consider sharing with your kind, but today it is not to be."
Zo'or leaned forward to smirk at the glaring monkey. "Any last words before I have you embrace the void, my little space monkey?"
The monkey filled its breathing pouch and started to howl at him.
"Is that so? You know what to do Major."
Liam started to protest but a loud shout stopped all.
"Liam!" Renee strutted on to the bridge with her weapon drawn. "Give me the monkey and you won't get hurt."
"What is the meaning of this, Ms. Palmer?" Zo'or stared at her with amused eyes.
"That monkey and I have some unfinished business."
"Very well, Major, give her your small purple headed friend. Make sure she is satisfied with its performance." He turned back to Renee. "One word of caution. From close personal observation, I have learned that this little one tends to spit win overly stimulated."
The humans on the bridge choked as Liam handed over to the smirking Renee. "Thank you, Major. We will finish what we started earlier one day soon, of that you can be sure." She turned to leave.
"Oh Ms. Palmer, what are your plans for this tiny atavistic creature? I hope you do not plan on giving it another hands on demonstration."
She stopped dead in her tracks turning to glare at Liam. He pointed towards the blushing Sandoval. "I plan on taking him home."
"Why is that?"
"Because it would be his mother's wish. Judging by the tattoo on his hand, he is the child of the one that, uhm, got the demonstration." She turned and left the mother ship to take her new friend home.
Zo'or watched as Liam seemed to sway on his feet. "Major, seems how you have done an exemplary job today, I will let you go early. First there is something I must know."
"What is the facination of more evolved species with that of a primitive one?"
"I don't know, ask Sandoval, I'm sure he can share with you any answer he might have."
"He already has, on numerous occasions." Zo'or eyed the implant with a strange look. "I simply wished your... input."
"Sorry, not my type. Well I gotta go, *do* something." Liam's mind was starting to clear, and he knew what was happening to him.
"Very well, Major. You may go." He watched as Liam left then stood. "Come Agent Sandoval, let us Join with others and attempt to answer this question."
"As you wish Zo'or."
Liam felt the pull to the room. He knew who was inside, he had contacted that person before he left the mother ship. They did not know what he wanted, just to meet him in the room for something important. With a glazed look and a blissfully smug smile, he opened the doors to the room and walked inside.
"Liam, you wanted to show me something?"
He nodded as the doors closed. A few moments later moans filtered out of the room as a bright light lit up the hinges of the doors.
Liam came to with a start. Sweat glistened off his body as he breathed deeply. It was just a dream, it had to be a dream! Reaching for the sheets he only found a business shirt draped over his lower body, but it wasn't the only thing. Peeking down he groaned, yep it was real. He had done it! Augur would be proud.
What the hell had he been thinking?
The person on top of him moved causing his still overly sensitive member to twitch. 'Oh yeah, this feels good is what I was thinking. That and the need to.... oh @#%$!'
He couldn't have, could he?
The body moaned as it sat up and stared at him with blue eyes. "Hey Tiger. Any time you wanna show me that, feel free." A hand snaked down between their bodies and squeezed him. "And I do mean any time."
Liam felt a roll of his stomach as he sat up. Something was different, something was weird, something was wrong, very wrong. His body felt sluggish, lethargic, and bloated. Looking down he made a mental note of what he saw for future reference. Right now, he had a floor to get to know again. Then all went black.
The End........ or is it?