Title: I Never

Author: Lisa


Rating: R - for bad words and discussions about sexual situations.

Humor fic.

Disclaimer: Not mine. Never have been, never will be. Just having some fun. Besides, I have no money, so don't sue. No infringement intended.

Archive: Anywhere. Just let me know so I can visit.

Spoilers: None specifically.

Pairings: None specifically. Some pairing suggested (Nick/Sara, Warrick/Catherine), one stated (Gil/Catherine).

Summary: A game of "I Never" breaks out.and certain secrets are reveiled.

Feedback: I'm not above begging for it...seriously.

Author's note: I wrote this story like a script for a play. It was the best format for it considering most of the story is actual conversations between our favorite CSI's. Anything they do or their
reactions are typed like this ( *** ). I usually don't like to write in this way, but it made my life a lot easier. It's just a silly sort of PWP story. It gets sort of rauchy at times - so if that sort
of thing offends you, don't read it. I never like to write "smutty" but it sort of fit in this story. I hope you enjoy it. I had no beta.any errors are mine.

I Never
by Lisa
* * * * * *

(It was the time of year the staff hated the most - Christmas. Not because of the holiday. They all loved the holiday. Christmas meant that it was time for the department party. And to most members of the Las Vegas Crime Lab, the department party was just about as fun as having all four wisdom teeth pulled.

Without novacaine.

Catherine Willows, Sara Sidle, Warrick Brown and Nick Stokes were some of those individuals. The four of them had been sitting at the bar since they arrived at the festivities. And Gil Grissom, who actually seemed to enjoy the department party - much to the surprise of his staff - was not sitting with them. He was seated at a table with Jim Brass, probably discussing something work - or bug - related.

Two boring hours had passed, and the group was getting tired of sitting around.)

NICK: I have an idea.

SARA: Does it involve leaving this sad excuse for a party? Because if it does, I'm all for it.

NICK: Sort of.

WARRICK: Come on, man. What's the idea?

NICK: Well, it's sort of childish, but it could be fun.

CATHERINE: Childbirth is more fun than this.

NICK: Uh, ok. Whatever you say, Cath. I'll.uh.take your word for it.

WARRICK: Stokes, damn man! Would you just spill already?

NICK: Ok, ok. When I went to the bathroom, I saw a door back there. I took a peek inside and there's some sort of small room behind it. It was pretty dark in there so I'm not exactly sure what
it is, but I think it's a storage room of some type. I say we get some cocktails, go back there, and.

SARA: (She held her hands up and stopped him mid-sentence.) You're not suggesting what I think you're suggesting. Are you?

NICK: Oh, yeah. And risk getting my ass kicked by you? *And* Catherine? Don't think so. I was thinking more along the lines of playing a friendly game of `I Never'.

WARRICK: I like that plan.

SARA: (She laughed.) God, it's been years since I've played.

CATHERINE: Clueless here. What exactly is `I Never'?

NICK: Jeeze, Willows. Weren't you ever a kid?

CATHERINE: No, Nick. I was born an old, boring woman. (She smirked at the junior CSI.) Of course I was a kid. I just didn't have a whole lot of time for games when I was.

SARA: It's actually a drinking game, Catherine. (She lifted her drink and drained it.) People play it in college all the time.

CATHERINE: Well, we pretty much stuck with `Quarters' and `Asshole' in my neighborhood crowd, but I'm good with most games. How do you play?

WARRICK: Basically, we all sit around and try to get each other to admit things that we've done.

CATHERINE: Uh huh. Admit what type of things?

WARRICK: Anything really.

CATHERINE: And how exactly is this done?

NICK: We go around the circle and each person says `I never did such and such' or whatever. If you haven't done such and such, you don't take a shot. If you have, you drink. Piece of cake.

CATHERINE: Sounds simple enough. I don't have much to hide though. I think you'll all be disappointed.

SARA: I thought that too. It usually starts out pretty innocently. `I never lied to my parents.' `I never ate paste in school.' Stuff like that. But you'd be surprised how fast it changes to not-so-innocent questions. (She smiled at her co-workers.)

NICK: So, what's the verdict? You guys wanna play? (He glanced around at the others.)


SARA: Me too. I'm in. I'll get the booze and the shot glasses. (She stood, turned and walked over to the bar.)

WARRICK: Hey, Cath? How about you?

CATHERINE: (She smiled at both men and slid her arms under theirs.) Let's go, boys.

(Sara returned and joined the group. She was having a difficult time juggling two bottles of tequilla and four shot glasses. Warrick grabbed them from her.)

SARA: Hey. What about Grissom? (She jerked her thumb in the direction of their boss. He was still sitting at a table across the room.) Should we invite him?

WARRICK: Are you serious?

SARA: Well, this is a department party. He'll notice if his entire team is missing.

CATHERINE: Yeah, but he won't be looking for any of us any time soon. I can tell just by looking at him that he's completely engrossed in whatever he's discussing with Brass. We should be in the clear for a while. At least an hour, if not more.

WARRICK: Besides, do you really want to hear any of Gris' deep, dark secrets? If he even has any, that is.

SARA: (She shuddered.) Point taken.

NICK: Ok, ok. Enough with the chit chat. Let's vacate this bore.

(The small group glanced around the room to make sure they weren't being watched. When they were sure no one was paying attention, they slipped to the back of the room and through the door. Nick had been right - there was a small storage-type room behind it. It was inky black once the door was closed. Sara pulled out her penlight and flipped it on. The small beam sliced through the darkness.)

WARRICK: Jesus, Sidle. Is there ever a time when you don't have something from work on you?

SARA: I believe in always being prepared for anything. It's my motto. (She walked around carefully, shining the small light over the rows of shelves. She found what she was looking for next to a pile of linen napkins.) Ah ha! Candles. (She grabbed them, returned to the group and smirked widely at Warrick.) Be prepared, my friend. Be prepared.

WARRICK: Yeah, yeah.

(The four friends found a semi-secluded spot behind one of the shelving units and sat on the floor. Sara placed the box of candles in the middle of the circle, pulled three out and whipped out a lighter. She lit them and the room filled with a soft yellow light. Warrick filled the shot glasses with tequilla and handed one to each person.)

NICK: Ok, before we start, I'd like to make a new rule.

WARRICK: There aren't any rules, man. Drink for yes, no drink for no. That's it.

NICK: I realize that. But to make it more interesting, and since we're all friends here, I thought we should add a rule that if asked, we give the story behind the question answered.

SARA: Let me get this straight. You ask `I never ate broccoli', I take my shot. You say `when did you eat broccoli', and I say `every day of my life'. (She and Catherine burst into laughter.) Is that
what you had in mind?

NICK: Ha ha. Fun-ny. You know what I mean, Sara.

SARA: Of course I do. I was just giving you a hard time, Nicky. I'm ok with that rule. But I'll add that it doesn't have to be a full-blown description. If the person doesn't want to go into intimate details.they don't have to.

NICK: Less fun.but fine by me.

CATHERINE: I'm ok with it.


NICK: Ok then, let's play. Who wants to start?

SARA: I will. I never - ate paste in grade school.

(They all laughed. The game started off just like any other game of `I Never' - lots of silly questions. It lasted for about two rounds - but disintigrated quickly after that. By the time the game reached this point, their words were already starting to slur.)

WARRICK: I never - masturbated.

SARA: Oh, please.

(Shots - all four.)

SARA: Who hasn't?

NICK: Grissom?

CATHERINE: I'm sure he does it a lot more often than you think.

SARA: Thanks for placing that thought into my head, Cath.

CATHERINE: I'm just saying.

WARRICK: Ugh. I need another shot just to get the image of Gris wacking off out of my head.

NICK: Ok, my turn. I never - masturbated in front of someone else.

(Shots - Sara and Catherine.)

WARRICK: Whoa. Cool.

NICK: I'm impressed ladies. Can we ask for a demonstration? (He received two very sharp glares as a response.) What about explanations?

SARA: It was in college. Chris Adians. We dated for about 6 months. He wasn't very good in bed and I had to make up for his.uh.shortcomings. It was actually during sex.so I wasn't sure if it
counted or not.

NICK: It does.


CATHERINE: I have a very close male friend. When neither of us is dating anyone, we get together. There was this one time we decided to do the mutual thing. He asked if I'd do it so he could watch.and I did. I asked him to do it for me.he did. I watched. No biggie.

SARA: Hold on a second. Catherine? Are you saying you have a "fuck buddy"?

CATHERINE: I wouldn't say that. We just help each other out occasionally. You know, like say I've had a rough day and need to.uh.relax, I call him. Or vice versa. It doesn't happen a lot. Maybe once every two or three weeks. And we've only had actual sex a handful of times.

WARRICK: Only a handful of times? Does he suck or something?

CATHERINE: No. He's actually very good. It's just that our - arrangement - really doesn't have that much to do with sex. Sometimes all we do is lay in each other's arms and do nothing. It's
more about comfort and friendship.

SARA: And mutual masturbation?

(Warrick and Nick started to laugh. Catherine nodded and laughed along with them.)

NICK: Damn! I swear I never date the right women. Every time I've asked someone to do that, I've gotten slapped. Or dumped. (He paused and shot a mischievious glance at Catherine.) You ever need a fill-in for your friend.give me a call.

CATHERINE: Down boy. I don't perform for audiences anymore - I gave that up a long time ago. Besides, it's my turn. I never - masturbated at work.

(Shots - Nick.)

NICK: Come on. I'm the *only* one?

CATHERINE: Guess so, baby. Looks like everyone else can wait `til they get home.

(Hysterical laughter from Sara and Warrick.)

NICK: Does anyone want an explanation or story?

WARRICK: Pass, man. I don't think I want to know where you were when you.

CATHERINE: Agreed. That's a need to know.and I really don't. Sara, your turn.

SARA: Well, since everyone else asked a question revolving around self-love.I guess I'll stay with the topic too. I never - masturbated while thinking about someone *from* work. And I mean the current crime lab.not at a previous job.

(Shots - all four.)

CATHERINE: Interesting. But I'm not really surprised. We do have a damn fine looking staff!

WARRICK: I'll drink to that.

(The four friends clinked their shot glasses together and downed an extra shot.)

SARA: Since I asked the question and I know everyone wants the dish on it, I'll go first. It was Nick and Greg.

NICK: Me *and* Greg.

SARA: Not at the same time, you ass. Greg was being really super nice to me during a case. It was sexy. And his hair actually looked normal for once. It was a big plus. (She glanced at Nick and blushed.) You always look good.

WARRICK: Mine.Catherine.

CATHERINE: (She leaned over and gave him a peck on the cheek.) Thanks, honey. That's so sweet.

SARA: Quit with the kissy kissy. This isn't spin the bottle. (She giggled.)

NICK: Sara *and* Catherine. Oh and that chick that works with Ecklie.I can't remember her name though. Heather? Michelle? Something like that.

SARA: You don't know her name? Big surprise there. I'm amazed you remember our names. (She smirked at him and he punched her playfully in the shoulder.) Catherine?

CATHERINE: The first was Warrick. (She looked at him. His eyes were as wide as saucers. She shrugged.) I saw you working out after shift. You were sweaty - you looked really good. I went home and you know the rest.

WARRICK: I was the *first*?

NICK: And who was the second?

CATHERINE: I plead the fifth. (She downed another shot quickly.)

SARA: Can't do that, Cath. Against the rules.

WARRICK: Yep. You have to at least say who it was. Rules are rules.

CATHERINE: Alright, already. Sheesh! I was thinking about Gil, ok?

SARA: Gil...? Grissom?

NICK: Really? (He received a glare in response to his sing-song tone.) Can we get details on that story?

CATHERINE: Yes, really. And no, you can't. Can we move on?

NICK: Sure thing. But thanks to Catherine, I'm amending my rule. From this point forward.stories are a must. I will be drinking on my question.and will tell my story - in detail. But if anyone else drinks, I want to know I won't be alone at story time. And I'll tell detailed stories if I drink on anyone else's from now on. Deal?

(Three nods.)

NICK: Ok. (He took a deep breath.) I never - have had a sex dream about someone from night shift.

(Shots - Sara, Nick and Warrick.)

SARA: Come on, Catherine. You've never had a sex dream about *anyone* from work?

CATHERINE: Believe it or not, I haven't. I've had dreams about everyone from CSI, but they never involved sex. They were usually about a case or something. But since the three of you bad little kitties have had them .let's hear the dirt.

WARRICK: Hoo boy. Here we go. Things are about to get really interesting.

NICK: I'll start.

WARRICK: Nah, man. Take a break. You asked the question, so I'll go first. Mine was about Catherine. I had the dream a few months ago - right after we came back from Miami.

~*~ I was looking out of my hotel window and I saw you standing on the beach in the moonlight. Your hair was blowing around your face. I thought you looked like an angel. Anyway, I don't know how it happened, but you turned and saw me standing there, in the window, watching you. You smiled and waved for me to come down and join you on the beach. I did. We talked for a little while - about how beautiful Miami was and how it would be nice to live somewhere near the water. You mentioned how much you liked working on that case with Caine and I felt so jealous. I told you that Las Vegas wouldn't be the same without you and that you'd be missed terribly. One thing lead to another and we started kissing. I lowered you down to the sand and we kissed for a long time. We undressed each other - you had on some amazingly sexy black lace underwear by the way - and began to make love right there on the sand. We were completely covered with the small sparkling grains - I remember feeling it on my skin. I rolled over to my back and pulled you on top of me. We moved slowly back and forth. It wasn't rushed at all - not all heated and quick. It was very sensual - almost in slow motion. You started to groan softly in the back of you throat, and your insides started to clench and release around me. That pushed me over the edge. I thrust into you as deeply as I possibly could and that was it. I orgasmed in my dream and in reality. I woke up in wet, sticky shorts and was sweating like a pig. ~*~

CATHERINE: Wow. (She was blushing.) I think I need a cigarette.

WARRICK: Tell me about it.

SARA: I guess I'll go next. My dream was about you, Nick. (His shocked eyes turned to her. She blushed and continued.) Wow. This is harder than I thought it would be. Ok, so, do you remember that decomp we had? The really nasty one - liquid man?

NICK: Uh huh.

SARA: How we were half-snipping, half-flirting with each other over the evidence?

NICK: I remember.

SARA: I went home that night and had a dream about you. The beginning played out just like things happened earlier that day.

~*~ We were there, in the lab, looking over the evidence. That guy Hank had stopped by and asked me out - then ditched me because I stank like death. I looked over the table at you. Your eyes were on the stuff in front of you, but you had a small smile on your face. We had the following conversation:

"What are you smiling about?"


"Nick, what?"

"Hank's an idiot. Or maybe he's just blind. I think you look kinda cute in your stinky lab coat."

"You do?"

You looked up at me and your eyes were filled with something I can't even begin to describe.

"Yes, I do."

You pulled off your latex gloves as you walked around the lab table and dropped them on the floor. You backed me up against the table and leaned over me.

"As a matter of fact, I'd say you look downright hot in it."

"Oh yeah?"

I pushed you away slightly and pulled off my own gloves. I dropped them on top of yours in sort of a challenge.

"Yeah. And I'm guessing that you look even better out of it."

We smiled at each other and you leaned in to kiss me. Things heated up pretty fast. We were both naked in a matter of minutes. I remember tearing your t-shirt right off of you. You shoved all of the evidence off of the table and lifted me up onto it. ~*~

WARRICK: Sara, dude. Gross.

SARA: Shut up.

CATHERINE: (She snickered softly.) Not to mention possible contamination of the evidence. Grissom would be so pissed off. He definitely wouldn't approve.

SARA: It was a dream, you guys. Like I would screw in evidence - or in a *decomp* - in reality. Please. Anyway.

~*~ You moved forward and pushed into me slowly. I wrapped my legs around your waist and pulled you in further. I put my hands on the table behind me and arched my back. You leaned over me and started kissing my breasts, flicking your tongue over my nipples with each thrust. We started grunting loudly and I was afraid someone would hear us so I sat back up and started kissing you again - hard. You started to pulse inside of me and I clenched down with my muscles as tightly as I could. Vibrations started flowing through me and I knew my orgasm was coming. Your body tensed and I heard you suck in your breath with a loud hiss. You groaned my name.I came when I heard you say it. ~*~

SARA: There was more at the beginning and after we had sex, but I really don't remember much of it. Besides, it probably wasn't as interesting.

NICK: Uh.um.huh. (He shifted uncomfortably, bending forward slightly to try and hide his erection.) That was a really.uh.good dream, Sara.

SARA: Yeah, I know. I was the one who woke up after it, remember?

NICK: Uh.yeah. Um.I guess.I.uh.I'm last. Mine was about Sara.

WARRICK: You two dreamt about each other? How sweet.

SARA: Shut. Up. Warrick! (Her voice came out as a hiss. She cleared her throat and laughed uneasily.) Sorry. But, let him tell the story.

WARRICK: (He saluted her.) Yes, ma'am.

NICK: Ok, this was my dream. (He sighed nervously.) I had it right after that scuba-diver-in-a-tree case. When you were thinking about leaving.

~*~ It was late at night. I saw you in Grissom's office. You were yelling at each other. I stood there, watching you. Your face was red and tight - it was obvious you were very angry. Finally, you stormed out of his office and ran down the hall. I followed you out the door and into the parking lot. You kept trying to pull away, but I wouldn't let you. I grabbed you by your shoulders and held you against the side of your Tahoe. You were saying how no one appreciates you and how no one would miss you if you left anyway - so why did I care so much. I told you that it mattered to me if you left. That I didn't want you to go. And then I kissed you. At first you pushed against me - trying to fight me - but you didn't break the kiss. Even though your fists were pounding into my chest, you wouldn't take your lips off mine. We kissed for a very long time - with tongues and everything. (He laughed shyly.) It started to rain on us. I stopped kissing you and backed away slightly. In a matter of seconds, you had unbuckled and unzipped both your jeans and mine. You reached into mine and pulled my.uh.erection out into the open. Your fingers wrapped around me and you squeezed tightly. I gasped and you smirked at me. The rain started coming down harder and we started kissing again. When the kiss broke this time, you turned your back to me. I wrapped my hands around you and slid them under your shirt. I kissed your neck and shoulders as I ran my hands over your breasts. You started grinding your ass roughly against my pelvis. My hands dropped to the waist of your jeans. I pulled them down over your hips and they dropped heavily to the ground. I pushed my own down and they fell as well. I slipped back up against you - my erection pressed solidly against your tailbone - and whispered into your ear. I asked you if you were sure. If you really wanted to do this. You answered me by turning around and kissing me. I felt your leg come up and wrap around mine. I picked you up and your legs went around my waist. You broke the kiss and said "Fuck me, Nick. Right here. Right now." I almost dropped you out of shock, but somehow managed to keep my hold. I tightened my grip on your hips and slipped into you easily. I took a few steps forward and lost my balance slightly. Your back slapped against the slick side of the Tahoe. You didn't even seem to notice. Your legs tightened around me, pulling me in deep. We kissed some more as the rain was poured down on us. I pumped into you over and over again. - it seemed to go on forever. Finally, I felt my groin coiling in tightly and my legs started to shake. You broke the kiss and screamed out my name. I felt you bite into my shoulder when you orgasmed and that was all it took. I came inside you and we collapsed to the ground. You told me that you had decided to stay. ~*~

SARA: I think I need a cold shower now.

NICK: Want some company?

(Laughter from all.)

WARRICK: Ok, before you two decide to give us a visual of those dreams, let's move on to the next question. I never - have had sex with someone I currently work with.

(The four friends looked around the circle at each other. At first, no one raised their shot. Minutes passed - no one moved.)

WARRICK: Come on. No one?

(Warrick glanced pointedly at Catherine. She met his eyes and saw what was reflected there. Finally, she sighed heavily, grabbed her glass and tossed the shot down.)

SARA: Ohmigod.

WARRICK: Sorry, Catherine. I had to ask the question.

CATHERINE: It's fine. I knew it would come out eventually.

SARA: Oh. My. God.

NICK: (His shocked eyes shot to Catherine.) You and Warrick?

CATHERINE: Nope. (She downed another shot quickly.)

WARRICK: As much as I wish it had been me, it wasn't. I didn't take a shot remember?

NICK: Yeah. That's true. Then who could it. (He paused as realization filled him.) It was Grissom wasn't it?


CATHERINE: Sara.stop.

NICK: It was *totally* Grissom, wasn't it?!?

GRISSOM: Yes, it was me.

(Grissom's deep baritone voice startled them and they spun around to face their boss. He stepped out from the shadows and smiled at his staff.)


SARA: Uh.hey, Gris. How long have you been.um.standing there?

GRISSOM: Some investigators you are. I saw the four of you get up together and slip through the door. I stood outside and listened for a while. When you started playing the game, I snuck in and hid near the door. Figured you would be to busy paying attention to who was drinking shots to notice the door open and close. It was easy. So basically, I've been here long enough to hear some interesting stories about SUVs and lab tables. (His eyes shifted to Warrick, his lips curling into a smirk.) Oh, and how could I forget.the beautiful beaches of Miami.

CATHERINE: Gil.I.we. Shit. We were bored. We were playing a silly game.

GRISSOM: I know. `I Never'. And you owe them a story.

CATHERINE: You sure you want me to tell it?

GRISSOM: I guess I could tell it, but I wasn't invited to join the play group.

NICK: Gris, we didn't think you'd want to.

WARRICK: Yeah, man. Didn't think you'd want any part of it.

GRISSOM: It never hurts to ask, does it? You may have been surprised.

SARA: Sorry. We'll keep that in mind for next time. (Her voice dripped with sarcasm.)

GRISSOM: Good. (His tone matched Sara's.) Go ahead, Catherine. Tell the story. After all, rules *are* rules.


NICK: No, Cath. Wait a second.

SARA: Nick, let her tell the story.

NICK: No. I just had a thought. (He turned to face Grissom and smiled widely at his boss.) I think Gris needs to answer all of the previous questions if he wants to hang with the big dogs.

(Everyone turned their eyes to Gil.)

WARRICK: It's only fair, man. You heard our dish.now we should hear yours.

SARA: Yeah, I'd have to say I agree. Go ahead, Gris. Answer.

GRISSOM: Sorry. (He shrugged and gave them the `Gris' look.) I don't have a shot glass. (He sat down on the floor next to Catherine.)

CATHERINE: Oh, don't worry about that, Gil. (She handled him the half-empty bottle of tequilla and smiled.) Go ahead and take your shots right from the bottle. We don't mind.

GRISSOM: Well, I wouldn't want to finish off your bottle.

CATHERINE: (She whipped out the second bottle and opened it.) We're covered. So you can go right ahead and kill that one off. There's plenty more for everyone.

GRISSOM: Gee. Thanks, Cath. (He smirked at her.)

CATHERINE: No problem. (She matched his smirk with one of her own.)

(Gil and Catherine stared each other down for a moment - their smirks turning to smiles. He brought the bottle to his lips and took a long pull of tequilla. He reached over and placed his hand over hers.)

SARA: Ugh, make me puke.

WARRICK: Enough, guys.

NICK: Yeah, stop stalling, Gris and answer the questions.

SARA: Does he need to answer the paste ones.or just the "fun" ones?

WARRICK: Oh, I think he can skip the first two rounds of questions.

SARA: Good. (She grinned widely at Grissom and rubbed her hands together.) I'll do the asking. I never - masturbated.

GRISSOM: Let me save some time here. (He took a swig.) Yes, I've masturbated. (Another.) Yes, I've done it in front of someone else. Don't bother to ask the question - you already know the answer. If you haven't guessed already, I'm the `close male friend' Catherine mentioned. Or as Sara called me, wait.what was it again? Oh yeah, `fuck buddy'. Wasn't that the colorful phrase you used, Ms. Sidle?

(All three of the junior CSI's mouths dropped open when he actually said the word `fuck'. Catherine only chuckled at their shock. Sara's face turned crimson with embarrassment.)

SARA: Uh, yeah. That's what I said.

GRISSOM: Thought so. Anyway, no, I have never masturbated at the office. (Another.) Yes, I've done it while thinking about someone from CSI. I assume I don't need to say whom. I haven't had sexual dreams about anyone from CSI - (He took a shot.) but I have had sex with Catherine. (One final shot.) Oh and I also ate paste until I was 10. Does that just about cover it?

SARA: Yep. I'd say it does.

NICK: Gris, man. I can't believe it. You're normally so.

GRISSOM: Subdued? Private? Introverted?

NICK: Well, I was thinking more along the lines of closed off, but yeah. Exactly.

GRISSOM: I told you guys, I may surprise you.

WARRICK: I'd say that's an understatement, man.

SARA: Uh.so ok. Since we're all caught up, let's hear the dirt on you two.

CATHERINE: (She glanced sideways at Gil.) You sure you want me to tell this?

GRISSOM: Please do. And feel free to give any - intimate - details you see fit to give.

SARA: Whoa, wait a second. Let's not get too crazy with those details, ok Catherine? There are some things about you and Gris that I'd rather not know.

NICK: I'd have to agree.

CATHERINE: Ok. I'll try to keep that in mind. So, like I said before, the first time we.uh.had sex was a long time ago.

(Three sets of shocked eyes shot to Catherine.)

NICK: The *first* time you had sex?

WARRICK: It's been more than once?

GRISSOM: Yes, Warrick. Remember.Catherine said that earlier when she answered the masturbating in front of others question. (He glanced around at his staff. Their eyes were all saucer-wide. He pointed his finger directly at Warrick.) And don't you act so shocked. You're the one who caught us. Did it really look like it was the first time we had been together.

WARRICK: Uhhhh.I really don't.

(Nick and Sara gasped and turned toward Warrick.)

SARA: You *caught* them?

NICK: And never told us?

WARRICK: I promised that I wouldn't.

SARA: (She punched him in the shoulder.) Shame on you, Warrick.

CATHERINE: Can I tell the damn story already? Sheesh!!! (Gil smirked at the others.)

NICK: Sorry, Cath. Go ahead.

CATHERINE: Ok. The first time was a really long time ago. It happened right after my divorce. Ed was going to be moving his stuff out of the house, Lindsay was at a sleepover, and I needed a place to stay for the night. Gil offered up his guest room or couch - whichever I prefered. I accepted. And I.uh.ended up sleeping in Gil's room.

SARA: I bet you were sleeping. (She snickered under her breath.)

GRISSOM: Sara. (He warned.)

SARA: Sorry.

CATHERINE: Anyway, I originally chose to stay in the guest room.but I couldn't sleep. I was keyed up after work and because of the whole `divorce being final' thing. Gil heard me tossing and turning. I heard him knock softly on the door right before he came into the room. He offered a nightcap and I agreed that I needed one. We went into the kitchen and he made two very strong screwdrivers. We toasted to things like moving on and better days ahead. Three rounds later, I basically attacked him.

GRISSOM: Oh, well, I wouldn't say you attacked me. That has such a negative connotation. (He smiled at her.)

CATHERINE: Ok, I kissed him. Roughly. I couldn't take it anymore. We've had this, I don't know, tension, between us since the day we met. We'd flirt off and on, but nothing ever came of it. And believe me, it's not like there wasn't opportunity. So, I started kissing Gil. Things got out of hand pretty fast. We started to undress and.

GRISSOM: She ripped my shirt off.

CATHERINE: Yes, I did do that. I couldn't help it. You were moving way too slow. (She kissed his cheek.) And I remember missing some buttons from my clothing too. Anyway, the clothes came off in record time. Gil pushed everything off the kitchen island - glasses, vodka bottle, orange juice - and it all shattered on the floor. I was shocked that he did it - he's usually so neat. So, he grabbed me and sat me on the counter. Our hands were like magnets. So were his lips. He started kissing me all over. But the touching and teasing didn't go on for long because he was making so horny I couldn't stand it anymore. I wrapped my legs around Gil's waist and.

WARRICK: Ok, ok. (He held his hands up in warning.) I think that's about as much info as we need.

NICK: Uh, yeah. I don't want this to become an over-share.

CATHERINE: What? You mean you don't want to hear about how it felt to have the bugman inside of me? How good he is? How *big* he is?

SARA: Oh, God. (Her face turned pale.)

GRISSOM: Or to hear that we moved from the island to the floor? And then into the shower.

CATHERINE: Don't forget the fact that we were pounding each other so hard that we broke the glass shower door.

GRISSOM: How could I forget that. It took forever to clean up all that glass. And you have to mention the orgasms.

CATHERINE: Of course I'll tell them that I orgasmed - what was it? Twice on the counter, once on the floor, three or four times in the shower. I think I lost count in the bedroom.

GRISSOM: I had my share too. I mean, I didn't have as many as you did, but I recall that there would have been *plenty* of evidence of my orgasms all over that house. I mean if my condo had been a crime scene.it would have glowed under the ultraviolets.

NICK: Enough, guys. I don't want to lose my tequilla in front of everyone.

CATHERINE: Ok. I'll stop. The house really was a mess though.

GRISSOM: Tell me about it. I've seen cleaner multiple homicide crime scenes.

NICK: Guys..

CATHERINE/GRISSOM: (They laughed in unison.) Alright.

SARA: One thing though. I do want to hear the story about how Warrick caught you two in the act. (She paused and thought for a second and shuddered.) I don't think we need as many details this time.

CATHERINE: Maybe Warrick should tell you about it then.

WARRICK: This game has become my own personal nightmare.

GRISSOM: Come on, Warrick. Just tell them.

WARRICK: Ok. Well, it was really late one night. After shift. Everyone had gone home - at least I thought everyone had. (He glanced sideways at Gil and Catherine.) The building was totally quiet. I was leaving the lab and heard funky noises coming from the locker room. Squeaking. So, I walked over to the door and listened for a minute. That's when I heard a woman's voice - groaning. At the time, it didn't sound like *that* kind of groaning, so I sort of flipped out. I drew my gun and pushed the door open as quietly as I could. It was dark, most of the lights had been turned out. I heard a man's voice then. He was really quiet, but I could've sworn I heard him say something like "Do you want it harder, baby?" And the woman gasped in response. She may have said something like "no" but her voice was muffled. I freaked and flipped on the lights. I charged around the corner, thinking I was going to see someone being attacked. Color me shocked to see Grissom's naked ass in the air - and Catherine, also naked, pinned underneath him on the locker room bench.

GRISSOM: I didn't actually say *that*. I asked her if the bench was too hard for her.

CATHERINE: And I said no.

NICK: I will never sit on that bench again.

GRISSOM: Hey! We cleaned up.

NICK: Doesn't matter. I'm a CSI remember. I know that trace is left even after cleaning up.

WARRICK: Needless to say, no one was being attacked. Gris asked me to wait for them in his office. They got dressed, came to the office and both asked me not to say anything to anyone. That they weren't ready for people to know what was going on. I agreed.

(The five CSI's sat in silence for a few minutes. The only two that would look at each other were Catherine and Gil. Finally, someone spoke.)

SARA: On that note, I think we should call it a night.

NICK: Uh, yeah. As much as I love this game, I think I've had enough for one night.

WARRICK: Me too.

(The junior CSIs stood.)

NICK: G'night guys. It's been.uh.enlightening.

SARA: See you next shift.

CATHERINE: Bye. (She stood, pulling Gil up with her.) It was fun. Thanks for tonight.

(She received genuine smiles from all three. Hugs and handshakes were given between all of them.)

SARA: You're welcome, Cath. And don't worry. We'll all get over our trama of hearing about your.uh.sex life.eventually.

GRISSOM: We promise to never discuss it with you again.

NICK: And we'll hold you to that.

WARRICK: See ya.

(The three CSIs left the room, leaving Catherine and Gil alone.)

CATHERINE: Well, that was fun.

GRISSOM: It was.

CATHERINE: You know, I knew you were there the entire time.

GRISSOM: You did not.


GRISSOM: (He grabbed her by the hands and pulled her against him.) Impossible. You're not that good.

CATHERINE: Oh, I am. And not just at noticing when you enter a room.

GRISSOM: Prove it.

CATHERINE: That sounds like a dare.

GRISSOM: This isn't `Truth or Dare', Catherine. It's `I Never". (He lowered himself to the floor, pulling her with him. He grabbed the full bottle of tequilla, pulled off the top and took a swig.)

CATHERINE: Oh please. (She pushed him down so he was laying on his back and straddled him. He offered her the bottle. She looked at it then back at him. Her lips curled into a smirk and she began to unbutton his shirt.) How about you put that bottle down. I'd rather wrap my lips around something else anyway.

NICK: Hey, guys. Did Sara leave her. (When he saw them on the floor, his face turned red. His hands flew to his eyes.) Oh, God. This is definitely not something I needed to see.

GRISSOM: Nick, did Sara leave what in here?

NICK: Uh.her penlight.

CATHERINE: Yep, here it is. (Nick reached out blindly, without uncovering his eyes. She placed the light in his hands and laughed.)

NICK: Thanks. Uh.carry on.

GRISSOM: Thanks for your permission.

NICK: Um.ok. Bye. (He rushed out of the room. Catherine and Gil burst into laughter.)

CATHERINE: So, where were we? (Her hands lowered to his pants. She began to unzip them.)

GRISSOM: You said something about wrapping your lips around an object other than the bottle of tequilla.

CATHERINE: Ah, yes. I remember now. (She leaned over and began kissing his now exposed stomach.)

GRISSOM: Hey, Cath?


GRISSOM: I think it's time for us to change our arrangement.


GRISSOM: I want us to be more than `fuck buddies'.

CATHERINE: (Her eyes lifted to his.) Gil, I thought you'd never ask.

~ end ~