Title: FULL CIRCLE

Author/pseudonym: PEJA

Fandom: The Sentinel

Pairing: Jim/Blair

Rating: R

Status: new, complete

Archive: The WWOMB.

Feedback: want it or no? But of course. Without it why would I write....cuz I like staring at a blank screen with an equally blank mind????

E-mail address for feedback:: daltonavon@yahoo.com

Series/Sequel: Is this story part of a series? Doubtful, but you decide what you want

Other websites: http://internetdump.com/users/daltonavon

Disclaimers: Nope, we're just sneaking around..gotta love these quickies on the side

Notes: Post TSbyBS

Summary: Blair can't take the pain anymore

Warnings: Despair can be a dangerous bedfellow

By
PEJA
***********

"You've got it all, Sandburg." Jim's harsh words echoed in Blair's mind as he stared out over the city. "The Brass ring. Grab it. I'm happy for ya."

Yeah right. Blair tilted his head toward the west. The loft.

Jim would be there by now. Had he read the note Blair had pinned to the front door. Or had he just crumpled it and tossed it in the circular file with all the other junk mail?

Ashes in the wind.

It had been stupid to leave that note. Stupid and desperate. A last ditch attempt to let Jim know he was truely sorry about everything.

Ashes in the wind.

Naomi never had been able to prevent the atomic reactions to her motherly attempts to do what her heart told her was best. Why in God's name did she have to do this one, though?

Ashes in the wnd.

No that wasn't fair. Blair knew his mom. Knew how her mind worked. Why in God's name hadn't he just lied and saved himself the grief.

Ashes in the wind.

A good scientist keeps it in the office. That's where he'd fucked up. He'd gotten involved with the test case. Big gruff introverted Ellison had crept into his heart and stolen his soul like some thief in the night. Uncompromising, unforgiving Detective Ellison had judged his soul and found it worthless. Lit the match and filed it away as a waste of cosmic energy.

Ashes in the wind.

The count just kept adding up. Fate had orchastrated his fall from grace with the grim determination of a Chess Grand Master. From the moment he'd asked his nurse friend to watch for anyone who might show signs of having heightened senses. From the moment he'd stepped into that exam room and handed the big guy his card.

He should have known what was coming when his head was rammed up against that damn wall.

Ashes in the wind

Yeah, he'd had it all. The Sentinel had been for real. The Holy Grail. The one thing that made his life worth living.

The Great Destroyer.

Ashes in the wind.

Sighing, Blair glanced into the backseat, checking that everything was in order. A regretful smile ghosted his lips. His life. Everything he was fit very nicely into the back seat of his car. What a crock.

He checked that his back doors were locked then pulled the neatly typed, manuscript bound paper that had brought him to this end out of his briefcase and slipping it into a manila envelope addressed to Jim, laid it on the front seat. Jim had the right to know what he'd written before it hit the streets.

Before the flash wave hit him full in the face like it had hit Blair.

Ashes in the wind.

Blair climbed out of the Volvo, locked the driver's side up tight and slipped the key into his jacket pocket. Jim had the spare. If he opened the note.

His hand caressed the hard metal searching once more for something to anchor himself. He loved this car. Had nearly died when young Alec had stolen and trashed the car.

Just like Naomi's good intentions had crashed his life.

Ashes in the wind.

Funny how none of that mattered now. He wandered to the cliff edge and looked down. His soft chuckle broke the silence of the night. He'd always been afraid of heights. Maybe because he'd always know in some secret unconscious state that he'd be standing here someday.

Ashes in the wind.

Detached from himself, Blair searched for the perfect spot. Too many trees right here. Behind him it was too rocky. He cringed at the thought of dying on hard rock. His blue gaze swept ahead and he smiled. There. The grass would cushion his broken body. Tomorrow's morning dew would bath him.

Die young and leave a pretty corpse. Well, maybe not so pretty but young. Not over forty....by less than a year. One out of two,,,,Best odds he'd had in this life.

Ashes in the wind.

Blair sauntered to his chosen spot and stood over it. The ground below looked so welcoming, calling him home. Funny how calm he felt, gazing down from this height. Amazing what reconciliation could do for a lost soul.

Ashes in the wind

Drawing a deep breath, he savored the sweet flavors of the night. Smelled like rain in the air. Maybe it would wash away the worst of the blood. Might even wash away some of his sins. The sins he'd done against his love....And he had loved Jim. One more mistake that Jim would never forgive. That secret was one sin he'd take to his sleep.

Ashes in the wind

Thoughts of lost chances blurred his vision and deafened his ears.

Closing his eyes, he took that final step into the wind.

And found himself jerked back and wrapped in strong arms.

"Blair," Jim spoke in his ear. "Oh God, Blair....."

Blair slumped in the unbreakable embrace. "Go home, Ellison."

Jim turned him in his arms and curled a finger under his chin, forcing him to meet his eyes. "Not without you."

Ashes in the wind.

Blair smiled his grief. "I'll be home soon."

Jim shook his head. "Together. We go together, Sandburg. Back home. Too the loft."

"Can't go back there." Blair sighed. "Don't belong there."

Ashes in the wind.

"You belong there, Blair," Jim told him softly. "You belong with me."

Blair focused on the words. The love shining in blue desperate eyes.

"You belong to me."

The terrible weight eased in Blair's heart, letting it beat again instead of lie like a cold dead stone in his chest.

"You belong to me." Jim repeated.

The ice cracked, bringing warmth back into Blair's dead soul.

"You belong to me." Jim repeated once more. "Do you hear me, Blair? You belong to me."

A slow smile flickered over pale lips. "I hear you, Ellison." His arms crept up securing himself to the anchor that moored his soul to this side of the curtain of life. "Let's go home."

END