Title: Secret Lives

Author: Stephanie M

Email Address: wicciangirl51@hotmail.com

Feedback: Sure, I love to hear from readers.

Fandom: La Femme Nikita

Main characters: Birkoff, Michael.

Category: Drama/Adventure.

Disclaimer: Do not own any of the characters from the series La Femme Nikita. They belong to people with far more money and power than I.

Secret Lives
by Stephanie M

"I'm afraid I some disturbing news, Michael and Birkoff are dead," Madeline said through the intercom, her voice calm and unfeeling as always.

All the Section staff froze in shock, unable to believe that the pair had died. Many had always considered Michael to be the perfect agent, one who would takeover when Operations quit. The news of his death caused many to realise that everyone even the best was only human and would die sometime.

Birkoff was a man they had come to depend on in Section; often it was the hacker's genius that saved them when it looked bleak. With Birkoff gone, people couldn't help but wonder who was going to take his place.

In the back of the armoury Walter sat crying, unable to believe the man he considered to be his son was dead. Every fibre of his body was calling out for revenge; and he would have it no matter what.

Nikita strolled in and walked straight over to the armoury seeing the older man in tears, she ran over to him worried. What could make Walter cry? He never let anyone see him cry.

Nikita asked full of concern,"What's wrong, Walter?"

"B...Birkoff is dead!" Walter answered, before breaking down in tears again.

Nikita asked in confusion "What...but how?" How could something so terrible happen? Birkoff wasn't supposed to get hurt, he was supposed to be safe!

"I don't know! It was on the mission," Walter said wiping the tears from his eyes, not wanting to upset her.

Nikita asked not having been informed of any mission, "What mission?"

Managing to rein in his emotions Walter said, "Michael and Birkoff were asked to come in last night, they were in a briefing for hours. Birkoff got a gun from me. A gun, Sugar! Ya know what that means?"

Realising that Michael was also on the mission Nikita said, "It means whatever it was dangerous, something really bad. Operations never lets Birkoff carry a gun. Is Michael okay?"

"He was killed too. I'm sorry, Sugar." Walter said softly.

Nikita broke down realising that she had lost not only the man she loved but also the man she considered to be her brother. Her tears were the last straw for Walter who started crying, the pair held each other knowing it was the only kindness they could expect in Section.
*******
"How will this affect performance?" Operations asked coolly as he observed the agents below.

Madeline said thoughtfully,"The levels will drop a little but once everyone has adjusted they will be back to normal. We will have to keep an eye on Nikita and Walter. I advise giving Nikita her own material, that way she won't be able to focus on her grief."

"Do it. I'm surprised they haven't come up and asked us about it." Operations said leaving no question as to whom he was walking about.

"It's too fresh right now. I expect both Walter and Nikita to for details within in the next week." Madeline answered giving one of her Mona Lisa smiles.

Seven Hours Previous

"Hey Walter. I've come to get a gun for the next mission." Birkoff said as he walked over to the ammunitions expert.

Walter grinned at Birkoff's enthusiasm, "So you're on a mission. What is it?"

"I'm afraid that is top secret." Michael said as he walked over, making Walter jump.

Seeing the tiny shakes wracking Birkoff's body, Michael gently squeezed Birkoff's shoulder. He could feel Walter staring at him and Birkoff in confusion. Michael moved back to allow the young man to talk with his friend, something he didn't need to do.

Walter looked from the Michael to Birkoff, confused at the display of affection; he hadn't seen Michael be affectionate in public since Simone. Hell, Michael wasn't even affectionate with Nikita. Walter didn't know what Michael was up to and didn't care; he wouldn't allow Birkoff to get hurt in another Section game.

Walter asked his voice full of false cheer, "So will you be backing time for Sugar's party?"

"We won't be back in time," Birkoff answered hugging the armourer.

"Maybe Sugar will have another party when you come back." Walter said not wanting to upset his friend.

Birkoff grinned cheerfully, "Maybe."

"Here's your gun, I've put a case in the van." Walter said with a smile.

"Come on, Birkoff. We still have to go through the profile," Michael said, not wanting to prolong the goodbyes.

"Are you going to leave a message for Nikita?" Michael asked, knowing the blonde was on downtime.

"I'll leave it at my place; she's bound to get it sometime," Birkoff answered as the pair walked inside his quarters at Section.

The room was full metal and white the same as the rest of Section. Birkoff had become so accustomed to the décor of Section that he didn't even consider decorating. The only thing that marked this place, as home were the shelves. They were full of spare parts of machines Birkoff had played with when he had nothing better to do with his time. On the middle shelf directly opposite the bed stood a photograph of Birkoff, Walter, Michael and Nikita.

"Anything you want to take?" Michael asked, gently not wanting to upset the younger man.

"I've got everything I need on my laptop." Birkoff answered placing a mini-disc on the shelf next to the photograph. He had made the disc with messages to the important people in his life years ago, just in case.

"We have to go." Michael said, picking up the briefcase holding the laptop.
*******
Climbing into the driver's seat, Michael fastened his seatbelt watching as Birkoff did the same. Then he drove towards the location as when they were two hours away from Section, Michael heard his PDA beep. Picking it up, he quickly read the message, 'When you reach the end of the next street, get out of the van. Proceed to the following address.'

"Grab your case; we need to leave the van." Michael said as he got out of the van.

The pair walked quickly through the streets, sticking to the back alleys where they wouldn't be seen. The address turned out to be a crowded bar, which Michael recognised as one of the busiest gay bars in the city.

"Nice to finally meet you, Michael. I take it this is the friend you got out with. So are you ready to leave? I've found you someplace to stay." A tall blonde man said his face effectively covered by the cap he was wearing.

"More than ready, James. Are you sure it's safe?" Michael answered, he didn't like staying out in the open like this, and he liked to have Birkoff in the open even less.

"Yeah, follow me outside." James said figuring out that he wasn't going to get much out of them.
*******
Present

"Seymour, we're here. Time to wake up," Michael said as he gently shook the young man.

"I'm awake, quit it already." Birkoff answered quickly grinning widely at the Frenchman.

"Paul, I've got some more foundlings for you! This is Birkoff and Michael." James yelled as he directed the pair into the house.

Paul Jackson was a tall, tanned, brunette man in his early thirties yet his face seemed unmarked by age. But his eyes showed the pain he had experienced, his eyes were dead. As if a part of him had died, Birkoff felt as he looked at the stranger.

"Nice to meet you Mr Jackson." Michael said, keeping one arm around Birkoff's shoulders.

"Nice to meet you too. Michael, Birkoff would you like to have breakfast with me?" Paul replied cheerfully.

The four men walked into the dining room in silence, as they walked Michael looked over at Birkoff to make sure the younger man was okay. Birkoff had been too quiet since they had left Section, like he was expecting something terrible to happen.

"So how do you know these two?" Paul asked James as he watched the pair through the small crack in the kitchen door, under the pretence of making breakfast.

"They were Section, Operations was planning on cancelling them. Michael got them out and they came to me. I had already told him I might know of somewhere they could hide." James answered with a grin.

"You know who they remind me of? Me and Alex, look at the way Michael is watching Birkoff." Paul said seconds before he had James walked into the dining room.

They returned to find Michael holding a sobbing Birkoff. Paul acting on instinct and tried to get closer but the glare from Michael stopped him. They listened, transfixed as Michael tried to calm his friend.

Michael said his voice soothing and gentle, "Sey, its okay. We're safe, I promise."

"B.But what if they come after us? What if they get you, Michael?" Birkoff answered still sobbing.

"We're going to be okay, I promise cher." Michael said as he captured Birkoff's lips with his own.

'The kiss was hard yet gentle, a contradiction just like Michael,' Birkoff thought to himself with a mental grin. He moaned as Michael's tongue begged entrance, their tongues duelled for a couple of minutes until they broke apart feeling someone watching them. Across the room, Paul found himself unable to stop himself from watching the scene. The pair were so tender with each other, obviously willing to do anything for the other.

"I'm sorry for breaking down on you like that." Birkoff said as he looked over at the two men watching them and blushed.

"Your friend is right; you are safe in my home." Paul said smiling at the pair.

Michael said giving a nod in thanks, "Thank you, Mr Jackson. Have you got anywhere Sey can rest?"

"James, take Mr Birkoff to the silver room." Paul instructed, knowing that Michael had something he wanted to talk about.
*******
"So what do you have to talk to me about?" Paul asked as he sat down, making himself comfortable as he regarded the agent in front of him.

His expressionless eyes focused on the other man Michael replied calmly, "I figured you had questions and I don't want Sey upset. I'll answer as many as I can."

His voice making it clear what he was asking Paul said, "I must say I am surprised to hear that Section decided to get rid of you. I mean you're the heir of Section."

Michael sighed and said calmly, "It wasn't me they wanted to kill originally, Operations just wanted to kill Sey. I found out and stopped them; I guess they decided I had interfered too much because we were sent on a suicide mission."

"I take it you have not informed your.lover?" Paul said, not sure what term of address he should use.

Michael said softly, "I couldn't. Sey would have insisted I let him get killed and stay alive. He would have made me promise, and I can't break a promise to him."

"You can stay, why don't you go to bed? I've got some arrangements to make," Paul said as James walked into the room.

"So what do you think of their story?" Paul asked James as he turned around to face the younger man.

"I can check it out, don't worry." James replied as he sat down and reached for the phone.
*******
"You okay, Sey?" Michael asked gently as he got into the bed, the cool sheets hitting his bare skin made him shiver.

"No, I'm not." Birkoff replied as he nestled into Michael's arms.

Michael asked willing to do anything to help, "What hurts?"

"Everything." Birkoff said softly, tears beginning to fall down his face.

"Don't cry, love. It's going to be okay." Michael said as he hugged Birkoff tightly, ignoring the tears falling from the younger man's face.

Michael gently kissed Birkoff's face, kissing away the tears and the pain. He hated to see Birkoff in pain, but he felt helpless.

"You look tired. Want to sleep, love?" Michael said as he saw the exhaustion on his lover's face.

"Only if you hold me." Birkoff replied with a wide grin.

"Always. Bien nuit," Michael whispered into Birkoff's ear, before kissing the top of his lover's head.

Six days later

Nikita felt numb, she couldn't find the energy to bother anymore. She was alive and did her job but she couldn't seem to feel anything. The only reason why she was doing her job was in the hope that someday she would meet whoever had killed Michael and Birkoff and revenge would be hers.

"Sugar, can you come with me? They want to clean out Birkoff's room. I want to do it but I can't do it alone." Walter said somewhere to her left.

"Sure, let me just finish this report." Nikita said as she saved the file and stood.

Looking at Walter she couldn't help but notice how old the man looked. It was as if he had given up when Birkoff was killed. But then she had given up in a way; she no longer cared to make friends all she wanted was to get the job done.

Nikita took Walter's arm and the pair walked down the corridor to Birkoff's quarters. Once there they just stared at the door, hoping they would be able to get through it without breaking.

As Nikita looked around the room she noted that unlike the rest of Section the place had a comforting feel. Despite how it appeared, Birkoff had made the room home. She looked at the picture trying to guess where it had been taken, and then she remembered it had been on Birkoff's birthday when the four had held a party at her apartment to celebrate.

Walter was busy placing many of Birkoff's inventions in a box, smiling as he remembered just how excited Birkoff had been about them.

"What you looking at Sugar?" Walter asked, noticing the first smile on her face since they had heard about their friends' death.

"Just a photo of the four of us. That was a good party wasn't it? Birky looked so happy." Nikita said with a wistful smile.

"It was great. What's that?" Walter asked as he noticed the small disc.

Nikita looked at it, her dilemma obvious on her face. "It must be Birkoff's, it was next to the picture. Should we look at it?"

"I think we're supposed to. We'll have to go to your place." Walter said picking up the boxes, as he stood up he fell back onto the bed.

The two quickly left Section and sped to her apartment, each one wondering just what Birkoff had wanted them to know. Had he known who was going to kill him? Placing the tiny disc into her computer, Nikita quickly accessed it and stared at the screen in shock.

On it where three files, addressed to herself, Walter and Michael. As she looked at the computer, Nikita wondered why Birkoff had left a message to Michael. The pair had never really been that close, they had a professional relationship and that was all. She pressed the file marked with her name and looked at the letter on the screen.

Nikita,

If you are reading this then I've died. My only request is that you don't feel angry either with yourself or anyone else. I just wanted to say that I love you; you were the sister I always wanted.

I'm only sorry that I have no words of consolation to offer you, all I can say is I love you and wish you well. Your love of life is one of the most beautiful things about you. Don't ever lose it.

Love,
Birkoff.

Moving away from the computer in tears, Nikita let Walter access his message knowing that Walter needed to see this last message from his friend.

Hey Walter,

I guess it finally happened, I died. I love you, man. I'll be keeping an eye on you, if only to see your latest crush. I have only one thing to ask of you and that is that you watch over Nikita, she is one of the most important people in my life.

Love,
Birkoff.

"What should we do about Michael's message?" Walter asked, feeling they shouldn't look at it as it was meant only for Michael's eyes.

"We should read it; it might help us find out just who killed them." Nikita said, noting that the file had been updated just a week ago.

Nikita clicked on the file and stared at the screen in anger, it was asking for a password! She couldn't help but feel curious, just what was so important that it had to have extra security while the other messages had none?

"Looks like we can't get in," Walter commented wondering if she would drop the cause.

"I'll try some of the most obvious ones." Nikita said typing in the name of Michael's wife and son. She even tried her own name to no avail, she couldn't think of anything. Giving up she walked away from the computer and poured two long drinks of scotch.

Before she could take a sip she heard Walter shout, "We're in but it's encrypted."

"What's so special that only Michael can see it?" Nikita asked aloud.

"Let me try something," Walter said as he reached into the case of computer discs in the box with the rest of Birkoff's personal items. Five hours later they had finally broke the encoding only to find the message was entirely in French.

Nikita pressed a couple of keys and the letter was translated into English, she knew a little French but not enough to read the letter.

Michael,

I sit here while you sleep; hoping and praying you never read this message. If you are I'm dead or missing, neither is a desirable option. In a weird way I hope I am dead simply to spare you the pain of not knowing.

If I have been captured, don't come after me. Michael, do not go after whoever killed me! Yes, I know your plan, I always do. Please do not put yourself in danger over me. I do not want you to die as well, my angel.

Who we would have imagined we would last this long, especially in Section? Four wonderful years filled with love and joy. I want you to know this - you gave my life meaning. It's a cliché but it's true. I remind you of our promise, go to our place and to think of me. Then move on, I cannot bear the thought of you spending your life alone.

I've got a orders for you, no surprise I know (!) Nikita is going to need someone to lean on and it must be you. I know you feel it is wrong to sleep with another, but remember what I told you? I don't mind you having sex with someone as l know about it. I'm a Section boy through and through, I don't expect monogamy.

I cannot believe I write you a letter to read after my death telling sleep with someone! But she needs someone to believe in and love. My love, I know you see this as a betrayal, but it isn't. I order you to do whatever is required to keep Nikita, Walter and yourself alive!

I know what Operations is like, if you show any signs of suffering they will take steps to remove the possible danger to them and kill you. This is a stupid thing to say but; I think my time is near. The date today is the 30th of December and I can't help but feel I will not live to see the next year.

The air has felt different for the last month, who knew Christmas was supposed to feel like death's cold embrace? That is the reason why I sit in here in the middle of the night, brushing the hair from your face as I write. I actually thought about telling you but I knew you would worry; and I couldn't risk affecting your performance. If your levels change Operations will look at you closely and we both know how dangerous that can be.

I guess the one thing left is to tell you to stop feeling guilty. Yes, you are don't try lying to me! I know your soul and heart as I know my own. I do not hate you for the time spent with anyone involved in your missions. I knew exactly what I was getting into when I fell in love with you.

I love you Michael.

Yours Eternally,
Sey.

Nikita looked at computer, unsure how to react. Birkoff had been seeing Michael for years and no one knew. But that didn't make sense; in Section you couldn't keep a secret that long, right?

"Did you know about them?" Nikita asked her voice shrill.

Walter looked at her before answering, "What.NO! When I saw them before the mission Michael was trying to comfort Birkoff. I figured it was because Birkoff had to take a gun, you know how much he hated them."

"Maybe it wasn't an accident, maybe Section had them killed," Nikita said as she started pacing.

"You know as well as I do missions go wrong," Walter answered knowing Section was probably recording their conversation.

"Yeah, I guess. Want to go and get something to eat?" Nikita said as she attached the small disc to a picture and placed a printout of the message in her bag.
*******
"We've found a disc hidden inside a vase, what are your orders?" The team leader said, into her com set, subdued like most of the operatives.

"Bring it to me, immediately." Madeline answered, before turning off her com set and looking over at Operations.

"Go over it at the briefing in two hours with all the field operatives." Operations replied with a smirk, it would not do to have his people treating him with so much disrespect.

"As you wish," Madeline replied sounding completely uninterested in what was happening.
********
"I would like to show you a message found on a disc in Michael's apartment. I'm going to give everyone a copy so they can see for themselves." Madeline stated as she got one of the support staff to hand out the papers.

Beloved,

I hope you actually read this, and are not as I fear dead. I have much I want to tell you and so much more I am frightened to say. I have spent years watching you sleep, and dream with that innocent smile on your face. It is while watching you I detest our job. Section is fine for me, I deserve it but you are too innocent and pure. Yes, pure (!) Go on, laugh I know you're dying to.

Perhaps it was the wrong thing to write but you always bring out my weird sense of humour. I guess the most important thing is that this is not your fault. It doesn't matter how I died, it is not your fault. I know that you're in your comfortable chair arguing right now. This is no surprise, you always do (especially with me) and it is one of the things I adore about you.

It was clear from the first time we saw each other that there was a connection between us that couldn't be denied. It did not matter how much I tried, and try I did. I could not stand the thought to taking one as innocent as you and spoiling it as I was sure I would. You confronted me immediately, having far more courage than I.

I can still remember every detail of our first night outside Section. We have passed the night talking about everything and nothing. You revealed your fears, hopes and dreams but even more surprising I told you mine. That night is one of my most treasured memories; we shared a part of each other.

I feel guilty when I remember how I have betrayed you, sleeping with others while you waited or worse watched. You would just smile softly and say it was part of our work. Yet you cried when you had to sleep with another, to protect me, to protect us.

You pulled me through the greatest trials in my life, with little more than a glance or a tender touch. I continued to wait for you to tell me you've had enough and leave, not too surprising, just ask Madeline.

I want you to go to our place and remember the good times we have shared when they would give us down time and when we could loose our tails. Do not be sad for I have been blessed to have you in my life, my guiding light. Remember the love we share a love like no other. We will be together again for I do not believe God is cruel enough to part us for eternity.

Madeline and Operations have been acting strange lately. I think they know that everything is not as they envisaged. I am overjoyed that it is not, for otherwise we would not have had these years together.

There is now only one thought in my mind and it is you. I cannot help but think that if I am to die there is no better place than your arms, to know that we go together, as I fear it will happen. I feel angry at myself for doing this, sure that if not for me you would be safe and happy.

You have now a disapproving frown on your face, have you not? I know you believe you could not be happy without me and thankfully we will never know. I wouldn't have survived this long without you, I would have self-destructed to borrow your expression.

Even asleep you seem to read my mind, whispering my name gently and I love you. Three little words, we use them so often. I normally say them to another at least to three times a week but it only means something when I say it to you.

I love you Seymour, now and forever.

Always,
Michael.

"As you can see Michael and Birkoff where involved for a number of years. We will go through Birkoff's property and see just what that reveals." Madeline said glaring at Nikita and Walter obviously knowing they had been in Birkoff's quarters.

"Birkoff left a letter for Michael as well. It was in French but I translated it; I've got it here." Nikita said not showing her anger.

"Give me the letter, Nikita." Madeline said, taking the letter from the frozen Nikita, the profiler quickly displayed the letter on the many screens allowing everyone to read it.

Never noticing the looks of pure hate being directed his way Operations said calmly, "We suspected they had some sort of relationship when we tried to cancel Birkoff and Michael intervened. They were cancelled because they broke the rules, long term relationships between a field operative and another member of Section are not allowed."

The operatives looked at the leaders in disgust unable to believe what they had heard. A few people grasped the true reason for the cancellation of two of their number; Operations and Madeline were afraid that Michael would seek restitution after Birkoff's death, and Michael was the best with the powers to take the leaders down if he was motivated enough. What would motivate him more than the death of the man he was in love with and had been for a long time? In Section four years was a long time, longer than most operatives lived.

Walter was silently planning just how he was going to get revenge on Section. They had killed the man who was practically his adopted son because he had been in a relationship for four years! A relationship that hadn't affected their performance levels! In fact, Walter actually knew that their overall performance levels had gone up during that period.
*******
"What have you found out?" Jack said into the phone knowing they needed to know if the two men where a danger.

"Section decided to remove them when they found out about the relationship. Field operatives are not allowed to be involved in a long term relationship with anyone inside Section." A woman replied calmly.

"Very good, you will receive payment as usual." Jack replied as he ended the call.

He took out his phone and quickly dialled his boss, knowing Paul would be happy with the news. The pair would be perfect for their company and it wouldn't hurt having two of Section's own.

Jack said emotionlessly, "Their story checks out."

"Thank you for informing me." Paul said happily as he ended the call.
*******
"I have made my decision, you are welcome to stay here." Paul said as he looked at the two men in front of him.

"Thank you. I would like to work in your computer section to repay you." Birkoff said with a smile.

"I will help you in any way I can." Michael said gently wrapping his arms around Birkoff's waist.

Paul said looking them over critically, "I'm sure you will be wonderful additions to my business. I am in the business of security, removing problems for our clients. Why don't you two go into the city? You can borrow the Volvo."

"We would like that." Michael replied as he took the offered keys and walked Birkoff out the room.

"Do you think Section will be looking for us?" Birkoff asked as they walked through the house towards the underground garage.

Michael reassured, "Everything is okay, love. If Section thought we where alive they would be searching for us."

Birkoff said, "I'm just worried. Why did they decide to cancel you?"

Michael casually replied, "They were upset when I killed the op who was to cancel you."

"They tried to cancel me before?" Birkoff was unable to believe no one had told him.

"It happened two months ago, I asked Jack to see if he could find somewhere for us to stay." Michael said as they approached the car.

Birkoff protested, "You should have let them cancel me, then you would be alive."

"My body would be alive but I would be dead inside." Michael replied squeezing Birkoff's hand.
*******
Michael quickly guided the car through the streets, taking care not to draw any attention just in case. Beside him Birkoff was busy playing with the radio finally stopping on a classical station.

Michael got out of the car, quickly moving to Birkoff snaking an arm around the younger man's wait. He smiled as Birkoff started talking about the plans for the day. As they walked Michael arched an eyebrow, noticing the three people following them. Giving no sign that he had noticed anything untoward, Michael pressed the younger man into the wall. He wrapped an arm around Birkoff's neck, pulling the younger man's head down.

Michael gently kissed Birkoff's ear before whispering in French, "Two men and a woman, on my left."

"Section or Jackson?" Birkoff answered in the same language, running his hands over Michael's shirt making it appear that they were simply making out.

"I'm not sure." Michael said taking another look at three who were apparently uninterested in their current behaviour.

To draw the attention of their tail Birkoff said in his normal voice, "Come on, love. We can play later."

Keeping one arm around Birkoff's shoulders Michael said with a grin, "I'll hold you to that."

"No surprise there! " Birkoff said with a laugh as he moved his body even closer to the older man's.

"Do you want something to eat?" Michael said remembering that Birkoff hadn't eaten for the last day or so.

Birkoff asked with a smirk, "Can we go to Wendy's?"

"Whatever you want, love." Michael said with a smile.

"Cool!" Birkoff said pulling Michael towards the small diner.

End Part 1