TITLE: WE ALWAYS HURT THE ONE WE LOVE
AUTHOR: MICANDRA
FANDOM: SIMON & SIMON
PAIRING: RICK/AJ
RATING: NC-17
STATUS: WIP
SERIES: NO
DISCLAIMER: THIS STORY WAS WRITTEN FOR ENTERTAINMENT ONLY. NO COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT IS INTENDED.
NOTES: THIS IS MY FIRST STORY IN THIS FANDOM.

SUMMERY: A STAKEOUT GOES HORRIBLY WRONG

WARNINGS: RAPE, FIRST TIME ****DENOTES DREAM SEQUENCE ****

We Always Hurt the One We Love
by Micandra

How does one tell their brother that they're in love with them? Better yet, if we do anything, is that incest? Not the way I understand the term. To me incest means inbreeding and we're not about to do that. We don't have the right...equipment. Of course, AJ may feel differently.

That's why I can't tell him. I couldn't stand it if I made a move and he rejected me. Our relationship is kinda rocky as it. Besides I live at his house. Where would I go if he kicked me out? My boat is a permanent lawn ornament in his yard. I could always stay at Mom's but she'd ask too many pointed questions.

So I sit here and brood. I'm kinda dark and moody as is, so AJ doesn't think too much about it. Sometimes I'm a bit overprotective of him but he puts it down as part of my 'big brother syndrome'.

"A penny for your thoughts." AJ's voice sounded in the darkness.

"Huh?" I glance at my brother sitting in the passenger seat of the power wagon.

I watched as AJ shifted in the seat and sighed. AJ had tried to start several conversations without much success. I had answered his questions in monotones.

"Okay Rick, what's bothering you?"

"What makes you think that something's bothering me?"

"You've been kind of distant all night."

I opened my mouth to answer when a noise from the warehouse that we had been watching for the past two days saved me from answering.

A man in a trench coat was exiting a brown sedan. We him enter the warehouse through a small door set in a larger sliding door.

AJ and I slide out of the wagon and crept to the side of the warehouse where we planned to enter through a window that was missing its pane of glass courtesy of my crowbar. AJ hadn't wanted to break the window for fear it would be noticed, but when we were here earlier we couldn't find a way in.

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Inside the warehouse, the man in the trench coat aprpoached a man in a brown jacket standing in the middle of the concrete floor.

"We might have company," said Jacket.

"How do you know?"

Jacket idly stroked his gun. "I found a broken window that wasn't broken before and I spotted two men watchin' the building."

Trenchcoat pulled his gun. "You expect trouble?"

"Is grass green?"

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I had just climbed through the window and turned back to help AJ when I felt a shearing pain in my left shoulder. Funny, I hadn't heard a
gunshot.

The last thing I heard before I lost my battle for conscious was AJ screaming my name.

"RICK!!!"

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I came back to awareness in painful stages. I noticed two things right off the bat. Firstly, I was lying on my stomach on a very uncomfortable cot. Secondly, someone was poking and prodding my wound.

I moaned. A soothing voice whispered in my ear. "Easy Rick. I know it hurts but I have to clean it out and bandage it."

AJ's voice. God, my shoulder feels like it's on fire. I struggled to sit up. AJ put his hand in the middle of my back and pushed me back down. "Don't move around. You'll start it bleeding again. Let me finish bandaging you."

I tried to protest but my voice wouldn't cooperate. I finally gave up and closed my eyes.

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When I awoke the second time, I found myself alone. I struggled to sit up and this time I made it. After waiting for the room to stop spinning and my stomach to stop flip flopping, I looked around. In addition to the hard army cot I was sitting on, the room was bare. No windows. I was wondering where AJ was when the door opened. In walked a man in a leather jacket. He pulled the door shut behind him.

"Well, well, well, so you're finally awake."

"Who are you?" I asked.

"It's not important."

"What have you done with my brother?"

Jacket threw his head back and laughed. "It's more like what I haven't done with him."

The pain in my shoulder was making it hard to think straight. The confusion must have been evident on my face. Jacket laughed harder.

"Looks like I'll have to spell it out for you," he said when he got his breath back. "I told AJ I'd let you live if he did what I told him. Looks like he'll do anything to save your sorry hide."

His statement made my skin crawl. He couldn't mean what I think he meant. Could he? His next sentence made me see red.

"AJ is the nicest piece of ass I've had in a long time."

That son of a bitch had raped AJ! Ignoring the pain and nausea, I launched myself at Jacket. In my murderous rage I didn't see the gun in his hand. I felt a burning pain in my chest right before I heard the gunshot. Funny, that one I heard. How am I gonna help AJ when I'm dead? was my last thought as darkness claimed me.

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Everything hurt, that was my first conscious thought. I could feel someone stroking my face. I ought to open one eye. When I did, I found myself gazing into the relieved face of Janet Fowler, Assistant DA.

"Welcome back. You've been in a coma for four months."

"Four months?!?" I shouted. Or at least I tried to. It came out more like a croak. I tried to sit up but every joint in my body wouldn't cooperate.

AJ. Where was AJ? That thought stopped my in my tracks so to speak. "Where's my brother? Is he okay?"

I was agitated and kept trying to get up. Janet put her hand on my arm to stop me. "How much do you remember?"

I knew what Janet was up to. She was subtly asking if I knew about the rape.

"I know that bastard raped AJ. He took great pleasure in telling me."

Janet was looking at me funny, which made me nervous.

"And you let it happen. If you had just stuck to the plan, neither of you would have got hurt. You just HAD to play cowboy. It's all your fault," Janet yelled, tears in her eyes. She ran out, leaving me alone with my grief and guilt.

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*****The office was pristine white. How the CO keep his office so clean in the middle of a war zone? It was beyond me.

I had been called to the CO's office yet again, but he wasn't here yet. I wondered why I was here while I waited.

I was standing at attention in front of the desk when I heard the door open and close, followed by the lock clicking. Shit. Whatever I had done now I was in for it.

Suddenly rough hands pushed me down so I was bent over the desk. Hands fumbled with the fastening on my cammo pants as the hoarse voice of the CO whispered in my ear, "you know you want it Simon."****

"Rick, come on. Wake up," a voice plead. Somehow I knew that voice meant safety. I wanted so much to follow that voice, but it was mixed up with the CO's voice telling me not to fight, it would only hurt worse if I fought. I tried to concentrate on the voice calling me. Slowly the CO's voice faded and I was able to follow the voice toward the light.

After a while, I got my breathing under control, I risked opening my I eyes. Only to find myself starring into the concerned blue eyes of my brother.

"Welcome back." He was smiling with relief.

Before he had a chance to move back, I pulled him into a bear hug. Well, at least as much of a bear hug as my weakened body would allow.

"Are you okay?" I whispered.

AJ kissed me on the forehead. "Your the one that got shot. Twice."

"AJ, I know what happened to you."

A stony mask dropped across his features as he turned toward the window.

"I'm fine," he said. "How?"

How did I find out? "He took pleasure in telling me. AJ..."

"I don't want to talk about it." AJ fairly shouted.

"AJ, please don't shut me out." I wasn't above pleading.

"I don't want to talk about it right now," AJ said through clenched teeth as he walked out.

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AJ was in the kitchen and I was sitting on the couch. I was slowly building back the muscle mass I had lost. We had just come back from our 3 mile run.

I had to wonder what was going on in AJ's mind. After all that had happened, after I was released two weeks ago, he had insisted on taking care of me. By unspoken agreement, we hadn't talk about what happened.

"I'm sorry," I said.

I felt AJ's eyes on me.

"For what?"

I leaned my head back and looked at him, upside down. "For what happened. It was my fault and I'm sorry."

AJ had his back to me and when he turned toward me, his eyes flashed with anger. "It was NOT your fault and I don't want to talk about it."

I turned on the couch to face him. "Yes, it was my fault and I know you don't want to talk about it..."

"Than why did you bring it up?"

I took a good look at my brother, the man I loved. Actually he looked pretty damn good, until you looked in his eyes. He had a haunted look, one I'd seen before staring back at me from the mirror.

"Did it ever accrue to you that I want...no need to talk about it?" I said, hating the way that my voice cracked.

AJ looked at me guilty. I could tell that he had never considered that he wasn't the only one affected by the rape.

Before I could say anything, I had a lapful of little brother. AJ had only let me hold him like this 3 times before. Once when dad died, the night before I went off to war and when I came back.

"Oh Rick, I never thought."

I stroked his hair as he burrowed his head in my chest. We were both sweaty and smelled like the inside of a gym locker but that didn't matter. I felt AJ tremble against me and tightened my embrace. I brushed my lips against his soft golden hair as I whispered soothing words.

I wasn't even aware of what I was saying, but it seemed to be working. AJ was slowly relaxing in my arms. It was several minutes before I realized my love had relaxed into sleep. I smiled to myself, for I had heard AJ pacing the floor, trying to be quite, while I pretended to sleep in the spare bedroom.

It warmed my heart to think that AJ felt safe enough to fall asleep in my arms. I had just nodded off myself when I felt soft kisses along my jaw. I opened my eyes and looked down into AJ's clear blue eyes.

We just stared at one another, until AJ said, "make love to me."

My throat went suddenly dry as my brain processed AJ's words. It was what I wanted, to make love to the man I loved. Being the eldest, my brain insisted I try to inject some reality into the situation. 'Traitor,' I thought.

What I said was, "AJ, you don't really want that."

"Yes, I do," he said, as he nuzzled my neck. My hands decided to disobey and caressed up and down his arms.

I leaned my head back, closed my eyes and enjoyed the sensations running through my body. My brain was telling me this was wrong. 'Shut up,' I told it. It ignored me.

With supreme effort I pulled AJ's head back until I could look him in the eye. "No, you don't," I said simply.

AJ just looked at me with sad puppy dog eyes. Oh shit. I never could refuse him for very long. I closed my eyes. My brain was fairly screaming to be heard. 'Shut up, shut up, shut up,' I silently screamed back.

My brain lost the argument when AJ reach between us to stroke my awakening cock through my running shorts, a faded pair of cut-offs. The shorts were tight and left little to the imagination.

"Please Rick, show me that love doesn't have to hurt."

That son of bitch. Good thing he was killed in the police shoot-out. I had half a mind to dig him up and mutilate the body. How dare he hurt my baby brother like that.

"I'm sorry he hurt you like that. I never wanted you to feel that kind of pain."

I groaned as I felt AJ's hand abandon me. He pulled back and looked at me.

"That kind of pain?" he echoed, a frown on his face. "What do you know of 'that kind of pain'?"

Ha.

Before I answered, I put my hand at the nape of AJ's neck and pulled him closer. After a few seconds resistance, AJ sighed and laid his head on my shoulder.

I stroked AJ's back. It was really a painful confession. As far as I know, only me and that SOB colonel know. And he's dead. He got his just desserts from the VC.

"I never told anyone but...I was raped...a long time ago."

Bless his heart, AJ never said a word. He just kinda whimpered and tightened his hold on me.

"I had just finished boot camp and had been assigned temporarily to a sorta way station in 'Nam. After a few days, the CO called me to his office. He...he kept saying that he knew I wanted it. Fortunately, the next day the orders came down transferring me out."

I expected AJ to say something, but he didn't. I was starting to worry when he spoke. "I hope that SOB is dead." I was shocked by the venom in his voice.

"He was killed in a VC raid."

AJ didn't say anything, just tried to burrow into my skin. AJ let out a sob and started cryin'.

I rubbed his back in soothing circles. "That's it. Let it out."

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After what seemed like hours, I felt AJ relax into sleep. I debated on whether or not to let him sleep in my arms or lay him down on the couch. Carrying him upstairs was out of the question. Finally, laying him down on the couch won out, mainly 'cuz I needed to use the bathroom.

I was making my way back from the bathroom when the phone rang.

"Shh," I admonished the jangling annoyance then lunged for it. I glanced over at the couch as I picked the phone up, hoping it hadn't woken AJ. He just muttered something and settled back into sleep.

"Hello," I whispered.

"Rick, Rick is that you? Speak up, I can hardly hear you."

"Oh, Hi Mom. I can't speak up, AJ is asleep on the couch. Hold on a minute," I whispered.

Make a quick decision, I carried the phone out onto the deck. Being a cordless phone I could do this. I left the sliding glass door slightly open so I could hear if AJ needed me. I settled myself into a deck chair where I could see him as well.

"Rick, are you still there?"

"Ya, I'm still here," I said in a normal voice.

"Why were you whispering?"

"AJ's asleep on the couch and I didn't want to wake him so I brought the phone out on the deck."

"Oh, how is he?

Typical. AJ was a momma's boy. And I don't mean that in bad way, just that he was Mom's favorite. She would ask about him first. Never mind his elder brother is recovering from multiple gunshot wounds...Only this time I didn't feel the usual stab of jealousy. My wounds were physical and we knew I was gonna be okay. AJ's had been hurt emotional as well as physically and she was worried about him. Hell, so was I.

"Okay, all things considered. We talked a little, he cried a lot and then fell asleep on the couch."

"How did you get him to talk about it? I've been trying for months and was gonna suggest therapy."

I considered what I was gonna tell her. I wasn't about to talk about my rape. It still hurt. I was gonna have trouble talking to AJ about it, but to help us both, I would.

"I just reminded him that he wasn't the only one affected by the rape. You know him, he can feel guilty at the drop the hat."

"Rick, you shouldn't have done that. He feels bad enough as it is"

"And I don't?! It's my fault this happened and that...that monster that did it made damn sure I know about it!" I hadn't intended to let her know I blamed myself for the rape. Now she knew.

There was kinda a muffled sob at the other end of the line. I rolled my eyes, feeling disgusted at myself.

"Mom, I'm sorry, please don't cry."

"Oh Rick, I'm the one who's sorry. I never thought about your feelings."

"That's okay. You had more important things on your mind."

"No Rick, it's not okay. You're my son too and I love you. You have to know we don't blame you, so don't blame yourself."

"Janet does," I said in a small voice.

"Rick, honey, Janet loves AJ. She needs somebody to blame but it's not your fault."

I closed my eyes, my heart hurting. I just wanted to go back in time a just erase these past months.

"Rick? You do know that, don't you?"

"It's gonna take some time, but we're gonna work past this."

My answer must have satisfied her because she asked about how I was doing physically.

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A sound woke me up. I hadn't intended to go to sleep, but...

After Mom hung up, I took the phone back inside. I covered a still sleeping AJ with an afghan and went back outside. I still tired easily and sat down in one of the lounge chair.

I had just about convinced myself I was hearing things when I heard it. It sounded like an animal in distress or...

Shit! I was out of the chair and halfway in the house before I came fully awake.

AJ was thrashing around on the couch and every minute or so letting out a whimper that sounded like a distressed baby bird.

He was moving so violently that I was afraid that he would roll off the couch and hit his head on the coffee table, so I knelt between him and the table.

I reached out to grab AJ's shoulders and wake him, but I never got the chance.

The minute I touched him, he reacted by shoving me backward. I hit the table hard enough to see stars. It definitely knocked the wind out of my sails. And I was worried about him.

I must have passed out, 'cuz when I opened my eyes, my head was cradled by a crying AJ.

AJ was stroking my hair and rocking gently back and forth.

I blinked a couple times and groaned when even that was enough to make my stomach think seriously about rebelling.

At my groan, AJ stopped rocking.

"I'm sorry. Did you hurt your shoulder."

At the softly asked question, my numb mind snapped to attention and took inventory of my body.

"Nah. I just got the wind knock outta me."

I had made no move get up and AJ didn't seem in any hurry to let me up. Not that I was in any hurry either. I mean, I was still seeing spots.

AJ was still stroking my hair.

After several minutes the spots started to fade. I slowly moved my arms the see how my stomach would react. When it didn't object, I pushed myself up until I was sitting up. AJ placed a steadying hand on my shoulder.

"Are you sure you're all right?"

I grinned at AJ. "I'm sure that I'm sure I'm okay." AJ laughed slightly at my lame joke.

"Let's get you off the floor," AJ said, standing up. He grabbed my arm up helped me up.

AJ and I were still in our workout cloths. "Why don't you go get cleaned up while I make us something to eat?" AJ didn't wait for me to answer, he just moved into the kitchen.

Rolling my eyes, I went to do as I was told.

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I returned from the downstairs bathroom freshly showered, wearing just a pair of sweat pants and dead on my feet. AJ was at the stove heating up some soup. At that moment, my stomach decided it was empty and needed filled, announcing that fact loudly.

AJ just laughed as he poured some of the soup into a bowl, grabbed a spoon and set them on the counter. I wandered over and took a seat.

"What kind?"

"Cream of Chicken," AJ replied, setting a box of crackers on the counter.

"What about you?" I asked, gesturing at the stove.

"I'm gonna go take a shower first. No need for you to wait for me."

Just then my stomach decided it had waited long enough. AJ just chuckled and rubbed my belly. "At least somebody agrees with me."

I grinned as AJ walked away. Half way there he stopped and looked over his shoulder. "We will continue our conversation from earlier when I get back."

Oh brother.

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I was just finishing up when I heard the water shut off. I estimated I had about 10 minutes before AJ came out. Leaving the bowl on the counter, I made my way over to the couch. I had just laid down and snuggled down in the cushions when I heard the bathroom door open and footsteps moving toward the kitchen.

I must have been a lot more tired then I thought, 'cuz when I next opened my eyes, AJ was sittin' in a chair he'd dragged over in front of the couch and watchin' me sleep. I yawned and sat up and smiled sheepishly.

AJ smiled gently back at me. He rose and slide onto the couch next the me. Looking me in the eye, he said, "why did you insist that I didn't want you to make love to me when I ask you to? Was it because of your rape?"

Talk about takin' the bull by the horns.

"No. It happened a long time ago. I got over it a long time ago. Being hip deep in mud and blood kinda makes things like that sorta insignificant."

AJ frowned at me. "Then why?"

That part of my brain that was screaming at me early was still at it but at a considerably lower volume. It was barely above a whisper and getting very easy to ignore. But it still demanded I give it one more try. /I hate you./

"AJ, I'm your brother..."

"So makin' love to me would be incest? I don't think so."

Hearing my theory echoed by AJ shut my inner nag voice up. /Thank God for small miracles./

I shook my head. "I don't think so either."

AJ grinned. "So what's the problem?"

I looked down to where my hands were resting in my lap. Confession time.

"AJ, all you lookin' for is physical comfort and when you heal you'll go back to Janet or some other woman. If I gave you what you want, I...I...don't think I could stop."

AJ gently grasp my chin and raised my head. The blue eyes that meet mine were shining with an inner fire. "Is that the only reason holding you back?"

"Yeah, basically. And the fact that I don't wanna hurt ya."

AJ was now tracing back and forth along my jaw with his forefinger. "Rick, I love you and you love me. You would never hurt me."

"But I did. If I had stuck to the plan, you wouldn't have been...violated."

AJ drew back and stood up. He started pacin' in front of the couch like a caged tiger. I knew I had upset him by taken the blame, so I just set there guilty. He paused and opened his mouth to speak but shook his head and went back to pacin'. All the while, his mouth was pulled down in a frown.

AJ stopped right in front of me. I raised my head and looked him straight in the eye. His face was still twisted into a frown and his eyes were doing a slow burn. He stared at me for what seemed like hours but was really only a few seconds before he spoke.

"I. Was. Raped," he said pausing between each word.

I winced at the careful enunciation. It took every ounce of willpower I had not to hang my head in shame. Some of that must have shown on my face, 'cuz AJ's next words were spoken in a soft, gentle voice.

"It wasn't your fault." He gently caressed my jaw. "You didn't know what was going to happen. Neither did I. There was no way we could have known. If we did, do you think I would have let you walk in there, let alone follow you?"

I knew he wasn't expecting an answer but I answered anyhow. "No," I said as I reached up and captured AJ hand, pressed it to my cheek. "But I did go in and you followed me and got hurt."

AJ stroked my check. "What's done is done. We can't change the past. We can only try to forget and go on with our lives." His hand slide around to cradle my head and he leaned down to place a kiss on my check.

"Make love to me," he whispered as he nibbled on my chin.

My inner voice was gibbering to stop this. And I was, just not for the reason it thought I should. Griping his face between my hands, I gently pushed him away. "No"

AJ let out a frustrated sigh and plopped down on the couch next to me. Hey, I as frustrated too. Here he was askin' me to do something I've wanted for a very long time and I was gettin' my ass kicked by my inner voice. An inner voice I thought I had an understanding with.

AJ turned so that he was facing me. The pain I saw in his blue eyes made me wince. "Why Rick? Why won't you do this for me? Don't...don't you want me?"

My gibbering inner voice had fallen silent at hearing the hurt in AJ's voice. I reached forward and drew AJ's head toward me while he in leaned to meet me. I placed chaste kiss on his lips. Before he could move to deepen it, I drew back and leaned my forehead against his. "Aw hell AJ, You know I love you. And that's why I said no. It's too soon. You need time to forget the feel of his hands on you."

"Rick, that's what I want you to help me with. It's be almost five months, I'm fine physically. You wouldn't hurt me."

I drew back so I could look at him. "What...what if my touch makes you think of him?"

AJ's eyes got a soft look in them and his hand reached up and rested over my heart. "Oh Rick. That will never happen. I know the difference. You touch me with love. There was no love in his touch. It was a power trip to him, a way to control and humiliate me."

I looked deep in his eyes. He'd come a long way, he could lie with the best but his eyes always told the truth. If you knew what to look for. And I saw the truth. He really believed what he said. I also saw a hint of fear there but mostly it was trust and love shining in those blue eyes.

I smiled. "Yes.

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The look on AJ's face was priceless. I guess he hadn't expected me to give in that easily. A thought occurred to me that made my blood run cold. What if he'd never expected me to give in? What if this was just a game to him? What if he was just paying with my feelings for him? What if...

I must be gettin' transparent cuz AJ caressed my face. "I know what you're thinking and you're wrong, so stop it. Do you really think I would do that to you?" I opened my mouth to answer that but he took advantage and kissed me.

The kiss was sweet and desperate at the same time. If I hadn't already capitulated, that kiss would have convinced me to. Any doubts I had about this went out the window. I loved him, he loved me. Fuck the bigots.

I pulled AJ closer and deepened the kiss. I cradled his head in one hand while the other hand slide up under the tee he was wearin'. Both of his hands came up to rest on my bare chest. He took my 'yes' as the premission it was and stroked his hands over my nipples.

I broke the kiss by throwing my head back and moaning. AJ kissed and licked my neck.

AJ drew back away from me. I made a desperate grab for him. He caught my hands, raised them to his mouth and kissed. "I'm not going anywhere. I'm just gonna get more comfortable."

He stood up and peeled his tee over his head. I watched hungrily as his smooth chest was revealed. AJ drop the shirt and smiled at me. I scooted to the edge of the couch, smiled back and held out my arms. His smile broadened and he stepped into my arms, straddled my thighs and sat down on my lap.

I rested my hands on his lean hips and kissed my way down his chest. He threaded his hands through my hair, not guiding but resting there.

Did I say resting? He was giving me quite a scalp massage. The kid had talented hands. I licked over a nipple and AJ arched back and groaned with pleasure. Unfortunately, he also pulled my hair, which wasn't pleasant for me.

"Ow," I said as my hands flew up to untangle AJ's hands from my hair. "Dammit AJ, that's attached. I'd like to keep what little hair I have left thank you very much."

"I'm sorry. Let me kiss it better." AJ pulled my head down and placed a kiss on top of my head.

I groaned at the feel of his warm lips on my abused scalp. I nuzzled his throat. "Upstairs. Bed."

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AJ stood up and smiled that killer smile at me. I just sat there and looked at him with a silly grin on my face. His smiled widened, if that's possible, and held out his hand. I took it and he pulled me up into a searing kiss.

I parted my lips and his greedy little tongue set up housekeeping in my mouth. I wrapped my tongue around his and sucked. AJ moaned. His hands ran up and down my arms. I shivered with desire. 'God I want you. I want you so bad.'/ I mentally high fived my inner voice. It had
finally gotten with the program.

I'm not real sure how we got upstairs but we must have managed 'cuz we were standing next to the bed and we had shed our clothes somewhere along the line. AJ was still trying to see how far he could get his tongue down my throat.

He groaned when I pulled my face away from his. Lips tried to blindly follow mine but I neatly evaded. He muttered something in protest but I just kissed his forehead. He sighed deeply as I slid my lips down his nose, across his check to his ear. I suckle on his earlobe.

AJ gasped and thrust his hips forward. In answer, I thrust forward and it was my turn to gasp as our cocks brushed together for the first time. My knees gave out, luckily the bed was right behind me and some sense of self preservation caused me to fall backward.

As I fell I pulled AJ down with me. He laid on top me with most of his weight resting on his hands on the bed beside my head. We just stared at each other. The pupils in his eyes where so dilated that only a rim of blue was showin'. I knew my eyes looked about the same.

"Oh God AJ, I want you. I love you."

AJ did this full body shiver, moaned and lowered his body on top of mine. A shudder raced through me at the feel of his naked skin against mine. I ran my hands from his shoulders down the curve of his spine to his prefect ass. I squeezed the firm mounds, causing him to arch into
me.

"Oh God Rick. I want you so bad. Please Rick, don't tease."

I had no intention of teasing. We had teased each other enough downstairs.

AJ ran his hands across my chest as his mouth roamed my collarbone. I gasped and arched against him when he gently bit down where my neck and shoulder meet. He licked the area to take the sting away.

He his way up to my ear and nibbled on the earlobe. A jolt of electricity let me know that apparently my earlobe had a direct hookup with my groin.

"I'm gonna make you feel so good Rick. I love you."

With that, AJ thrust against me. I thrust up to meet him. We both groaned as the friction generated as our cocks slide against each other frissoned though us.

We quickly found a rhythm where we moved against each other as gracefully as we worked together undercover. With my dream of makin' love to AJ finally comin' true, I wanted this to last. But we where to hot and bothered to last long. With a fimal hard thrust, AJ arc upward and with a straggled cry that might have been my name, came. The look of AJ's face twisted in passion, well, at least I hoped it was passion and not pain, I always had a hard time tellin'. Well, anyway, I came.

AJ collapsed against my chest with his eyes still screwed shut. I ran my hands soothingly up and down his back. Slowly, the tremors racking our bodies subsided and our heartbeats and breathing calmed. AJ, never opening his eyes, sighed and snuggled against me. His smiled and spoke.

"Janet."

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I think my heart stopped and rigor mortis set in, 'cuz I went rigid. AJ must have felt me stiffen up, he raise his head and looked at me. My face must have showed shocked surprise 'cuz he frowned and asked, "what?"

Suddenly I couldn't stand to have him touchin' me. I heaved up with a burst of strength and AJ hit the floor. I was just through the doorway when I heard him say, "Rick, wait."

I heard him but like from a distance. All I could hear with any real understanding was my inner voice telling me that I was an idiot. I made it halfway down the steps when my legs gave out and I sat down heavily.

/You're an idiot. He was just reaching out for a bit of comfort. You just happened to be the only warm body within reach. You were more then willing. Oh yeah. Very willing./

I nearly jumped outta my skin when a robe was draped around my shoulders. since I was naked and it was a little chilly, I drew it around gratefully. A warm hand was placed on me back. "Rick, what's wrong?"

I looked at AJ where he was setting beside me. He had taken time to pull on his robe. He sat there calmly, like nothing happened. /Damn, he doesn't even realize what he's done./

/He doesn't realize he done anything 'cuz this was just a bit of comfort from him. He doesn't mean for it to go any farther. I tried to tell you, but would you listen to me? No, you just told to shut up. Everything he said downstairs was a lie just to get what he wanted./

Suddenly I was mad. I ran my hand over my face. It came away wet. I was crying? I DO NOT cry. That just made me madder. I stood up and glared at him. He looked up at me with an expression in his ocean blue eyes that would have a person forgiving him his sins. /Not this time./

"The next time you take someone to bed, try to remember their name," I said, then turn and stormed back upstairs. I went into the guest room and slammed and locked the door.

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AJ must have got the message, cuz he turned and left without a word. Mom frowned at his retreating back then glanced at me. I could see the questions in her eyes. Oh boy.

Mom smiled and patted me on the arm, then left the room.

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Once the doctor removed the tube and left, Mom came back in. "The doctor gave me some ice chips to soothe your throat." She took her seat by my bedside.

"I talked AJ into visiting the cafeteria for some coffee," she said, placing an ice chips in my mouth, the cool wetness soothing my raw throat.

"Now," she asked, settling back into her seat. "mind telling what that was all about?"

"What?" I whispered hoarsely.

Mom cuffed me gently on the shoulder. She also popped another ice chip in my mouth. Bless her, she might be mildly anoyed at me but she always looked out for my health.

Mom leaned back in her chair. "Don't even pretend to misunderstand me. Your father use to and I never let him get away with it so neither are you."

So much for not talking. I could always plead that my throat hurt too much to talk. Wait a minuite, did Mom just compare me to Dad? She's never done that before.

"Really?" I asked with a silly grin. "I'm like Dad?"

She leaned forward so she could stroke my forehead. "Of course," she said with a smile. "AJ may look like Jack but you act the most like him." She leaned back. "Now answer the question."

I yawned, a real jaw cracker. "I'd love to Mom," I said settling deeper into the pillow with another yawn, only half pretending. "But could I do it later? I'm so tttiirreedd," I said letting my voice trail off as my eyes slide shut.

I felt her lean over a kiss my forehead. "Of course. I love you. And so does AJ. I hope you two work it out."

I smiled. She was always a smart cookie. /I really hope so/ I thought as I slide into sleep.

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I felt someone strokin', no, caressing my face. /That had better be Mom or AJ./ Listening but not opening my eyes, I heard a gentle sobbing. /Okay, has to be Mom or AJ. I hope it's AJ./ Still with eyes closed, I concentrated on the feel of the hand.

The hand was now strokin' my lips. /I really hope that's you, AJ./ The hand was too masculine to be Mom's plus it sported callouses. So it had to be AJ.
Well, to be sure I'd have to open my eyes.

I slowly opened my eyes and turned my head. And buried my nose in AJ's silken hair, for his head was resting next to mine. Turning my head had dislodged his hand but AJ hadn't seemed to notice, so caught up in cryin'. /Good. Maybe we can save this fledgling relationship./

I lifted my head to look at the rest of AJ. I winced in sympathy. AJ was half sitting on the chair at my bedside, half standing, with his body twisted at an awkward angle. I laid my head back down and patted AJ's shoulder to get his attention.

"Come on AJ. You stay like that to much longer you're gonna hurt back."

AJ rased his tear-stained face and smiled at me, then he frowned and sat down with a grimace and a groan.

/Too late./ I sighed. "What the hell do think you were doing, penitence?"

AJ looked at me with a forlorn expression on his teary face. "Yes." I must have looked disbelieving, 'cuz he continued. "I'm responsible for you being in here again. If you ha...had...die...died it would have been my fault." With that said, AJ started cryin' again and dropped his head down on his chest.

I placed my hand on AJ's knee. Thank God AJ put the rail down. At that point Mom open the door and stuck her head in the door. She frowned at AJ's bowed head and looked at me. I shook my head. AJ and I need time alone to talk, I said with my eyes. She must have got the message, 'cuz she smiled and withdrew, the door closing silently.

End part 13