Warning:
Implied incest (m/m) and het.
Notes: This is a missing scene and epilogue for
the episode “The List.” In that episode the boys are hired by a mysterious woman
who’s going to be charged with murder.
AJ falls in love with her, unfortunately she has a secret (she’s in the
witness protection program) and in the end she leaves. Of course, Rick is there to pick up the
pieces. Oh, the first scene takes
place after Amanda brings AJ breakfast in bed and Rick comes to get him to check
out the photographer’s place.
Tungsten in my eyes
by Zenia
The sound of the door slamming resounded through the house. AJ walked over to Amanda and took her face in his hands and kissed her. Her lips were soft and warm against his. She smelled sweet, like roses and soap.
“I won’t be long.”
She nodded, turning her face, pressing a kiss to the palm of his hand. “I’ll be here.”
AJ pulled away reluctantly. He wanted to stay with her, here with her. Naked and sweaty and happy; desire without guilt. He didn’t want to have to think about Rick angry. Didn’t want to think about the accusations Rick had thrown around the other day. He didn’t want to have to think about the punch he had almost thrown. He sighed and with one last touch of Amanda’s cheek, he left.
Rick was waiting in the truck. AJ wanted nothing better than to just climb into the Camaro and go but instead he got in beside his brother. Rick was staring straight ahead, jaw clenched, hands clenched. He said nothing as he turned the ignition.
God dammit, Rick had no right to treat him as if he was doing something wrong. He and Amanda were two adults, they knew what they were doing. He said nothing for several minutes, instead watching the scenery go by. The silence grew and it made it hard to breath. “I care about her. I think I may love her.”
Rick laughed. It sounded like glass breaking, glittering, dangerous, painful. “You don’t even know her.”
AJ turned to him. “I know her more than you do.”
Rick glanced at him. “She’s hiding something. Something big.”
“We all hide things. I hide things, you hide things. It doesn’t mean anything.”
“It means everything. AJ…” Rick put a hand on his shoulder but he shrugged it off.
“What, are you going to tell me? That what we did wasn’t hiding? Why can’t you be happy for me? I finally found something good. I found someone I can tell Mom about.”
“Unlike me.” His voice was flat.
AJ ignored the comment. “I’m thirty-two years old, I don’t need a keeper.”
Rick blinked his eyes rapidly; his eyelashes were wet. “I can’t just turn it off and on.”
“Rick,” AJ whispered. He wanted to reach out, to touch him but he kept his hands at his sides. “I’m not turning it off and on. This was your choice…our choice. You gotta stop loving me so much.”
“Soon as the sun stops being so hot.” Rick rubbed his eyes and took a deep breath.
“Rick--”
“We’ll be there soon.”
“Rick.”
“I can’t love the way you can. It’s not that easy for me. I see someone who’s going to hurt you and…”
“It doesn’t mean what I feel for you is anything less than what it was before.”
“Yeah, maybe.”
Before AJ could answer they were at the photographer’s place. He sighed and promised himself they would talk later.
***********
Epilogue:
Rick dropped a very drunk AJ onto his bed. The kid buried his face into the pillows and fell asleep.
AJ had babbled a little, cried some, clung to Rick as if his very life depended on it. He told Rick that he had loved Amanda, loved her in a way he hadn’t loved anyone in a long time.
Rick wanted to ask him, “Not even me?” But he knew the answer so he didn’t say anything.
He sat down on the bed next to his brother, stroked his sweat-soaked hair. A lump came to his throat and he had to fight to get it down, to get out the words.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I’m sorry that you’re angry and hurting. I’m sorry that I was right. I’m sorry that Mom found out about us and I’m sorry that even if she hadn’t I wouldn’t have been enough.” Rick placed a kiss on his temple. “I’m sorry I couldn’t protect you. Ah God kid, we try so hard.”
“Rick,” AJ moaned softly.
“Shh, I’m here.” Rick slipped his hand underneath AJ shirt and rubbed small circles along his spine. AJ relaxed underneath his hand and sighed. He stayed until sunlight peaked through the curtains then he went downstairs. AJ would come down when he needed him.
