Warning, this story contains scenes of incest.

 

Title: Silver, unseen, was shining

Author: Zenia

Pairing: Rick/AJ and AJ/Other

Summary:  AJ tries to understand and winds up torturing himself.

Rating: NC-17

Series/Sequel: Yes, sequel to My Golden Boy.  Part of the “Tarnished Metal” series

Email: ztovarich@yahoo.com

Disclaimer: They’re not mine, never will be.  No money is being made so please don't sue. 

Feedback: Please, I’m such a feedback slut.

Warnings: Incest and sex between two men. 

 

Silver, unseen, was shining

By Zenia

 

 

“Rick, Rick, Rick, that’s all I ever hear from you.  Well this is the last straw AJ.  I’m tired of being second in your life.” Janet paced in front of him, her face dark with anger.

 

AJ shifted uncomfortably on the bed, trying to will the pounding in his head to stop. “He needed my help…”

 

“So you helped.  And got a concussion and ten stitches in you arm for you consideration.”

 

He wished the nurse would come in and send her away.  His arm hurt, his head hurt, and he just wanted to sit and stew over the mess Rick had got them into. Unfortunately Janet put him in the position where he had to defend him. “What do you want me to do Janet, he’s my brother.”

 

“Oh he’s a lot more than that.  I’ve seen what he is to you first hand.”

 

“We were drunk and you promised to never bring that up.”

 

“And you promised you wouldn’t let him talk you into any more jobs.  He could have gotten you killed.   I like Rick, I do.  He’s fun to be around.  But he doesn’t have a responsible bone in his body.”

 

“Janet—”

 

“No let me finish.  There’s always been something off about us AJ.  Something that never quite fit.” She hesitated. “I don’t understand it, I don’t want to understand it but I know you’re in love with him.  You think I don’t see that?  ”

 

His face flushed hot. “I am not in love with Rick.”

 

“You don’t believe that any more than I do.” She touched his hand.

 

“Stop it, just stop it.  We were just— I’m not— I don’t …  I love you Janet.  I want to marry you.”

 

“I know you do.  But I can’t share you, not even with your brother.  I’d give you an ultimatum, either him or me, but I already know how that would turn out.”  She smiled sadly.

 

“It’s over?” His head was pounding terribly and the pain brought tears to his eyes.

 

“I’m sorry.” She took off her ring and gave it to him.  Then without a backward glance, she left.

 

“So am I.” AJ closed his eyes taking deep breaths.  A few moments later he heard footsteps.

 

“Is everything all right?  I just saw Janet in the hall, she didn’t look too happy.  Nearly bit my head off when I said hi.” He opened his eyes and saw that Rick was carrying a vase full of carnations.  He put it down and sat on the bed. “You don’t look so great yourself.”

 

“A concussion will do that,” he said.  

 

There was pain in Rick’s eyes as he brushed his temple with gentle fingers.  AJ felt his breath catch in his throat at the gesture. “I never meant for you to get hurt.”

 

 “I know.  Janet broke off our engagement.”

 

Rick frowned. “Jeez, she couldn’t wait until you were out of the hospital?  I’m sorry AJ, I know how much you love her.”

 

“Obviously not enough.” He sounded bitter even to his own ears.

 

Rick started picking at the lint on the blanket. “She broke it off because I couldn’t stay away didn’t she?  You don’t know how sorry I am.”

 

“It wasn’t you, it was a million little things.” He couldn’t look at him.  He couldn’t lie like that and still look at his brother.

 

“I could talk to her for you?  She’d take you back if I told her that I took advantage of you when you were drunk.” His voice was strained and he looked like he wanted to be anywhere but the hospital room.

 

He grabbed Rick’s hand and squeezed.  It wasn’t fair; in order to get Janet back he’d have to hurt him.  She was right, the choice was clear. “You didn’t take advantage of me.  I was drunk, you were drunk, but we— we knew what we were doing.  I just don’t know what that means.”

 

Rick opened his mouth but before he could reply a nurse came into the room. “I’m sorry sir but visiting hours are over.  You’ll have to leave now.”

 

AJ looked at him and sighed. “Go on, we’ll talk later.”

 

“I’ll be by in the morning to pick you up.” He ran a finger across his cheek very softly; hope shining painfully in his eyes.

 

*****

 

The music was so loud that it pulsed through him like a second heartbeat.  He had never been in this type of club before and frankly it made him nervous.  Men danced with other men on the dance-floor and in the unseen corners they did things that surely must be illegal to do in a public place.

 

It made him uncomfortable to realize that he wasn’t as liberal as he thought.  Who was he to judge really, there had been a few mutual jerk offs with friends in high school, not to mention the exploratory kiss with Joey Fullbright during finals week his first semester of college.

 

And Rick.

 

Why else was he here but to find out the truth?  Maybe, maybe what had happened with Rick had only been a safe way to explore his sexuality.  He couldn’t truly be in love with his brother.  It was preferable to be gay and confused than—than what?  Just confused?

 

To want a man was fine, not completely acceptable but there were places where it wasn’t condemned.  But to want your own brother, well that was wrong, sick, perverted, and a few other adjectives he didn’t want to name.

 

Someone touched him on the shoulder and he tensed.  He turned to see a rather handsome man with brown hair and dark eyes.

 

The man smiled and shouted, “Can I buy you a beer?”

 

*****

 

Two beers and a stilted conversation later, AJ agreed to go outside with him “to get some air.”  The alley was dark and smelled strongly of garbage but it was much more quiet.   His heart was pounding in his chest, his throat dry, and he wondered not for the first time what he was doing.

 

The man, no names, it was the unspoken rule, shoved him up against the wall of the club and began kissing his neck.  He laid his head back against the wall; eyes squeezed tight, hands clenched into fists, letting the physical sensations overtake him.  His hands felt good on AJ’s body, calloused and strong they unzipped his trousers and stroked him.

 

He thought that perhaps he should touch in return but he couldn’t will his body to move from its tense posture.  He let out a groan through clenched teeth as the man crushed him with his body and rubbed against him.

 

It was so good, muscles and heat and cock rubbing up against him until he climaxed.  “Rick, oh Rick,” spilled from his lips as he felt the man’s semen spurt onto his belly.  In horror he shoved the man away and bending forward, threw up.

 

“Hey are you all right?” The man touched him on the back and he jerked away.

 

“Leave me alone.  Just leave me the hell alone.”  He pressed his face against the cool stone of the wall and adjusted his clothing.  His breath was coming in sobs and his throat burned and he thought he was going to be sick again and it didn’t matter because it was wrong, so very wrong.

 

He couldn’t be in love with Rick.  He couldn’t, didn’t want to be.

 

Oh God what was wrong with him?

 

*****

 

When he finally got to Rick’s place he was a shaking mess.  Thankfully his brother was already asleep so he wouldn’t have to see him rumpled and sick.  He showered, trying to wash away the feeling of revulsion and shame.

 

He wrapped a towel around his waist and stood in Rick’s room, watching him sleep.  A wave of lust surged through his body and his penis hardened.  AJ shut his eyes, trying to bring the image of the man he had been with and realized that he couldn’t remember what he looked like.  Instead his mind conjured up Rick, face contorted in desire.

 

It was wrong.

 

AJ let the towel drop from his body.

 

It was sick.

 

He walked toward the bed slowly, as if Rick would leap out and bite him.

 

It was perverse.

 

He slid under the covers and when Rick jerked away and grabbed him, AJ kissed him.

 

He would burn.

 

Rick’s hands splayed across his back and pulled him close.  Reason fled out the window.

 

He didn’t care.