Semi-Precious Stones: Part Five
Promises of Amethyst
By Zenia
AJ stared up at the ceiling, the smooth whiteness marred by little lines of color. When he had been six and Rick eleven they had grabbed their crayons and threw them at the ceiling. He couldn’t remember why, probably for some stupid reason. Mom had gotten so mad that she had grounded both of them.
Mom.
He closed his eyes and swallowed hard. It hurt, more than it had with Dad. She had become his universe the past two years. The years Rick was gone. And now Rick, even though near, was still far away. Was it so terrible a thing to be in love?
He turned on his side, burying his face in his arm. He would not cry. It was too late for that.
“AJ?”
Rick had been trying to coax him out of the room for days. He ignored Rick, had been since the night his brother had rejected him.
“AJ?”
He sighed and rolled onto his back again. “What?”
“You hungry?”
AJ opened his eyes and shook his head.
Rick was picking at the paint on the doorsill, peeling off little flakes. “I thought maybe we could go to the beach.”
“I don’t want to go to the beach.” His voice was hoarse, as if he had been screaming for a long time.
“You should—we should do something.”
“Why?”
Rick faltered, then, “It can’t be good, mopin’ around.”
“Maybe that’s what I wanna do.” AJ sat up. “Maybe I just wanna lay here and stare up at the ceiling. Is that okay with you?”
He nodded. “I just…aw hell AJ I just don’t want you to be mad at me.”
AJ laughed. “Mad? Why would I be mad?”
“AJ…” Rick walked over to the bed and laid a hand on his arm.
He jerked away. “Don’t touch me. Don’t ever touch me.”
Rick flinched. “Sorry, I…sorry.”
AJ scooted back so that he was leaning against the headboard of the bed. Then he closed his eyes so he wouldn’t have to see the pained expression on his brother’s face.
“This ain’t working is it?”
“I don’t know what you mean.” His heart was pounding and he could almost feel Rick’s hand against his cheek. Almost.
Rick stood up. “I’m gonna make myself something to eat. If you’re hungry come downstairs.”
A few moments later AJ opened his eyes to an empty doorway.
**********
He sat on the table in Aunt Edie’s kitchen, watching her sift flour for the cake she was baking. He smiled wistfully and sighed.
“Are you sure you don’t want any help? I always helped Mom in the kitchen,” he said.
“Cecilia mentioned that. She said you were turning into quite the gourmet.”
He shrugged. “Never could get Rick in there. It was our time together. She’d tell me about her day, I’d tell her about mine.”
“You miss it.” She walked over to him and touched his hair with flour-powdered hands. “Are you having a hard time with Rick.”
“I don’t understand. We—it’s different.” AJ shook his head. “He’s different.”
“It’s hard AJ, he realizes he has to grow up.” She sat down next to him. “He has responsibilities now.”
“I know. It’s just that…he brought a girl over yesterday, Felicia. She cooked dinner, cleaned the house. She even made me take out the trash. It’s like, like he’s trying to replace Mom.” He rubbed his now burning eyes.
“I’m sure he’s not. AJ, he knows that no one can replace your mother. Have the two of you been arguing?” She looked at him concerned.
“Sort of.” He shrugged. “It’s so hard. Sometimes I’m so mad at everyone. It’s not fair. It’s just not fair.”
“I know.” She pulled him close. “You need to give it time. And you need to remember that Rick is hurting too.”
“Yeah,” he whispered.
“Do you want to stay for dinner?” Aunt Edie stroked his hair.
AJ sighed. “Can I?”
“Always.”
He stayed for a few hours after dinner. There was an ease with them, an ease he hadn’t felt with Rick since Mom had died. He talked with Bud Jr. and Eric, joked with Uncle Bud and helped Aunt Edie clean up. It almost felt like home.
When he left for the day he felt a twinge of sadness. He would never have that again. Not with his own family.
The windows of the house were dark. AJ wondered if Rick was upstairs entertaining Felicia or if they had gone off somewhere. He went came in through the kitchen door, just in case Rick was waiting up for him.
“It’s about damn time.”
AJ gasped as the light was turned on. “You trying to give me a heart attack?”
Rick walked over to the table and sat down. “Where the hell have you been?”
He shrugged. “The Krelmans.”
“And you didn’t think to call me?”
“What do you care?”
“Sit down AJ.”
“Aw c’mon Rick. I’m tired. Can we—”
“Sit down!” He pointed to the chair.
“Fine.” With as much noise as he could make, he did what Rick asked. “What?”
“This isn’t working, is it? I’m unhappy, you’re unhappy. You spend a lot of time with the Krelmans.”
“I guess.” He looked down at the table.
“They have their arguments, but they’re good people. AJ, would you like to live with them?”
“What?” AJ stared at Rick. “What are you talking about?”
“Kid, I don’t know the first thing about bringing up a fifteen year old. I’m screwin’ it up. I know you don’t wanna live with Aunt Dee in Florida, but if you live with the Krelmans you can stay here in San Diego. And they’d love to have you.”
“You’re going to leave me?” He hugged himself. “No. No, Rick whatever I did, I’m sorry. I—please don’t leave me.”
Rick stood up and walked over to him. “AJ I see you doing all the things I did to Mom when Dad died. I don’t want you to follow my path.” Rick stroked the hair from his face.
“I’ll be good,” he blurted before he could stop himself. “It’s because it’s my fault isn’t it?”
“You’re fault?” Rick grabbed his arm and pulled him up. “Because what’s your fault?”
“That Mom died.” He let out a sob.
“Wha—where the hell did you get that idea from?” Rick’s hand squeezed painfully around his arm.
“Mom asked me to go with her. But I didn’t want to. I was waiting for Dennis to call. We were going to go to the beach. Maybe if I’d have went she… It’s my fault.” He started to cry loudly.
“AJ you stupid—the only thing going with Mom would have done was get you killed too.”
“Maybe that would have been best.”
Rick shook him hard. “Don’t say that. Don’t you ever say that. Do you think I’d want you dead too? Damn you Kid, you’re the most important thing in my life.”
“So important that you want to hand me over to Bud and Edie.” He tried to pull away but Rick had a good grasp.
“So important that I would give you up so that you can be happy.”
“Liar,” he hissed. “You just wanna get rid of me so you can go on traveling. Well go ahead leave me. I don’t care. I don’t need you. I don’t need anyone.”
Rick grabbed his hair and tilted his head up. “You didn’t kill Mom. She would have died whether you were there or not. There’s not a moment that doesn’t go by that I don’t thank God you were home. Not a moment.”
“You’re hurting me,” he whispered.
He let go. “I love you AJ, with all my heart. I don’t want you hurt anymore. I want you to be happy.”
“It’s not you Rick. It’s…it’s everything.” He pressed his face into Rick’s shoulder. “Half the time I’m afraid you’re going to die too and the rest…I don’t know. Make it stop hurting. Rick, please.”
Rick rubbed his back. “I know Kid, I know. I wish I could make it stop. I wish I could. But you don’t gotta worry about me leaving you. ‘Cause I ain’t. I swear.”
“I want to be with you.”
“You are. And you always will be. That’s a promise.”
AJ sighed and held on. It was all he knew how to do.
