Title:
Copper Wishes
Author:
Zenia
Pairing:
Rick/AJ
Summary: AJ does some thinking about
love.
Rating:
R
Series/Sequel:
Yes, Part four of the “Tarnished Metal” series
Email:
ztovarich@yahoo.com
Disclaimer:
They’re not mine, never will be.
Please don't sue.
Feedback:
Please, I’m such a feedback slut.
Warnings: Incest and sex between two men.
Copper Memories
By Zenia
AJ watched a leaf float gently on the water of the canal as his mother sat quietly sipping coffee. He hadn’t said much all evening, mostly small talk about work and well…. work. There wasn’t much else.
“So do you want to tell me what’s wrong?”
He looked at her. “What do you mean?”
She sighed. “I can tell when something’s bothering you, you get quiet. And something is bothering you, has been since you moved back.”
“I’m just thinking about Rick.” And how he wished he was here so that they could go upstairs and make love. What would she think if she knew that her children had been sleeping together?
“He wasn’t too happy with you moving back.” It wasn’t a question.
AJ rubbed a hand across his eyes. “No, he wasn’t.”
“Well what did you expect? He moved to Florida because you were there.” She stood and moved to his side. “Did you think he would be happy?”
“He didn’t move to Florida because of me.” Did he? He could never tell about Rick’s motivations for anything.
“Of course he did.” She laughed. “It was either back here with me or there with you. And you were a much friendlier prospect, I imagine.”
He shrugged. “I guess my disapproval is easier to take. Besides I give him more leeway. Rick had a hard time after the war.”
“Rick had a hard time even before the war.” Cecilia patted his cheek gently. “I love him dearly but I don’t kid myself about him. He takes after your Uncle Ray.”
“Uncle Ray’s a good man.”
“Yes he is, but I wouldn’t trust him with a goldfish.”
He laughed. “That’s true.”
“Why did you move back AJ? Is it because of Janet?”
“No, no I came to terms with what happened between Janet and I months ago.” AJ closed his eyes for a moment. “There were things I needed to work out that I couldn’t in Florida.”
“Things that have to do with Rick?”
“Things to do with me.” He hesitated.
“AJ?”
“Mom what would you say if I told you I had been with a man?”
She went still. “Are you telling me you’re homosexual? That’s why you and Janet—”
“No, Mom, no. I was attracted to Janet, I loved her, and I wanted to marry her. That’s not why she broke off the engagement.”
It wasn’t completely true but close enough.
“I like women but I think I like men too.” He bit his lip until he could taste blood.
“Honey… I can’t say I understand but I want you to be happy. Rick is upset about this?”
“Oh Mom, Rick is perfectly fine with it. It’s me who has a problem with it.” AJ took a deep breath. He wanted to tell her everything so that she could ease his mind. But that was one problem with being with Rick, he could never tell anyone. Not ever. “I never thought that it could be so perfect. But it is. And I don’t know what to do. I don’t understand. I—”
“You fell in love with someone? A man?” Cecilia reached out and took his hand in her’s.
“Yes, and I don’t want to be. Mom I really don’t. We had been friends for a while but after Janet and I broke up…it just happened. You have to believe me, it just happened.” He pulled her to him and hugged her tightly.
“That’s usually how love is, it just happens. No one ever decides to fall in love.” She kissed his cheek. “If you love this person then you should be with him.
“I don’t know if I can, if I should.” He swallowed hard. “I keep thinking that it’s wrong.”
“Love is never wrong AJ, didn’t I teach you that?”
“You did.” But it wasn’t completely true either. If she learned about him and Rick, she would be disgusted. He wanted to tell her that sometimes love was wrong but that it didn’t care. It could ruin lives and make people miserable and it just didn’t care.
“AJ you have to decide for yourself what you want to do about it. Don’t let anyone influence you. If you decide that you want to be with this man, I will be happy for you.”
It was a lie but she didn’t know that.
He looked down at her. “Thank you.”
AJ stood outside for a long time after she left, looking up at the stars. He loved Rick, plain and not so simple. It was more than lust, than desire. He missed Rick sweet-talking him into jobs, the fishing, the way he smiled, and how he trusted people even when he shouldn’t.
He loved him.
“I am in love with Rick. I am in love with my brother.” It didn’t make it any less wrong, it never did, but somehow saying it just to himself made it easier to take.
AJ couldn’t live with the aching in his heart anymore. He was missing something of himself when he was away from Rick. From the time they were children it had been that way.
Decision made he went inside, picked up the phone and dialed.
“Whoever you are you better have a good reason for callin’ at four-thirty in the mornin’.”
“Rick, it’s me.”
“AJ?” Rick’s voice suddenly sounded very alert. “Hey, how are you? Is something wrong?”
“No, I just wanted to hear the sound of your voice.” He smiled. “I miss you.”
Rick chuckled. “I miss you too.”
“Rick, remember when I asked you if you ever thought about moving back to San Diego?”
“Yeah,” he replied in a wary voice.
“You said that you didn’t because I wasn’t there. Rick, I’m here now.” He held his breath.
“You sure are.” Rick cleared his throat and then there was a long silence.
“Rick, you still there?”
“Yeah, yeah I am. I’m gonna need somewhere to stay until I can find myself a place.”
He sighed in relief. “Well, you can stay with me if you like. What are brothers for?”
“Let me tell you, now that I’m awake I can think of a lot of things. Actually most of ‘em aren’t very brotherly.”
He could hear the joy in Rick’s voice and he realized that for the first time, he was happy too.
