Power Struggle (AU)
Title: Power Struggle, Chapter 1
Author: Vigdis
Fandom: Smallville
Pairings: Clark/Lex
Rating: PC-13
Category: AU, Angst
Status: WIP
Series: The Power Series
Date: March 27, 2002
E-Mail: vigdis@squidge.org
Feedback: Craved! Need feedback! Please be constructive... Details are good! Also, tell me what you want to see more of, what you want to find out the answers to, etc... I love details!
Archive: WWOMB, Vig’s Vale
Valdron’s Handy Dandy Disclaimer: (modified for this work)
Smallville, the series, concepts and characters, are the property, copyright and trademark of Warner Bros. & DC Comics. No ownership or claim on said property, copyright or trademark is made or implied by the use in this work. This work constitutes a personal comment on the aforesaid properties pursuant to doctrines of fair use and fair comment. This work is non-commercial, not for sale or profit, and may not be sold or reproduced for commercial purposes. All other characters and situations which are not specifically owned by the above mentioned are sole copyright of the author.
Thanks: To Caroline Corken for inspiring me with her lovely Smallville stories.
Warnings: No sex in this one. Just a few kisses and caresses.
Summary: Lex and Clark discuss trust.
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Chapter One:
As Lex walked into his study, he saw Clark. The younger man was sitting on the edge of a large plush leather chair, elbows on his knees and head in his hands.
“Clark?” Lex asked, worried. “What’s wrong?” Clark looked up at Lex with anguish in his eyes. Lex rushed over and knelt in front of him, touching him comfortingly. “Tell me!” he demanded, fear in his voice.
Clark’s hand cupped Lex’s cheek, stroking gently. “I want to trust you, Lex. I want to trust you completely. I want to tell you all my secrets; share my deepest self.” He looked searchingly into the older man’s eyes. “But I can’t, Lex. I can’t trust that if I do, you won’t change. I don’t want to be used, Lex. I want to be loved. I need to know that you will put me and our love before power; before control; even before the politics that seem to rule your life.”
“I want that, too, Clark,” Lex answered carefully. “I want us to be able to trust each other completely. No secrets.” He looked away. “But I’m afraid. There are things about me... You might hate me if you knew, Clark.”
“You’re going to have to trust me with those things, Lex. Trust me to continue to love you; to help you become the man you are capable of being. The man you want to be.” Clark gently pulled Lex into his arms before continuing.
“I know what happened yesterday, Lex. What you did...”
“I was only protecting myself.”
“No, Lex. You were protecting your power base.”
“Same thing,” Lex answered with a shrug, pulling away a little.
“No, they’re not!” Clark insisted. “If you lost everything you own, you would still be you!” Clark’s voice softened, “And I would still love you” he said emphatically.
Lex collapsed into Clark’s embrace, holding tight. “What if the opposite happened, Clark? Would you still love me then?”
“I will always love you, Lex,” Clark assured him. “I love the man you are and the man you want to be.” He paused. “I also see the man you are becoming, though, and they are not the same at all. The man you are becoming is an awful lot like your father, Lex. That scares me. I know he’s not what you want to be.”
Lex shuddered heavily in Clark’s strong arms. “Help me?” he pleaded in a small voice. “I don’t want to be like him, Clark! I don’t want to turn into him. Please don’t let me turn into my father!” Lex whimpered, clinging to the younger man in desperation.
Clark pulled Lex up into his lap and held him close. Placing a curled finger under Lex’s chin, he drew the shaking man into a long, loving kiss. His embrace spoke of love and comfort, rather than passion, as he held and stroked Lex gently. When Lex calmed, Clark asked, “What do you see in me, Lex? What do you need from me?”
Lex’s eyes met Clark’s and he understood. There was no self-doubt in the questions. Clark simply needed to know what Lex wanted him to do. Where he wanted their relationship to go. For the first time in his life, Lex trusted someone completely. He knew Clark would keep his word. He knew Clark was genuinely good. Clark would not use his weaknesses against him.
Lex took a deep breath and, plunged in. “I need you to be who you are. And to help me become more like you. Less like him. I never want to be like him, Clark. I have all these grand visions for the future. For making the world a better place. I want to make it happen! I want the future to be wonderful. And I want us to be together.” He paused, taking another deep breath. “I want us to be side by side for the rest of our lives, Clark. I know that’s asking too much. You’re much too young to commit yourself to one person for the rest of your life. And then there’s the fact that we both enjoy the company of women.” He shrugged. “I could never ask you to give up on Lana. I think I’ve helped you in that regard, often enough that you know that. I enjoy being with women, too. But I don’t want to hurt you. I want to be with you. I love you. I’ve never been in love with anyone before. I’ve never known anyone like you before.”
“What do you mean, like me?”
Lex smiled. “I mean I’ve never met someone so selfless; so totally honest. You amaze me, Clark. Sure, you have secrets. Everyone does. But you genuinely care about others. Most people don’t. At least not enough to risk themselves for them. You care enough. You cared enough about a total stranger to dive into a river and pull him out of a sinking car. You cared enough to be my friend when everyone, including your parents, warned you away. You defended me and befriended me and, finally, you loved me. All because you care. Until I met you I didn’t really believe that was possible.”
“A lot of people care, Lex. I’m just sorry you haven’t met many of them.” Clark’s expression was sad, considering. “What if it were true, Lex? What if you had hit me with you car and I wasn’t hurt? How would you feel about me then?”
Lex thought for a long moment. “I suppose I would be hurt that you had lied to me.”
“Then I wouldn’t be so totally honest, would I?” Clark sounded angry.
Lex stroked his hair. “I would understand, Clark.” Clark’s anger was palpable. Lex stood and paced as he considered; organized his thoughts.
“If you were that indestructible, you’d have to be careful who you trusted. That kind of information - that kind of power - would be dangerous in the wrong hands.” Lex smiled slightly, as he turned to face Clark. “As for the main root of my love for you? It would remain unchanged. I ran you down in the road, however accidental. Any other man would have gotten out and left me to drown. You pulled me out. Either way it happened, you pulled me out. You saved my life when you didn’t have to. There was no personal gain involved. You didn’t know me, so you couldn’t care about me, personally. You cared about me, enough to pull me out of that car, simply because I was alive. No other reason required. You cared. That’s all, Clark. You have this amazing capacity for compassion. I thought compassion was a fairy tale until I met you. You make fairy tales believable, Clark, because you believe in the basic goodness of others. I don’t. I never have. At least not since I was a small child. Maybe I did then. I don’t remember.”
“Are you sure? If I was indestructible, you would still love me? Still trust me? Even though I had lied to you all this time?”
“I believe I would. That’s all I can say, Clark. We both know it’s a moot point, anyway. Remember, I came to see you in the hospital after you were hurt.”
Clark leapt out of the chair to pace. “What if that was a fluke? What if that only happened - he could only hurt me - because all the stuff he could do was really my power and he only got it because of that lightening strike? And I got it back the same way? Think about it Lex. Could you really still trust me if you found out I’ve been lying to you ever since we met?”
“Have you been lying to me, Clark?”
“Please, Lex.” Clark turned, his own teary eyes looking deep into his lover’s. “Could you trust me?”
Lex’s eyes widened. His mind whirled with images, memories. Clark was finally telling him his secret. Clark was trusting him with knowledge that could hurt him. If Lex proved untrustworthy, he could use that knowledge to destroy Clark.
Lex smiled.
He passed the test.
“Yes, Clark. I still trust you.” Lex stepped over and wrapped his arms around Clark’s firm young body. “See?” He sighed. “If you’re strong enough to do that to my car, you’re strong enough to hurt, or even kill me, if you lose control - in anger or in passion. But I trust you, Clark. I love you. I understand, now, what you meant earlier about being used. I don’t ever want use you like that, Clark. If you start to feel that I am, call me on it. You have to tell me what you’re feeling, Clark. I can’t read your mind. And, unlike you, I don’t have the moral compass to know for certain. You’ve taught me so much about doing the right thing. Please. Keep teaching me.”
Clark encircled Lex in his arms and smiled through his tears. “I will, my love. I will.”
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