Dark Chocolate By Vigdis & Starglider

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Author’s Note #1

First the Disclaimers:
These disclaimers are intended to cover each and every installment of The Chocolate Tradition entitled “Dark Chocolate” written by Vigdis and Starglider.

Valdron's All-Purpose Disclaimer:
LEXX, the series, concepts and characters, are the property, copyright and trademark of Salter Street Films. No ownership or claim on said property, copyright or trademark is made or implied by the use in this work. This work constitutes a personal comment on the aforesaid properties pursuant to doctrines of fair use and fair comment. This work is non-commercial, not for sale or profit, and may not be sold or reproduced for commercial purposes.

Further Disclaimer:
Cyber identities of real persons - Members of APEC: dgrequeen, emma_peel, Evening_Star, Fields_of_Heather, FrogSplash, Kali, Kierah (sort of), LadyGuinevere, MicroMary, MissJean, PhantomsPaw, remma, Stardancer, Starherd & VisionAri and Members of ORAL: Ayrton, Algernon, DWF, ShadoKat, Slopmaster, Valdron & Zebeeb are being used with the consent and permission of persons using those identities (and, in fact, occasionally using their very own words and scenes contributed with only slight modification). All other characters and situations which are not specifically owned by the makers of LEXX or real persons are sole copyright of the author.

Chocolate Disclaimer:
The Chocolate Tradition, with exceptions noted above, belongs to remma. This (very long) edition is released to the CT web site for inclusion with the rest of the Chocolate Tradition.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Now, down to business...


This CT story was written before season 3 aired in the US. It is set in an AU (alternate universe) at the end of season 3, and thus may contain minimal season 3 spoilers, namely, character development and interaction.

LEXX rating: PG-13.

We would like to thank everyone who is participating in the story (listed in the above disclaimers), all of you for reading our story (of course), and in particular:

1) Micro Mary and Algernon, who happily consented to be our villains (you have to have villains!)...

2) Valdron and Stardancer for the information they provided regarding character interaction in season three (since they have seen it, being in Canada - the lucky dogs!)...

3) Slopmaster, for allowing us to use his creation - Estrotown, Kai-Land, on the planet Kai...

As we all know from various spoilers, 790 is in love with Kai in season 3.

However many may not know (we didn’t) that 790 is now convinced he is actually a she - that she was a woman originally. That's right, 790 is a *female* robot head.
Valdron says, “Kai is somewhat tolerant, but fairly indifferent.”
Stardancer says, “Kai is both embarrassed and annoyed by this. He was nicer about at the beginning of season 3, but by the middle, he was snapping at 790.”

790 is much more indifferent and less hostile to Stanley, not insulting him all the time. When 790 was devoted to Xev, Stanley was a threat. Now with 790 being in love with Kai, Stanley is of little importance. Also, 790 is very hostile to Xev, calling her all sorts of names and hissing at her a lot.

Finally, this story is L-O-N-G (but worth every bit of it, we think). So long, in fact (fair warning!), that we’ll have to stop at a halfway point this Kaiday, and continue next week. We have tried to find a stopping place that won’t traumatize you *too* much. There will be some suspense, plenty of innuendo, and lots of chocolate!


- Vigdis and Starglider

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dark Chocolate 0.1

(Intro)

The front screen flashed rapidly, showing several star systems, and sometimes a planet or two in those systems, and rarely, atmospheric composition reports on a particular planet. The screen only rarely paused, such as when Stan stopped snoring (although how he could snore leaned up like that in the LEXX’s nerve center was quite beyond 790’s comprehension). 790 had been at this for some time. The Dark Zone wasn’t as well charted as the Light Universe, and there was still a lot of space to search through...

“All night by the KaiKai...
All night by the Kai I lay...
Gazing upon his perfection,
While seeking a future of loveplay...

All morn by the KaiKai...
All morn by the Kai I lay...
Trapped in his deep, cold slumber
I dreamt that awake, he could stay.

All day by the KaiKai...
All day by the Kai I lay...
Imagining his hands on my casing.
Why is protoblood the only way?

All aft’ by the KaiKai...
All aft’ by the Kai I lay...
As he slept in his lonely cryopod,
I searched all night and all day...

All eve by the KaiKai...
All eve by the Kai I lay...
Longing to caress his body,
May the heavens show me a way.

All night by the KaiKai...
All night by the Kai I lay...
If only I had a body,
Then we could f...”

SHE (uh... 790 NOW believes it was originally FEMALE!) broke off suddenly!

The search was OVER! The screen showed a small blue-green world, with pinkish clouds. The atmospheric composition report was overlayed...

60% Nitrogen
23% Oxygen
10% Estrogen
5% Carbon Dioxide
2% Trace Elements (including Testosterone)

“Yes! Estrogen! I’ve found it!”

“Huh? What?!?” Stan just about fell out of the control column as he woke. “What’s going on?”

“I think I found a way to get some more protoblood for Kai! Oh I had been hoping beyond hope that it was here in the Dark Zone instead of the long-annhilated, Mantrid-cursed Light Universe. And that planet matches all the parameters that I have in my memory bank.”

Xev, woken from the commotion, walked quietly into the nerve center and looked curiously at the planet on the screen, then at Stan and 790.

“What are you TALKING about, robot-head?” Stan asked, his patience wearing thin.

“In the past, protoblood was researched on a far-flung planet before His Divine Shadow came along and took it for his own uses. That planet was supposed to be destroyed by His Divine Shadow shortly before the Brunnen G were wiped out. But as the Cluster was destroyed, there was no other hope except to pray that the planet still existed, and to try to find it. AND THERE IT IS!!!”

“OK, so what’s down there?”

“We’re too far away for a detailed analysis of the surface. We’ll need to go into orbit first.”

Xev walked up to Stan. “If there’s a chance to get more protoblood for Kai, we should check it out.”

“In this case, the slut has a point. We must do EVERYTHING WE CAN to help my precious Kai!”

“OK. LEXX, head for that planet.”

“As you request, Stan.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dark Chocolate 0.2

(Intro)

The LEXX settled gently into orbit. Roused from his sleep in his dead moth, Stan walked back onto the bridge. The front screen showed one part of the planet, a brownish swamp next to a lake.

“I’m hungry, Stan.”

“Found something to eat, LEXX? Well we shouldn’t go down just yet. 790, are you sure its safe?”

“There is an indigenous human population, 80% female, but I scan no large predators otherwise.” 790 glances at Kai. “We must be cautious.”

“80% female?” Stan looks back at the screen. “LEXX, land on that planet!”

The LEXX descended into the atmosphere, heading toward that brownish swamp. But as the LEXX passed through the first few clouds, it looped around to go through more. As the crew were forced to grab onto whatever they could hold onto, the LEXX performed a barrel-roll through one last APEC cloud before heading for the chocolate swamp. “I feel VERY GOOD, Stan...”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dark Chocolate 1.1

0:187;I am king of the world!” the troll yelled, shortly before his two friends tackled him. All three lost their footing and fell into the chocolate before managing to recover. Having managed to slip past APEC and into the chocolate swamp was an unheard-of feat. The other two trolls, stupid as they were, realized this, and didn't want to attract attention, lest APEC come and get them.

“Good chocolate!” the second troll stated.

The first troll nodded. “Yes.” Then the chocolate began to bubble just behind the troll. “Ahhh!”

It was only a moment later before the scent reached the third troll’s nose. Yelling “Don‚t do that!,” he slugged the first troll, knocking him back under the chocolate for a moment. Thinking this very funny, the second troll doubled over in laughter. None noticed that the bright sunny day had suddenly gotten rather dark.

The first troll got back up, licked the chocolate from his finger, said “Still good,” and proceeded to dive into the swamp, coming up a few feet away. “Can’t swim well. Too thick. But still good.”

The second troll had stopped laughing by now, but still had a rather large grin on his face. “I wonder if any of those APEC sluts can breathe under chocolate?”

The third stopped and turned around. “I don‚t think so. She’d die if we kept her under chocolate.”

The first chuckled. “Death by Chocolate!”

WHAM!

A huge object smashed into the Chocolate Swamp, right on top of the three trolls, pancaking them to the bottom of the chocolate swamp. If the trolls had looked up, they would never had identified it because it was right on top of them. Only from a distance, such as from Estrotown, was it identifiable - a huge, wingless bug. Sitting in the middle of the Chocolate Swamp. And then it began eating the chocolate!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dark Chocolate 1.2

Xev steered the moth in for a landing next to a group of people. “Looks like we’re expected.” Stan looked out at the people. Some looked angry for some reason, others looked curiously at the moth, but in any case, they were mostly women. And because of this, for perhaps the first time, Stan was the FIRST out of the moth.

“Hi, I’m Stanley Tweedle,” he said, walking up to the first woman and holding out his hand.

A blonde woman in a red dress pushed Stardancer out of the way. "Hi, I'm Miss Jean," she said, taking his hand in both of hers. "I've been waiting for you all my life!"

"Um," Stan began, but was interrupted...

“Your bug is eating our swamp.” Xev was next out of the moth, but let Stan talk to the woman so she could scope out the men.

“What, the moth? Nah, its harmless.”

“Not that bug, THAT bug,” Kali replied, pointing over his shoulder. Stan wasn’t paying attention to where she was pointing though, because of how her chest bounced when she pointed.

Noticing Stan’s state of distraction, Xev said “That’s ok. It’s just a little hungry.”

“A little hungry? It’ll eat all of our swamp!” Kali was clearly furious. But she was now the only one, for all the others were staring at Xev - or to be more precise, behind Xev. Turning around, Xev noticed Kai climbing out of the moth.

“I don’t think it’ll eat all of your swamp,” Kai said.

There was a moment of pregnant silence as all of the natives stared at Kai in shock. Then, Fields of Heather dropped to her knees, and, with a trembling voice, said one word, over and over. In a moment, all the natives were on their knees in front of the confused visitors, repeating the same word, over and over.

“Kai...”

“Kai...”

“Kai...”

“Kai...”

“Kai...”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dark Chocolate 1.3

The number of people in the group grew ever larger as they approached the town square. Everybody wanted to see the great Kai, (almost) taking turns introducing themselves to him.

“Helloooo, KAI!” said one Very Pushy APEC Member, as she shoved her way to him, arms outstretched. “I’m Vigdis, and I ADORE YOU!!!” she tried not to shout (but didn’t succeed).

Kierah pushed Vig away before she could get to HIM and threw herself against HIS chest. “I’m Kierah,” she murmured in a low, sexy voice. Her hair, as dark as his and as long as any Brunnen-G woman’s brushed the chocolate of the swamp as she swayed against him.

Vigdis shoved Kierah (until now, her VERY BEST FRIEND) aside and smiled up at HIM and stroked the side of HIS lovely face, feeling the soft, strong texture of that swaying lock of HIS hair.

“Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaacccck! Get away from my precious stud-muffin!” screamed 790.

“Off.” Kai commanded sharply, and with a whimper, 790 shut itself off.

Then HE was gone as another moved in. “HI,” said FrogSplash, in a breathy voice, her breasts heaving as she pressed against HIM. Her hands wandered down his sculpted back trying to cup his (cute) butt.

Dgrequeen moved in, but being polite, she did NOT shove FrogSplash away. Instead, she slipped one hand around Kai’s waist and, with a wicked grin, slipped the other down his stomach, then lower.

Kai nearly jumped! He looked at her in shock.

Dgrequeen shrugged. “Just checking for a codpiece,” she said without apology. (I mean really! Who would want to apologize for feeling HIM up???)

“He’s dead, you know,” Xev remarked. “He can’t DO anything!”

“We don’t care!” Emma Peel giggled as she slipped into his arms for a quick, stolen kiss. “Did you?” she asked mischievously, raising an eyebrow at Xev.

Xev shrugged, as the women of APEC continued to converge on Kai. The crowd grew so large and insistent that not one man of ORAL managed to get close enough to Xev to touch her, or even to catch her eye...

With a plan in mind to ease the tension caused by the constant bombardment, VisionAri, Lady Guinevere and Fields of Heather (with the gigantic dog, Jade) moved in. VisionAri took HIS left arm and Lady Guinevere took HIS right. Jade took point and Fields of Heather walked behind HIM, her vines snapping when anyone got too close.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dark Chocolate 1.4

The entourage reached the town square, then fanned out a bit. There were a few people in the town square. One woman and a handsome young man in ceremonial robes approached the LEXX crew and greeted them all.

The woman, who seemed to be in charge, said “I am Evening Star, Acting as High Priestess of Chocolate During the Unfortunate Absence of Our Beloved Queen Remma. And this,” she said, motioning to the young man accompanying her, ‘is Slopmaster, Our Beloved City Commissioner. We’re so happy to have you ALL here, Kai, Xev, Stan,” she nodded to each of them in turn. “Welcome to Kai-land!”

“Kai-land?” asked Stan, surprised.

“Yes. Our ancestors were once enslaved by His Divine Shadow, but his death by your hands freed us. We escaped to the Dark Zone when the Cleansing began and we have lived in peace ever since then, carrying on your traditions,” Slopmaster explained.

Evening Star motioned to a man in the crowd and he immediately rushed over to see what she needed. Placing a hand on his shoulder she introduced him. “This is Valdron. He is our resident Troll Slayer. He’s the best there is... Well, possibly Kai is better, but we rely on Valdron here in Estrotown.” Then, turning to Valdron, she said, “Would you please raise the flag?”

“Certainly,” Valdron said. He walked to the flagpole in the center of the town square, and began to hoist a flag to the top. On the flag was a picture of a planet. Kai quickly recognized the planet as Brunnis. As the flag was being raised, a lone male voice rose in song.

Slopmaster sang:

VAIYO A-O (Fighters fight the fight)

Zebeep joined him:

VAIYO A-O (Fighters fight the fight)

And Evening Star:

VAIYO A-O (Fighters fight the fight)

Then the entire crowd joined in:

A HOME VA-YA-RAY (For their home and their heart)
VAIYO A-RAH (We fighters will win or die)
JERHUME BRUNNEN-G (Forever we are the Brunnen G)
VAIYO A-RAH (We fighters will win or die)
JERHUME BRUNNEN-G (Forever we are the Brunnen G)

(This is the ACTUAL translation by Marty Simon: See
http://www.goldrush.com/~herd/lexx/filk/songs.txt)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dark Chocolate 1.5UE="/U>

Valdron walked back towards the group. When Valdron returned to his place, Evening Star said, “Oh great Kai, last of the Brunnen-G, we are your humble servants.” Then the entire crowd (minus the LEXX crew) knelt and bowed towards Kai.

Except one...

Stan noticed that Miss Jean wasn’t bowing either. She flashed him a grin and, when he smiled back, she blushed as red as her dress.

“Um, Kai,” Stan whispered, “you think you could get a few of the women to, um, you know?”

“That’s not why we’re here.”

“Oh, yeah, sure. But maybe afterwards, you think?”

“No.”

Stan sighed, looking longingly at the woman in red.

Stardancer peaked up from her prostrate position and looked daggers at Miss Jean. She was stealing ALL of Stanley’s attention in that HARLOT-RED dress! Stardancer resolved to take immediate action to divert him from that tease even if it meant sharing Valdron with XEV... After all, this WAS a once in a lifetime opportunity for BOTH of them...

Kai walked up to Evening Star and, bending down, he took her hand. “Please rise. I am not worthy of your worship.” He helped her to stand before he continued, “I spent 2007 years as an assassin for His Divine Shadow. I have killed mothers with their children. I have killed great philosophers and proud young warriors. I have killed the evil and the good, the weak and the beautiful and never once,” Kai was shocked at this point as the crowd joined in word for word, ”in all that time, did I show any mercy.”

Evening Star smiled a kind, gentle smile. “As you see, we are well aware of your history, Kai. But when you regained your memory and, with it, your will power, you freed the two universes from the darkness His Divine Shadow drew over us. In that instant, you made up for a thousand misdeeds, even if those misdeeds were of your own free will - which they were NOT.”

Impressed, (and agreeing with every word) Xev walked up to Evening Star. “Kai is in need of more protoblood. 790 thought you might have the ability to make more.”

“Well... We might... But you’ll have to talk to Micro Mary about that. She’s our science expert. Micro Mary?”

Micro Mary who had been whispering with Algernon, Stardancer and Miss Jean, walked up to Kai. I might be able to produce some protoblood, but I’ll need a sample to replicate. Will you come with me to my lab?”

Kai nodded, and carrying 790, HE followed Micro Mary as she walked away.

“In the meantime, why don’t you, Xev Bellringer of B3K, and you, Stanley H. Tweedle, join us in a celebration?”, Evening Star asked politely.

“SURE!!!” Stan said immediately.

Xev glanced around. Kai seemed pretty safe on this world, with everybody worshiping him, and he had 790 with him to help him out. Stanley was intent on the women (especially the one in the red dress), so would probably stay out of trouble. Maybe some of the women would stop thinking about Kai so much to pay him some attention. After all, Kai was dead; he couldn’t do anything. The horror of that situation didn’t change its reality. But there were several men who were eying her curves, and probably ripping off her skimpy lizard skin outfit with their minds. They would do quite nicely. “Sure. Why not?” she smiled, brightly...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dark Chocolate 1.6

“790, on.”

“Oh, we made it out of that horde of bloodthirsty vermin! Oh, wait, there’s one left. Kill it with your brace, Kai!”

“Micro Mary is here to replicate my protoblood.”

“Oh, she’s just helping with the protoblood? She doesn’t want you?”

Micro Mary interrupted with an outright lie. “Don’t worry, 790,” she muttered harshly. “He’s all yours. Now, as I was saying, here’s the lab computer, and over there are the cloning vats.”

“Cloning vats? You clone people?” Kai asked.

“Nah, just body parts. You know, somebody gets injured, maybe they lose a kidney. I can make them a replacement. Basically, that’s what we’re going to do with your protoblood. Clone it.”

“I see.”

“And this is Zeta. She’ll be operating the cloning machinery.” A robot walked around the corner, female humanoid body and, as 790 instantly noticed, very well-endowed.

“I’ll also need a little piece of you to test the cloned protoblood with. A skin sample will do. I promise to give it back when I’m done...” she smiled.

“790?”

“It seems sound enough. I would like to remain here to supervise the process though.”

“Very well.” Kai allowed Micro Mary to slice a small piece of skin from his arm. She, then, placed it in a plastic bag. She then offered Kai a small jar, and he put a small amount of his protoblood in it. Micro Mary gave the jar to Zeta, while Kai put 790 on top of the lab computer.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dark Chocolate 1.7

“Let the Party begin!” shouted Slopmaster...

With that announcement, the music began to play and APEC and ORAL began to dance and flirt with abandon (not that they didn’t spend a great deal of time in those pursuits anyway... It was always just a little more intense at their parties...)

Algernon waited to make sure the party is going well, then said, “Excuse me, I need to go check on Micro Mary’s progress - to see if she needs any help...” He walked away, never taking his eyes off of Xev...

Xev looked around, eyes wide with anticipation... She loved the way the men watched her every move. She grinned - they couldn’t take their eyes off her! “I can work with this,” she thought, biting her lower lip sensually.

Stan looked across the square at the woman in the red dress - the one called Miss Jean. He smiled at her and she blushed - AGAIN! He started to move toward her, but before he took two steps, a lovely girl, with thick red hair that fell loosely down her back, slipped into his arms with a sexy smile. “Hi, Stanley.” she murmured in a soft, little-girl voice, as she pressed her well rounded chest against his and lifted her heart shaped face to his for a kiss.

Stan’s knees buckled. That kiss was DEFINITELY ALL WOMAN!

“My name’s Stardancer.” She continued. “Wanna play?”

“Absolutely!” Stan said happily.

“Wonderful...” she drawled... then turning away for a moment, she called, “Valdron!”

“Yes?” he responded in his smooth, clear, deep voice, approaching them quickly, looking a little jealous.

“I’m going to play with Stanley. It looks like Xev’s free. Why don’t you go see if she wants to play with you?”

Valdron smiled. “Good idea,” he said happily. “You two have fun. I’m sure I will!”

Stardancer’s eyes danced with mischief as she sent her husband off into the arms of the beautiful love slave. “I’m sure you will too, sweetheart,” Stardancer said in her soft sweet voice. She then led Stan away from the square as Valdron oriented on Xev.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dark Chocolate 1.8

He was almost too late! He saw Slopmaster moving in. Valdron moved to Xev’s side with all the speed his troll hunting expertise had brought him.

“I understand you like warrior types...” he said, his long blond ringlets dancing in the breeze.

“As long as they’re,” Xev paused, “Good guys...” she finished with a helpless little smile.

“Oh, I’m definitely a good guy!” Valdron responded.

“So I hear...” she tilted her head, mouth slightly open.

“Why don’t we go explore that concept?” Val suggested seriously, his blue/grey eyes twinkling.

“Why don’t we?” she grinned back.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dark Chocolate 1.9

Meanwhile, Stan and Stardancer made their way into one of the “hideaway cabins” along the edge of Drool Lake - specifically designed for private parties. Delighted by Stardancer’s shapely figure, Stan couldn’t keep his hands off of her as they walked. Far from being displeased, Stardancer was thrilled and tried to move so that he could better reach those areas that his hands were expressing an interest in.

Looking back toward the center of the square, she smiled a triumphant (and almost spiteful) smile at the desolate Miss Jean as the rest of the town partied and danced and paired off, sometimes in threes and fours, to find their own hideaway cabins, all funny stocked (of course) with dark chocolate!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dark Chocolate 2.1

Slopmaster looked so disappointed that Xev, basking in the adoration of the leader of ORAL, said “Don’t worry, loverboy! You’re next! ... If you want to be...”

Slop lit up with a joyous glow. “Want? Try NEED! Just .... uh ... please ... don’t forget!” he looked like his heart was about to break, so Xev moved away from Valdron’s side, and into Slop’s arms. Then she kissed him with all the passion inside her.

When the kiss ended, he was shaking. “I won’t forget ... will you?”

“Not for as long as I live...” he gasped.

She turned back to Valdron, and slipped her arm in his. As they walked away, she glanced back over her shoulder with a smile at Slopmaster, who stood in stunned amazement, staring after them until Xev was no longer visible, hidden by the trees. Then he leaped into the air with a triumphant shout!

“Woo-Hoo! Yes! I’m da MAN!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dark Chocolate 2.2

Algernon returned to the Town Square with a big smile on his face. “Good news! The first batch of protoblood is ready!”

Xev, returning from a hideaway cabin, dragging Slopmaster (with a huge grin and chocolate smudges on his face, looking like a truck hit him...) behind her, heard him and said, “That’s wonderful! Where’s Stanley?”

Algernon moved in to intercept the lovely Xev. “I haven’t seen him since I got back from the lab... I’m Algernon - your friendly, neighborhood, lab mouse...”

Xev laughed, a deep throaty laugh that promised all sorts of glorious physical pleasures. “I’m Xev. I’m a love slave,” she told him, with a look that said he would be next...

"I know..." he whispered with a slow, sexy grin.

Stan and Stardancer slowly approached, arm in arm and giggling. “You were fantastic!” Stardancer poked at his arm.

“No! YOU were fantastic,” Stan returned, pointing his own finger at her chest and lightly poking her breast. “OOPS!” he giggled.

Stardancer giggled back, “I think maybe we should do that again sometime... After all, we’ve got PLENTY of good, luscious,” she touched her tongue to her upper lip and closed her eyes for a moment, “dark... chocolate...” she finished, leaning toward him for one more kiss.

Miss Jean interrupted. “The first batch of protoblood is ready!” she informed them sharply. “Algernon just got back from the lab...”

Xev, bemused at Stanley’s popularity with these two beautiful women, said, “There’s a lot of it... We’ll need a second moth to transport it all.”

Miss Jean and Algernon said, in unison, “I volunteer to help.”

Stan said, “GREAT! Xev and I will go and bring back an extra moth. See if you can get a few people together to help us load them with protoblood. We’ll meet you at the lab.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dark Chocolate 2.3

Stan and Xev arrived at the lab with two moths to find most of the town waiting to help them. “Didn’t I say ‘a few people’? I did say ‘a few people’, didn’t I, Xev?”

“Yes, Stan, you said ‘a few people’,” Xev said in shock. “I heard you! You said ‘a few people’!”

Algernon and Miss Jean beamed at them. “Everyone wanted to help!” Miss Jean said happily.

“We didn’t have the heart to tell them no...” Algernon explained.

With nearly the whole population of Estrotown to help them, it only took a few minutes to load the moths...

It took MUCH longer, however, for Stan and Xev to unload them once they had transported both moths back to the LEXX. They unloaded the new protoblood, stacking it next to Kai’s cryopod, then, exhausted, they returned, in one moth, landing just outside of town, near the place Chocolate Swamp and Drool Lake converge.

They found the short walk back to town to be actually refreshing... Of course, that may have been due to the regenerative qualities of the Dark Chocolate that Miss Jean had slipped into Stanley’s pocket as they left...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dark Chocolate 2.4

Upon their return, Xev looked around for Algernon. She located him quickly, returning from the lab. “Algernon, are you ready?” she asked breathlessly.

“Definitely!” he responded immediately.

Algernon grabbed Xev’s hand and dragged her off to a hideaway cabin. Once inside, she saw the (now familiar) shelf of Dark Chocolate...

Finally, she HAD to ask... “What’s with all the chocolate? Not that I’m complaining, or anything...”

“Didn’t you know?” Algernon smiled a wicked smile, “It’s an aphrodisiac... It also helps us poor outnumbered guys with stamina...”

“Stamina?” Xev asked, picking up a large piece of dark chocolate.

“Yeeessss...”

She broke off a little piece and popped it into her mouth. As it began to melt, she broke off a larger piece and fed it to Algernon.

“GOOD!” she said emphatically. “EAT UP! You’re going to need all the STAMINA you can get.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dark Chocolate 2.5

Micro Mary, with a self-satisfied smirk, said, “Now that the first batch is out the door, the process is pretty much automated. Later, after I adjust some of my scanning equipment, I’d like to monitor you as some of the new protoblood is given to you, as a precautionary measure. But for now, you may wish to rejoin your friends.”

“790?” Kai asked.

“If you want, I’ll stay here and continue watching everything.” 790 replied.

“Very well.” Kai responded.

“Grunt will show you out so you can rejoin your friends. Grunt?”

Kai turned around, saw the approaching monstrosity, and saying “Troll”, immediately raised his brace and aimed at the Troll. Panicking, Micro Mary yelled “No! He’s a Reformed Troll. One of my assistants. He does the heavy labor, and Zeta operates the delicate machinery.”

Grunt, which had frozen when Kai armed his brace, said “You Kai. Brunnen-G. Me serve.” And then bowed.

Kai paused for a second, then retracted his brace. “I’m sorry. This is the first troll I’ve ever seen that wasn’t on some uncontrolled bloody rampage.”

“Well, that’s understandable. I worked very hard to effect his reformation. The process doesn’t work very often, so, I know what a find Grunt really is. I should have expected your reaction. Grunt?”

“Grunt take Kai to party. Chocolate at party?”

“Of course, Grunt. If you ask nicely, they may give you some.”

“Hmm.” Grunt went out the lab door, pausing to look back at Kai, who followed.

“Well, that leaves just you and me, Micro Mary.” 790 said. “So why don’t you complete the tour. You didn’t show us all your facilities.”

“Whatever do you mean, 790?”

“Cloning equipment is almost totally automated. And Zeta units weren’t designed for that function anyway. They WERE designed to operate decarbonizers. And as a very few robots know, decarbonizers can be reversed,” She answered, scanning the lab carefully.

“790?”

“Yes, that machine over there looks like it.” 790 said, eying a device hanging from the ceiling. Under the device was a bed, wide enough for one person, with shackles for wrists and ankles. “The protoblood is irrelevant. I want you to recarbonize Kai!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dark Chocolate 2.6

"Ayrton," Xev called provocatively from the doorway of the hideaway cabin. She was holding a large piece of dark chocolate in her hand.

At the sound of his name, Ayrton looked up quickly and when he saw it was Xev calling him, he rushed over to her side.

She lowered her chin, and looked up at him through her eyelashes, "Someone told me it's your birthday. Would you like a present?"

"Well," he said teasingly, "I suppose that depends on what it is."

"In that case," Xev smiled, "I suggest dark chocolate... and me."

Ayrton grinned. "Sounds good to me... In fact, I can't think of a better birthday present."

"Well then!" Xev grinned, and dragged him into the hideaway cabin, closing the door firmly behind them. Leaning against the door and biting at her lower lip, Xev flirted, “As Valdron would say... Why don't we explore that?"

"Why don't we," Ayrton replied softly.

Xev walked boldly toward Ayrton, her pale blue eyes filled with a wondrous anticipation. She stopped, nearly, but not quite, touching him. She set the chocolate on the bedside table and then, reaching up, Xev slowly began to unbutton his shirt. When the last button was dealt with and his silk shirt fell open, Xev’s strong, soft hands slid upward along his stomach, then his broad chest, and finally up onto his shoulders. Then, she slid her hands down his arms, causing his shirt to fall to the floor.

“Oooh!” Xev moaned, “such strong arms... I love muscles... Why don’t you use them?”

Ayrton smiled wickedly. “If you insist...” he muttered, wrapping his arms around her tightly. Then, he picked her up and deposited her on the bed. He heard a low growl in her throat and knew he had awakened the cluster lizard in her. His eyes widened for a second, then he joined her on the bed and without further hesitation, ripped off her tiny lizard skin top. That accomplished, his hands moved quickly to unfasten her skirt. Her hands were busy, too, unfastening his pants.

*************************************

A little while later...

Outside the hideaway cabin, those citizens of Estrotown who happened to be anywhere in the vicinity, heard a very strange sound.

Its origin was, however, unmistakable.

It was the ecstatic shriek of a VERY happy cluster lizard...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dark Chocolate 2.7

Fields of Heather what was very careful, as she instructed Jade to find Kai. After all, Jade was used to hunting trolls, and Fields of Heather didn't want her to make any mistakes. Vigdis walked along with her as they searched for Kai. Soon Lady Guinevere joined them, followed by Evening Star and VisionAri.

Jade soon picked up the scent. She also picked up the scent of a troll.

Fortunately, it was only Grunt. Jade knew better than to kill Grunt. He was a tame troll, thanks to Micro Mary. Kai was with him. In fact, Grunt seemed to be leading Kai toward them.

Now wasn't that convenient...

The women were all thrilled at the prospect of a personal encounter with Kai. As Kai walked up to them, with Grunt, they grew agitated. It was simply too much of a good thing. Kai and the five of them... They looked at each other happily. Each smile promised her sisters that she wouldn't try to get him off alone and all to herself.

When Kai reached them, Evening Star stepped forward to greet him.

"It's nice to see you again, Kai," she said quietly. "Are you coming to the party?"

"It was suggested that I'd do so," he replied. "I do not know what I could contribute to a party," he continued. "I am dead."

"We KNOW that!" laughed Vigdis, " but we love you anyway," she smiled, happy just to be in his company.

Jade growled at Grunt and Fields of Heather held her back, " You'd better go, Grunt. I don't know how long I can control her. She still sees you as a troll."

With a worried look, Grunt nodded vigorously, and rushed off.

VisionAri smiled, almost cruelly. "I simply can't help it! I don't like that troll."

"But VisionAri, he's not really a troll anymore, is he?" asked Lady Guinevere, politely.

"Maybe not," she said in reply, "but I don't trust him, and I don’t like taking chances."

"Can't blame her, there," Evening Star murmured softly. " I remember the last troll I trusted... it nearly cost me some very dear friends..."

"Now, Evening Star," Vigdis chided gently, "You were never in any real danger of losing us. We love you! We were just worried about you, that’s all... Trolls can be vicious!"

Evening Star smiled and put her arm around Vigdis's shoulder. "I know that... now."

"Kai," Fields of Heather asked, "Would you like to ride Jade?"

"I don't think so," Kai replied slowly. "Do you actually a ride her? Isn't she a dog?"

Fields of Heather laughed. " YES! On both counts!"

"I have never met anyone who rides a dog," Kai said.

"Well, now you have," Fields of Heather replied, trying not to laugh. He was SO solemn.

The women all pressed as close to Kai as possible as they walked, but they were polite enough to do so in turn. Everyone got a chance to be close to their beloved Kai. It didn't seem to bother him too much, the way they wanted to be close to him, to touch him, even to kiss him. He seemed to be willing to accept a great deal in the way of physical contact, perhaps because one of their number was working so hard to help him. To make him more protoblood and THAT made his friends happy. Very little motivated Kai, but he was motivated to help the crew of the LEXX. and they were most certainly motivated to help him.

In any case, each of the women got her chance to walk next to Kai, touching and even gently caressing him, as they walked to the party...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dark Chocolate 2.8

Xev sat out by the fountain. She was stretching, so she would be limber. Her encounter with Ayrton had been incredibly satisfactory. But that was over an hour ago and now and she was beginning to ache once more. She looked around and saw few men milling around, watching her.

She looked them over rather critically.

Who would be next?

She could afford to be picky. They were ALL so willing to please her... And whomever she chose this time, another would be willing the next time. However, she wanted to to pace herself. After all, the men needed time to recover so that when she had gone all the way down the list, she would be able to start over at the top without wearing them out completely.

There... That ONE! He was exactly what she wanted this go 'round... From the looks of him, he might even live up to Ayrton's fine example...

She stood and with a long sensual, stretch, she captured his full attention. Then, looking at him through her eyelashes, she beckoned him to her.

He came at her summons, with a shy smile.

"What's your name?" she asked him.

"DWF..." he said softly. "Are you sure... I mean, don't get me wrong, I am definitely interested, I just don't want to be disappointed and I've never been with a love-slave before."

"I won't be disappointed," she promised. "You amaze me! You're SO eager to please me, but don't you want me to please you, too?"

"OH, MY, YES!!!" he responded quickly.

"Well, then..." Xev laughed, "shall we find a vacant hideaway cabin?" she suggested.

"That would be lovely," DWF said, "almost as lovely as you."

"My, but aren't you charming," Xev grinned as she led him into a quiet cabin, far away from the center of the party area...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dark Chocolate 2.9

Following the woman in the red dress, Stan stepped into a magnificent expanse that seemed to have his picture everywhere.

“Welcome,” said Miss Jean with a triumphant smile.

Still stunned by both the sheer size of the place and by the fact that he saw his own face everywhere, Stan stuttered a bit.

Hoping to make him feel more at ease, Miss Jean said softly, “This is my palatial abode.”

Stan glanced downward and noticed they were standing on a tiled mosaic of HIM... “Um,” he said carefully, “you like me, don't you?”

Miss Jean blushed beet red and passed out, falling heavily (and very uncomfortably) to the floor. Stan pushed at her with the toe of his boot, to see if she was faking. She wasn’t.

"Um, Miss Jean?" Concerned, he knelt down beside her. "Are you all right?"

Her eyes fluttered open. "Too much Stan... like too much sugar.... oooo!" With
Stan's help, she managed to sit up.

“Um...” Stan said in a worried tone, “If this is a bad time, I can come back later.” Pausing for a moment, he rolled his eyes and smacked himself on the forehead. “I mean, do you want me to help you to your bed?”

“To... m-my...” Miss Jean stammered. “Oh, no!” She put her head between her knees (very hard to do when you’re sitting on the floor). “I'm going to pass out again.” she murmured.

“You mean, I really have this effect on you?” Stan grinned, almost sheepishly. Then, a thought crossed his mind. “Um, you're not into cannibalism, are you?”

Miss Jean looked up quickly - too quickly - she felt a wave of dizziness and lowered her head again. She tried to speak clearly. “No. I am morally opposed to eating one's friends and family.”

Stan visibly relaxed. He sat down beside her and put his arm around her to steady her. He was thrilled to feel her leaning into his embrace. “Miss Jean... “ he asked hopefully, “would you like to...???”

Miss Jean smiled, “I think we both know what we’d like to do.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dark Chocolate 3.1

He was tall, with dark brown hair and chocolatey brown eyes. He had a certain bulk that spoke of strength. She definitely liked what she saw... He looked her over as carefully as she had examined him... She could almost feel him undressing her, even though she was fully clothed. Well, as fully clothed as she ever was in that skimpy little lizard skin outfit, anyway...

She smiled at him. He didn’t rush right over. He caressed her with his eyes instead. It sent shivers up and down her spine. “Ooohh!” she moaned softly, with a sensual stretch...

Then, suddenly, he was there... His hands on her shoulders... Caressing, massaging, teasing... Tormenting!

She tried to get him to move his hands into more pertinent areas, but his resolve was ironclad... He wasn’t willing to stop teasing just yet. He fully intended to give her every possible moment of pleasure he could. And there was simply no way she could rush him... He was used to being tempted... He had learned VERY well the value of control, and not even a sex-crazed love-slave like Xev could break him - Well, short of striping for him, right there in the middle of the town square, anyway... He WAS human (and alive), after all!

She growled low in her throat. It turned into a moan of ecstasy... THAT is when he lifted her into his strong arms and carried her toward a hideaway cabin.

She looked up at him, her eyes already glazed with pleasure, “It’s about time...” she murmured, with a hint of a growl. “I would ask your name, but after THAT demonstration, IT can WAIT!” she smirked.

“Oh it can, can it?” he smiled, “BUT can YOU?”

Her eyes went wide with horror! “OH NO! You aren’t going to make me wait any longer, are you?” she begged.

“Of course not! At least, not until we get our clothes off... Then we’ll just have to see how long we can make this last...” he promised, with a VERY sexy smile.
“By the way,” he added, “My name’s Starglider...”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Author’s Note #2

Just so you know... THIS segment was written ENTIRELY by Vigdis...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dark Chocolate 3.2


“You’re absolutely correct. Congratulations,” Micro Mary told 790. “I’ve been waiting all my life to turn Kai back into a living being. With what he’s done, it’s a well-justified reward.”

“As long as you realize he’s mine,” 790 replied.

“Don’t worry, I’m not doing this because I have the hots for him,” Micro Mary lied. “I’m doing this because he’s Kai. It’s my gift to him.”

“Good. As a 790 series unit, I knew about the decarbonizers, but I have no working knowledge of them. What must you do to complete the process?”

“Well, first, we have to grow replacement organs for him, so that when he’s recarbonized, he’ll be able to function without life support. Then, we get him onto
the table, and Zeta will do the rest. If you want, I’ll allow you to link up with Zeta so you can learn how the device works.”

“That would be good, yes.”

And so they went to work.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dark Chocolate 3.3

Xev sat on the edge of the magnificent fountain in the town square, with a dreamy look in her eyes. She REALLY liked this place, with its men SO happy to meet her substantial physical needs. The immense satisfaction she had derived already (repeatedly and in sequence) had her feeling almost sated... for a while, anyway... Already she could feel the need building in her once more. She had really worn out the men she had been with earlier, but at least she knew why they were called ORAL! She grinned that sexy, insatiable grin of hers and started looking around for a man she hadn’t been with yet.

There, off to the side trying not to draw attention to himself, was an older man. Older than Stanley? Maybe, maybe not. But one thing was certain. This man had style, he had class, and he most certainly had charm... She found him VERY appealing...

She rose, gracefully and with a sultry look, she captured his gaze. She licked her lips invitingly.

He glanced around, fully expecting that her attention was actually directed elsewhere. After all, Zebeep knew full well how the luscious and lovely Xev felt about older men.

But NO! There was no one behind him. In wonder, he pointed questioningly at his own chest.

Slowly, with a tiny smile, Xev nodded. “Yes... You!” she said as she drew near. “What’s your name?” she quietly asked him.

“Zebeep.” The sound of it was solemn in her ears.

“Did you really believe I would skip over you?” she asked, wide eyed.

“Actually, yes,” he responded in a slow, sexy voice.

“Why?” she asked, astonished. “You’re so handsome and you’re VERY charming.”

“Perhaps...” he acknowledged, “but I am also old... too old for a lovely young girl such as you.”

“Nonsense!” Xev stated emphatically. “I’m quite sure that I would deeply regret it if I turned the likes of you away...” she wet her lips with her tongue, slowly, for emphasis.

Zebeep smiled. “Well, if you’re quite certain?” he asked politely.

“Oh yes!” Xev responded quickly, her eyes alight with anticipation.

“Very well, then.” Zebeep said firmly. He took her hand in one of his and slipped the other lightly around her waist. She smiled up over her shoulder at him as he escorted her, gently, to a hideaway cabin.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dark Chocolate 3.4

Kai started slowly back toward Micro Mary’s lab. The party did not really have any meaning to a dead man. He found the walk to be an acceptable alternative to sitting around doing nothing. There was, however, one thing he had not counted on...

The rabid devotion of APEC!

He did not understand their refusal to accept the fact that he was dead. The insisted upon treating him as if he were simply refusing to ACT alive...

He simply could not comprehend them...

His lack of understanding was suddenly even MORE pronounced as APEC descended on him in force. The hysterical women were ripping at his clothes and hair as they tried to pull themselves into his arms. Stardancer came away with several strands of his long swinging lock. FrogSplash managed to pull away a tiny strip of his clothing. Emma Peel actually managed a kiss, before the rest of APEC dragged her away from him, in their efforts to get closer. Kali and Evening Star tried to calm the crowd, but it was an uphill battle. No one was listening... SO they tried, with Starherd’s help, to get Kai free enough of the groping hands that he could escape...

Thanks to that trio, he DID manage to escape... But still the crowd (uh, cloud?) followed, in mob formation...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dark Chocolate 3.5

Meanwhile, back at the lab...


After ascertaining that Micro Mary had gone to bed for the evening, Dgrequeen slipped carefully into Micro Mary’s lab.

“Who are you?” 790 demanded.

“I’m Dgrequeen,” she responded softly. “I wanted to talk with you.”

“With me?” 790 asked. Her robot eyelids lowered in suspicion.

“Yes, with you!” Dgrequeen confirmed, exasperated. “I need to know what’s really going on around here, and I know that YOU are the ONLY person who can tell me. Everyone else has a hidden agenda. Your only agenda is KAI!”

“And, what’s YOUR agenda?”

“Well, now... “ Dgrequeen smiled... “ my agenda is to know everything I can about Estrotown and this situation. I need to be in a position to help you if necessary. I can only do that if you help me understand what is happening...

790 basked in the praise Dgrequeen lavished upon her... Before long, Dgrequeen had managed to get the robot head to trust her with the REAL scoop...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dark Chocolate 3.6

Micro Mary awoke to the sound of someone pounding on the front door of her lab. Glancing out the window, she saw Kai standing on the porch, looking VERY frazzled. His hair was falling down around his shoulders and his black assassin’s garb was definitely in need of repair. She looked toward the woods beyond and saw a few members of APEC slowly making their way towards him. Micro Mary rushed down to open the door.

Kai pounded on the door again. “790, open the door!” he demanded sharply.

The door clicked open and Kai darted inside, slamming the door behind him. “Welcome back, my love.” 790 gushed. Then, upon seeing him, he screamed, “Kai! What happened to you!?!”

“Never mind.” Kai said dismissively. “Where is Micro Mary?”

“Up here,” she said, hurrying down the staircase. “Everything is all - WOW!” Micro Mary lost her voice at seeing Kai in such a state.

“My poor darling! These APEC women are worse than those Mantrid arms were!” 790 exclaimed. “We should get you off this rock as soon as possible!”

“Agreed.” Micro Mary said. “But first we need to verify that the new protoblood will actually work without any side-effects, in a controlled environment. This lab will do. The security system will keep everybody out, so we will be safe while we monitor the procedure.”

Kai picked up 790, and Micro Mary directed him to a table, beside which stood Zeta. There was a large array of machinery above the table. The table itself was equipped with wrist and ankle clamps. Noting this last development, Kai glanced questioningly at 790.

“The scanning machinery is extremely sensitive. Any movement would disrupt the scans.” 790 explained. “Don’t worry, love. I’ll be right here, just in case.”

Knowing that 790 would never put Kai in a position where he would be harmed, Kai lay down on the table. The clamps closed on Kai’s wrists and ankles, and the machinery came to life.

“We’ll need to start with an initial scan for a baseline comparison.” Micro Mary said. 790 agreed, and so Zeta started working the machine. The device projected a beam up and down the table. Pretty soon, the scanning beam had Kai glowing. Kai muttered something unintelligible, having been rendered incapable of moving by that same beam. As the recarbonization continued, the machine began pulling cloned body parts out of containers hidden behind it, and placed them above Kai. The body parts would then sink into Kai’s glowing body.

Half an hour later, it was done. Kai’s face was paler than what would be normal for a human, but it did have more color than when he was dead. The rise and fall of his chest was shallow but steady. Kai looked around, obviously weakened from the ordeal.

790 did a quick scan of Kai with his eyes. The recarbonization process also repaired his clothing and returned them to their (blinding) natural colors. “You’re alive! It’s a dream come true!” The scan paused for just a moment when the scan reached just below waist level, and 790’s eyes tried to pop out of their “sockets”, and for once 790 was at a loss for words.

Micro Mary wasn’t. “All hail Kai, Last of the Brunnen-G...” Snapping herself out of her “trance”, she turned off power to the machine, which opened the clamps.
“Don’t try to move. You’ve just been recarbonized. You won’t need any more protoblood, but you’ve been weakened, and you’re body has yet to stabilize. Here, eat this.” She hand-fed him a dark substance.

“What’s that?” 790 asked.

“Dark Chocolate. It will help to stabilize the recarbonization process,” she answered, placing a large bowl of the substance beside Kai’s hand. “Eat as much as you want. There’s more where that came from...”

“I remember,” Kai whispered, as the first bite dissolved on his (now warm) tongue, “I used to like chocolate.”

He took another bite. “I still do.” Kai smiled weakly.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dark Chocolate 3.7

“Veo-aye-oh...” Kai sang loudly and distinctly - WITH EMOTION!
“Ome-vaah-ray!
Veo-aye-rah Jerum-Brunnen-G!
Veo-aye-oh Ome-vaah-ray!
Veo-aye-rah Jerum-Brunnen-G!
Veo-aye-rah Jeruuum-Bruunnen-Geeee!!!”

“Hmm, I should have expected this,” Micro Mary said. “He has no chocolate resistance anymore.”

“You mean... He’s high on the chocolate?!?” 790 asked.

“For now. Later, after he’s used to it, this won’t happen. For now, it’s a good thing we have him on the table.” Micro Mary replied. “I’ll leave his monitoring to you, 790. I need to check on my other lab projects.” And with that, Micro Mary left the lab, taking her Troll with her.

790 waited a while to see if Micro Mary would return, then she did another scan of Zeta just to verify what she thought she saw earlier. WELL-endowed AND fully functional!!!

Zeta had set up a neural link so 790 could download the data on the decarbonizer. With that neural link, 790 had tapped into Zeta’s motor controls. Time to steal a body!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dark Chocolate 3.8

With Zeta’s head isolated from her body, it was a simple matter, in theory, to make the Zeta body remove the head and replace it with 790. Theory and reality sometimes are two different things, though. Once Zeta’s head was removed, the body could barely remain upright, let alone put another head on top of it. It took several minutes to get 790 attached to the body, while the body moved around the lab banging into the machinery.

But eventually, 790 was attached, and took over the balancing functions for the body. 790 paused, enjoying the feeling of having a body again. Then, a test. She thought of Kai.

Wow! A nice, responsive body to please her beloved with! Ecstatic, 790 went over to Kai to present herself.

But Kai was gone!

The decarbonizer was no longer in standby mode. It was completely off! And the failsafes released Kai when the power went off! The Zeta body must have bumped into it, deactivating it accidentally.

The bowl of dark chocolate next to the decarbonizer was gone too. Kai must have taken it.

790 looked around. The front door was open. Kai MUST have gone that way.

And so 790 left the lab, in search of her gorgeous, newly living, stud-muffin...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dark Chocolate 3.9

Vigdis was standing next to Drool Lake. Vigdis paused to look out at Drool Lake for a moment, her two Siamese cats, Phantom and Shadow, circling about her feet, (without tripping her), purring...

Vigdis turned around to head inland when she saw HIM!

Something had happened to him though. His clothing was now brightly colored instead of the drab black. He was stumbling along, as if he couldn’t walk in a straight line. He was looking around, as if in a daze. As Vigdis approached him, she saw what may have been the cause of all this (except the clothing) in his hand.

“K-K-K-Kai...” she stammered (Kai was Kai, after all), “Perhaps you shouldn’t eat that Dark Chocolate so quickly. It can make you drunk, although you don’t have to worry about hangovers later.”

Kai came up to Vigdis, gazing at her intently. The grass he had been walking on had been so... GREEN... The Chocolate Swamp that the LEXX was feeding on was so... BROWN... the air felt cool to his face, and he tasted its sweetness every time he took a new breath! For over 6 thousand years he had been dead, and he wasn’t sure if all these new sensations were because of the chocolate or because HE WAS ALIVE!

But the beauty of the creature before him made his breath catch in his throat. He hadn’t been able to truly appreciate a woman for so long, seeing one in front of him now was mind-blowing. Standing right in front of a wide-eyed Vigdis, he raised his hands to touch her.

Vigdis gazed into his eyes, her breath catching as his hands explored. His hands ventured under her shirt, and with a moan, she arched forward towards him. A fire was lit, burning everywhere his hands touched her skin, and when he lowered his mouth to hers, a whimper escaped her throat.

Without conscious knowledge of it happening, she noticed they were naked, on the grassy earth. Kai had stopped touching her body. He bent down to start kissing her body instead, and Vigdis found herself swept away into a raging inferno from which it would take quite a while to recover.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Author’s Note #3

(Just so you KNOW... Except for the second line, Starglider wrote the entire segment that appears above...) SO...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Meanwhile...

Kali, Evening Star, and Starherd had managed to help Kai escape. After that betrayal (they were forgiven immediately, of course - after all, they had ONLY been protecting KAI), all of the women of APEC (who had PROMISED to be FAR more gentle with their beloved Dead Man from now on!), began hunting for him. They were spread out over the entire area...

Fields of Heather found him first... Well, actually, it was the sound of Vigdis moaning in pleasure, that did it... To find him, like that... WITH HER!!!

Lucky, girl... It certainly looked like they were done, though...

“I’m NEXT!!!” she called softly. “...Okay???” she asked , wide-eyed.

Vig smiled ( a very sated smile), fed him some more Dark Chocolate, and said, ”May I suggest that you use that hideaway cabin?” Looking around, she saw others approaching. “I think I had better set up a waiting list...”

Fields of Heather looked around, too. She saw Stardancer, Evening Star, VisionAri, FrogSplash, Lady Guinevere, Starherd, Emma Peel, Kali, and Dgrequeen all approaching from different directions... “I guess you were moaning louder than I thought...” she commented slyly... Then, she took Kai’s hand and lead him quickly over to the nearest hideaway cabin, on the shores of Drool Lake while Vigdis prepared to deal with the small horde of APEC descending...

“What’s going on?” demanded Dgrequeen.

“Why is Fields of Heather running off with Kai?” asked Kali.

“Where -” Evening Star began.

“HOLD IT!!!” Vigdis interrupted. “Everyone, we MUST remain calm! There is important news, but it must be absorbed slowly. I will make a list with each of you on it in the order in which you arrived here, OR YOU CAN DRAW STRAWS! Either way, you will each get to spend some time alone with Kai in that hideaway cabin. Just be sure to feed him plenty of Dark Chocolate...” she paused while they absorbed that information. “

“FEED HIM!?!” questioned Starherd.

“He can eat?” added FrogSplash.

“YES!” Vigdis announced solemnly. “Our beloved Kai - is ALIVE!”

The rest of the group promptly fainted in shock...

Vigdis began compiling her “list” while Fields of Heather’s Jade guarded the door of the hideaway cabin, where sounds of pleasure were beginning to emerge...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dark Chocolate 4.1

Micro Mary came back into the lab, her Grunt behind her, carrying quite a bit of new machinery. Micro Mary directed her Troll to lay the machinery next to the decarbonizer, and looked around for Zeta.

“Zeta?”

“Yes, mistress?”

“Where are you?”

“Over here, mistress.”

Micro Mary almost walked past Zeta before she realized what had happened. She glanced first at Zeta, then at the spot where 790 had been, then at the decarbonizer.

Kai was gone!

Micro Mary swore. “Grunt, 790 has stolen Zeta’s body and kidnapped Kai. Go, find them, and bring them both back. Here, take this, and don’t hesitate to use it if you need to. I'll be done with the modifications shortly, and at that point I will need Kai back on the table.” She gave Grunt an APEC gun, and then the troll left.

Micro Mary, still swearing under her breath, then went to the decarbonizer, adding her new equipment to it. Gradually, as she thought of what has going to happen, her mood lightened considerably.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dark Chocolate 4.2

Xev leaned back in the moth, stretching lazily. She had needed that short nap after her “activities”. Perhaps it was time to see if any of the ORAL men were ready to go at it again. That thought was quickly erased from her mind when she opened her eyes and saw what was waiting outside her moth.

Kai was there, leaning against the moth! Something had happened to restore his clothing to its full colors, and whatever had happened seemed to have affected him, too! He wasn't nearly as white as he had been, she could see his chest expand and deflate as he breathed, and he was almost undressing her with his eyes!

His gaze traveled up her body, and the familiar urges rose with it. When he got to her face and noticed she was awake, he opened the moth. As she stepped out of the moth, he spoke words to her that she had heard only in her dreams...

“You are so beautiful...”

“K-K-Kai? Are you???”

“I’m alive! I don’t know how they managed to do it, but I’m alive! And I love you!”

“I must still be dreaming,” Xev said. It was so much to take in.

“Then let us live our dream!” Kai said as he drew her towards him for a kiss.

Xev, stunned, did not resist, and as the extent of his need became apparent to her, her desires exploded out of her. Too quickly they tried to undress, and in the process fell over together. Xev ended up on top, a position she had no intention of giving up. She had imagined this for ages. And now, she intended to use the results of her rather fertile imagination it a most climatic way...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dark Chocolate 4.4

Kai woke slowly, the pleasant dream fading fast. Looking around, he found himself once again strapped to the operating table in Micro Mary’s lab. 790 was there beside him, again bodiless. On the other side was Zeta, with her body re-attached.

“790?”

“You’re awake!” 790 exclaimed. “Micro Mary detached me from my body and had you strapped back down. I’m locked out of her computer systems, and she modified Zeta’s programming to keep me out of her, too.”

Kai looked for his brace, but it was gone.

“Looking for this?” Algernon said, stepping around into Kai’s view and holding Kai’s brace.

‘Why are you here?”

“Well, for helping Micro Mary, I get a Xev.”

“A Xev?”

Algernon nodded. “You won’t need this anymore.” Algernon placed the brace on a table, way out of Kai’s reach.

“Why am I back here? I thought the process was complete.”

“It is,” 790 said. “But Micro Mary has modified this device. I recognize many of the modifications. Kai, I have a very, very bad feeling about this.”

“You shouldn’t, 790. You should realize more than anybody else that Kai won’t feel a thing. After all, its not like I’m going to mess with his body.”

“No, only his mind! You can’t do this!”

“Oh, I’m afraid I can. After all, while you were busy subverting Zeta’s body, she was busy downloading the data from you that I needed. After all, Zeta units weren’t designed to operate lusticons, were they?”

A look of horror came over Kai’s beautiful face as he realized the implications. He, immediately began trying to break free of his bonds.

Micro Mary continued, with a self-satisfied smile, “But with your data and my modifications, this one can.”

Micro Mary walked over to Kai, strapped to the lusticon. Kai grimaced in anger as she stroked his long, dark hair while he continued to struggle, helplessly.

Then she looked straight at 790, grinned, and said two words.

“My Kai!!”

“Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dark Chocolate 4.5

Miss Jean’s door broke open, and Xev tumbled through. Miss Jean and Stanley scrambled hurriedly.

Xev stared blearily, her mind boggling, "What are you doing?"

"Nothing," Miss Jean lied, hiding a copy of "The Compleat Guide to Metaphysics and
Quantum Philosophies of the Dark Zone."

"Nothing at all," Stan agreed, grabbing what appeared to be a diagram of a
Sub-Nuclear Power Propulsion System off the wall.

"I thought you'd be having sex," Xev slurred. She still felt very aroused and
worried, but the wooziness was taking over. Stan grabbed her before she fell.

“She’s been hit by an APEC Ray gun!” Miss Jean noted, then helped Xev to a couch.

Xev kept muttering “Stan...”

“What’s an APEC Ray gun?” Stan asked hurriedly hiding papers.

“It’s an Estrogen energy weapon, that knocks people unconscious.”

Stan finished hiding the evidence, then went to Xev. “I’m here. What happened?”

“A Troll... shot us... I woke, and Kai was gone.”

Miss Jean frowned. “A Troll with an APEC gun? That has to be Micro Mary’s Troll.”

“But that makes no sense.” Stan said. “Micro Mary was helping us by making more protoblood.”

“No.” Xev said. “She somehow recarbonized Kai. He’s alive! But now she kidnapped him. We have to go rescue him, Stan.”

“Hmm, I don’t like this, one bit. I knew everything was going too smoothly. What could she be planning to do with him?” Stan wondered aloud. Then, to Xev, “Well, I don’t know if we’ll succeed, but he is our friend. We’ll try.”

Xev jumped to her feet to hug Stan, and succeeded only in falling on him. Stan looked at Miss Jean, who said “The effects should wear off soon. She’ll be fine in a few minutes.”

“We don’t have a few minutes,” Xev muttered.

Stan looked at Xev, then Miss Jean. “Micro Mary isn’t known to be... dangerous... is she? How about that Troll?”

“I don’t think they’ve hurt anything in the past... but then, they do have Kai.”

“Oh boy. Okay, Xev, lean on me, and we’ll get going.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dark Chocolate 4.6

“Okay, Xev, here we are. Are you sure you’re up to this?”

“Yes, Stan, I’m just a little woozy. I can walk on my own now, thank you.”

Stan looked at the front door to the lab. “Okay, here we go.” And he walked up to the door and opened it...

...releasing a cloud of gas from inside! Stan and Xev were rapidly overcome, and both passed out.

After the pinkish cloud dissipated, Algernon peeked out from inside the lab. Removing his gas mask, he chuckled, grabbed Xev, dragged her inside the lab, and shut the door.

“Micro Mary, we have a guest!”

Micro Mary looked up from Kai. “Oh, an unexpected visitor. Why, thank you for bringing her in, Algernon. But whatever will we do with her?”

“Well, I was thinking, why should I settle for ‘A’ Xev when I could have ‘THE’ Xev?”

“After all, I’m getting ‘THE’ Kai, right?”

Algernon nodded. Grunt walked up, and Algernon gave Xev to him.

“How is Kai coming along?”

“Almost there. Because this isn’t a true lusticon, but a hybrid decarbonizer/lusticon, it’ll take a little while to power up. Come, join me, and watch what happens. After all, you’ll want to know what to expect with Xev.”

Algernon nodded, and followed Micro Mary back to the lusticon.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dark Chocolate 4.7

Stan woke to a kiss. Miss Jean was kneeling next to him. “Wake up. Xev is in danger now, too.”

Stan sat up, still dizzy, “You followed us?”

“Yes, I thought something might happen, so I brought in reinforcements,” she gestured toward Fields of Heather (who was just climbing down off Jade’s back) and then to Valdron and Stardancer. “I’m glad I did.”

“So am I...” Stan stumbled to his feet. “I need to get in there!”

“They will have reset the trap,” Valdron remarked.

“Here...” Miss Jean walked up to the door, and started tapping on the door. Wherever she tapped, the door would light up. Once certain sections on the door were lit, she opened the door, and the trap didn’t go off.

Stan looked at Miss Jean.

“I used to have access to this lab. Seems Micro Mary didn’t erase my access code,” Miss Jean grinned. “My computer access code, assuming it works too, is ‘KaiXev69’.”

“KaiXev69? Why couldn’t it have been StanXev69?” Stan asked.

“Because she was keeping you for herself,” Stardancer grinned. “Here, take this APEC Ray gun.” She handed one to him. “Now go! Rescue your friends.”

“We’ll stand guard out here,” Valdron said firmly.

Stan smiled at them, warmly. “Thank you.” Then, Stan looked into the doorway, hesitated, and walked inside.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dark Chocolate 4.8

Stan sneaked inside Micro Mary’s lab. Kai, still struggling, was strapped down on an operating table, and it looked like a lusticon was hanging over him. Xev was semi-conscious, and Grunt was strapping her down to another operating table. Micro Mary was busy with the lusticon’s power systems, which were warming up, and Algernon was here, too. He was busy glancing between Micro Mary and Xev. Stan spied 790, next to Kai, sobbing in defeat, and Zeta, monitoring the lusticon.

Stan moved to where 790 could see him but nobody else. It took a minute for 790 to notice him. Stan then mouthed to 790, “Computer access code: KaiXev69!”

“Eeeewwwwwwwwwwww!!!” 790 screeched. But at least 790 understood. Just in time, it seemed.

“Power buildup complete,” Micro Mary said. “Time for a little love-slaving!”

790 screeched, “Noooooooooooo!!!” and looked at Zeta, controlling the procedure. Zeta stiffened up, sparks jumping from her body, and fell over backwards. “Yes! It worked!”

Micro Mary saw this, and took action. She jumped for the manual controls to complete the love-slaving process. 790 gasped, unable to stop her. Shaking like a leaf, Stan leveled the APEC Ray gun and fired. Somehow he actually hit her. Micro Mary fell forward onto the controls, and must have hit the power switch, because the lusticon started to quickly power down.

Grunt saw this and charged at Stan. Stan somehow managed to get another shot off, and even managed to hit, but it was only a glancing blow. Still, Grunt toppled right at Stan’s feet.

This was the last Stan saw before Algernon blasted him with another APEC gun. Stunned by the blissful ecstasy, Stan drifted into unconsciousness.

But with the machine powering down, the failsafe mechanisms released Kai. He lounged for his brace. Algernon brought his gun to bear. Kai wasn’t going to make it.

An APEC blast hit Algernon in the back, knocking him unconscious. Kai grabbed his brace, and looked for the source of the blast.

Miss Jean stepped out of the shadows holding an APEC Ray gun.

Just then, Grunt leapt up and attacked with all the viciousness of any troll. Suddenly, a long vine snapped out of the shadows. It caught him around the neck and yanked him back toward Fields of Heather. (His neck was just TOO stiff to break!)

“VALDRON!!!” she yelled.

Valdron moved into play with the exquisite grace he was famous for. At his nod, Fields of Heather released the troll.

A testament to Valdron’s skill, it was over in seconds. Grunt lay dead and bleeding from what seemed like a hundred wounds.

“He should have known better than to mess with Valdron,” Stardancer observed dryly.

“Very true,” Fields of Heather grinned.

Kai looked questioningly at the group.

“I couldn't stay outside,” Miss Jean sighed. “I mean, Stan came in here to rescue you. I had to help him.” She went to Stan and lifted his head off the floor.

Kai went to Xev and untied her. Xev looked around. “Stan saved us? I’ve got to still be dreaming.”

Kai said, “Actually, Stan tried to save us. Miss Jean and these others, DID save us.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dark Chocolate 4.9

As they walked toward the moth (Miss Jean and Stanley apart and arm in arm), in an attempt to explain the Kai-Land mind set, Stardancer said, “Kai, Xev, please don’t think that the others were involved. Most of them would be VERY angry if they knew what Micro Mary and Algernon were planning. The Women of APEC would be horrified if they knew Micro Mary was planning to turn you, Kai, into her own personal LOVE SLAVE!”

“You BET!!!” Fields of Heather interrupted.

“And, Xev, the Men of ORAL would probably STONE Algernon if they knew he planned to complete your love slave programming and then be the first person you saw...”

“We sort of prefer you the way you are, Xev,” Valdron shrugged. Then, with a sly smile, he winked at Xev. She smiled back at him, sweetly.

“I’m STILL tempted to tell everyone! I think they’d string ‘em up!!!” Fields of Heather said, her vines snapping.

Kai and Xev exchanged an intense glance. “We understand that it was only a select few individuals who were responsible,” Kai stated in a quiet voice.

“And if they hadn’t done what they did, Kai and I would never have had the chance to be together at all!” Xev acknowledged with a sensual grin.

“Thank you for being so kind!” Stardancer replied with a wistful smile.

“And here you are, back at your moth.” said Miss Jean.

Stan said goodbye to Stardancer with a long hug, a shy smile and a tender kiss.

Then Stardancer pushed him, gently, toward Miss Jean. “He’s all yours,” she whispered to her friend.

In the distance, the LEXX was no longer eating. The chocolate swamp was only half gone. In time, it would return to its former glory.

“I... I’m really sorry about this.” Stan stumbled over the words.

Miss Jean silenced him with a kiss. “You have to get your friends away from here before someone else tries something like this.”

Kai said, “What about you?”

The foursome exchanged a look of camaraderie. “We’ll stay here. When they discover who it was that helped you, maybe they’ll give us a light sentence. After all, We did it out of love,” Miss Jean stated simply.

“No one saw any of you. And they won’t discover whose code it was,” 790 said.

“Huh?”

“I took the opportunity to erase all traces of that access code being used. I just wish I could have saved that robot body too, but there was no time. Once I had access again, I had to overload it. It was the only way fast enough to save Kai.”

“So they don’t know you were involved...” said Stardancer, happily.

“And nobody, except Grunt, saw us inside the lab. And he’s dead!” continued Fields of Heather.

“That’s great! Thank you, 790,” Miss Jean said, softly, fighting back tears.

“Thank you, for helping save my Kai.”

Valdron and Xev hugged goodbye, then Xev said, “This is all very nice, but, before they wake up, we need to be long gone.”

Kai nodded. “She’s absolutely right!” He drew Stardancer and Fields of Heather into his warm embrace. “It was fun!” he smiled down at them, then, slowly, he released them.

“Let’s go,” Kai said emphatically.

Stan hesitated, looking at Miss Jean. Miss Jean leaped forward, grabbing Stan and kissing him for a long moment. She then let him go, saying, “Remember me... And, PLEASE don’t let the LEXX blow up our planet...!?!”

“Don’t you worry about a thing! I promise, as soon as we get back on board the LEXX, I’ll order him to NEVER harm this planet in ANY way. After all, You’re here...” he took her in his arms one last time, “ and I would never want to do anything to hurt you after you risked everything to help us.” Stan kissed Miss Jean passionately.

"We'll always have Crantioc's Theory of the Big Boom," she said, her eyes misting.

"You're the only woman who ever loved me for my mind," he sighed.

Kai (carrying 790) and Xev boarded the moth.

Stan glanced between the moth and Miss Jean, nodded to her, then climbed into the moth. As the moth took off, Stan waved good-by to Miss Jean. A few minutes later, they were back on board the LEXX.

**********************************************

Miss Jean led the way as the four heroes headed back toward town.

Miss Jean was the first to see Micro Mary and Algernon rushing up to them. “Where are they?” Micro Mary asked. Miss Jean just pointed at the LEXX, as it lifted up out of the swamp.

“He said he had to get his friends out of here. Why? What happened?”

“Damn!” Algernon exclaimed.

“I just don’t see how they could have gotten away,” Micro Mary muttered. “They even managed to kill Grunt...”

As the LEXX flew over them, Micro Mary, depressed (and somewhat petulant), turned and headed back toward her lab. “I just don’t see how...”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dark Chocolate 5.1 Epilogue

The planet Kai dwindled behind the LEXX. On the bridge, Kai was standing very still, as 790 scanned him.

“It’s exactly what I was afraid of. Without Micro Mary’s dark chocolate, you’ll revert to your decarbonized state. From what I can tell, you only have 48 hours left. I’m so sorry, Kai. If only everything had gone according to plan, we’d be together now.”

“It’s okay, 790.” Kai told the robot head. Then, to Xev, he said “I’d rather be dead than a living slave.”

“So what do we do?” Stan asked.

“I don’t know.” Xev replied, “but I don’t want this time we have left to go to waste, Kai.”

“I agree,” Kai smiled at her.

“Ack! You can’t be thinking -”

“790, off!”

Kai, smiling, led Xev off to her bed. Stan sighed, and leaned up against the nerve center. Just then, Xev peeked her head back around the corner.

“What you did down there, that was very brave, Stan.” She said. “Thank you.”
She kissed him on his cheek before running back to Kai.

Stan sighed again, still a little depressed that she wasn’t with him instead, but a bit happier in the knowledge that he had done something right for a change. And so he ordered the LEXX to keep searching the Dark Zone, for a place that they could call home.

A place that HADN’T heard of them...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dark Chocolate 5.2 Epilogue

Micro Mary, Algernon, Stardancer, Valdron, Fields of Heather and Miss Jean stood in front of one of Micro Mary’s machines, unaware that Dgrequeen was standing behind them in the doorway. Micro Mary input a code, and four small, labeled drawers popped out at them. Micro Mary put her hand in the first box, marked DEAD KAI, and pulled out a hair sample, inside a plastic bag, and showed it to the others.

“Well, if I can’t have the real thing, a copy will have to suffice. With the lusticon, he’ll make a perfect servant, too.”

Micro Mary put the hair back. “You did manage to get samples from the others, right?”

“Well, I certainly got my samples...” Valdron said, quietly.

Algernon pulled out a plastic bag from his pocket. “I’ve got my Xev, right here. Several of them, actually... Too bad about the original though.”

Micro Mary nodded as Algernon and Valdron put their bags into the third drawer, marked XEV.

“Stardancer?”

She held up three labeled bags. “I managed to get one sample from Stan and SEVERAL from Kai, both living and undead... I figure there will be a greater demand for Kai clones...” Stardancer replied. She deposited the DEAD KAI bag in the first drawer, the LIVING KAI bag in the second drawer, and the STAN bag in the fourth drawer.

“Fields of Heather?”

“Kai samples, right here!” she responded quickly, holding up her two bags (one LIVING KAI - one DEAD KAI).

“Miss Jean?”

“I was hoping I wouldn’t really need this.” She sighed as she deposited her bag into the fourth drawer marked ‘STAN’. “But since they’re gone...”

“Yep,” Micro Mary nodded, “but since they’re gone... LET THE CLONING BEGIN!!!”

“YES! By all means, let the cloning begin!” Dgrequeen interrupted.

They all whipped around to face her.

“Just make sure I get the FIRST Kai clone...” Dgrequeen continued in a threatening tone, “Otherwise, all of Estrotown will find out how you planned to keep the originals, WITH LOVE SLAVE PROGRAMMING, FOR YOURSELVES!!!”

They all stared in shock!

“HOW?!?” Micro Mary demanded.

“I had a LONG chat with 790... after which I bugged this lab... I knew better than to trust you and Algernon, Micro Mary. BUT YOU THREE... I am VERY disappointed in you Fields of Heather. And YOU, Valdron and Stardancer. At least Miss Jean has the excuse of being head over heels for Stanley, but YOU...” Dgrequeen shook her head in apparent dismay, but her eyes twinkled. After all, if she had the lab bugged, she HAD to know WHO helped the LEXX crew escape...

Stardancer caught on immediately, and responded appropriately, “Well... I just... don’t... don’t know... what to say, Dgre, I’m so... so...” she faked a sob very convincingly, “...ashaaammedd...” she wailed, throwing herself into Valdron’s arms.

Valdron shrugged. “I just wanted a Xev clone,” he said quietly.

“And I just wanted my very own Kai...” Fields of Heather sniffled, her head hung down and her vines drooping in shame.

“GOOD!” Dgre stated emphatically. “Dwell on that for a while...” Dgrequeen turned back to Micro Mary, “ Now I fully understand that You will HAVE to give Kai1 to Queen Remma, but I absolutely insist that MINE be the ACTUAL first clone...” her eyes, hard as agates, spoke volumes, “OR ELSE!!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(Note: This ALSO explains dgrequeen choosing to call her clone MyKai instead of Kai2.)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Final Author’s Note

So...

Now you know the truth about EXACTLY HOW Micro Mary and Algernon got all that DNA to clone our Kai, Xev, and Stan clones...

HHMMMM....

Is that a lynch mob forming over there???

NOW STOP IT!!!

ALL OF YOU!!!

If they HADN'T gotten these silly, crazy ideas into their poor, misguided heads, NONE OF US WOULD HAVE OUR BELOVED CLONES!!!

And I, for one, couldn’t possibly live without MINE...

I’m sure Starglider will feel the same way...

(You HAVE started on that Xev clone he wanted, haven’t you, Micro Mary... ? If you haven’t, I may just have to let that ugly MOB have it’s way....)


Love,
Vig

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

By the way... Starglider DID get that Xev clone. Xev8. I’ve been calling her SweetXev because she’s such a dear. Always willing to help out and all...

We also have 2 790 clones. 790Sixteen is mine and 790Seventeen is Xev8’s.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~




#