Title: The Long Haul

Author: Sonia

Pairing: Warrick/Nick

Rating: R (mostly for language)

Archive: Any slash archive. Just let me know OK?

Spoilers: Stalker

Disclaimer: If I were Bruckheimer I would be living in Queens now would I?

Note: This was inspired by "Overjoyed" by Stevie Wonder. It's not a songfic really. Yet. Hope you enjoy it. Please let me know what you think. Not betaed so if it stinks it's all my fault.

Told from Warrick's POV.

THE LONG HAUL
By Sonia

I have no idea how this happened. I had turned my life around. I was doing good. The job was Ok. That fucking gambling monkey is off my back. Well it hadn't disappeared completely. It never does. It's just goes to sleep for awhile. Like it's had too many bananas and it had to go lay down somewhere.

The point is I was doing all right. Then that damn stalker showed up. What the hell was that all about? Nick is a trouble magnet I guess. A guy was living in the crawl space in his condo, watching him sleep, eat and everything else. How creepy is that? Total psycho. That's when it started. I felt like I had to watch out for him. You know be around in case there's more trouble. It started as watching out for trouble.

Now I just watch him. I watch Nick Stokes. I love to watch him eat, work, do just about anything. I want to spend all the time I can with him. Of course, he thinks I'm just being a good friend. Oh baby I want *so* much more than that. He's got no clue what my game is. I was bisexual before it was a fad. Grissom knows because I was dating a mutual friend when I joined the team. Nobody else does. I'm not hiding it. Well Ok I'm not telling people either. I haven't been with a man in years, so it never came up. Until now.

Now this thing for Nick has a hold of me. Hell, sometimes I feel like I'm not treating him much better than Crane did. I'm thinking things I have no right to think. Things I know he couldn't possibly want. How do you tell a man whose been through that kind of shit, "I want you in my life and in my bed." Especially one that's not "interested"? Damn. All it took was one shower for my life to take a left hand turn onto Fucked Up Street.

*

I was washing off the "remnants and remains" as I call them when he came into the shower. He was still bruised from his encounter with the ground outside of Crane's place but they were fading. I should have known right then that something was up with me. We've showered together for years and I never looked before. I mean, of course, I've seen him naked but not ...nude. He has a great body. Not an ounce of fat with broad shoulders and cut arms. Not flashy just smooth. Just the way I like 'im.

"Hey Nick how you doing today, man?"

He stood under the hot water and started to lather up.

"Good. You?"

"Can't complain. Even if I did who'd care?"

He smiled "I would. That's why I asked, stupid."

It was good to see that smile again.

"Breakfast?"

I hesitated for a minute. I was bone tired. So tired breathing was a chore. This was the first time he had showed an interest in hanging out since he came back to work. All right Rick dig deep for the reserves.

"Sure. T-bone Diner?"

"Yeah. Their steak and eggs are calling me."

"Protein junkie."

"That's me."

We dried off, dressed and headed out when we passed Catherine in the hall way.

"Hey Missy" I said.

"Warrick. You look remarkably clean this morning, considering the case you worked last night."

"Yeah. I figure one of man's greatest inventions was soap."

"True." She turned to Nick and she got that "momma" look on her face.

"Hey you headed ho....out?" Home was still a sensitive subject for Nick. He was hold up in a motel for now. Repairs needed to be made first. Then an exorcism, a ritual cleansing and any other blessing he could think of before he went back. I offered him my place. So did most of the night shift but no dice. He didn't want to be a "burden". Dummy.

"Yeah we're going to the T-Bone. How about it?"

For some reason I was hurt. I wanted him to...myself. Just the two of us. I didn't know why. Honest I really didn't.

Fortunately Catherine begged off. I tried to look neutral about it. I even asked her to reconsider.

"No thanks. I'm in a coma as it is. See you later."

We walked over the diner, talking about nothing in particular. The usual after work bullshit.

Steak, eggs, oj, coffee (unleaded so I can sleep.) and toast. The breakfast of CSIs.

We chewed and slurped in silence until most of our meal was done. I wanted to find out what was really going on with him So I asked.

"So what do they say about your place...you know. Moving back in?" I regretted asking the minute he looked at me. He paled a bit and he may have flinched.

"Two more weeks at least. I don't know what I'm going to do. The department gave me two weeks in the motel. They are going to charge me the regular rate after that. I got to go after Friday." he mumbled.

I was pissed off. He had probably been worried about this for days. I knew him well enough to know that much.

"Nick, man, why didn't you say something! Come stay with me. You know you can, right?"

"I know. I just...it's not easy, you know. I feel like...I don't want to be any more trouble."

He looked so lost. He squirmed a bit and fooled with his napkin. He also stopped eating. Me and my big ass mouth.

"Trouble? You are so wrong about that." I leaned forward trying to catch his eye.

"You've been great through all of this Warrick. Everyone has. I know you were there for me after...I just don't want to..get in the way." He pushed the words out like they were going to burn him.

"Nicky look at me. Please." I poked at his foot with mine.

He looked at me, not in the eyes but it was better.

"You're my friend. We're also teammates. I should have been there to protect you from Crane" He flinched at the mention of his name. I knew there was more. I knew he was sufferin'.

"Nick what are you trying to tell me? What is it?" It seemed like an hour before he let out a breath.

"I have nightmares. Bad ones. I...haven't slept through the night since...I don't want to bother you with all my shit. I can stay at my place in a couple of days. The bedroom will be done and..."

"Hold it. First of all if you didn't have nightmares I would be worried." He tried to cut me off. I held up my hand to stop him. "SECONDLY, you should have someone around maybe it would help. I want to help you, man."

"Warrick..."

"Think about this then. If you stay at your place all you're goin' do is slow those guys down. Do you want that? Maybe the nightmares will ease up once you're in your own bed? Waking up in a generic hotel room every night can't be good, right?"

He smirked "If I wasn't alone then it might be fun."

"What?" Sometimes that boy confuses the hell out of me.

"Waking up in a generic hotel room night after night. It might be fun if I was with somebody."

"I'm ignoring that remark. Look, you'll pack up and come to my place tomorrow after our shift?" I wanted this for some reason. Badly. I could feel this acorn of emotion opening up inside me. Something was happening. I wanted a chance to protect him. Like I should have in the first place. I tried to convince myself that's all it was but deep down I knew better.

"Yeah. Thanks Rick. I won't forget this."

I decided to try to lighten things up a bit. I said "No sweat but first we need to straighten out a few things."

Now he was the confused one. He frowned "Like what?"

"I need some rent money plus a deposit for all the extra food. Just because you're in a bad way doesn't mean you get a free ride." I looked at him dead serious. I was wondering if he was going to take the bait. He didn't disappoint me.

"Shit it will only be for a couple of weeks and I eat out like you do plus you invited me...". He stopped. I could see the wheels turning.

"You fuck!! Kicking a man when he's down." He tossed his napkin at me and laughed. I felt like a knight in shining armour. I was going to able to help him after all.

*

The next afternoon we packed him up and drove over to my place. I haven't lived with someone I wasn't sleeping with in a very very long time. Same for him. It's a whole different set of muscles. We agreed on two things right away. No sleeping naked and no eating in the bathroom. Don't ask about that one.

After we made room for his things, I cooked some breakfast and we watched some TV. When you work nights you end up doing one of two things. You get hooked on soaps and court room reality shows or you tape prime time stuff and watch it in the afternoon. It turns out we're both hooked on Judge Judy and Passions. We conk out at about 1 and sleep til it's time to go to work. That became our routine. It felt good to have someone around again. Someone to laugh with and just be with. He's easy company. I got a kick out helping him out. I felt like a real do gooder. That lasted a week and a half. By the end of one of our "routine" days I was going to feel like a no gooder. One afternoon reality jumped all over my ass.

After some food and Judge Joe Brown it was time for some sleep. He had been quiet all day but nothing to harsh. Sometimes you just don't feel like talking, you know?

"I've got to go, man, I'm beat." I got up off the couch and moved towards the bed. Nick didn't move.

"You're not sleepy?"

"Nah, I'll read or something. I won't make any noise. Promise." He gave me a small grin.

"What's up with you? You've been funky all day."

"Nothing just thinking."

The light went on and the doors opened. Earlier that day, Sara had mentioned his apartment, him going home and shit like that. He must be freaked out. I sat down next to him on the couch. I tapped him on the knee and told him "You can stay here as long as you need to."

For a second he didn't know what I was talking about.

"How did you know I was thinking about that?"

"You're an open book, Kemosabe. Come on, try to get some sleep. We can talk about it tonight if you want." I got up again and stretched out my hand. He took it and levered himself off the sofa. I held on to him for a split second longer than necessary. God his hand felt good in mine. Of course I had to let go before he noticed.

He put on his brave face. "OK I'll give it a try." He made up the bed quickly while I laid down on mine.

I was in the snuggled down sucking your thumb stage of sleep when something tickled my mind. You know how something flashes in your head while you're sleeping but you can't quite get a grip on it. If you try to catch it, you'll wake up all the way. I refused to budge until it happened again. Shit.

I cracked open an eye and looked over to where Nick was suppose to be sleeping. I sat up and looked around. Nothing. Now I was getting worried. The next thought scared the shit out of me. Crane. Fuck he's in jail, right? The next thought after that was where's my piece? I started feeling for it under my pillow.

"Nick? Where are you?"

Bathroom door was open so he wasn't in there. I got up and looked in the kitchen. He was on the floor with his back against the wall. His face was covered with his hands. He was sort of curled up on himself with his knees up. I could tell by the shaking he was in the middle of some heavy shit.

I squatted down on the cold floor next to him.

"Nicky? Why didn't you wake me up?" I wanted to touch him but I wasn't sure it would be welcome.

He snapped at me "I couldn't do that. I'm not a little kid with the Bogeyman after him." To someone else he might have sounded angry but I knew it was fear talking.

"Hey man I'm just saying if you in trouble I'm here."

He started to shake again and some tears started to spill from his eyes. He whispered "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you." He damn near broke my heart with that sentence. He was being chased by the Bogeyman. Only his was real. I put my hand on his shoulder and he took the cue. He wrapped himself around me like a sarong. We were both shirtless so I could feel his skin against me. His chest was pressed to my side trying to find some comfort. I held him for a moment. I rubbed his back and I kissed the top of his head. All the things I had started to think about doing. Under very very different circumstances of course.

Don't go there Rick. He needs you AS A FRIEND not Mr. Lover Man. I knew then I was in deep and taking on water. Fast. I let go first and slipped away from him.

"I'll be right back OK?" The sad little "Yeah" I got in response was almost too much. Bathroom. Cold water. Splash face. Look in mirror. Ask this question of yourself.

"How hot is Hell because that is were you're going you useless sonofabitch. I can't believe I'm getting turned on by his pain? What the hell is the matter with you! Jesus!"

I calmed down with some deep breaths. Nick needs you I thought. For some reason I liked that thought. I took a damp cloth out to him and pressed to his face.

"Can't have you going into work all puffy faced. They'll think I'm beatin' you."

He looked at me and gave a small laugh "I wish you would. It's got to be better than what's happening. Fucking screaming in the middle of the day. Neighbors must be calling the cops right now." He dropped the cloth on his face and put his head back.

"Nah. They're use to strange noises coming out of here."

Removing the cloth "Yeah like what kind?" with a cocked eyebrow.

Danger Warrick Brown. No sex talk not now. "You ready to try this again?"

"Nope, I'm done. I will get off the floor though." He held out his hand and I took it. The heat of his palm against mine did bad things to the nads. Watch it man. You're in your tight whiteys. No way to disguise it if you sprout some wood.

"Well, I'm going back to bed. You OK for now?"

"Yeah. Sorry about this, man. I tried to tell you." He was ducking his head again. I wasn't going to let him get away with that. I shook my finger at him.

"Don't ever apologize about this again. I'm here for the long haul. We'll figure this out."

He looked up. Just then I saw something in his face that I couldn't quite make out. Gratitude, hope and some fear but there was something else. He moved towards me slowly and put his arms around me.

"Thanks. You're a really great friend." I squeezed him back before turning away as quickly as I could. One more hug like that and I was going to embarrass myself. I climbed into my bed thinking, Hell is a vacation spot compared to sleeping seven feet away from Nick Stokes when he is needy, scared shitless, grateful and in his underwear.

Yup. Hell is the Alps in springtime compared to that.

(2)

So that's how I ended up here. That was two days ago and he's still having trouble sleeping. I'm having trouble getting to sleep too but for a very different reason. I have this deep need to keep him safe. If Crane comes after him again,he's going to have a talk with my .45. Of course there's nothing I can do about what's going on in his head. All I can do is not make things worse. I've got to keep these...feelings under wraps for the time being. I don't need to add to his troubles. It's just attraction. A curiosity. Yeah I'm curious about his lips, his hands..on me...everywhere. Ok back off. Lust is dangerous. Lust can get out of control. I know it's more than just lust. It's more than that. The time he's been here, I've gotten to really know him. He's a good man. Nononono. I'm not falling in love with him. I haven't been "in love" since the twelfth grade. Oh God, who the fuck am I trying to fool? It could happen if I let it. He's everything I've ever wanted. He's funny, smart, great at his job with a heart as big as Texas and a very munchable ass..

"OK, soon I'll be writing this shit in a pink diary. Just get some sleep Warrick."

I lay down, still not sleeping and I hear him in the living room. The TV is on just low enough to annoy me. I've got to get out of here. I get up, pull on my jeans and grab my ball. I go into the
living room and get my keys.

"Damn, I'm keeping you up ain't I? I'm sorry, Warrick. Go back to bed. I'll go to a movie or something..." he starts to get dressed.

For some reason I'm mad now. "Don't. Just stay here and relax. I'll go. There's a game at the Y in the afternoons."

"I'll go. I can't run you out of your own place." He's taking the blame for my attitude. Fuck.

"You're not running me out. I just can't sleep." I looked at him and realized I didn't want to leave him here alone and feeling bad.

"Get dressed." I say as I throw the ball at him. "We're going to sweat the heebjeebs out of the both of us."

He grins at me and starts looking for his clothes. It's not a good thing for me to watch him dress. He's been here two weeks and he's gotten more and more comfortable with our living situation. We get home and before I've got the lights on he's naked. Well not naked. He's always shirtlesss now. I've turned up the air conditioning trying to freeze him back into his clothes. It's not working. His nipples could drop off from the cold but he's not budging. Two weeks ago he wouldn't leave the bathroom without being fully clothed. Now he comes out swinging in the breeze. Damn boy have some mercy on me!! I've had my way with myself so much over the last few days, I'm going have to take me out to dinner and a movie soon.

Now he's bending over to get his t-shirt off the floor and in my filthy mind I can imagine slipping into that fine ass. I look away before I do something stupid. My dick is starting to stir again. Ok
the hardon killing thought of the day is my Aunt Bertha in her nightgown. Oh yeah that worked. He's speaking now. Pay attention.

"You sure about this? Last time I pretty much kicked your skinny butt."

"Those bad dreams are making you loopy, son. Never happened."

"You calling me a liar?"

"Always" as I smile at him. He smiles back and I swear an actual spark lights between us. Where the fuck did that come from? It can't be that he likes me? OK I'm sounding like a schoolgirl again. The moment is gone so quickly I feel a breeze past by me.

We are at the door when the phone rings. The hell of being a CSI. Just like cops even though we have shifts we are really on duty 24/7.

"Hold up Nick I better get this."

"Warrick"

"Mr. Brown?" Sounds like a bill collector. Damn it.

"Yeah" I must have sounded annoyed which I was.

"Eh, Sorry to disturb you. I'm Mr. Lasker of JBJ Realty. I have this number as a way of getting in touch with Nick Stokes. Is he there?"

"Just a minute." I hit the hold button. "You know a Lasker from some realty company?"

He moves towards the phone. "Yeah they manage the condo complex. Must be about my apartment." He takes the phone from me.

"Hello. This is Nick Stokes"

He nodded and answered questions "yes" "no" and "thank you". His grip on the phone tighten a few times. This can't be good.

"Whassup?" Please don't let his place be ready. Please.

He turned to me and I saw that pale tight look from a few days ago. "My place is done. They worked double time on it and it's ready."

I said please didn't I? I knew this was coming but not so soon. A few minutes ago I was leaving to get away from him.Then I decided to take him with me. Now I don't want to let him go.

"They want me to take a look at it and sign off on the repairs." He sat down in the chair in the living room. He looked like he was ready to lose his breakfast.

"Have you been over there since..." I don't remember him mentioning it.

"No, I've been living out of a bag for a month. It was a fucking crime scene. I couldn't... Sara packed a bag for me while they ...cleared the scene. I haven't been there since. I guess I should get over there before our shift and take a look."

I put down the basketball. "Come on let's go then" as I open the door.

"You'll take me over there?" he said in a small voice.

"I'm not even going to dignify that question. Of course. The long haul remember?"

He patted me on the shoulder as he passed through the door. "You turning into my best friend you know that?"

"Ok ok don't get all mushy on me." It might sound like I'm blowing him off but I got a huge lump in my throat.

In my car on the way over there we didn't talk at all. The closer we came to his place the harsher his breathing got. Finally I pulled over on a side street about a half a block away.

"Nick come on man calm down. You're hyperventilating". He reaches for the handle of the door with this wild look on his face.

I jump out of my door and chase him down. "Nick!!" He turns around and starts backing away from me. His hands are up in a defensive posture.

"I can't go back there, Warrick. God I can't. He was there for who the fuck knows how long!!! Watching me. In my own fucking home. I can't."

I should have seen this coming but I didn't. Now we're standing in the middle of the street and he's having a major freakout. I need to get him back in the car.

"Ok you don't have to go there. Ever again. Just come back to the car with me. Please baby it's alright. Come on." I got an arm around him and went back to my jeep. Jesus the doors were still open and the motor was running. Lucky this didn't happen downtown. This thing would have been long gone. We closed the doors and I pull away. Nick is somewhere else mentally. He's all hunched over against the door. He looks like a whipped dog,shaking like a leaf. His breathing is still too fast. Now I'm scared. After about ten minutes he still hasn't said a word. I'm thinking maybe a visit to the emergency room at UNLV is in order. I peek at him and he looks a whole lot better than he did when we got back in the car.

He sat up a little. "Where are we going?"

"I don't know. Just driving around."

"Man I'm sorry about..."

"If you say you're sorry one more time I'm gonna..." I make a fist.

"Ok ok." he says with a chuckle. His mood takes a nosedive again. "What am I going to do? I don't think I can live there anymore."

"Maybe it's just too soon." I want to tell him he can stay with me but I can't. I can't have him so near, so close but not with me. Talk about torture.

"Move then. Vegas is a big city. There are a few empty apartments in my building." Smooth Warrick. Real smooth. Just offer him an engagement ring next time.

He turns to me with a funny look like he's considering it.

"I can't move. I own the place. I sunk every penny I had into it."

"You can sell it and get somethng else then."

He snarks at me, "After the neighbors tell all the prospective buyers about what happened. How much do you think I'd get for it? No thanks."

He stops talking and just stares out the window. I hear him shift in his seat a couple of times. The tension is killing me.

"Warrick?"

Finally. "Yeah?"

"I do have another option and I need some feedback. I talked to my folks a few days ago. My dad sort of suggested I cut my losses and go back to Texas. You know, a change of scenery." He's looking square at me,waiting for an answer.

Fuck me gently with an umbrella. How did I not see this coming? I heard him on the phone but...I never thought he would really consider it. What do I say now? My first instinct is to beg him to stay. The first reaction is usually the most risky one.

"What do you think about that?" COPOUT. BULLSHIT ALERT.

He rolls his eyes at me "I'm asking you. What would you do?"

I've got a way out of this one. "Vegas is my home, man. I've got no other place to go. No family that I know of anywhere else so I'm stuck."

He's like a dog with a big juicy bone. He keeps gnawing away. "Ok but what about just taking off? Starting over in LA, San Francisco or Seattle?"

He's pushing me to say something. Something he wants to hear. Something he needs to hear. Sometimes I'm really stupid. Or stubborn. Or both.

"If I was in the same situation as you, I wouldn't do it. He'd win. He'd have taken everything that means something to you. Your job, your friends, everything. Don't let him win Nicky." I'm all tight in my chest. I need to end this conversation. Fast.

"I sort of figured you would say that. I think there is another reason you don't want me to go." he whispered.

Red flag waving. I'm tempted to pretend I didn't hear him.

Trying to keep it light "OK,tell me why I don't want you to go?" I added a phony ass smile.

He doesn't buy it. Not one bit. Now he's pissed off and he has every right to be. "Don't do that, man. You don't *know* what it cost me to say that. Be straight with me OK?"

He's looking away again,out the window at the moonless sky. I'm headed to the station since it's almost time for our shift. I didn't realize we had gotten so far away. My heart is doing the cha cha and I can hardly see. This feels like a game of Truth or Dare gone horribly wrong.

"You're one of my best friends. Of course I don't want you to go. I'd miss you alot." I hope that's enough for him. I take a quick glance and I can see it's not. He knows. Lord he knows. I'm about to lose control of the car. I haven't been this wound up since the day I saw him go through that window.

He leans forward and rest his hand on my arm. "Pull over here. We're both a little crazy right now. If we're going to do this.I need to see your face." I pull over to the shoulder.

"We're going to be late." How lame is that? Like I give a fuck about the job right now.

He looks at the dash clock and says as we come to a stop "No we're not. Plenty of time."

I turned off the engine and put on my hazards. I feel like I drank some novocaine and I'm numb all over. This is not how I pictured this conversation.

He's turned to me fully now. He huffs out a short breath. "Babe, aren't you ever going to make your move?"

"Excuse me?" Now I'm delusional. Great.

"Warrick give it up, man. I've caught you looking at me. I thought I'd freeze to death showing off for you." He gives me a half grin.

I'm so shocked I can't say anything. I can't believe this is happening . I can't think straight. Oh there is a pun for you. Why am I so scared? He knows and apparently he's willing. That is probably what scares the shit out of me. I'm a fuckup in the relationship department. If I hurt him I'll never forgive myself. I've forgotten something haven't I? Oh God, I'm still in the car with Nick!! Shit he's looking at me and he's totally backing off.

"Am I wrong?" His voice is just this side of shaky.

I look in his eyes for the first time since we got back in the car.

"You're not wrong. Nick,look I know the last few weeks have been real shitty and I didn't want to add to the pile. I just...started feeling something...for you and I..."

He puts up his hand in a stop gesture "Wait. You thought the last few weeks were all bad for me? Nota ll bad. The best thing that's come out of all this crap is being with you. You're a great guy and, I hope, a good kisser." The smile on his handsome face lights the inside of my car.

The ball of twine that was inside my stomach was starts to unwind.

"You're not turned off by a man wanting you?"

He shakes his head "Not if it's someone special like you." He reachs up and tugs on one of my dreds. He looks so innocence. I would jump in front of a speeding truck for him at this moment.

"If this works out, I'll talk to you about these." I slap his hand away. We both hestiate. I put my hand on his shoulder then run my fingers through his hair.

"Yours is just right." I move in slowly to give him time to back off. He doesn't. We kiss just enough to make our lips wet. He tastes like pancakes on a Sunday morning. I end it first. I want to make sure.

I put my forehead against his. I'm rubbing the back of his neck now. I feel a little tension in the muscles. We are so close together I have to close my eyes or I'll go cross eyed.

"Yep I was right." He's all red and flustered. He's beautiful.

"About what?"

"Your mouth is a lethal weapon. My dreams aren't as good as the real thing." He dreams about me. I'm not flattered. I don't deserve it.

"Nicky, you're calling the play. Slow, fast or not now. Whatever you want."

He shakes his head which wiggles mine. "I'm so mix up right now. I need to figure things out first. Give me a few days to settle...my life OK? Just promise me you'll be there on the other side."

"The long haul Nicky. I'm going to be here as long as you want me."

It's not the answer I hoped for but it's good enough. Good enough for now.

END PART 2