Date: June 5, 2001

Title: To This Day

Author: L.C. Sulla

Fandom: X-Files
Category: M/K, angst, non-con, PWP, Mulder pov

Rating: NC-17 for graphic non-consensual sexual interaction between two men.

Summery: Mulder recalls the events of his last encounter with Krycek.

**********WARNING**********
This story contains graphic descriptions of non-consensual sex between males. If this upsets you, you know what to do. Delete, delete, delete!
**********WARNING**********

Archive: Yes to: WWOMB, Whispers of X, RATales, Ditb, RatB, Slashing Mulder, xfc-atxc, if any of them want it; all others please ask first.

Disclaimer: All X-Files characters belong to Chris Carter, 1013 Productions, and Fox Broadcasting. No copyright
infringement intended, and no money is being made in this venture. As for the song lyrics, well, I shamelessly pilfered the pantry of R.E.M. - The song is called, "Bang and Blame" from the "Monster" LP. Please, no one sue
me.pretty please?

Feedback: Puh-leaze! Feed me feedback.don't let me starve for input. Don't bother with flames, though; they will only merrily deleted and thoroughly ignored.

Email to: lcsulla2001 @yahoo.com

Author's notes: This is for my fic-sister and co-founder of Dark Rooms, Satina. Hope this tides you over until your computer gets fixed, girl!

Oh, and this appears to be a two-handed Krycek story. Sorry to those fixed on canon, but it seemed to work better for this piece...


***************

To This Day
by L.C. Sulla

***************


If you could see yourself now baby;
It's not my fault you used to be so in control.
You're going to roll right over this one;
Just role me over, let me go
You're laying blame
Take this as a no, no, no, No NO

You bang, bang, bang, bang and bang,
Blame, blame, blame
Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang,
It's not my thing so let it go -


@@@


To this day, I still don't know how it happened. I'm such a light sleeper; no one should be able to breach even the admittedly lax security of a roadside motel without me waking up instantly. Before, I would have thought it insanity to think that anyone could enter my sanctuary and do things to me like the things he did... and for Scully not to
hear, not to come to my rescue. The walls are paper-thin in these places. How could it happen? How could it happen to *me*?

I never know what to do with myself in the hours before I can finally sleep. I'm already halfway to being a chronic
insomniac; I'm lucky if I get five hours of sleep a night at the best of times. But when I'm on a case, especially a case like the one I was on then, where children are being eviscerated in their beds and I seem to be powerless to stop it, it is not unique for me to go days with no more than 15 minutes of shut-eye. So, there are some long hours to fill in, late at night, when I'm alone with my thoughts. I wish I could be like Scully; no matter how awful the crimes we
investigate, she sleeps like a baby at night. Probably because I push her so hard during the day, and sleep is her only respite from my demanding presence.

But that night was different, and I've never been sure why. Did he somehow slip me something to knock me out? Had thefour previous days of sleeplessness simply caught up with me, even though that rarely ever happens in my life? I would tend to guess the former, but I had the bottle of water, which was the only thing I had been drinking
from that day, analyzed when I thought that might be a possibility. Of course it came up clean, and one more of life's little mysteries eluded me. I guess it could be just one of those flukes, I just happened to get tired enough to conk out so solidly I couldn't hear him picking the lock, but my rational mind, the part of me that also wants to deny that I had any part in the proceedings of that night, screams at me otherwise. I think I know deep down that somehow I knew he was coming. I knew, and so my body prepared me through sleep, therefore conveniently making it possible for him to gain access to my body through the weakness that is my unconsciousness.

I remember waking at some point that night, before he came. The room was thick with darkness; the black could have been scooped out with a spoon, impaled and held on a fork. The lack of visual stimuli soothed me, and eased me back to a sleep that would probably not have been physically possible in a dark less solid. The last thing I remember before his tongue was the image of my sister in my sleep-clogged mind. She tends to appear to me on these child cases, I've become used to it now. Call her my inspiration, my muse, or my conscience--she's always
there, ready to send me on.

When I rose to awareness again, I was confused. I wouldn't say I knew something was off, because I didn't; I only
knew that I felt good, and that the dream I had been having was one I was familiar with. I often had such dreams, dreams where he came to me alongside my supervisor and my partner, dreams where I was the center of their sexual
attentions. I remembered these dreams, but they didn't bother me; I had such a nonexistent sex life, I was happy with what I could get, even if they did involved men, which I consider an aberration to my understanding of my own sexuality. My mind seemed able to entertain itself in countless ways, for which I was thankful.

My first clue that something was amiss was the immobility of my arms. They had been raised above my head in a way that is usual for me in sleep, but this time when I tried to bring them down, they wouldn't budge, and the first hint of pain traced its way sensuously from the ropes binding my wrists along the nerve paths in my arms to my
groggy brain. I hissed, more with the fear of being tied down than from the discomfort. Then I became aware of that tongue.

A slow, wet movement along the inside arch of my left foot was the first contact that I was aware of, though there
could have been more before I had awoken. I could feel the coolness of drying saliva on several parts of my body, my calf, and my right hip, just below my left nipple. The stroking of that tongue on my foot was slow and methodical, and sent involuntary shivers up my leg, stopping for a moment at my already rigid cock before moving onward to my mutinous mind.

Shaking the last wisps of sleep from my consciousness, I attempted to assess the situation around me. The room
was lighter than before; the sun must have just then been peeking over the horizon. So when I strained my neck to raise my head, I was able to make out a dark form at the end of my bed.

@@@

If you could see yourself now, baby
The tables are turned,
The whole world hinges on your swings;
Your secret life of indiscreet discretions.
I'd turn the screw and leave the screen,
Don't point your finger -
You know that's not my thing.

@@@

I have to admit it. I panicked. There I was, tied to my lumpy, cheap, sleazy motel-issued bed, with some weirdo
licking my feet. And was sporting a raging erection to boot. What would you have done in such a situation? I should think so.

So I gathered air to my lungs on one great breath, and was about to spill that air hot from my chest, laden with a
shriek, when my assailant anticipated my cry for help. In a movement so swift it would have taken my breath away, the man who had been so sedately lapping at my instep one split-second before launched himself at me, landing with a audible >thud< on my chest and stomach. And that actually *did* force the air from my lungs.

Eyes bugging out of my face, I struggled helplessly to breathe, while the face of my attacker hovered over my nose by less than an inch. I recognized the fucker, and my eyes bugged out even further. I'm sure I must have looked like the F.B.I.'s version of Roger Rabbit by that point. I swear, that the guy didn't get his own eyes poked out by mine is a small miracle in itself.

Momentarily forgetting the struggle to breathe, my face twisted into what must have been a hideous grimace, and I
bucked my body in an attempt to throw my assailant off of me. The man only laughed.

"Oh, Mulder," he said, his evil smile stretching to show straight white teeth. "You don't think it'll be *that* easy, do you?"

Apparently my lungs had just needed a short rest from their heaving attempts to drawn oxygen, for when I next
attempted to gather air into my trachea, it was much easier, and I was able to speak. Sort of. What came out was a breathy squeak, not unlike an exclamation expelled from the mouth of a 14-year-old boy in the throes of puberty.

"KryCEK!" I squealed, instantly and foolishly embarrassed at the sound.

He sniggered.

"Yup. Hi, Mulder. You've got something I want," he whispered seductively, bending to position his hot mouth over my ear canal. The blazing little gusts of air tickled my ear canal, making me wince with the need to poke something down there, maybe a q-tip, maybe a pair of fucking bolt-cutters; it didn't matter to me. All I knew was I couldn't scratch my fucking ear, and a deranged homicidal manic was perched on my naked chest, his ass only inches from my weeping erection.

I could not believe I was still hard. This was Alex Krycek for fuck's sake, for real, not in a dream. The fucking cocky bastard. Rage bloomed fiercely in my chest. Then I made my first mistake.

"You fucking cocksucker! Get off me!" I panted at him, my breath still short. This was a huge mistake, because
if I had just waited long enough for my lungs to recover from his landing, I could have made a *real* call for help, one loud enough to rouse my slumbering partner to come to my assistance. But my comparatively quiet insult seemed to remind Krycek of something he had forgotten; at that point, his eyes opened wide for a moment, and then narrowed again to an evil, menacing, smirking near-squint.

"Ah, thanks for reminding me, Mulder."

He moved only slightly above me, still straddling my chest, and reached behind him; suddenly I was staring directly
into the greased barrel of a Glock.

"I can't believe I almost forgot to set the ground rules, Mulder. Okay. Number one, no calling for help. You do so, you get at best a pistol-whipping upside the head, at worst a bullet in the brain. Number two, no biting."

I narrowed my eyes quizzically at that one.

He paused to let the implication sink in, then continued.

"If I feel even the hint of teeth, the same punishment goes. And number three, you do as I tell you. I can make this very easy, or very hard, Mulder. Just relax and enjoy yourself."

By this point, I was starting to get an idea of what it is I 'had' that he wanted. My heart started to pound, and I broke out in a cold sweat. He was going to... to...

"No," I whispered, unable to keep from letting the fear show on my face.

Krycek's twisted little smile just twisted further. He removed his gun from my face, and laid it, cocked but with
safety engaged, on the bed next to my armpit. If only my hands weren't tied! I shifted underneath him, mind racing for some kind of answer, some kind of way to get out of this. I didn't dare cry out; the glitter in his eyes told me that he wasn't just bluffing about the "punishments" he said he would enact.

My eyes did a quick circuit of the room, as I tried to look anywhere but at him, then they ended up coming at last
to rest reluctantly on his face once more. He was staring at me, that evil little grin still tacked in place.

I finally (and about time, too) felt pure rage suffuse my mind. I addressed him, quietly even though my voice shook
with fury, going by his "rules" just in case. "Krycek. If you so much as fucking *touch* me, I'll rip your head off and shove it so far up your ass that you'll be watching the sunrise out of the hole in your neck."

His smirk never wavered.

"Well, *something* is going to go up *someone's* ass..."

Inside, I quailed. Fuck. He had the control. Fuck! I couldn't even think. All that would come to my mind was the
sensation of his ass on my chest, and my insane, horrible wish for him to move back a foot, so he was sitting directly on my cock.

Slowly, he shifted to my left, pulling his leg over to that side, and I could breathe a little easier with the pressure off my chest. I watched his face with a steadily sinking feeling as his eyes hungrily swept my body head to toe, pausing for a considerable time at my crotch. Finally he smirked at me again. He held eye contact as he reached his hand
out to pluck at the edge of the sheet that covered my naked body.

I couldn't help it; I tried to squirm away from his hand, desperate to keep him from seeing my hard-on. My mind was reminding itself over and over that I had woken up with this erection; it wasn't what he was saying that had given it to me. I was scared shitless; I shouldn't have been hard at all. I had never been with a man. I had no wish to be with a man. Yes, I had gotten hard when I had beaten Krycek before, but I told myself that was because of the power trip that beating a person puts you on. That wasn't much reassurance, though, as I was disgusted by the fact that I could get off on the pain of another, even if it *was* Alex Krycek.

As I attempted to retreat, Krycek merely followed my truant body while it shimmied away from him with his hand, and finally he pulled the sheet down slowly, unmasking my shame. I saw his grin spread to a sickening leer, and watched his eyes light up like polar flares. I turned my face away, horrified. I had no control over my body! This man had all but told me he was going to rape me, and my goddamned penis was fucking whooping it up without a care in the world.

Strong fingers dug painfully into my chin as he pulled my face back towards him. He stared silently into my face, that horrible grin finally having faded slightly, and I began to shake under the ferocity of his gaze. Anger, I thought. I must channel this into anger. So with a jerk of my head, I pulled my face from his grip and turned away from him again. Not much, but it was as much of a rebellion as the bindings and his very real threats allowed.

I lay there silently, waiting for him to grab my face again, hit me, something. But I was not expecting the soft
licking and gentle sucking of my nipple, which was his next move. Reflexively I arched my chest into his mouth before I could stop myself, and a gasp escaped my lips as he took the nub between his teeth. I shook with the fear that he would bite me hard, taking the sensitive bit of flesh right off.

But he surprised me, and simply tongued the nipple, finally releasing it in favour of moving to the other. This time I managed to swallow my hiss of pleasure, biting down mentally on the sensations that racked my body. After a taking my right nipple between his teeth too, he let it go with an audible pop.

My face was still averted, so I didn't know what he was doing until I heard the quiet rustling beside me. I listened intently, not wanting to give into the fear of the unknown, but I couldn't stand not knowing what this maniac was doing next to my exposed body. I kept waiting for the next violating touch to alight, but the seconds ticked by, and when none came, I couldn't help myself. I turned my head back to look at him.

Krycek had taken off his leather jacket and t-shirt, and was in the process of sliding his dusty black jeans off of his legs. He wasn't wearing underwear. God, I thought ridiculously, how could he stand going commando? Ick! But, paradoxically, I felt my cock harden further at the sight. He was bent over at the waist, pulling off his socks, so I couldn't see more than the upper part of his ass and that lean, broad, wide-shouldered back, with its muscles rippling powerfully under his skin as he moved. I realized that I was admiring it, and instantly felt sick to my stomach.

I started when he finally ripped the jeans off his feet all the way and tossed them across the room. His head turned quickly around at the sound of my gasp, and that smile was back. He slowly turned the rest of his body to face me, and sat up on his knees.

My eyes were draw invariably to his crotch. There was no stopping it. I had to see what was very possibly
going to be the first foreign object that had ever been inserted into my anus. Somehow I have always managed to avoid the wonderful prostate exam, and thank God, my parents hadn't believed in rectal thermometers. But when I saw his cock, jutting proudly outwards from his nest of soft, dark pubic hair, my heart fell into my ankles. Fuck. It would rip me in two. He can't do this! *I* can't do this!

His cock was fucking huge, thick and swollen, purpled and bruised-looking in the hazy pre-dawn light. Its head shined with the pre-cum that was leaking steadily from the slit at the top. As I watched, a drop began to descend from the tip, stretching out a thin, gossamer strand, lowering and lowering until it was obvious it was going to land on the edge of my stomach. Finally the almost morbid fascination that had held me still until that point broke, and I began to cringe away from him as far as the bonds allowed. Which wasn't too damn much.

Before I could get anywhere, though, Krycek was straddling my chest again, moving in that silent, lightning-quick way he has. Suddenly I found myself face to face with the erect and dripping penis of my worst, most hated enemy. It bobbed before my face, all but mesmerizing me with fear.

My eyes remained riveted to the waving column of flesh just inches from my mouth, and so when his hand appeared in the corner of my vision, descending steadily to his groin, I hadn't seen it coming. He gripped the base of his penis, pushing it down so that the dripping, swollen head was positioned at my lips.

I tore my eyes from it with a supreme effort, and fixed Krycek with a furious scowl, even though what I felt most was fear and humiliation. His face was slack with what I recognized as lust, eyes shining dully; plump,
sensuous lips slightly apart. His mouth stretched once more into a lazy grin as our gazes met, and I knew then that there was no point in hoping that somehow I would elude this ultimate humiliation. My eyes dropped once more to the penis that was so close to my mouth that I could smell the smoky, musky scent of him, and set my mouth shut stubbornly. There was no hope of getting out of this, but I sure wasn't going down easily.

Krycek seemed to enjoy the prospect of a challenge; he laughed softly at my resistance. Then his cock touched me as he guided it back and forth against my closed mouth, slicking my lips with pre-ejaculate. This he did for what must have been a minute or two, but what felt like hours - hours that threatened to slip into eternity. Then, still gripping his penis by the base, his hips flexed slightly, only slightly, and I felt the rigid steel of that erection digging against my lips and, through them, my teeth as he ground its head against me.

I grunted with the discomfort, and the thrust ended, but his cock didn't leave my lips. He cleared his throat above me.

"Open your mouth."

I shuddered, shaking my head slightly. God, no...I didn't want this monster's penis thrusting into my mouth...in my throat...on my tongue... But when he moved to reach for his pistol again at my continued defiance, I knew it was foolish to resist him. After all, it was just a blowjob, right? It's just flesh in my mouth, and maybe if I got him to come right there, he would be satisfied with raping only my mouth, and leave my ass alone. And that's what really mattered, right? So I opened my mouth.

The second my lips parted, Krycek thrust his cock violently into my mouth as far as he could go, and I had to work hard to keep my gorge from rising. I could feel the thick head butting against the muscles in the back of my throat, and was relieved when he pulled back again to give me a little breathing room. But at the apex of the withdrawal, he rammed that hard length right back in, further than before, which I had not thought possible.

He released his grip from his cock, and threaded his hand through my hair, grasping it in his fist and raising my head off the pillow. He began a steady rhythm, pillaging my mouth and my throat as if he was Gaius Julius Caesar running rampant, claiming all of Gaul for Rome, conquering my face as his fist yanked on my hair like it was a battered and beaten opponent in long and bloody war.

This I suffered for what seemed like hours; the suffering made all the worse by my traitorous body's interest in the matter. His unrestrained plunging and thrusting sent shivers of pleasure straight to my cock, and I was soon thrusting my own hips in time with his movements, searching for friction that was not to be had. Finally Krycek's movements became erratic, and I knew he was approaching climax. I quickly tried to pull my face away, turning it aside, but his grip tightened, and I couldn't get away.

I could feel the little pulses and spasms at the base of his penis on my lips when he buried himself to the hilt in my throat, and a split second later he exploded into my mouth with a grunted, "Fuck, Mulder!"

Jets of hot, bitter fluid hit the back of my mouth, most of his semen pouring directly down my throat, but some washing back to lay the taste of his seed onto my tongue. To keep from choking on what was running down my esophagus, I had to swallow frantically to clear the passage. In the process, what part of it was on my tongue rolled around on my horrified pallet, forcing me to swish Alex Krycek's fucking semen in my mouth like I was sampling a fine wine. Finally, he drew his softening cock back out with a sigh, and I swallowed reflexively what was left, grimacing at the taste and thought of what I was doing. I (loved)hated every second of it.

My eyes were closed, and I preferred to keep it that way; the embarrassment and shame of having to swallow the cum of the man I (wanted)loathed was getting the best of me. I could feel Krycek climbing off my chest again.

"That was great, Mulder, really. I always knew you would make a great cocksucker. Your mouth so hot and wet.and you even swallow!" he said mockingly.

I said nothing, feeling only the heat that suffused my face, hoping he could see it in the gradually lightening room. But he certainly did see something.

"Well, well. What's this? You liked it as much as I did, did you?"

I must have jumped a mile when his hand rested itself gently on my aching cock. He just chuckled, and he began a slow, lazy stroke, his thumb moving up to the catch the drippings at the tip to lubricate my shaft. My hips began to thrust involuntarily into his hand as my body's excitement grew.

'Oh yeah, Mulder, you did like that. Do you want me to reciprocate?" he asked, his voice a low growl.

Inside my head, I was screaming yes, yes, do it now, please! But, thankfully, the words caught in my throat, and all that came out was a pained groan that probably expressed more than the words would have themselves. Krycek laughed again, and after a few agonizing moments, I felt the bed shift and his hand lifted my cock up. Then he was on me, I was in him, in his mouth, and I jerked and shuddered against him, trying for leverage to thrust fully into his hot wet mouth. His tongue swirled around the head of my desperately weeping cock, sucking up my fluids, making me gasp.

This he continued for several moments, when he then stretched out beside me, and pushed his groin against my leg. I froze as I realized what I felt, and I felt my heart take up residence in my big toe again. He was hard. Again.

Oh God, what would he do to me know? I had thought the threat was gone...

@@@

You've got a little worry,
I know it all too well.
I've got your number,
So does every kiss and tell
Who dares to cross your threshold,
Or happens on your way.
Stop laying blame,
You know that's not my thing.

@@@

Krycek, obviously feeling me freeze up, gave a few last laps to my cock, which didn't seem to respond to the perceived threat of that new hard-on pressing into my calf, staying stubbornly excited and erect. He raised his head to look at me, and a sly grin slithered across his features. Meanwhile his hand continued to milk me; pulling me, with my mind kicking and screaming, closer to the inevitable climax. He watched my face as I neared fruition, so I closed my eyes to halt the process of his leering expression crossing into my subconscious.

When I was on the brink he stopped, pulling his hand away gently.I don't think I expected anything different from him. It would have been too easy. There's no way he would ever have let me go without working for it, without suffering his torture. Panting, I kept my eyes screwed shut, willing him to leave, to go, to finish me off, to fucking do *anything*, just so I wouldn't have to lay there and think about what had happened; about how all this flew out of control.

"Turn over."

My eyes snapped open, and the look of fear was so obvious that Krycek actually thought to comfort me.

"It's okay, I'll take it slow. It won't hurt."

His eyes shifted to the side for an instant, and then met mine again.

"Too much," he amended. He paused and started again. "Then it won't hurt at all, and you'll like it. I promise, Mulder."

By now I was all but cringing; I thought I could feel my ass already beginning to ache. To tell the truth, I had no clue what it was going to feel like. I had never let this be done to me before. Not that I hadn't been with men, but in those situations, I had always been the fucker, not the fuckee.

I fixed Krycek with a glare, defiant, hoping against hope that maybe I could influence him to not do this. But he just laughed, a full, throaty sound, and forcibly turned me over himself before I could even gather myself to resist. Desperate ideas of how to escape flitted through my mind, most of which involved using my feet, which were not tied, but I knew that no matter where I kicked him, he would be able to grab the gun just because I couldn' t, and it would only end up aggravating him to no end.

Finally I decided to do nothing; if he was going to rape me, he was going to rape me, and that was it. But maybe he *would* be gentle with me if I didn't resist; he could definitely make it horrifically painful if he chose to. Kicking him in the balls would almost undoubtedly be a shortcut to intense pain, and I didn't want to know what else.

Of course I realize now that under all this mental arguing with myself was a desire to justify my staying still and letting him do this to me. I know now that I wanted it. God help me, I wanted it, and I wanted it from Alex
Krycek, and I couldn't bear for that to be true, so I had to make a cover story for my conscious mind. Is that so horrible? I still can't bear it. To this day I can't believe I let him do it without fighting him more. But, my defense today is that he had wound me up so tightly that I was ready to do anything for release, even face my fears of penetration.

So I struggled against him only half-heartedly as he shoved a pillow under my hips, raising my ass into the air, leaving me exposed to him and his desires. Luckily there had been enough chain between the handcuffs to allow a little slack; that turning over thing could have been rather painful on the wrists. But as it was at that moment, the only thing hurting was my pride. My right cheek was pressed hard into the mattress, and my hips thrust mindlessly into the pillow, finally achieving the friction I had craved.

Seeing me humping desperately, Krycek laughed again.

"Oh, Mulder! Aren't you the little slut." This he punctuated with a stinging slap to my right buttock. I jumped a mile, my yelp of surprise turning quickly into a moan of arousal as the shock and humiliation went straight to my cock.

I was moaning steadily by then; it pains me to admit it. I thrust and thrust and thrust into that pillow, feeling
my exposure deliciously, that stinging warmth on my ass; I humped like I had never humped before, moaning, driven half mad with lust. If he would just get it over with and put it in me! But I couldn't ask, I couldn't...I (did)didn't want this, damnit!

But he didn't seem to be in a hurry.

"So, slutboy, will you give yourself to just anyone like this, or is it just me?" he asked, and I burned with shame. I didn't answer. But his question didn't give pause to my movement; in fact the arousal grew at his continued use of the word "slut", and the thought of giving myself to just anyone, and the thought of giving it to him, Alex Krycek, only him...

When he saw that I wasn't going to answer him, he chuckled once more, and moved off to rummage through his jacket, returning with something that I was hoping was lube.

Finally I felt his hand on me, his slicked fingers slipping between my buttocks, poking teasingly at my hole. A finger would dip in for a moment, just a few millimeters, then it would be gone; then it would be back again, only to veer off again just as quickly. Finally, the next time his finger poked in, I had had it, and I thrust backwards violently, impaling myself on Alex Krycek's index finger and the groan that ripped out of me could have woken the dead, but not Scully, somehow.

The feeling of the finger inside me was strange, but not as of then painful. It caused a light burning sensation, and a feeling of fullness; it was just what I wanted.

Krycek laughed abruptly, but kept his finger still, inside me but not moving, and I was going crazy. Of course that was undoubtedly what he was wanting, because when I began to slowly fuck myself up and down on that digit he began to talk quietly, his voice a growl coming deep from inside his chest.

"Oh yeah, you're a slut, Mulder. You'd give it to anyone, wouldn't you? You'd let any man take you, fuck your mouth, take you up the ass... Or maybe it *is* just me you want. Me, who betrayed you, who you
*think* killed your father...you want me to fuck you again, but fuck you for real this time..."

He inserted another finger on my backstroke, and pain tore a little strip to my brain, but it was over soon, and he crooked his fingers and felt for my... That's it!

Pleasure exploded through my body as he continued to massage my prostate. Krycek chuckled again, then went on.

"Do you let the other agents fuck you, Mulder? Do you suck them off in that basement office of yours? Do they take turns bringing you home? Or do they all do you at once, lining up to get the chance to plow into your tight hole..."

He slipped a third finger into me. I yelped in pain, but kept on backthrusting, stretching myself over Krycek's digits, skewering myself on his hand.

"...maybe taking you on the bathroom floor... How about A.D. Skinner? Does he mine your shaft on occasion? I bet you'd love some *disciplinary action* from him, wouldn't you?"

By then I was all but delirious with arousal, and I thought I was going to go insane if he didn't stick his cock in me. I was about to break, weeping and crying, to beg Krycek to fuck me when he yanked his fingers out of me again. I sobbed quietly at the absence, feeling my rectum attempting already to recover, twitching its way to closure again. I pushed back into vacant air for a moment, searching for him, but suddenly there was something blunt and altogether too big at my anus and, oddly, I froze.

Krycek just laughed at me, laughed at the incongruity of my fucking myself on his fingers, but cringing when his penis came into play. He grabbed my hips then, and shoved.

Despite the stretching, pain ripped through my ass as the head popped into my rectum, and I gasped. He barely gave me a chance to adjust before moving on, sheathing himself with my body in one long, fast, hard thrust. When he was in as far as he could go, he fell over me, panting and obviously fighting for control, and I was glad for the lack of movement so I could wait for the pain to dissipate.

After a couple of moments, Krycek began moving, gliding slowly in and out of me, giving my prostate a good rub with each inward thrust, giving me rhythmic bursts of excruciating pleasure. I tried to shut my mind to the fact that it was him doing this. But I *wanted* to think that it was him doing this. I was confused even as he fucked me. My guilt complex was working overtime as his speed and force increased, as he slammed into me over and over. The sound of skin slapping skin, the feel of his balls hitting my ass as he hit the zenith of each thrust, distracted me. I was getting off on my own confusion, I realize now. I have such a fucked-up mind. But we all know that already, don't we?

"*Yeah*, my little *slut*, you're my *whore*, I want to *fuck* through the *ground*," Krycek grunted, punctuating every couple words with a vicious thrust, sending his penis careening through my soft tissues. I felt him reach around and grab my dripping, desperately swollen cock, and start a fast rhythm on it, in time with his own movements.

With this new, finally direct touch, I raced towards orgasm. After what couldn't have been more than five strokes, I felt the heralding tightness in my balls, and my body finally whip-lashed into a climax like I've never felt before. Every molecule in my body seemed to instantly pool in my crotch only to shoot violently out of my cock. I writhed and moaned my pleasure beneath that pounding body, covering Krycek's hand and the pillow under me with my hot, sticky semen.

I lay there twitching, complacent, as Krycek strained above me, pounding his way in and out of my unresisting body, and he came only scant seconds behind me. His whole body went rigid, and I could feel once again the spasms in his cock as he pumped out his seed to bury it deep inside my body. He gave me a few more half-hearted thrusts, then he collapsed above me, panting breathily into my ear.

We lay there like that for a moment or two, and then he commenced to snuffle soft kisses against my cheek, rubbing and nuzzling his nose into my neck. I stayed silent, eyes closed, absolutely humiliated, to the point of what I felt right then was beyond redemption. I was angry, too, deep down; how did he have the colossal gall to act like this now, after *raping* me for fuck's sake? But my guilty conscience played first violin in this symphony, so I swallowed the little crust of anger, and wallowed instead in the stinking pig's mud of my tattered psyche.

Krycek sighed heavily, and with a final peck on my cheek, he levered himself off me, and I listened as he began to dress himself. I didn't move. I didn't want to. Hopefully he would just go away, and let me torture myself in peace. But, no, that would be too *easy*, right?

After the sound of his dressing, there was a lengthy silence. Finally, when he realized I wasn't going to move, let alone say something, he spoke up.

"There's some information here for you in this envelope on the nightstand, Mulder," he said. Great. He came to give me information, but decides to throw rape into the bargain. Wonderful. What a guy. I couldn't believe he was talking to me like this, especially right after he had said all those things to me while he fucked me. But I stayed silent.

He sighed expansively at my lack of response. Then, "Don't blame yourself for this, Mulder. You didn't have a choice. Remember that."

Ooo, I thought, isn't it nice that he's thinking of my feelings.

All he got from me was more silence. He sighed again. I heard feet approaching the bed, softly, then felt something very light hit the back of my head, and bounce onto the mattress. I finally looked up to see what it was. A handcuff key.

"There," he said. I still wouldn't look at him. I had vowed at that point to never look at him again unless it was to watch as he turned blue under my choking hands, but I really knew even at that moment that I wouldn't greet him with violence next time. At least not that kind of violence.

"I'm not so insensitive that I'd make you yell for Scully to come untie you. I doubt you need that right now."

I didn't respond even then. How nice of him, I thought sarcastically.

"Okay, Mulder. See ya."

And then he was gone. I carefully unlocked myself, and got up to fetch myself a pair of boxers and a t-shirt. I didn't think I was going to be going back to sleep anytime soon. Then I sat on the bed, and thought. And kept on thinking right through to when Scully knocked on my door to let me know she was ready to start work. And then I thought all day, and all through the night.

And now I'm home, a couple of weeks later, and I'm still thinking about it. What would I have done different? How could I have prevented it?

And, worse, would I really *want* to have prevented it?

Finally, the biggest question of all. What will I do when I see Alex Krycek again?

Well, you can bet one thing for sure. What I'm gonna do, he's not gonna be expecting it.

@@@

You kiss on me, tug on me, rub on me, jump on me,
You bang on me, beat on me, hit on me, let go on me...
You let go on me.

@@@

******************************************************

The End.