AUTHOR"S NOTES: These were originally written as our dues for another mailing list. But I've enjoyed reading everyone else's stuff so much, I thought I ought to contribute. Tho you'll probably disagree with that sentiment after reading these. ::grin::
That being said, the motivation behind this exercise in ridiculousness is: I wanna see if I can summarize every episode in limerick form.
Hey! No one ever claimed I was sane!
Anyway, Melanie (Archer) and I brainstormed these together...(yeah, brainstorm...or is that brain damage?) and - since we already sent 'em in for dues, decided to subject^Wshare these with y'all.
So, I need to know. Should I/we continue this? Should I stop now before I hurt someone? Should I stop now before someone hurts me?
::grin::
The Switchman made buildings go "Boom"
Banks and Plummer had gathered a
room
Of experts to seek
And to find - just a peek!
Any ev'dence, as a
deadline did loom.
Now Banks' best detective was Jim
Whose senses had
him on the rim
A grad student named Blair
(Who had long, curly
hair)
Knew just what had happened to him.
The perp was found leading a
junket
On a bus - he's a girl! Who'd'a thunk it??
Blair then popped her
one
And got hold of her gun
While Jim found the bomb and then flung
it.
Jim decided he'd partner with Blair
Which caused Captain Taggart
to stare
Jim said a cadet
Blair'd have to be yet
Blair yelled, "I'm not
cutting my hair!"
Seige
The Limerick
(in seven acts)
A madman named Garrett
Kincaid
Shut down the police of Cascade
He took over the station
With
much devastation
Demands to the gov'nor he made.
"Sun Rise Patriots
have you in thrall
Give me back my men, heed the call!"
Dangled Daryl from
high
Shot Taggart in the thigh
And threatened to kill one and
all.
Blair was in the men's rest
Room to pee in a cup for a
test
Choice of weapons was lean
Stall door, vending 'chine
On a
scaffold, he hid from the rest.
Brought to Kincaid, Blair thought he'd
die
So he spun out a fanciful lie
"I'm a vice cop," he said
"Better
living than dead"
Joel agreed and was kicked in the thigh.
Jim and
Simon came in from the cold
The welds on the door were not old
Up the
stairs they did run
With the cool morphing gun
Their actions incredibly
bold.
In a chopper Kincaid took our Blair
Under feet he found a gun -
flare
Jim and Kincaid did tangle
From a strut they did dangle
Blair
said, "I've flown choppers...Land there."
Banks confronted Jim on the
roof
Jim promised to tell him the truth
Blair said, "Is this day
The
norm? Typical? Hey!"
Jim patted his cheeks like a goof.
The Killers
The Limerick
(in six acts)
Jim knew a young cop,
Danny Choi
He'd known him since he was a boy
With a shot from on
high
In Jim's arms he did die
"It's too late," Blair did say with no
joy.
Jim saw Tommy Juno, a killer
Whose arrest, the DA, it did thrill
her
Jim said, at the BAR
"I saw him from afar"
Jim's statement, with
dread it did fill her.
An alibi came to the front
Jim's words were
knocked out with a punt
From the court Tom went free
Taunted Jim
with great glee
And the Sentinel went out on the hunt.
Juno aimed for
the pretty DA
Jim chased after him to delay
The shot winged her
lair
She was saved by brave Blair
Jim dropped him three floors, there he
lay.
It seemd the good guys, they did win
The killer had paid for his
sin
But old records were found
And then jaws hit the ground
Tommy Juno,
it seemed, had a twin.
Tommy held frightened Bev by her hair
Dead
Dylan sat there, in a chair
They effected a trade
'Til a goof up was
made
So they shot him and got out of there.
The Debt
The Limerick
(in four acts)
Blair's warehouse was in
dismal shape
Where he lived with a Barbary Ape
Named Larry and he
Was
hooked on violent TV
(No, not Blair, I mean Larry! The ape!!)
The
warehouse next door - it went "Boom!"
Throwing Jim, Blair and Lar' 'cross the
room
'Twas a street gang's drug lab
Nothing's left but a dab
Of clues
for the cops to consume.
A good cop was framed by a bad
With a gun
that he thought he still had
Jim knew guilt was put
On a very wrong
foot
And said he would help find the cad.
Blair, in a jacket and
tie
Was guarding an old lady - Why?
She's the good cop's grandma
Raised
him just like his pa
The bad guys were nabbed on the fly.
Cypher
The Limerick
(in five acts)
A serial killer is stalking
Cascade
Becoming each victim he's made
Yellow scarf 'round the
throat
And they drowned, but no boat
In the tub they were left, bare and
daid.
A Fibbie named Bates, he's a shrink
Could determine how killers
did think
"He's becoming each victim"
Blair said. (Bates 'greed with
him)
"After throwing each one in the drink."
"Who am I now" on the
mirror was wrote
By Bates (he's the perp, we should note)
He grabbed Blair
at the loft
Like the wolf, hoft and poft
Blair gone, and the mess, got
Jim's goat.
Blair woke chained in an old dentist's chair
To see Lash
(he's the perp) in fake hair
Blair screamed in his face
Lash picked up the
pace
And before you would know it, drugged Blair.
Jim found them after
a mad dash
Saved Blair, and five times he shot Lash
The next day Blair did
lecture
"You're my 'Blessed Protector'"
Think I'll get a tattoo of a
badge."
Night Train
The Limerick
In the kitchen, Blair made up a brew
To
help Jim get over the flu
It smelled like wet yak
Jim said, "I'll take
none of that"
And into a napkin he blew.
Simon summoned his fav'rite
detective
And gave him a solemn directive
"You and Blair will
maintain
A watch on this night train
Of a witness you will be
protective."
//As watchman, Jim gave Blair his gun
Said, "Let no one
in. No, no one!"
Blair said, "A password?
One that will be heard?"
Jim
said, "I'll just say 'Ellison'"
Because things were proceeding
fast
Jim knew with this cold, he'd not last
Instead of a pill
He took
some SenQuill
His senses took off with a blast.
//The bad guys were
waiting to go
Through the door in a gun waving show,
Our brave Sentinel
did grin
"What jerks - sure I'll win!"
And was thrown by the punks out a
window!!
While Blair to a JD was handcuffed
His attraction was
suitably rebuffed
Poor Jim underneath
The train - gritting
teeth
Remembered some lab tests and was not muffed
Now Sentinel uses
his brain
Banks drives down the tracks like a lane
Jim jumped from the
Jeep
With an inaudible 'EEEP'
And all of the bad guys
restrained.