Fandom The Sentinel

Pairing Jim/Blair/

Rated NC17 for content.

PG at this moment for sex, but it will happen.

Deals with Death and Suicide and life..

Ok to Arcive any place. Just let me know.

I want to thank GreenWoman for her Wonderful stories Treeline

by Bluesky

An urgency rose up in Simon. It had been over 2 hours, since Jim had headed up to the cabin. He was expecting the truck to come down the hill any time. Any time. The weather was getting worse. He doubted that he would be able to make it down the mountain at this point, but a grim fear/hope prevented him from heading back up, to see the results of Jim's visit to Blair.

He closed his eyes. A vision of the two of them, together, healing, whole, thier friendship and love a balm for the rift, the pain, the madness. A veteran of many stakeouts as a rookie, he fell into the alert mindfulness of a cop on watch. Old habits die hard. For a moment he longed for a thermos of coffee, and a pineapple Danish, his staple on many a long night. A fleeting nostalgic wish, dismissed.

He had taken Jim's service revolver. But death could be found so so many ways. A cold fear that had nothing to do with the accumulated ice and slush on the truck. He shifted into 4 wheel mode, and grimly started back up the path, praying that he was not too late, hoping that he would not be intruding, and hoping that somehow he was, that there was something to intrude on.

The weather got worse the higher he got. Finely, he ended up abandoning his tuck, and finished the last 1/4 mile on foot. Grimly, he wondered if he would meet his end in this storm, and Jim and Blair might be the ones that would find his frozen body, That image spurred him on over the last steepest part, the stunted trees offering no shelter as he made his way to the cabin.

The door was unlocked. He opened it without even thinking of knocking.

He found them on the floor, curled like kittens around each other, in a nest of blankets, covered with what he recognized at the blanket from the loft, its tribal patterns tricking his eye for a moment, that there was movement from the two still forms.

Candle's were lite in a circle around them, and a smell of something green and sharp and bitter and earthy rose from an enamel pot, sludge from a tea, perhaps, as there was one mug sitting beside it. Simon let lose a broken sob. "Jesus"

He was too late.

The look on Blair and Jim's face was however far more peaceful than he had seen in along time, perhaps years. What ever they had taken had worked quickly, Painlessly. For a moment he envied their state.

They would not have to do the paper work.

Just to be sure Simon put his fingers to the pulse point on Jim and Blair's neck, to prove to him self that they were gone.

Cool skin gave slightly under his fingers. He left his hand there. His
beliefs in many things had been challenged and questions over the years. The one firm that he had held on to was his believe in God. He had to believe. He bowed his head over the two.

"Lord Jesus, I beg you to take these two into your bosom, and deliver them from the cares of this world. Take care of my children. I can't watch over them any more."

Simon's proud hard face collapsed into itself. He had not cried in a long time. Tears hot and silent rolled off of his face, and dripped on to the peaceful faces below him, under his hand.

Jim's jaw twitched. If he had not been watching he would have missed it. As it was he was not sure, his eyes swimming, glasses off.

A faint pulse. so very very faint from Blair. Iron will and determination.

He counted. 10 seconds. A second pulse. He nearly missed Jim's.

There were alive. But just.

And he had no idea of what to do to help then,

***********

Dappled blue twilight filtered through the lush blue green woods. Stillness. He had half hoped for, feared that this is were they would come to. The place that he had killed Blair before. Were he had saved Blair before.

Blair was with him. Raising his head, looking around, eyes wide with wonder, free for the first time of the haunted pain and emptiness that had filled them for so long.

"Jim? This is the place? Were is the temple?" Blair was questing, looking.

"I have always had to find it. Sometimes I think that it had to find me."

"Do you think that we can stay here? It... It does not hurt. Not here."

"Chief, I don't know if that is a option."

"We agreed that anything was better than the life that we were living. That this might be a chance to fix it. Hit the restart button." Blair grabbed Jim's hand, and for a moment the sensation was like wind, like water, like fine sand sliding between his fingers, elusive and not quite there.

Then the feeling firmed. Blair was real. He was real. This place was as real as he would allow it to be. He followed his Guide, as it seemed that Blair had some purpose in his direction.

The temple was the same as the one that Alex had taken him to. Blair paused briefly before entering. Looking at the carvings that in his former life he would have been esthetic about researching.

"Alex was wrong. Oh she got the formula right. It was the part about seeing the eye of god.. The only way to see the eye of god is to die. We are going to get to see the eye of God. "

"The Vision Tea? Is that what we drank?" Jim was curious. It had not tasted the same.

"A Native American People's version of it. It slows the heart, opens the mind. Stills the body so that your spirit can fly." Blair paused, looking at the sallow stone baths.

"I think that a Guide and a Sentinel were to do this together. You had a Guide. You had some one to focus on. You did not get lost. She did. Ready to take that journey with me Jim? Come on in, the water is fine."

That first time Jim had been alone. Blair was with him now. Floating at his side. Skin brushing his, his warmth nestled into his, drifting and grounded at the same time, his sent, his touch, strands of hair dancing along his body, light warm and silk, teasing reassurance. Heart beat slow, matched to his, breathing an echo of his respiration.

Jim's fingers twined in Blair's, water lapping slightly movement with in movement. Jim could feel the Chi, the body energy flow between them, a slow shifting of souls, one flowing into the other, a conduct of life with in life, the spirit that lived on beyond.

Healing. Communion, Communication. Endless time to share, with out grief or guilt or blame.

"I understand. I know you. You felt that I could not love you. Trust you. Your world was pain, and you could not risk the hope, that you would let go of the safe wall, and that I would fail you. We would fail. You had lost yourself once. You could not do that again."

"I wanted you. I needed you. I could not hurt you. I can't be what you need. I am broken. Not the Guide. Not the healer. Not the friend. Not the Shaman. Not the .. not ever."

"Not the lover? Oh Chief. I have loved you always. You said it yourself. Fear based response. I had to push you back. But you keep coming, back. I did not know what to do without you. I was lost, to you and to myself. To evey one."

"Two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl, year after year?" A touch of a smile in the communication.

"Sing to me and you're a dead man." Affection rich in the message.

"We are dead, you know that, don't you? There was enough of the Vision Tea to kill us. Our hearts will stop. We decided. You agreed. We would do this together."

"We don't have to die. We can go back. It's not too late."

"You do not understand. We have no one to ground us. No one to guide us back. That is part of why Alex never came back. Drums, chanting, singing, connection, a trail of breadcrumbs to lead us back to the gingerbread cabin. The bird.. The crow...Simon was my lifeline last time. He called me back. Made me come back. I would not have the last time. And you are with me now. You can't save us. Its oka. It's All right. We have peace."

"We can have better. We can have love. We can have each other. If we die, even if we do go on to another life, how long do you think till we find each other? What are the chances? What we have is too rare. We have a gift. You told me not to throw this away, believed in me. I know you have been through hell. More than any one should have to go through."

"I don't know. What if we could just stay here.. Stay together.. For all time...."

"Is this your version of heaven? Being with just me,.. Even if that was
allowed, it might get a little old, you think?" A sad sigh. "It is not our time. There is a penalty for an early withdraw. I want to spend what time I am sure of with you. I can hope for more, pray for eternity, but we are needed. We can't do this to Simon. We can't do this to Naomi."

"Simon would be relieved. Mom.. she would burn some sage, go to a few
retreats, get rebirth and a body mud pack, release with love, and get on with her life."

"Some how I doubt that. But even if she could be that enlightened there is Megan, and Rafe, and Joel, I think that Joel would be the hardest hit. You know Tagert thinks that you walk on water. He even started eating tofu and health food due to you. Man lives on donuts and junk food. You helped him. Think about all the people that you have helped all the ones that you can still help. You can help me."

"I can't anymore. There is nothing left." Helpless sad resigned. "Their not real anymore. I am not real anymore. I remember caring, kind of, but it's all been striped away. I am nothing. I have nothing to give anyone. No one truly cares any way."

"I care. I love. You are not nothing. You are my evey thing. You have me. I know that is not much, but it is something. One old beat up Sentinel, in need of a Guide, of you."

"Why could you have not said this before? Before the ..... Dam. Never mind. Death diminishes evey thing. We have nothing left to lose. Nothing to fear. Nothing to gain, or take or win. I am glad that we are together. I am so sorry that the world will lose you. The world needs more guardians. More watchman, more sentinels..."

"More guides. Without you there is no me. You have saved my life as many times if not more than I have saved yours. You have been my teacher, my friend, my roommate, partner and pain in the but. I want that back."

"But we can't go back. We can't.. There is no one to.. guide us. Simon will not be back for weeks."

"Simon is on his way here. I can feel him."

"Shit. He should not have to go through this a third time. Dose he have to see each time I die?"

"Chief, he has seen each time you have lived. He believes in miracles now. Let's not disappoint him.


****

"Simon is waiting for us? " Confusion... A childlike wail of betrayal.

"I saw him as I was coming up. I know that he is going to come up and check on us."

"He is not going to know what to do. "

"Have faith. He has been around us a long time. He has faith. That is all that we can count on."

"It's not going to be any good. This is easy. Going back, It's too hard.. Let me go? Please.. I can't ever be the way I was. I can't go back to the room in the loft, I can't go back to Rainier, I can't go back to being a cop, I can't go back to being your guide..."

"You can come back to being my friend. Every thing else will wait. I need you."

The contact between them was abruptly broken. Severed. Blair was Gone.

And Jim was left alone in the temple, a place that no Sentinel should ever be without a guide.

*******

"Blair! Sandburg! Wake up!" Simon shook the comatose guide's shoulder. Panic. They were not dead. Urgent fear. If he fucked up they would be. It was all on him, and he had to know what to do.

"This is getting to be a bad habit bossman. You're going to get delusions of godhood, keep pulling people back from death."

"What have you two done?"

"Vision Quest. Wanted to go home. Tap your heals together and say there is no place like home. No place likes home... This is so tripy.. Why are there four of you?"

"I am going to kill you Sandburg!"

'Soft dreamy giggle. "You might be too late. I never thanked you for what you have all done. But you never brought me donuts.. Why is that? You bring the best coffee that you can get, but no donuts."

"You DON'T EAT DONUTS Sandburg! Focus! What did you drink?"

"You always liked donuts.. Jim loves buttermilk donuts. And the chocolate ones... he used to come in early just to get the ones that had the most sprinkles.. You know that?"

"Yes.. I did. Jim has been my friend for longer than you can understand. I want to save my friend. I want to save you. You're my friend. Now tell me how to do that before I .... " Simon paused, unsure of what to do or say next.

"It's been hard Simon...But I think that I have been a good influence on you. Remember salt is bad for you. ..."

"Blair.. I am about to lose something very important to me. I need your help. Your my friend, can you help me please?"

"So tired. Come on, There has to be someone better than me. Someone not
broken, not lost, not a pain in the butt. Someone not dead."

"I need you and Jim. Daryl in trouble. You and Jim are the only ones that can help him. I need my best team back. I need them now. Help me Sandburg."

"Help me O-be-one...." Blair looked at Simon with one slanted blue eye. "You suck for Princess Leia. And Jim's right here."

"Where were you Blair? Jim is were ever you just were. I can't reach him. I need him back. I need you back. Tell me what to do!"

"Drum. Sing. Chant. Need a rope to hold on to. Ever see this movie.. With the little girl..."

"Sandburg! Just .. Bring Jim and you Back... That is a order."

"Your deathside manner SO sucks. I will try." And Blair slid his arm once more around the still body of his sentinel, and his heart beat and breathing gradually slowed to match his.

Drum. Simon fumed for a moment, then found an empty pail, and started a slow one handed beat. If the two of them survived this he was going to kill them.

*****

Wolf.

Blair looked at the Gray and black lupine that stood in the path before him. Then that fast it turned and bolted. A last fast look to invite him to follow.. Join,

Shit.

Running. He had not ran.. his leg.. he could ... yes.. he could run. Running. He had forgot what joy there was in running. To open wide up and run, dodging trees and rocks not bullets or badguys.

His eye on the bush tail waving before him, Blair perused. This was
important.

Just outside of the temple the wolf stopped and confronted him. The wolf slowly morphed into a man. An old wise man, a man out of his child hood. The medicine man from a tribe that Blair and his Mom had stayed with for a number of months, and had visited yearly for a number of years after that.

"Greeting Cub."

"Elder Windshaper. Why are you here?"

"I was your teacher. You're first guide. I saw your totem. I know you to be the Wolf. It is time for you to pick up your bundle and be the shaman. You are called."

"It is too late. I am broken. I can't be a shaman."

"Who Are you?"

"I am no one special. Damage goods."

"Who ARE YOU!"

"Blair, Naomi Son."

"WHO ARE YOU?"

"Blair. Apprentice Shaman to the First nation."

"It is time. You have walked a long and tortured path, filled with sharp rocks, vipers and pain. It is time to be the wolf. To live in the now. The past is the past."

"I can't.. you don't understand..."

"You would tell an elder of the First nation that he is wrong?"

Pause. "No."

"What is your duty?'

"Shaman to the tribe."

What IS your Duty?"

"Guide to my sentinel."

"WHAT IS YOUR DUTY?"

"Shaman to my sentinel."

"Do you Duty well, my chosen."

And the elder morphed back into a wolf, and leaped into Blair's heart,
filling the cold empty space that had been there for so long.

*****

Jim was lost, falling. Noting to ground or guide him.

A heart beat. Steady, thumping. Blair?

"Jim? Welcome relief. A hesitant calling. A voice from distance reached him.

"Sandburg.. "

"I am here Big Guy."

Pulled up and away from the shallow water, pulled into a warm embrace.

"Blair. I am glad to see you, Chief. I thought.. I was getting kind of
worried."

"Simon is waiting for us."

"Understood."

"When we get back.. things .. Have to change. I do not know how for sure.. but.. "

"We are going to talk. I am not going to leave you alone, not like what has been happening. "

"I think that it is time to go back now. Pay attention Jim. Do you hear that? Piggy back your hearing to the person and just head back to it."

"Wait." Jim looked down into Blair's eyes. "I want to make sure that you are coming with me." Jim wrapped his arms tightly around Blair's body, his lips descending on a slack mouth. The kiss emerged in stages, the first unbelievable shock, acceptance then participation. "See you on the other side, Chief."

"Try and stop me." Blair chuckled, and the once hollow feeling in his chest was gone.


Post script.

It was getting better. Blair was still at the cabin, But Jim was with him most days. It had been over two weeks, and the therapist that he had made a part of the condition Jim coming back to the force reported favorable in both Jim and Blair's condition.

Simon Leaned back in his chair, the unlit cigar clenched in his hand.

He could have lost them forever. He was lucky. Damn lucky that this time he did not.

He looked at one of the small angels that were scattered around his office, one that his son had given him for Christmas one year, a small boy kneeling and praying. Now I lay me down to sleep.. I pray the lord my soul to keep. If I should Die before I wake, I pray the Lord my Soul to take. A child's prayer. One that he said with Darryl so many times before he claimed that he was too old to have his prayers said with someone..

He had not been kidding when he said that he needed Jim and Blair alive for Daryl sake. If The two of them had had died, there would be a large chance that Daryl would have joined them that way someday.

Simon closed his eyes, and said a little prayer for guides and sentinels every where.

end
Bluesky