Title: The Rest Is Silence
Author/pseudonym: Kel
Fandom: The Sentinel
Paring: Jim Ellison/Blair Sandburg
Rating: G
Status: complete
Archive: WWOMB, yes. Anywhere else, ask first.
E-mail address for feedback: dragonbane4@aol.com
Series/Sequel: No
Other websites:
852 Prospect: http://www.squidge.org/archive/
Mine: http://crystalshard24.tripod.com/sentinelindex.html
Disclaimers: The characters do not belong to me. They belong to Pet Fly Studios. I am making no money from this; I am doing it for sheer love of the characters and my own personal fulfillment.
Notes: THIS IS A DEATH STORY. PLEASE DO NOT READ THIS IF DEATH STORIES UPSET YOU. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED. Dedicated to Lisa, Duncan's Twin. My friend.
Cry, big sister.
Summary: A tragic misunderstanding with dire consequences.
Warnings: THIS IS A DEATH STORY, I say again.
The Rest is Silence
By Kel
Where did it all start to go wrong? We were friends--at least I thought we were friends. I guess I was wrong about that--wrong about everything.
How can one person be so wrong about another? Even when he let me die and brought me back, I knew he cared, at least a little, or he wouldn't have bothered, right?
God, listen to me. Here I am, still defending him. To myself. As my life lay in burning, smoldering ruins around me, I defend him. But even as I think this, there is some part of me that refuses to acknowledge that what I think now is true. I knew him, I knew all of Jim, inside and out, and I refuse to believe that the Sentinel--fuck that, the *man*--that I knew could be capable of this.
But he was.
He supported me through my dreams. I gave up the diss; he supported me through police academy. I got teased about my hair, so I cut it--even though I knew he hated it, he complimented me on it and I think it grew on him. I wanted to be his lover, and he loved me.
He never loved me.
I want to ask him why. I'm afraid to ask him why. Then again I'm afraid not to know. It's like the last piece of the puzzle and then it can end. Everything can end, because he was my everything.
Nobody knows where he is. There's been no answer at the loft, been no answer at the bullpen, not even on his cell phone, and he hasn't been seen for four days. Simon wants to go and look for him but I tell him no, not yet. Let me look first, I know Jim and I know where he will hide when he is hurting. If I find him, it means that all is not lost because he does care. And maybe, we can put our lives back together again.
The first place I go is the loft, because his favorite trick is to turn off the phone. The lock hasn't been changed yet which is strange for Jim, a week and he hasn't changed it. It's locked but my key opens it and as soon as it opens I know that something is terribly, horribly wrong.
The loft is a mess. Ransacked. Shredded, almost. There's barely a clear space on the floor. Only my old room is untouched. I call out his name but no answer. Picking my way to the staircase, I climb the stairs, and I see his arm hanging over the side of the bed. The only way he wouldn't have heard me is if he was zoned out or unconscious, but the closer I get.. oh my God. "Jim No!!"
I see now why his arm was hanging so limply over the side of the bed, I know now why he didn't hear me. He will never hear anything ever again. Never see me again. "Jim." I know he can never hear me again but I shake him by the shoulders anyway as the gun falls out of his hand. "Jim!" Maybe earlier I could have done something but he has left me now. There is a letter with my name on it clutched in his other hand and I pull it out, opening it up to read. Four sentences that I would have given my very soul to hear him speak aloud.
//I lied. I do love you. I can't live without you, Blair. I am so sorry I hurt you.//
"Oh Jim... Jim, no." I am crying now I know, screaming maybe too but I don't care now. I always hated guns and now I know why. First one ended his life, now one will end mine. My note, on the bottom of his, in answer.
//I know. I never doubted you, Jim. I will see you soon.//
Eyes look your last; arms, take your last embrace, and lips, O you, the doors of breath seal with a righteous kiss.. here's to my love, and thus, with a kiss, I die. Cold.. Jim is so cold but soon we'll be together again and I will warm him with my love.
*muffled shot*
The rest is silence.
Kel
Dec. 2001
Dragonbane4@yahoo.com
Sentinel site: http://crystalshard24.tripod.com/sentinelindex.html