Title: Superhero?

Author pseudonym:K9

Type: Humour: Gen (Yeah, yeah...everyone who knows me just fainted!)

Rating: PG13 for a little bad language

Email: K9@internetdump.com

Archive: Only if you seriously feel you must!

Disclaimer: Don't own Jim and Blair, something they're probably deeply grateful for. Petfly and Paramount own them.

Notes: Slight spoiler for episode 'Spare Parts' This is more of a 'What happened next' after the episode ended.

Just a pretty lame snippet, not really a story.

Spell checked but not beta'ed. Written in half an hour when I got bored, so don't expect miracles. I usually take a lot more time over these things

Britspell in operation throughout.

Just talk and teasing!

SUPERHERO

"Okay, say it," Blair urged, seeing a grin spread across Jim's face, "I know she showed them to you. Just say it!"

"You had *such* a cute butt!" Jim smiled, "And such *lovely* dimples!"

"Oh, man, I knew it," Blair swept his hair back off his face, running his fingers through his auburn curls, "I *knew* she'd showed you the naked baby pictures. Oh, man, why does she do this to me? Huh? I'm her only child and she makes it her life's work to humiliate me."

Jim sat back on the sofa, gleefully watching his guide pace to and fro, "Look, Chief, it's no big deal," he smiled.

"So, what other little gems did she treat you to?" Blair said nervously twisting the hem of his shirt in his fingers. "

"What? You mean like the story about the socks down the shorts to make it look like you're packin'?" Jim teased

Blair stopped pacing and looked, wide eyed at his partner, "She told you *that*!" he gasped, "Oh man, how could she tell *you* that?"

Jim guffawed loudly, tears of mirth rolling down his cheeks, "She didn't," he said through sobs of laughter.

"Oh you bastard," Blair sighed, his face flushing, "you low bastard."

"Relax, Chief. Your secret's safe with me. Why don't you go do something you enjoy...wind down a little," Jim said softly, "You can sit backwards on the toilet and flush it to make it go faster if you want," he slipped back into a giggle.

"Oh man, oh man I hate you," Blair growled picking up a cushion and hurling it at the smirking vision in front of him, "I knew this would happen. I'm never gonna live it down am I?" he groaned, "I'm going to get naked butt and sock jokes at the PD and toilet flushing jokes every time I want to use the men's room."

Jim laughed into the cushion that he had clutched to his chest, "Oh, but you were so cute....in a soft pouty kind of way," he taunted, "Funny how some things never change, huh?"

Another cushion flew through the air landing squarely on the Sentinel's mocking face.

"Like it wasn't bad enough getting home to find my best friend and my *Mom* lounging upstairs on *his* bed," Blair stressed eyeing his partner warily, "But then to find the photo album out....oh man, talk about bad karma."

"Will you *relax*? I told you, we were just reminiscing," Jim said.

"But why on your bed, huh?"

"We went up there to try to find *my* old album, and just kind of got comfortable," the older man said innocently.

Blair glared at him, "If you're messing with my Mom, Jim. I swear.." he said leaving the threat hanging in the air.

"I'm not messing with your Mom!" Jim held up his hands in surrender, "On my honour as a Sentinel, we were just talking."

"About me?"

"Yeah," Jim smiled at his friend's discomfort, "Personally I liked the cute five year old with the curls and no front teeth."

"Oh God," Blair dropped heavily down on the other end of the sofa.

"Or the ten year old with the shy smile," Jim said, fondly remembering the photograph of a young Blair, his cheeks flushed with embarrassment at having the camera pointed at him, his big blue eyes wide like a scared rabbit.

"Man, you are doing this on purpose," Blair groaned, "I was a really shy kid with a huge inferiority complex and I hated being photographed."

Jim frowned, "Why?" he asked.

"Why? Jim, I was small, skinny, geeky and I hated the way I looked," Blair shifted uncomfortably at the memories.

"What do you mean?" his partner asked, "I saw a cute kid with curls and a smile to die for. How could you hate that?"

"Because I saw something *way* different," Blair said with a passion, "I hated being smaller than the other guys. I was no good at football....too skinny. Truly *shit* at basketball....too short, and I *hated* my nose..." Blair trailed off as the memory became just too painful.

"Your *nose*?" Jim said with surprise, "Now Chief. I can see how a kid could not like being small or slender, but your nose? Hell, that's about as perfect a nose as a human being can get."

"No. You don't understand," Blair squirmed.

"What?"

"It's dumb. I tell you...you'll laugh..then you'll taunt me with it until the day I die."

"I won't. Just tell me."

"You'll snigger."

"I won't. I promise. This will be a 'no snigger zone'. You have to put me out of my misery," Jim pleaded.

"Hell, I know I'm going to regret this."

"C'mon, Chief."

"Well, when I was about eleven year's old I overheard a couple of older guys talking about...." Blair paused to take a deep breath, "about how the size of a guy's nose is in direct proportion to his..." The younger man stopped rubbing his hand across his rapidly flushing face.

"Of his?" Jim pushed, desperately fighting the smile that screamed to get out.

"Of his...dick.." Blair said at last. "And I remember looking in the mirror and seeing this snub of a nose and thinking..Shit! I'm doomed!" His hands flew in the air as the nervous tension exploded from his body, "I mean, you're talking about a kid entering puberty here and pretty much hating what he sees already. But this, man, this was the last nail in the coffin that contained my confidence."

"So, let me get this straight," Jim began, "You thought, that because you had a small cute nose, you were gonna get a small cute.."

"YES!" Blair said forcefully.

An uneasy silence fell across the room. Blair glared sideways at his partner, daring him to laugh.

"And did you?" Jim said at last.

"Oh, great." Blair bounced from the sofa and began to pace once more, "I said that telling you was a mistake, didn't I?"

"What?" Jim gasped.

"Oh yes, I can just hear all the 'small dick' jokes too. Oh my God I'm *such* a jerk!"

"Would you calm down. You really are a whole package of insecurity, aren't you?" Jim sighed, "Sandburg, when are you going to face the facts that you're not small, you're average in height. You're not skinny, in fact you're quite muscular for your size. You're very good looking, check out the women I have to fight my way through to get in the door some nights. And you have the best personality of anyone I've ever known. How else do you explain the way the people down at the PD treat you? You are the only non-cop who gets that kind of respect.....trust me. All in all, you're a pretty fine package deal." Blair blushed at the compliments, shifting uncomfortably from foot to foot, "Who cares if you like to play superheroes on the toilet? Not me," Jim's face broke into a devastating smile.

"You...bastard!" Blair hurled another cushion at the older man, playfully punching at him. Jim rolled on the sofa, laughter tearing at him.

"You're not going to turn green and rip your shirt are you?" he sniggered.

"No," Blair growled, " but you're gonna turn black and blue pretty soon."

The journey into the PD the next morning was tense to say the least.

"One word, man. I'm warning you, one word," Blair warned.

"I tolshy smile," Jim said, fondly remembering the photograph of a young Blair, his cheeks flushed with embarrassment at having the camera pointed at him, his big blue eyes wide like a scared rabbit.

"Man, you are doing this on purpose," Blair groaned, "I was a really shy kid with a huge inferiority complex and I hated being photographed."

Jim frowned, "Why?" he asked.

"Why? Jim, I was small, skinny, geeky and I hated the way I looked," Blair shifted uncomfortably at the memories.

"What do you mean?" his partner asked, "I saw a cute kid with curls and a smile to die for. How could you hate that?"

"Because I saw something *way* different," Blair said with a passion, "I hated being smaller than the other guys. I was no good at football....too skinny. Truly *shit* at basketball....too short, and I *hated* my nose..." Blair trailed off as the memory became just too painful.

"Your *nose*?" Jim said with surprise, "Now Chief. I can see how a kid could not like being small or slender, but your nose? Hell, that's about as perfect a nose as a human being can get."

"No. You don't understand," Blair squirmed.

"What?"

"It's dumb. I tell you...you'll laugh..then you'll taunt me with it until the day I die."

"I won't. Just tell me."

"You'll snigger."

"I won't. I promise. This will be a 'no snigger zone'. You have to put me out of my misery," Jim pleaded.

"Hell, I know I'm going to regret this."

"C'mon, Chief."

"Well, when I was about eleven year's old I overheard a couple of older guys talking about...." Blair paused to take a deep breath, "about how the size of a guy's nose is in direct proportion to his..." The younger man stopped rubbing his hand across his rapidly flushing face.

"Of his?" Jim pushed, desperately fighting the smile that screamed to get out.

"Of his...dick.." Blair said at last. "And I remember looking in the mirror and seeing this snub of a nose and thinking..Shit! I'm doomed!" His hands flew in the air as the nervous tension exploded from his body, "I mean, you're talking about a kid entering puberty here and pretty much hating what he sees already. But this, man, this was the last nail in the coffin that contained my confidence."

"So, let me get this straight," Jim began, "You thought, that because you had a small cute nose, you were gonna get a small cute.."

"YES!" Blair said forcefully.

An uneasy silence fell across the room. Blair glared sideways at his partner, daring him to laugh.

"And did you?" Jim said at last.

"Oh, great." Blair bounced from the sofa and began to pace once more, "I said that telling you was a mistake, didn't I?"

"What?" Jim gasped.

"Oh yes, I can just hear all the 'small dick' jokes too. Oh my God I'm *such* a jerk!"

"Would you calm down. You really are a whole package of insecurity, aren't you?" Jim sighed, "Sandburg, when are you going to face the facts that you're not small, you're average in height. You're not skinny, in fact you're quite muscular for your size. You're very good looking, check out the women I have to fight my way through to get in the door some nights. And you have the best personality of anyone I've ever known. How else do you explain the way the people down at the PD treat you? You are the only non-cop who gets that kind of respect.....trust me. All in all, you're a pretty fine package deal." Blair blushed at the compliments, shifting uncomfortably from foot to foot, "Who cares if you like to play superheroes on the toilet? Not me," Jim's face broke into a devastating smile.

"You...bastard!" Blair hurled another cushion at the older man, playfully punching at him. Jim rolled on the sofa, laughter tearing at him.

"You're not going to turn green and rip your shirt are you?" he sniggered.

"No," Blair growled, " but you're gonna turn black and blue pretty soon."

The journey into the PD the next morning was tense to say the least.

"One word, man. I'm warning you, one word," Blair warned.

"I told you. Not a word about last night's conversation will pass my lips this morning in or out of the police department. What more can I say?" Jim said with a worrying grin.

"If you value your body parts, you'd better be telling me the truth," the younger man said nervously.

"Relax, Sandburg."

"Hey, Mornin'" Rafe smiled as Jim and Blair entered the bullpen.

"Mornin' Rafe, how's it goin'?" Blair smiled.

"Great!"

Suddenly, Simon Banks stormed from his office, "What's going on out here?" he grouched, "What's that?" He pointed to the space behind the Blair's head. Blair turned and looked with a puzzled frown. "Is it a bird? Is it a plane?" Simon asked. Suddenly the whole bullpen erupted, "No..it's Superman!" Turning around every member of the Major Crimes staff wore a small cape with an 'S' emblazoned on the back.

Blair's mouth fell open and he felt the flush creep from his toes to engulf him, "Ellison. You are a dead man " he growled listening to the elevator close behind him.