Title: Soulmates

Author/pseudonym: Mallory

Email address: mallory13@wanadoo.fr

Rating: NC-17

Pairings: J/B

Status: Complete

Date: 08/28/99

Archive: Yes

Archive author: Yes

Archive email address: Yes

Series/Sequel:

Category: First Times

Author's website: http://www.geocities.com/TelevisionCity/Lot/8376/sentinel/sentinel.html

Disclaimer: All Sentinel things belong to UPN, PetFly, Paramount.

Notes: Thanks to my wonderful beta-reader, Karen.

Summary: In full Sentinel mode, Jim claims Blair his mate in an unexpected way. Soon they discover a new side of their Sentinel/Guide relationship...

Warnings: m/m

(This is a perfect day to go camping) Blair thought as they reached the deep woods. He didn't even know where exactly they were, but he trusted Jim to know where he was going. The road was reduced now to a muddy track and the truck bounced along, but Blair was happily smiling, even if he was starting to feel nauseous.

Jim stopped the truck as they arrived at an opening into the woods. "This will be perfect for us," he said with a smile.

"Great," Blair responded, stretching his sore muscles and jumping out of the truck.

They had decided that they needed a break after all that had happened during these last weeks. After Blair's return from the other world, after all that they had gone through, they needed to be alone together. Blair was slowly beginning to forget Alex and her madness, his own death and his miraculous awakening.

Blair pushed these stressful memories away and looked around him. They were a few dozen miles from Cascade and he had the feeling they were in another world. Jim had brought him to the woods to fish before, but never in that part of the forest. The trees seemed taller and darker, and there was something kind of supernatural in the atmosphere. The silence, after the deafening noise of the city, seemed weird. Blair could hear the birds singing, the wind in the leaves, and the thousand little noises peculiar to nature. He breathed deeply, happy to feel the cool clean air entering his lungs.

He saw Jim rubbing his temples and asked with concern, "Something wrong, big guy?"

"Headache," responded his partner, grinning through the pain, "Since this morning."

"And why didn't you tell me before?" Blair asked with a bit of reproach in his voice. "I've got a wonderful herb that..."

"Chief, you know my opinion about your herbs. I'm going to take an aspirin and..."

"Jim, you know what I think about painkillers for you," Blair objected, opening his bag and looking for his wooden medicinal box. "It's only an herb, Jim, not a drug. It's natural."

Jim sighed. He knew he had lost, as usual. "Okay, Chief, give me your magical cure! It hurts."

Blair smiled, happy for this easy victory, and looked in his bag. He didn't find the exact herb so he quickly mixed two others that had the same curative effect. He vaguely remembered something about one of them, but it was only when he gave the herbal tea to Jim that he remembered that it could have an aphrodisial effect. He smiled to himself. With no woman around, Jim would have very little choice. His hand or... Blair blushed when he thought about Jim stroking himself.

(If only he wasn't so repressed) he mentally sighed. (I'd be glad to help!)

But he knew it was something that'd never happen. He had resigned himself to this for a long time. At the very beginning, he hadn't felt anything but a scientific interest for Jim Ellison, Sentinel of the Great City. Then Jim had begun to have problems with his senses and Blair had felt a true concern for him. Blair had always felt the need to help others, and Jim needed his specific help. And they had become friends, then best friends. They had shared the loft. And Blair had slowly, imperceptibly, fallen in love with his Sentinel. He knew he had no chance with him. Jim was definitely straight. But the Guide couldn't repress his heart. Knowing that he would never be Jim's lover, he had decided to become Jim's guardian angel, anticipating his needs, taking care of him, giving him all the affection he needed without even knowing it.

It wasn't slavery. Blair had freely decided to devote his life to Jim. Jim didn't even know it. Blair didn't see himself as a martyr. He had no choice. He couldn't escape this fact. Each time he had tried to live his own life, to find a girl, he had failed. Each time he had gone back to Jim. It was his fate. His heart and soul were filled with love for Jim Ellison, and he couldn't help but stay with him as long as Jim wanted him to.

Blair let Jim finish the tea and then knelt between Jim's open legs. "Let me rub your temples, Jim, it'll help chase away your headache."

As usual, he needed all his control to avoid blushing when his face came within a few inches of Jim's. He carefully began to massage the older man's temples and his forehead, before reaching the bridge of his nose. He could felt Jim relax under his gentle ministrations.

"The herbs are a lot better than a painkiller," he repeated when he finished.

"But it takes longer," Jim replied, "and you can't do that at work or in the middle of the street."

Blair wasn't going to be defeated so easily. "That's what's going to kill our civilization. There are natural ways to heal, but because they're a little strange, you prefer painkillers. You prefer being slowly poisoned than to be healed with herbs and massages."

Jim laughed. He liked when Blair began one of his speeches about modern civilization.

They quickly put up the tent, large and comfortable, and lit a fire camp, eating their dinner with appetite. Jim was seated on the ground but he felt a little uncomfortable. It wasn't his headache, which had gone away hours ago. It was like he wasn't totally in control. He felt strange sensations throughout his body. He stared at Blair, who was arranging his sleeping bag for the night, and suddenly felt angry. Blair didn't smell like Blair. He smelled of herbal shampoo and soap, mixed with a bit of sweat, his own scent, but there was something else, and Jim frowned. Blair smelled of another woman.

"You saw a girl today?" he asked without being able to stop his question.

Blair stopped his movements and knelt in the tent entrance. "What?" he asked.

"You smell like a female," Jim growled. "I noticed that this afternoon when you arrived. "Who is she?"

Blair opened his mouth then shook his head. He didn't like Jim's angry tone. "Don't take it wrong, big guy, but that's none of your business."

Jim was losing control. A part of him was screaming for help, as another part, the Sentinel part of him, was full of fury. He felt like he was suffering from hallucinations. Part of his mind was here, near the fire camp, near Blair, and the other was... out there. Before his very eyes, he saw things that didn't exist in the present. He saw other Sentinels with other Guides, in other times and other places. He heard drums fallen into dust since time immemorial. He lost himself in these memories of past lives and past times, falling into the collective memory of human kind. He wasn't Jim Ellison anymore, a cop with Cascade P.D., he was a Sentinel in his purest essence.

"Who is she?" he growled rising to his feet.

Blair rose, too, and clenched his fists on his hips. "Hey, man, what's wrong? I can date a girl without your permission!"

"You're mine, Sandburg," Jim growled. "You're mine!"

Blair's eyes opened wide. He didn't know what had happened to Jim but he didn't like it very much. He began to enter the tent, to look for a book or an herb. He had a very bad feeling.

"You're mine, Guide!" Jim growled anew.

He was walking beside him and this time, Blair felt a shiver of fear run along his spine. Something was definitely wrong with Jim. Lit only by the campfire, Jim looked... dangerous.

"How dare you smell like that female?" Jim growled again. "You're mine!"

Blair tried to escape but he was trapped in the tent. Jim grabbed him by the arm, and to Blair's great surprise, began to strip him. Blair reacted vigorously, yelling at the older man, trying to struggle with Jim, but his head hit one of the tent poles, and he was knocked semi unconscious, seeing stars, unable to move. He felt Jim's hands on his clothes, tearing them away, and when he recovered his senses, he was totally naked.

"Jim, for Chris sake, fight this!" he shouted, this time really scared. "It's not you, Jim. Jim!"

But the Sentinel didn't listen to him, and Blair found himself pinned on the ground, on his own sleeping bag, with Jim covering his body. He distinctly heard the sound of a zipper and swallowed nervously.

"Jim, please, listen to me! You don't want this! You're going to hurt me! Please, Jim, don't do this!" the young man begged, struggling with all his strength.

He managed to hit Jim's shoulder, and the stronger man growled with the pain. Blair jumped to his feet but wasn't able to take even one step; Jim was standing up and Blair found himself on his knees, his face in front of Jim's very naked arousal.

He gasped when he saw the size of Jim's shaft. He could never... Blair swallowed nervously, trying desperately to think. Jim was in full Sentinel mode and he was unable to fight him. Jim, for one reason or another, wanted to mark him as his, to claim him his mate, and Blair was unable to stop him. But even if he was deeply in love with Jim, he didn't want to be hurt. So he did the only thing he could think of.

"You're mine!" Jim growled again, his fist clenched in Blair's hair.

"I'm yours," Blair responded. "I'm yours, Jim. Let me show you how I'm yours!"

Slowly, he pulled Jim's pants and boxers further down his legs, and kissed the tip of Jim's cock, before licking it gently. Jim didn't move but a moan escaped his throat. Blair mentally sighed. If he was able to calm down his Sentinel's arousal with just a blowjob, he would be safe.

Tentatively at first, he licked and sucked on Jim's cock before taking it in his mouth as deep as he could, relaxing his throat muscles. His right hand gently began to tease Jim's balls as his left one stroked his friend's muscular ass. Blair knelt comfortably, putting his whole heart into this unexpected blowjob. Jim's moans of pleasure were soft music to his ears and he noticed Jim's hands were now stroking his curly hair.

Blair closed his eyes, totally enjoying now what he was doing. His own cock was rock hard when Jim came in long spurts in his waiting mouth. He swallowed quickly then released his grip on the Sentinel's ass, sitting on his heels and staring at Jim, panting. He knew now he had nothing to fear from the taller man. Jim knelt before him and Blair saw by his dilated pupils that he wasn't himself yet; he was still in Sentinel mode.

He gently pushed Blair onto his sleeping bag and the young man lay back, waiting. Jim lay down beside him and rolled him on his side, Blair's back against his strong chest. Blair was wondering what he wanted to do. Jim's cock was limp, so he couldn't want to take him. He understood when he felt Jim's fist wrapping around his own hard shaft, pumping it with a certain roughness that wasn't disagreeable. Blair arched against Jim, moaning, "Oh yes, Jim, harder, yes, my love..." He came in big spasms in Jim's hand, screaming his beloved Sentinel's name.

He closed his eyes, exhausted by the pleasure, and rolled on his back again, trying to catch some oxygen. He felt something wet and hot on his stomach and stared, stunned, at Jim licking his semen. Then the Sentinel hugged him, and fell asleep on the young man's body, pinning him down to the ground without hurting him. Blair tried to disengage but quickly gave up. After all, sleeping in Jim's arms was one of his best personal fantasies and why would he refuse this unexpected opportunity? He simply wrapped the sleeping bag over Jim's muscled body and hugged the big man, before sliding into a deep and happy sleep.

It was the cold air on his face that made Jim begin to wake up. He blinked but didn't move, trying to remember where he was. In the tent, in his sleeping bag. But something warm was lying almost under him, and Jim's nose was buried in something silky that tickled his nostrils. He concentrated on his sense of smell and identified herbal shampoo, Blair's scent, and sex. Jim frowned and sat up. Blair and sex?

When he saw his very naked friend curled up on the sleeping bag, the events of the previous night flooded his mind and he moaned, "No. Oh please, no!"

He knelt, rubbing his temples, trying to remember. Memories came in flashes, Blair fighting against him, Blair naked, Blair on his knees in front of him, Blair giving him a blowjob. Realization hit Jim full strength. He had forced his partner, his best friend, to have sex with him. He had raped him. Jim briefly closed his eyes, trying to catch his breath. He wondered how he could have lost control to that point.

He stood up and mechanically put his clothes on. Then he looked at Blair, who was still asleep, and monitored his Guide. All seemed fine. Blair's breathing was peaceful and regular and he didn't seem hurt. Jim gently covered him with the sleeping bag, and left the tent. He needed to think. He needed to understand. He needed to be alone.

Blair woke up lazily, smiling sleepily. He didn't know why but he felt wonderful. He stretched, then noticed he was totally naked. He frowned and remembered the previous night. Frightening at the beginning, but what followed had been heaven. Blair had his own ideas about why Jim had acted like that. He looked around the tent and frowned again when he saw he was alone. Jim was gone. Blair sat up with a start, and called, "Jim, where are you?"

No response.

(Think, Sandburg, think,) he ordered himself. (Jim woke up before me. He had to see that we were both naked and in the same sleeping bag, then what? He remembered what happened and...)

Blair literally jumped out of the sleeping bag, and looked for Jim's things. And he noticed a very scary thing. Jim's gun wasn't there. He had taken it the previous day. He always took it when they went on camping, justifying it to Blair by the fact that they were alone in the woods. But now the gun was gone, like Jim.

"I have a very bad feeling about this," Blair said aloud, grabbing his boxers and jeans, and then putting on his socks and shoes at high speed. (He's going to feel so guilty and ashamed that he could do something...) Blair didn't dare to follow his own thoughts.

He ran out of the tent, calling his partner in a shaking voice, running like a madman through the woods, trying to guess where Jim could be. He instinctively ran towards the river, falling a few times on the dew covered ground. The icy morning air was very cold but Blair didn't care. His heart was racing in his chest, and he silently prayed to all the Gods he knew to keep Jim alive.

Out of breath, his heart ready to explode under the pressure, he finally saw Jim seated on a rock on the bank of the river. He rushed towards his friend, calling him.

"Jim!" he yelled when he reached him. He nearly fell on his friend who stared at him with surprise.

"Jim!" Blair repeated, panting too much to say more. "Gimme your gun!"

Jim frowned. "What?" he asked calmly.

"Give me your gun," Blair said again.

"I don't have it," Jim replied trying to understand. "It's in the tent, in my bag."

Blair let himself fall on the ground, calling himself every name he could think of.

"You thought I took the gun?" Jim asked.

Blair nodded. He now realized how he stupid he'd been. He had thought Jim was going to commit suicide because he felt so guilty about last night.

"I don't want to die, Chief," Jim said softly. "Perhaps I want to smash my head against a tree but I don't want to die."

Blair sighed. "We need to talk, Jim."

The Sentinel stared at him, frowning, then exclaimed, "Your lips are blue!"

Blair suddenly realized how cold he was. After his race through the woods he had been warm but now that he wasn't moving he felt the icy air on his naked skin. He shivered. Jim removed his jacket and wrapped it around the younger man's shivering frame.

"Come back to the tent. You're going to get a cold, you idiot!"

"I'm not stupid!" Blair protested between shivers. "I was worried about you! You're so repressed sometimes!"

Jim didn't answer. He wrapped his arm around his Guide's shoulder, trying to keep him warm. They reached the tent and Jim ordered: "Get out of your wet jeans and slide into your sleeping bag."

Blair obeyed. He was cold but his shivering was the result of his fear, too. He had been so afraid he was going to lose Jim! But even in the sleeping bag he continued to shiver.

"Still cold?" Jim asked, kneeling beside him.

"Yeah," Blair answered, "the sleeping bag is cold too. Jim, be a friend, and come in with me."

He could swear Jim was blushing but the older man hugged his guide without further comment. He could feel Blair's cold chest and back through the sleeping bag.

"You're so warm," Blair whispered into his neck.

Jim swallowed nervously. Yesterday he would have just gotten into the sleeping bag with his Guide, hugging him against his warm body without reservation. It wouldn't have been the first time. But now he hesitated. He felt Blair pushing away the sleeping bag to nuzzle against his chest.

"Wait, Chief," he muttered.

His own jeans were wet with dew and he quickly removed them, as well as his shoes and socks. He slid into the sleeping bag and felt reassured when Blair hugged him spontaneously. He rubbed the smaller man's back a bit roughly.

"Better?" he asked.

"Much better," Blair whispered, his face buried in the Sentinel's neck.

They stayed like that until Blair's shivers stopped.

Jim didn't dare move. He felt good, too good, just because Blair's body was against his. He suddenly realized he was losing control. Not as much as the previous evening, but he couldn't help rubbing against Blair.

"Blair," he moaned as his cock became rock hard.

He was too aroused to be stunned by the fact that Blair was reacting to his stroking, pushing against the Sentinel's body. Jim felt frustrated by the layers of material between them and he nearly tore his tee shirt trying to get it off so he could feel his naked skin against Blair's.

"Jim," Blair moaned in response.

He slid his hands between them and tried to pull down their boxers. He didn't want to think, just pushed away the material that bothered him, kicking his into the bottom of the sleeping bag, quickly followed by Jim's. The Sentinel's arms tightened around Blair's waist as their bodies were came fully in contact, rubbing against each other's.

Jim closed his eyes, focusing on his sense of touch, softly moaning as his hard shaft rubbed against Blair's. Part of his mind was enjoying the act but another part, the part that saw himself as a completely straight, heterosexual man, was full of shame and disgust. How could he enjoy rubbing his body against another man's? He looked at Blair but his Guide had closed his eyes and his face was tensed with lust, moist lips parted, calling for a kiss that never came. The voice in his mind that was shouting that he couldn't be, shouldn't be enjoying this vanished as his desire grew stronger and stronger, and he buried his face in Blair's neck as he climaxed, followed by the younger man who cried out his name.

Slowly Jim released his grip, rolling on his side, panting. Now that the Sentinel part in him had faded, he didn't dare move or look at Blair. He just wanted to disappear right now, and to never have to face Blair again. Blair stayed on his back for a few minutes, slowly recovering from one of the most powerful orgasms he had ever known, deeply happy. Now he knew why Jim had acted like that. The night before, he had thought his Sentinel was under the effects of the herbs, but now he was certain that it was something else. And Blair knew what it was.

Blair gently cleaned them both up with a Kleenex, tossing it away. Jim was on his side, his head buried in the sleeping bag, unable to look at his partner.

"Jim, we both need a bath. Come with me to the river," he said softly, pushing away the sleeping bag and grabbing some towels in his bag.

After a little hesitation, Jim did the same thing and soon they were standing on the bank of the river. The sun was up now and the air was a little warmer than earlier in the morning. Shivering, Blair splashed his body with cold water before courageously entering the river. Jim followed him and during the next few minutes, they didn't talk, just rubbing their bodies with soap. Blair looked at Jim's withdrawn face and smiled to himself. He splashed the bigger man with water a few times before Jim reacted.

"Hey, you find this funny?" he growled.

"Very funny," Blair replied, resuming his splashing.

"You're going to get it, Sandburg," Jim growled, splashing his partner back.

As Blair expected they were both laughing in a few minutes and when they eventually went back to the riverbank, Jim was smiling. They quickly dried off and dressed before going back to the tent.

"Coffee, Chief?" Jim asked.

"Sure," Blair replied sitting down on the ground. He waited until Jim had poured coffee to start the discussion.

"We need to talk, Jim," he began.

"I know," Jim cut him. "What I did last evening was unforgivable, Chief, and I don't know how to apologize. I can't explain it. I lost control. One part of me was acting, and the other part was screaming for help."

"Jim, stop feeling guilty," Blair replied. "What happened last night wasn't really a surprise to me, neither was what happened this morning." Jim blushed and Blair took a sip of coffee. "You know, Jim, what happened is perfectly normal. Burton talked about it in one of his books. Apparently, in primitive civilizations, after a few years Sentinel and Guide become lovers."

"Will you repeat that?" Jim asked, stunned.

"Lovers, Jim. Burton doesn't explain why, if it's a genetic bond, or just because they become so close they felt the necessity to share everything, to become as close as they could."

"Why the Hell didn't you tell me about that?" Jim shouted, standing up, fists clenched on his hips.

Blair chewed his lower lip and, standing up, began to pace in front of the tent. "I didn't discover it at the very beginning. It's only last year I found that book of Burton's. It's very rare; I found it in an antique shop. When I read it, I understood some things better. But I thought you were so... straight there was no risk of it."

"Why didn't you talk to me about it?" Jim repeated.

Blair hesitated. "'Cause I was frightened."

"Of me? I frightened you?" Jim asked, surprised. "Did I ever hurt you, Sandburg?"

"Jim, try to understand," Blair pleaded. "Try to picture your reaction if I had told you, 'hey, man, we're going to become lovers sooner or later.' You'd have killed me! No, really, I didn't want to lose your friendship or your trust just for something I didn't think was going to happen."

Jim could hear the sincerity behind Blair's words.

"About what's happened last night," Blair resumed, sitting down, "there is an explanation. The herb I gave for your headache can have aphrodisial effects. I never thought it was going to turn you on like that, of course, and..."

"So it's because of that herb," Jim interrupted him. "It's only because of that herb."

"Jim, do you sometimes have needs, feelings that you want to talk about?" Blair asked. "'Cause, I don't think it's only the herb."

Jim swallowed. He would never acknowledge that sometimes, when he stared at his Guide, he had flashes of unexpected thoughts. He couldn't tell him that sometimes when he stared at his sensual mouth or his riotous curls he felt a jolt of pure lust go through his body. "Never, Chief. I think your Burton is wrong. What happened last night was only because of that damned herb. Next time I'll take an aspirin." Jim concluded firmly.

"If you think so," Blair answered, not daring to ask what had caused the episode earlier in the morning.

"Chief, I really want to apologize for what happened," Jim began, his cheeks flushing.

"Look, big guy, it's not the first time I've done that," Blair lied. "What happened last night was a bit weird, but it didn't traumatize me."

Jim stared at him with wide eyes. "You mean, it's not the first time..." he babbled.

"When I was in my early twenties, I was a little wild," Blair smiled. "I did a lot of things. So you can stop feeling guilty. Period."

Jim nodded. He preferred that. Even if to think of a young Blair with other men made him very uncomfortable. (Say the word, Ellison) he thought. (Jealous.)

A few weeks later...

Jim tried to breathe. As the air entered his lungs he felt better but the lust was still there, uncontrollable. Last night it had been worse. Alone in his bed, he had stroked himself roughly until he came, Blair's name on his lips. Blair hadn't been in the loft. When he had come home early in the morning, Jim could smell a woman's scent on him. And he had seen red. How dare he? He had needed all his control to stay quiet and finish his breakfast. But now it was unbearable. He wanted Blair.

They had never talked again about what had happened in the forest. They had gone on living as if nothing had ever happened. But now there was a kind of secret between them and Jim found himself avoiding even touching his guide. He was too afraid of losing control again.

Blair was seated on the couch reading a book, as usual, underlining some passages.

"Chief," Jim began. His heart was pounding in his chest and he had a painful hard on.

"Yeah, Jim? Something wrong?" Blair asked, looking at him. His eyes lowered and he saw the enormous bulge in the other man's pants.

"Chief, I can't..." Jim said, close to tears. "Help me!"

Blair stood up, chewing his lower lip. "It's a full moon today, Jim. It explains why you're like this. One month ago, when we went on camping, it was full moon too."

"I don't care if it's full moon or not. I need... I need you. I'm almost out of control."

Blair stretched his hand. "Come with me."

Jim followed his Guide. He couldn't help but focus on Blair's ass as lusty thoughts went through his mind. They went to Blair's bedroom and the young man shut the curtains. In the half-light, Blair pushed the Sentinel onto his bed and Jim didn't protest. The urge in his body was too much for him. One more time, Ellison's part in Jim was fading, replaced by a pure Sentinel mind.

Jim felt Blair's hands on his fly and moaned. When Blair's hot mouth wrapped around his hard cock he nearly came. He sank back onto his elbows, adjusting his vision on Blair in the semi-darkness, watching as if hypnotized, Blair's mouth moving up and down on his shaft. He shouted Blair's name as he came, sending his semen into his Guide's mouth. Panting, he collapsed on the bed.

Eyes closed, he felt Blair lightly kissing him on the cheek, "Go shower, Jim," he whispered gently.

The Sentinel couldn't leave his Guide. He could smell his arousal; he could see in his eyes that he wasn't satisfied. This was wrong. He wanted his Guide to be satisfied.

Jim slowly pushed Blair on the bed, and then slid along his body and reaching his waist, he quickly unfastened his fly, freeing the young man's aching cock. He took it in his mouth, licking and sucking hard on it, sending Blair over the edge. Blair was too aroused and came quickly in his Sentinel's mouth, crying his name.

The Sentinel straightened his clothes before exiting the bedroom. He quickly showered, rubbing his body hard with the soap, trying to wash away what just happened. Now that he was himself again, he felt ashamed. He had the feeling he had reverted to the animal state. Closing his eyes, he let the water running on his body as silent tears ran on his face.

They had made an arrangement. That hadn't been easy. Jim was too ashamed of his needs, but Blair was stubborn. He had trapped Jim in the bathroom the next morning until the taller man agreed to talk.

"You need this release," Blair had argued leaning against the shower wall. "You can't fight this. So I propose a deal. Did you read Jean Auel's 'Clan of the Cave Bear'?"

"No," Jim had replied, frowning. "And I don't see..."

"In this book about prehistoric clans," Blair had cut him, "when a man wants to have sex with a woman, he makes a codified gesture. That's what I suggest you do. When you feel the need arise in your body, you make the gesture, and I'll help you."

"I don't want to be helped, Sandburg," Jim had protested, "I want this to stop. I want some medicine to stop this!"

Blair shook his head. "I have nothing to offer to you."

Jim hesitated a few seconds, playing with his towel, before asking. "What about you?"

For the first time, Blair had lowered his eyes. "Don't worry about me, big guy. I can take care of myself."

Jim finally accepted the situation. But each time it happened, he fought against his own body to avoid the humiliation of coming to Blair, putting a hand on his shoulder and asking for help. Blair never failed to help him and each time Jim wondered how the young man could be aroused. But he never failed to satisfy him. It was his job as a Sentinel to make sure his Guide was happy.

Blair entered the room and said abruptly, "I finished my dissertation today."

Jim stared at him, frowning. "And... ?"

"And? Try to understand, Jim. If I've finished my diss, that means I'm going to leave you. I'm not going to stay with you in the loft for my whole life."

"But Chief, I thought we were friends," Jim objected as panic invaded his mind.

"Of course we're friends, Jim," Blair replied with a smile. "But you didn't think I was going to spend my whole life studying Sentinels, did you? You were a nice subject, Jim, and a great opportunity for my diss."

"Only that?" Jim asked, panicked.

"No, of course not," Blair answered. "You were a good friend. But now, I have to move on. I'm not going to spend my life here. I have career prospects, you know. With a diss like mine, I can do a lot of things."

"So you're going to leave Cascade?" Jim asked, his heart as cold as stone.

"Yeah. I've received an interesting offer from Columbia University. You know what I'm saying here? Columbia University! New York City!"

"This isn't you, Blair," Jim protested. "You're not interested in fame or money."

"What?" Blair exclaimed, laughing. "Between fame and money and you, I'm not going to hesitate, Jim. Bye, big guy!"

"Blair!"

Jim stretched his arms towards his friend, but Blair vanished and Jim woke up suddenly, panting and crying.

He laid back down on the bed; slowly realizing that it was only a nightmare. He heard a soft knock against the wall and said, "Come in, Chief."

Blair climbed the last steps and entered the room. "Are you okay, Jim? I heard you screaming." he asked with concern.

"I had a nightmare, nothing else," Jim replied, running his hand over his forehead.

Blair walked into the room, and sat down on the bed. "Want to talk?" he asked.

"No. Yes. I... Chief, I need you," Jim began without realizing that he used the 'codified' words.

"Now, Jim?" Blair replied sighing. "It's late, man, and I'm tired."

"No... Blair, that's not what I want," Jim reassured him. "I just want you to... to put your arms around me!"

Blair smiled and hugged him, shivering in the cold air.

"Cold, Chief?" Jim asked, his mouth buried in his Guide's neck.

"Frozen," Blair replied shivering.

"Come under the covers with me."

Blair obeyed greedily, still hugging the bigger man. They laid down together in each other arms, Jim's head on Blair's shoulder.

"Quiet, Jim, nothing is going to happen," he said in guide voice. "I'm here, with you."

"Will you stay with me?" Jim asked suddenly.

"Of course."

"Even if you finish you diss?" Jim asked again. He feared the response but he needed to know.

Blair sighed softly and stroked his Sentinel's hair. "Jim, have you never thought that my diss might be finished in five secs? I've enough material and facts to write at least five dissertations."

"So why..." Jim asked, raising his head.

Blair smiled. "Well, I need time to decide what type of font I want to use, the color of the first page, the... I don't want to finish my diss. I like my current life. If I finish my diss, Simon will revoke my status, and I'll have to find another guy to borrow."

Jim heard the soft music of Blair's words telling him he wasn't going to give him up and relaxed, putting his head back on Blair's shoulder. His Guide wasn't going to leave him. That was what mattered. Slowly, gently, he kissed Blair's neck before sliding back into a deep sleep. Blair quickly followed him, happy to sleep for the first time with his Sentinel.

The next day, Blair had to leave very early and left Jim sleeping. At Rainier, he met an old friend of his, Daniel Jackson, a former academic who was now working for the Army. He was with his lover, Jack, a tall, seductive man. They talked over coffee. Daniel was just in town for a few hours, he had spent many happy years at Rainier before going to another university.

Blair was pretty happy to see his old friend again, but his heart was sad when he saw the two men hand in hand, smiling at each other. If only Jim could do that! But Jim was ashamed of his needs, which weren't feelings, but only purely physical needs. Blair had a bitter taste in his mouth when he left his friend. Last night he had thought that something was about to change when Jim had slept in his arms. But now, in the daylight, he couldn't help but think that Jim would never be that human with him. Jim, as a Sentinel, had needs. Blair had hoped that these needs could evolve into a true love, but he was wrong. Jim was too ashamed about his needs to even think it might be love.

Alone in his office, Blair opened Burton's book again, reading the same lines, hoping that he was wrong and Burton was right.

(The Sentinel and his Guide) Blair read again (begin to feel attracted to each other after a few years. They first feel a physical need to be as close as possible. But every time, in each case observed, they feel love for each other and begin a love relationship, even if they're both of the same sex.)

Blair sighed. Love. What Jim seemed to be feeling was far from love.

~~*~~
When Jim awoke the first thing he felt was the lack of his Guide's heartbeat. Blair was gone. Jim frowned and hurried into Blair's lair to see if his Guide's things were still there. They were. Jim sighed in relief. It had only been a horrible nightmare. He still had his Guide. Jim washed quickly and hurried to the kitchen for the breakfast. He missed Blair and his endless chat. Jim poured himself some coffee and began to think to his nightmare. He was scared of losing Blair in his dreams, just as he was scared to lose him in real life.

This wasn't the first time he had felt this strange emotion. Last time... last time was with Carolyn, before their wedding. He was so in love with her he had feared he was going to lose her. Jim frowned. He had been in love with Carolyn. But this time he wasn't in love with Blair. So why did he feel this fear? Blair was his best friend, his Guide, but he wasn't... Jim slowly put the mug on the table as realization hit him. His feelings, his fears, his attitude, were the ones of a man in love. He was in love with Blair.

He couldn't imagine his life without the young man. He remembered their first encounter. He'd felt comfortable with him since the very beginning. And soon he had adopted the attitude of the Blessed Protector. He could never tolerate someone hurting his Guide.

He had thought it was friendship. He was wrong. It was love. He was in love with Blair Sandburg.

And he had never told him.

Jim sighed and tried to put some order in his thoughts. He wasn't exactly the kind of guy who spent entire days anylyzing his thoughts and feelings. It was more Blair's thing than his. But today he had to do it and it was hard. He poured another mug of coffee and tried to imagine what was going to change if Blair and he became... lovers. The word almost shocked him. Lovers. He had never imagined he could fall in love with a man. He had nothing against gay people, but he had never thought he could become one of them.

(Okay, man, let's see what bothers you. If you become Blair's lover does it bother you if people know you've turned gay?) Jim tried to be honest with himself, and answered that yes, it would bother him. He wasn't ready to be considered gay. But on the other hand, a lot of people, including people at the station, already believed that they were lovers: living together, working together, Jim becoming mad each time something or someone threatened his partner. And Jim Ellison wasn't the kind of man to be too concerned about other people's opinions. Moreover, they didn't have to shout it from the rooftops that they were lovers. There was no reason anyone had to know their relationship had changed.

(So,) he thought, (what's going to happen if Blair and I become lovers? Apart from the physical thing? Nothing,) he answered. They couldn't be closer. If they became lovers nothing would drastically change in their everyday life. They would still live together as a couple. Jim laughed. They lived closer than a lot of married people. Usually married people didn't work together.

But when Jim thought of Blair and himself as a couple, his heart leapt in his chest. He pushed sexual thoughts of Blair's body out of his mind, concentrating on the idea of being Blair's soulmate. It was like coming home. Like the previous night when they had slept in each other's arms. It hadn't been about sex or lust, it had been about love and trust.

But Jim's comforting thoughts faded when he realized that he didn't know if Blair was in love with him.

So why did his Guide agree to help him? Why was he so aroused each time? Did he feel the same need that Jim did? Was it that thing Blair had talked, about the need for Sentinel and Guide to become lovers sooner or later? Was it only genetic? Perhaps Blair didn't feel anything for him. Perhaps it was just physical.

Jim sighed and picked up his truck keys. The situation couldn't stay like this. He had to talk to Blair, talk about their feelings. And the sooner the better.

~~*~~
Jim was watching TV when he heard Blair coming home. He turned towards his roommate, and asked cheerfully, "Good day?"

Jim had mentally prepared himself all day, even when he was talking to Simon or Megan about current cases. Digging deep inside himself he had found the courage to speak to Blair but he knew he had to do it now, before before they settled into their normal evening-rut. Blair growled some answer and Jim stopped him, "What's wrong, Chief?"

"Nothing," Blair replied dryly resuming his path to the stairs.

Blair was sick with jealousy. He would die for the chance to be with Jim as Daniel and Jack were, hugging each other, kissing, walking hand in hand.

"Chief, talk to me," Jim asked in a low voice.

Blair was tired of always having to be the nice one. He was tired of always being the perfect Guide. "You're in need?" he asked dryly.

Jim shook his head. "No. I just asked you..."

"If you need sex, just say it!" Blair replied in a harsh tone.

Jim stood up and faced his irritated Guide. "Chief, what's wrong?" he repeated, concerned.

"I'm tired, Jim," Blair flared back. "I'm tired of only being your slut!"

Jim swallowed nervously. He could feel his Guide's distress. He breathed deeply and said softly, "I love you, Chief. I love you, Blair Sandburg. I never saw you as my slut. I'm just a stupid repressed cop who's unable to express his feelings."

Blair stared at him, lips parted. He hadn't expected such a declaration. He saw what Jim himself wasn't conscious of. His proud Sentinel had just opened his heart. Jim was standing naked in front of him, heart and soul bared, totally vulnerable. He saw Jim's nervousness, his fearof being rejected. Blair didn't smile. He just said, "I love you, Jim Ellison. With all my heart and all my soul."

Jim opened his arms to the young man, and Blair, after a few seconds, threw himself into Jim's waiting arms. They hugged each other in silence, just enjoying the feeling of being as close as they could, until Jim smelled Blair's salty tears.

"Why are you crying, Chief?"

"Cause I'm happy!" Blair hiccupped.

They stared at each other and Jim gently wiped away Blair's tears. He wanted to kiss him but a sudden shyness held him back.

"Chief," he began, a bit embarrassed, "since you're more experienced than I am..."

"You mean with men?" Blair asked.

"Yeah."

"My experience is the same as yours," Blair said softly.

"But you told me..."

"I told you that to help you. I didn't want you to be more embarrassed than you were," Blair explained. "But I've never been with a man before you."

Jim took a deep breath, wondering how he could deserve such a kind-hearted Guide. Slowly he leaned forward until his lips touched Blair's. He felt the young man shivering as his arms wrapped around the Sentinel's neck. Their lips met and Jim tightened his embrace. Blair parted his lips allowing entrance to the soft and warm tongue that was tracing his lips. Jim moaned against the other man's mouth.

The Sentinel had never expected so many sensations from only one kiss. He dialed up his sense of touch, smell and taste, grabbing handfuls of Blair's hair between his long fingers, playing with the silky curls as his tongue tasted the rich flavors of Blair's mouth. He was nearly intoxicated by the complex scents that were coming from Blair's hair and skin, a mix of herbal shampoo and musk, with a bit of vanilla.

Blair closed his eyes and was lost in the kiss. He hugged Jim as close as he could, wanting his whole body to be in contact with the Sentinel's. This had very little to do with lust and sex. This was pure love. Blair experienced for the first time being in Jim's arms, nuzzling against him. He had the feeling that he was in the right place in the universe. Jim's fierce kiss was like honey to him.

When they broke their embrace they were panting. Jim, like Blair, had the deep feeling that now things were right, that now they were on the right track. They didn't talk about this but their eyes met and all was said when both blue pupils, azure blue for Jim, blue-green for Blair, met.

They stayed in each other's arms a few minutes before Jim proposed, "How about we go camping?"

"At this hour?" Blair replied, looking through the windows. "It's nearly dark."

"Are you afraid to be alone in the woods after dark with me?" Jim teased him.

"Don't be stupid," Blair replied in the same tone. "But we're going to have to be fast to get our things packed."

"The first one who's ready wins the right to kiss the other," Jim teased him again before rushing up to his own bedroom.

"Hey wait! That's not fair!" Blair protested following him. "You know I need time to pack my books..."

"You don't need books." Jim replied from his bedroom. "I'm almost ready!"

Surprisingly it was Blair who was ready first. When Jim appeared in the living room, he looked at his watch.

"Seems I win a kiss!" Blair smiled, "and I want my prize now!"

"I'm yours, Chief," Jim smiled back, letting his bag fall to the floor.

Blair took him in his arms and kissed him deeply, ravaging the older man's mouth, sliding his fingers through Jim's hair, hugging him tightly. Jim had to pull away, panting, "Hey, Chief, are you in need?" he asked with a smile.

"In need of you," Blair replied in a husky voice.

Jim smiled at him without answering and they worked smoothly together to secure the apartment and carry their belongings out to the truck as quickly as they could. Jim drove; he could see better in the dark due to his Sentinel abilities and they were both eager to reach their campsite. They both knew without discussing it that they were heading for the place where it had all begun.

When they reached the clearing in the woods where they had camped on that momentous occasion they quickly put up the tent and Blair lit a fire before it, and laid out his sleeping bag to sit, and perhaps more...

He blushed at the thoughts that invaded his mind. He was a little nervous about what was going to transpire before the night was over. It was one thing to give Jim blowjobs and to receive them in turn; it was another thing to make love with him. It would be much more intimate than their previous physical-only encounters. And Blair was a little anxious; he wanted it to be perfect for Jim.

(Relax,) he said to himself. (It's not a test. You're not going to be graded. You're only going to make love to the man you love more than life itself. We'll have plenty of time to improve.)

They quietly ate their dinner, chatting as if nothing had changed between them. But each time their eyes met, they stopped talking and smiled at each other. After dinner, Jim helped Blair arrange their things, before sitting down on the sleeping bag in front of the fire.

"Sit down beside me, Chief."

"I'd like to, Big Guy, but you're occupying all the space," Blair replied.

Jim smiled and taking Blair by the hand, he made him sit between his open legs. Blair relaxed against Jim's body, enjoying the taller man's strong arms around his frame. He was totally happy. Jim did love him. Jim was in love with him. Blair moved a little, facing Jim, then buried his face in the other man's neck, laying a trail of kisses towards his ear. He felt Jim shivering and smiled, before lightly sucking on Jim's earlobe. This time, Jim grabbed him by the shoulders and kissed him, rolling both of them on the ground. Blair greedily wrapped his arms around Jim.

"I want to make love to you," Jim whispered.

"Is it a need or a desire, Jim?" Blair asked seriously.

"Both. I feel the need, but it's not like the previous times. It's different. It's stronger and not so strong at the same time. It's deeper. It's like the need was sublimated by the love I feel for you."

"Sublimated?" Blair repeated.

"Don't laugh at me, Chief," Jim replied a little embarrassed. "It's not a word I use in everyday speech, but it's the only one that described what I feel right now."

Blair only smiled in response and kissed the older man. Slowly, almost shyly, they began to strip each other. This wouldn't be the first time they would be fully naked in front of each other. Two men can't live together with only one bathroom without seeing each other naked at some point. Jim had never been shy about his body, and the army didn't allow its members to be prudish. Blair, at the very beginning, had been a little more modest in front of his partner's perfect frame. But he had soon lost his his shyness. The day he had been able to step out of the shower skyclad while Jim was shaving, he had let go of his natural sense of modesty.

The furtive encounters of the last few weeks didn't count now. It was as if they had never been intimate before. This was their real first time, the one they would remember in the future. And it was beautiful.

Slowly Jim's gaze ran over his Guide's body. They both knew, without even asking, that Jim would be the top. It didn't bother Blair. They both felt it was the right way. Gently, Jim hugged the younger man before taking both his wrists in one hand and lifting Blair's arms over his head. Blair raised one brow, curious to know what Jim was going to do. Slowly the Sentinel leaned against his Guide, before burying his nose in Blair's armpit.

(The pheromones) Blair thought. (He's attracted by my pheromones.)

He blushed when he felt Jim's lips against the soft fur under his arms. But he soon realized that Jim was zoning out on his sense of smell, and gently pulled him away.

"Stay with me, lover," he whispered.

Jim left a trail of kisses from Blair's armpit to his nipples and they were both rock hard when he pulled away. They began to rub against each other, but soon Jim stopped moving.

"I want you," he whispered in a husky voice.

Suddenly Blair realized he had totally forgotten something.

"The lube," he whined. "I forgot it!"

"I brought it," Jim replied quietly. "That's why I was the last to finish packing my things."

They both laughed softly, and ran their hands over the other's body. Jim didn't really know how to act. He had learned with Carolyn the sensitive spots of a woman's body. But with Blair it was totally different and he tried to remember where he, as a man, liked to be touched. He let his mouth slide to Blair's nipples, which seemed very sensitive, and was rewarded by a soft moan. Then he let his instincts lead him and devoured Blair's torso with hungry kisses. His hands were softly stroking Blair's inner thighs, another sensitive place on the young man's body.

Blair couldn't believe he was really there, Jim's hands and lips running all over his body, arousing him as never before.

"Jim," he moaned.

He pushed the older man onto his back, dying to touch him, dying to explore that perfect body he had never before been allowed to stroke. And now it was all his. Blair almost lost himself in the sight of Jim's dimly lit muscled body, before his hands and tongue went into action. Jim was amazed by the eargerness of Blair's actions. He relaxed under Blair's ministrations, wondering how the young man knew exactly where to touch him to drive him crazy.

"Blair," he moaned.

Panting they faced each other, knowing that their union was close. Jim picked up the tube of lube from his bag, and opened it.

"I don't really know what to do, Chief," he whispered.

"Trust your instincts," Blair replied in the same tone.

Jim coated his fingers with the lube, and then buried his hand between Blair's thighs, circling the hidden opening into the young man's body, before slowly pushing one finger inside. The younger man rolled on his back, raising his legs until his knees touched his chest, giving full access to Jim. The Sentinel felt a rush of desire in his cock when he saw Blair, so vulnerable and adorable, fully open to him, and slid another finger into Blair's puckered opening. Another one quickly followed and the Guide moaned as Jim hit a very sensitive point.

"Take me now, lover," Blair begged.

Jim withdrew his fingers, and put more lube on his hard cock, before quickly cleaning his fingers with a tissue. When Blair saw his partner was ready, he turned himself over onto his hands and knees, pillowing his head on his crossed arms, offering his trembling bottom to Jim's desire, trusting Jim to enter him without hurting him.

Jim knelt behind Blair; gently stroking the younger's man bottom, before grabbing him more firmly and pushing his cock into Blair's body. They both moaned with pleasure, Blair overwhelmed by the feeling of Jim's hard member filling his tight channel, Jim consumed by pleasure as he felt his cock surrounded by Blair's tighteness and heat. He thrust into him tentatively at first, then more quickly when he heard Blair's moans of pleasure, until they were both overwhelmed by a spiral of pure lust, Jim burying himself to the balls in Blair, Blair pushing back against his lover, trying to take more of him into himself.

Jim wrapped his fist around his Guide's weeping cock and pumped hard on it, remembering that Blair liked some roughness in the gesture. Blair had closed his eyes, totally focused on the wonderful sensations coursing through his body. He had never experienced such pleasure, not even on the famous night when he had twin sisters in his bed. The love he felt for Jim made the difference.

Feeling their climax approaching, Jim tightened his hand on Blair's hard shaft, and sped up his thrusts, sending both of them over the edge. He shot his semen deep into Blair's heat, as Blair's seed splashed over his hand. They both came at the same time, crying each other's name, then stayed connected, unable to move or to speak, panting, trying to catch their breath.

Eventually Jim withdrew from Blair and fell onto the sleeping bag, taking Blair in his arms. And suddenly they burst into laughter, hugging each other.

"Wow," Blair just said.

"It's good we're alone here. We'd have probably woke up the whole neighborhood. If we'd shouted like that in the loft the neighbors would have called the cops." Blair laughed as Jim added, "Perhaps we should try a gag at the loft."

"Hey," Blair protested, "I don't want to be gagged. I need to talk when I make love."

"You need to talk all the time, Chief," Jim teased him. "But I was speaking for me."

He smiled wolfishly at his lover and Blair licked his lips, picturing a naked, bound and gagged Jim lying on his bed, entirely at his mercy.

"A penny for your thoughts, Chief," Jim said.

"I'll tell you... when I buy the gag and the ropes," Blair replied kissing his lover on the lips.

Noticing that Blair was now shivering, Jim wrapped the sleeping bag around them, hugging his sleepy lover tightly, stroking the curly hair, until he heard the regular breathing that indicated Blair was asleep, exhausted. Jim's body was tired too, but his mind was alert and he wondered how he could be so happy just being with his lover. He looked at the stars above his head; even the shining little points seemed friendlier now.

He had the strong feeling that now he would never be out of control like he had been during their first night in that place. He had accepted the fact he loved his Guide; he had accepted the fact that it was the right thing for them to be lovers, and now his mind was at peace. He had the feeling of being home from a long and hard trip, an inner trip that had begun three years ago when a young, curly headed man had revealed to him he was a Sentinel. He had accepted finally that Jim Ellison wouldn't be alone anymore, but would be Blair Sandburg's soulmate for now and forever.

Jim was too sleepy to notice two tiny shadows next to the campfire. The wolf and the panther stayed a few seconds, side by side, before vanishing in the cool air of the night.

They had spent a wonderful weekend; the weather had been rainy and they had spent most of their time in the tent, loving each other with increasing eagerness. Now they were back at the loft and Jim wondered how they were going to organize their new life.

They entered the loft hand in hand, Blair fighting to keep his eyes open. He mechanically started to enter his bedroom when Jim's hand stopped him.

"Where are you going?" the Sentinel asked softly.

"My bedroom. I'm exhausted." Blair replied yawning from tiredness.

Jim embraced him, and cupped the younger man's chin in his palm. "I thought that... we could sleep together!" His voice was barely a whisper. He feared that now they were home, Blair had changed his mind. But the smile that lit up the smaller man's face reassured him.

"Tonight?" Blair asked, full of hope.

"Tonight and all the tonights," Jim replied.

It was like a vow between them, as if they had decided to become engaged.

"Let me get a tee-shirt and a pair of boxers," Blair said.

"You won't need them," Jim answered with a smile. Blair smiled in return.

Later, when night had fallen on Cascade, two men were asleep in their bedroom, the smaller one snuggled against the larger, the taller one's face buried in the smaller one's curls. Their breath and heartbeat were in sync and they were dreaming of the same jungle shrouded in mist, of the same panther and wolf bonded together, fighting side by side. Their heart and mind were at peace. They had arrived at their fate. They were soulmates.