TITLE: THREE LITTLE WORDS 9: A SILENT ROAR

AUTHOR: PEJA

FANDOM: the Sentinel

Pairing: Jim/Rafe/Blair, discussed

Rating: PG

Summary: Blair discovers he's not as strong as he would like to be

Feedback: Do you really have to ask?

Email: daltonavon@yahoo.com

Archive: To the WWOMB. Others ask so I know where its at and I'll agree as long as the entire series, on the WWOMB, is included.

Author's Note: Some people have said this story is violent. I personally don't see it, but just in case...."Ye who enter here, abandon all hope...."

Soft mewling cries pried Rafe's eyes open. A quick glance at the bedside clock confirmed the lateness of the hour. Turning his head, he assured himself that Jim was deep in sleep beside him, his fingers twisted around a fistful of russet curls. Blair lie curled up tight against the big man's chest, his head pillowed on one muscular shoulder, a hand draped across Jim's chest.

A sad smile curved Rafe's lips at the sight of the possessive clench.

His thoughts turned when young BJ hurled a second, more robust reminder that he was not the most patient of people.

Sighing, Rafe shoved the light blanket off and stumbled, half awake, into the kitchen. His hand batted through the fridge until he recognized the filled and waiting bottle. Blurry-eyed, he ran a pot of water and turned on the gas. He set the bottle in the water to warm and, waking more with each step, scooped the squalling child from his cradle and made quick work of the damp pamper, murmuring nonsense words as he worked.

With babe in arms, he retraced his steps to the kitchen area, did a quick wash-up, checked the warming bottle and shut off the flame.

He made a silent return trip to the front room, sighing as he settled with the child into the soft cushioned rocker. The child's cries quieted quickly enough once the bottle was in his mouth. He suckled noisily, small arms failing the air.

Rafe smiled down on the boy. "You are a lucky little man, Blair Jacob. Life is so easy for you, isn't it?"

Blue eyes blinked up at him and the babe gurgled around the nipple.

"Just wish I could say the same for those two in there." Rafe sighed. "Your daddy loves that little bullshitter he named you for."

The babe cooed an answer.

"Oh, don't get me wrong, Blair Jacob. I know he cares about me too, but not the kind of love that makes a man step in front of a bullet for ya. Not the kind of love that makes a man want to live out his days with another man." Rafe shoved the chair into a rocking motion. "And that dad of yours. I never saw such a stubborn ass in all my life." He blushed, looking down at the curious face. "Sorry about that nasty word, BJ. Don't tell daddy on me, okay?"

The baby curled his fist around one of Rafe's fingers.

Rafe chuckled. "Thanks little fella. Knew I could count on you. I'm going to need you to help me if we can't get things unsnarled, you know? Your dad, he's getting bad, kid. I don't know what else to do for him. He needs Blair to bring him back before we all lose him." A shuddering sigh shook him. "Before we lose them both."

Rafe continued to rock, staring into the darkness. "God, it feels good to be able to talk to someone about this, Blair Jacob. Even someone who doesn't understand. Can't talk back to me. I just need to be able to talk." A tear broke from his lashes, carrying the pain of the world in that one sparse drop. "I don't know what I can do to make this all better. I don't want to be the reason you lose you dad, little guy. I don't want to see Blair throw himself away on men who don't give a damn about him."

"Rafe...?"

Dark eyes jolted up to spear Blair standing in the doorway. the reptilian side of his brain quickly noticed the unzipped jeans hugging narrow hips, and the dark curls that peeked teasingly from the gold teeth. he gave himself a mental shake and sighed.

"You should be sleeping."

"I heard voices." Blair moved slowly into the middle of the room, blue eyes curious on the bundle in Rafe's arms. "So...That's Jim's ....." He blushed, sending his gaze careening off the dark walls.

"Jim's son, Blair." Rafe said softly. "He's Jim's son."

Blair nodded jerkily. "Yeah.

Rafe set the bottle aside and rose. "Want to hold him?"

"No!" Blair shouted, backing away with arms raised before him.

Rafe tugged down he blanket, exposing the small delicate features. "He's only a baby, Blair. No danger from him."

Blair shook his head wildly, shadows of despair reflected in his dark blue gaze. "Rafe, don't do this." Blair begged even as the knowledge that Rafe wouldn't listen etched deep furrows in his hollowed features.

Rafe closed the distance, carrying the child before him like a sacred offering. "Look at him, Blair."

Tears spilled from Blair's eyes and he looked at the precious bundle "Oh, God...."

"Isn't he beautiful?"

The babe turned to gaze curiously up at Blair.

Blair's gaze softened.

Rafe came closer still. "He's a sweet little guy, Blair. Nothing like Jim in temperament."

"Everything like Jim," Blair's whisper choked on a sob. "He looks just like Jim."

Tiny arms reached out to Blair.

The distraught man shuddered, his resolve crumbling like dust. "Rafe..." he croaked.

"He wants to go to you, Blair," Rafe held the baby out to him. "Hold him."

The child whimpered, his arms straining for Blair.

"God, help me." Blair rasped, gathering the child close to his heart. Tears dropped like a cleansing rain. He breathed deep, his senses drowning in the sweet baby scent that wafted off the infant.

Infant fingers tangled in russet curls. Stuffed them into a rosebud mouth.

Blair stared in awe at the babe's antics. "He's.... tasting me." v "He's very....tactile, Blair."

Trembling fingers touched the miniature Jim features. Smoothed the silky light brown hair that adorned his sweet smelling head.

"And so are you, huh, Blair?" Rafe murmured though a sappy smile.

"Wha...." Blair's eyes never left the child as he asked, "What's Jim call him?"

"Blair."

"I'd understand if his name is Alexander or something after his mom. I mean she did die delivering him, right? Seems only right, if he.."

"Blair." Rafe tipped the babbling man's face up. "Jim named the baby Blair Jacob Ellison. After the only person who meant anything to him."

"Blair Jacob...."

"After you, idiot."

Blair's eyes tipped back to the babe in his arms. "Blair Jacob?"

"Yes."

A flood of tears washed Blair's face and he buried his face in the sweet smelling bundle in his arms.

QUESTION OF THE WEEK: has the barrier been breached? Will the babe be the bridge to love? and what of Rafe and Nick? Can there be a happy ever after when four hearts hang in the balance?

Secrets Secrets everywhere and not a truth to share

******