Title: Forgiveness

Author: Silvina

Fandom: The Sentinel

Pairing: Jim/Blair

Rating: PG

Standard Disclaimer. I don't own them, but I know who does.

Please send comments, questions, compliments, and otters to sdelcul@yahoo.com.

Although this story is a sequel to "The Verdict is in," much of it takes place before. (You should be able to hit upthread to read the first story)

Oh yeah, (sorry, last thing) it's unbetad so *please* let me know of any typos etc.

The Verdict Is In 2: Forgiveness

By Silvina

"Hello?"

"Jim?"

He recognized the voice and it took him back. He wasn't a monster. Blair had said it, and it must be true. Blair would know, he always knew what was right. "Blair's not here." He was proud that his voice wasn't shaking. He was a cop, right?

"I know." Was her voice shaking, too?

"Are you okay? Should I get Blair for you?"

"You have no reason to believe me, but I wanted to apologize for what I said to you." She paused, and he counted her breaths before she began again. "Do you have sometime? I'd like to-"

"On the phone?"

"If you don't mind. I want to tell you, but I'm not sure if I can. If I can, it will be easier to tell you like this, where I can't see you. If I can't, well, maybe you won't hate me."

"I don't hate you."

"I know, but I sure hated you."

He nodded, and then realized that she couldn't see that anyway.

"Okay."

"You have to promise not to tell Blair."

"I can't do that, Naomi."

She sighed. "Please? I think when I finish you'll understand why he can't know. He doesn't need to know, it never touched how I felt -feel- about him."

"I'll try."

"That's all I can ask."

He waited while she put her thoughts together, and he could hear her heart beating faster. Whatever Naomi was about to tell him, keeping it from Blair wouldn't be easy.

"I'm forty-seven years old."

That couldn't be right. Blair had been talking about plans for her fiftieth birthday..

"I have a 30 year old son. The math isn't complicated. I got pregnant at 16, gave birth at 17 to a beautiful baby boy, and told him I was 20. I also told him I don't know who his father is. And he did ask. Every year he asked. It was always the hardest question to answer and I had to lie to him."

Figuring he knew where the story was headed, Jim listened with one ear, keeping the other tuned for the sound of Blair coming home.

"My parents were well off, are well off. They retired in Florida a few years ago. I know because I've kept tabs on them to make sure they didn't find me or Blair. Especially Blair. My boyfriends name was Jacob Sandburg. My parents were not happy about his, since they were strict Baptists."

His leg was falling asleep, so he changed positions and tried to get the circulation going again.

"He's not Blair's father, but I loved him. There was a party one night. It was your basic Lovers Lane; kids making out, nothing too serious. The cops showed up. One of them was a friend of my father's, and he made sure Dad heard all about it. His daughter making out with a Jew."

She sighed heavily. Wearily. "He was furious. Told me that no daughter of his would be seen as a tramp. Forbid me from seeing Jacob ever again. I refused, of course, and we argued for days. Things blew over a little and I continued seeing him on the sly. A few weeks later, we made a mistake and got caught again. We were in the back seat of his car, and we weren't paying as much attention as we should have been. He told Jacob that he'd take me home. Even said he'd drop me off so I could say I'd been at a friends house. We believed him. Jacob left, and I got in the car, only he didn't take me home right away."

Jim was surprised by the turn of the story.

"He wanted to explain why what I was doing was wrong. How Jews had killed Jesus, etc. etc., He got mad when I called him a fool. The first time he smacked me I thought I was hallucinating. This man had been over for dinner. He'd been to my house. He hit me a few more times, and then he said he might as well show me how it was with a real man, before I ruined myself with a 'dirty Jew-boy.'"

"Blair was born eight and a half months later. I didn't want to believe I was pregnant. But finally I couldn't pretend any longer. My parents wanted to know who the father was, of course. Or whose bastard I was carrying was how my father put it. I tried to tell them, but they didn't believe me. So I left, and I haven't looked back since."

"Naomi-"

"I named him Blair after my best friend who gave me some money and kept me sane until Blair was actually born, and Jacob Sandburg for Jakey. I wanted Blair to be his child, so did he. Six months after

Blair was born Jake was killed by a police officer for 'resisting arrest,' and I flipped. That' when I started moving every couple of weeks. It's much easier to not get attached that way." She rushed to finish.

He was stunned speechless when she began to sob quietly. It didn't last long. "I haven't talked about that since Blair was born. Please don't tell him, Jim. Please? . . . .Jim?"

It was several minutes before he could react and answer. "

"I'm sorry, Namoi. I'm so sorry. I didn't know."

"I know, Jim. But it wasn't your fault, and I should never have taken it out on you. Blair was right, it wasn't fair."

"I'm not sorry it happened. I love him, Naomi. I would do anything to keep him safe, he just doesn't listen to me. I'm not strong enough to detach with love, but I need him. I need him."

"He needs you too. I don't really understand your relationship, obviously. I'd like to."

He had to laugh, and it broke some of the tension. "I don't know if that's really possible. I don't understand it either."

She giggled. "I think he may be smarter than both of us put together."

"Definitely. Thank you, Naomi."

"No, Jim. Thank you."

He hung up and waited for Blair to get home.

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Blair came home early, very tired. Throwing his keys in the basket he was headed straight for the couch when Jim intercepted him about halfway there.

"Jim?"

"Yes?"

"You're hugging me."

"Yes, I am."

"Um, I can't breath."

"Oh." He relaxed his hold, but only a little bit.

"Are you okay?"

"Yes."

"Am I okay?"

"You're fine, Blair. Just fine. Everything's fine."

"Okay. Can I at least sit down? I'm tired."

"Okay."

Still attached, Jim allowed Blair to walk them to the couch. He stretched out, pulling Blair comfortably on top of him.

"If you're not going to tell me what's up, then I'm going to take a nap. I'm exhausted, okay?"

He pressed Blair's head down onto his shoulder where he could feel Blair's warm breath on his neck. "Sleep. I'll be here when you get up."

"Okay." He was already falling asleep, quite comfortable on his new pillow. "strange" He mumbled.

Jim smiled. "You have no idea, Chief. No idea."

END