Title: The verdict is in

Author: Silvina

Fandom: The Sentinel

Pairing: Jim Ellison/Blair Sandburg

Standard disclaimer. A lot of evil things are done "for your own good," especially by "well intentioned" parents. Jim, I think, was and is especially vulnerable to this.

Please send comments, questions, compliments, and otters to sdelcul@yahoo.com.

The ellipses indicate skipped verses.

The verdict is in

By Silvina

"My mother came to Hazard when I was just seven

Even then the folks in town said with prejudiced eyes

That boy's not right ...

Three years ago when I came to know Mary

First time that someone looked beyond the rumors and the lies

And saw the man inside ..."

"No one understood what I felt for Mary

No one cared until the night she went out walking alone

And never came home ...

Man with a badge came knocking next morning

Here was I surrounded by a thousand fingers suddenly

Pointed right at me ..."

Richard Marx "Hazard"

"How could you?!"

"What? Huh?" He'd fallen asleep on the couch listening to Blair sleep, and Naomi had let herself in with a key. Sandburg must have given it to her the last time she came to visit and they'd found her waiting with Ms. Beckett downstairs.

"Bastard. How could you let him get hurt again."

"I told him to stay put." He tried to stand up, but her punch to his arm carried more weight than he was prepared for, and knocked him back onto the couch.

"Now you're trying to blame him? You've pulled him away from his studies, where he was safe. You put him in danger. Just like a pig to use his power over other people."

He looked down at his feet. "I need him."

"What kind of monster puts an innocent at risk?"

By know his head was buzzing as loud as her words. "I didn't mean to." He whispered, but he didn't think she heard.

_______________________________________________

Blair awakened to the sound of yelling, gradually recognizing his mother's voice. Dragging himself out of bed, he stepped into the living room, supporting his weight by leaning on the wall. What he saw surprised him, but it shouldn't have. Jim was sitting on the couch, absorbing every word with a lowered head. His entire body language spoke of the way the words were hitting him, and how already, he was filled with shame, guilt, and for Blair, an unbearable sadness in his eyes.

"Shut up, Naomi," he said gruffly.

They both turned to him, startled, and Naomi rushed to him. Jim practically cowered on the couch.

"Baby! Are you sure you should be out of bed?"

"Leave him alone, Naomi." he fought off her support to waddle to the couch. "Jim." He coaxed gently, but Jim wouldn't look at him. He was staring down at his hands, and wouldn't look up even when Blair

put his own hands over Jim's.

"Blair, sweetie. You shouldn't be walking around. You could hurt yourself."

"I'm fine, Mom." He tried again to get Jim to look at him. "Come on, Jim."

"I've got a wonderful idea, honey. Why don't you come with me to Nepal? There's a wonderful hillside that you'd love, perfect for healing and meditating."

He didn't even pretend to do anything but ignore her this time, his worry for Jim overpowering his love for his mother. "Please, Jim, look at me."

Realizing that Blair was ignoring her, she once again turned on Jim. "I know you care about him, Jim, but if you really love him, you'll let him go."

"Get out, Mom!" Blair stood up furiously fast and almost swooned.

Out of habit perhaps, Jim caught him before he fell, but his face held no emotion beyond a grunt of effort. Leaving one hand on Jim's shoulder for support, Blair stood up to his mother. "Stop it, Naomi. He doesn't deserve that."

Perhaps his tone of voice belied the fury he was barely holding back for everyone's sake, because she backpedaled quickly. "Blair, I just wanted to-"

"I've heard enough, and so has Jim. Just go back to your hotel, Mom. I'll call you in the morning, and you can apologize then." God, he was so tired.

She looked him straight in the face, trying to gauge his intentions. "I'm staying with Ann at her farm. She's in the phone book."

"Okay. I'll talk to you later."

"Blair-"

"Later."

He didn't relax until she closed the door behind herself, and he and Jim were alone again. "Don't listen to her man, she was just worried."

Jim nodded.

"We cool?"

"I'm fine, Sandburg. Go back to bed."

"Gratefully man."

Halfway to hobbling towards his room, he turned, catching Jim staring out the balcony door. Changing direction he made his way to Jim.

"What's going on?"

"I'm fine."

"No, you're not." He said simply. "You're very obviously not fine. You can't hide that from me. What else was she saying?"

Jim glared at him, but Blair wasn't scared.

"I'm sorry, Jim." He reached out slowly, giving Jim the opportunity to pull back if he really wanted to. When Jim didn't move, he slowly rubbed his hand up and down his arm. "At least have a seat before my legs collapse."

At those words he found himself carried back to the couch and generally fussed over for a few minutes until he was stretched out within reach of his best friend.

"She said I was abusing my power over you."

"What?"

Jim spoke louder, although his voice was still barely above a whisper. "She said I was abusing my power over you."

He sighed. "Jim, do you really think you could make me do something I didn't want to? Something I really didn't want to? You can't even get me to clean up in the bathroom, what makes you think I'm gonna listen when you tell me to 'stay in the truck, Sandburg'?" He could see Jim leaning towards him, wanting to believe, wanting to be comforted, but there had to be more. "What else did she say?"

For the longest time Jim didn't speak. Blair was about to ask again more forcefully when he did. "She called me a monster."

Damn Naomi. You didn't just attack him, you practically mauled his every fear and worry. My mother calls him a monster, his own father calls him a freak. Shit. Fuck.

"You're not a monster. Look at me, Jim." He pulled Jim's face in front of him, forcing Jim to meet his eyes. "You're not a monster."

It was like all the air was forced out of Jim and he slumped into Blair's arms. Blair pulled and pushed until Jim was resting in his lap and his bad leg was elevated on the coffee table out of harm's way. Stroking Jim's short, soft hair in soothing, rhythmic strokes he comforted. "You're not a monster, Jim. The senses don't make you anything but special. You're just a human being with a few talents." He pressed a kiss onto Jim's forehead without hinking. "Not a monster."

He'd almost fallen asleep, still stroking Jim's hair when Jim spoke again. "not a monster?"

"Nope. If it wasn't for you, I'd be dead and I don't mean because of Quinn, man. I might be alive somewhere, but I'd be dead inside. You're a Sentinel. My Sentinel."

"Guide. My Guide?" Jim shifted carefully until Blair found himself looking into crystal blue eyes.

"I love you, too, Jim."

Hours later Jim was still asleep, exhausted from trying to hold back too many emotions. Blair picked up the phone and hesitated before dialing the numbers. Perhaps picking up some of his agitation, Jim began fidgeting. His regular strokes over Jim's back and shoulders calmed them both down enough that he could dial.

"Hello?"

"Is Naomi there? This is her son."

"Hold on . . . Blair?"

"Yeah."

"Look, about earlier-"

"What did you say to him?"

"I- I was worried about you."

"But what did you say to him?"

"I guess I said that he wasn't protecting you the way he should be. Something to that effect."

"And?"

"And that he was abusing his power over you. You know the only reason you got hurt was because you were somewhere you shouldn't have been."

"And?"

"And . . . That's about it. . . . I might have called him a pig, but honey he's a cop."

"I think there's something else you're conveniently forgetting to mention saying to him." He was finding it hard to breathe; hard to hold back his anger at her treatment of Jim."

"What?"

He snapped. "You don't remember calling him a monster?"

"I guess I did. I was angry, sweetheart."

"How could you say that to him? How could you be that cruel to him? You had to know what that would do to him. To anybody."

"I was trying to do what was best for you."

"That's not your decision to make. Geez Naomi, you don't know anything about us do you? Do you have any idea what you did? Do you have a clue about *me*?"

"Blair-"

"Do you honestly think I'd stay with someone like that, anyway?" His voice dropped to a whisper and he watched Jim's chest rise and fall. "He's the biggest teddy bear that I know, Mom. You don't know what my getting hurt did to him. If I had died I honestly don't think he could have handled it.."

"Did you just hear yourself? 'If you had died'? That's what I'm terrified of."

"I love him and he loves me. That's what matters. I need to be with him."

"It's not your job."

"Maybe it is. Shouldn't it be everyone's job? He's not like the cops when you were growing up, Mom. He's a good man; you're just letting your prejudices get in the way of seeing that. I thought you were better than that."

The only reply was silence, long enough that he thought maybe she would hang up. "Tell me about him."

He almost laughed. "He's wonderful, Mom. Really. He's just afraid to love-- thank you very much William Ellison-- but he shows it instead. He's always there when I need him. He makes sure I eat and

that the car works and that I'm happy. God forbid if he thinks somebody's making me unhappy. He loves me, Mom. He *really* loves me." The realization struck hard and for a moment he couldn't breathe much less continue explaining. "I have to go, Mom. Maybe later you can talk to Jim and apologize to him, okay?"

"I don't know, Blair. I know I was out of line with some of the things I said, but I can't condone putting you at risk and besides, I don't think he's going to want to hear it."

"He won't admit it, but what you think of him matters. Besides, he deserves it. Bye, Naomi."

"Bye."

He tossed the cordless onto the other chair and adjusted Jim until he could spoon up behind him tucking Jim's body as close to him as possible. Pure cuddling, without reservation.

Eventually Jim woke up, and Blair was ready for him. Without giving him opportunity to freak, Blair kissed him, trying to put every part of his heart into the kiss.

Whatever Jim's reaction was, he didn't fight the kiss. When it ended, he tucked his head into Blair's neck. "What was that for?"

"For loving me."

"I do, you know."

"I know. I love you, too." Blue eyes hesitated to ask, so he answered the unvoiced question. "I love you, Jim. No matter what. Naomi was wrong."

With the mention of her name, Jim pulled away and stood up. "I don't want you to fight with your mother over me."

"That's not your decision. I love the both of you, but neither of you can change how I feel. I can, and I see no reason to stop loving either one of you. She didn't mean it, Jim."

Jim was considering his words, considering what his reaction should be. Finally, he extended a hand. "Upstairs?"

"Gratefully."

Undressing each other and getting to know each other's bodies wasn't an unpleasant task. Blair reached into the bedside table for what he knew would be there. The simple act of preparing Jim felt like worship. Maybe he'd found religion after all. Jim worship -- lots of ritual sacrifice required.

END