Title: Father Figure

# 4 in the Father Figure Series

Author: Amethyst

Pairing: none

Warning: DD/CP

Summary: Jim expresses his parental feeling for his young observer.

This is the standard disclaimer. They don't belong to me. This story is not intended to violate any copyrights held by Paramount, UPN, or Pet Fly Productions.

This story contains DD/CP. Be warned.

Blair crashed though the loft door, flinging his keys on the small stand by the door and turned to face the silent form that followed him into the room.

"You are NOT my father and you have NO RIGHT to try and TEACH me a "lesson". I am an ADULT, man! On my own for YEARS before you! YEARS!"

Anger and frustration battled for control across his expressive face, eyes glaring daggers at his companion. Blair's chest heaved with each rapid breath and he paced agitatedly in front of the couch.

Solemnly, Jim entered their living room and sat down on the loveseat. He had an unrestricted view of his roommate without interfering with Blair's needed restless movements.

"WHAT were you thinking? Tell me, man, I REALLY want to know what goes on in that head of yours." Blair finally stood still, than flung himself on the couch, never breaking eye contact with Jim. Cold hard eye contact.

Jim returned the steady gaze, but his was wasn't cold and hard. Jim's stare was steady, concerned and a little sad.

"OK Chief, since you asked so nicely, let me tell what I was thinking about.
YOU. I was thinking about you."

Jim raised his hands to stop the anticipated flow of rebuttal about to erupt from Blair's mouth.

"No. You asked and I'm going to tell you, UNINTERUPTED. Got it? Not one word until I'm done. Understand?"

Blair took a deep breath and held it for the count of five. " Got it. Then I get MY say. Got IT?"

A brief nod of Jim's head and a disapproving glare at his tone of voice quieted him. "I'd suggest you back off on the attitude and smart mouth, young man." Blair settled back against the couch, controlled anger still evident in his posture. His eyes flickered briefly to the floor in acknowledgement of the reprimand.

Jim sat hunched forward, elbows resting on his knees, hands loosely grasped before him. He captured Blair's gazed once again and began to explain.

" No Chief, I'm not your father. I'm not your big brother. I'm not your mother. I'm not your confessor or your goddamn pen pal. I'm the person who shares your days with you, and most of your evenings and nights. I'm the one who provides a home for you even when the rent money is 2 months overdue, who drops you off and picks you up when the "classic" out there in the parking lot is away on another
romantic weekend with it's mechanic. Remember who that person is who's there when you wake up from a nightmare, the one who reassures you and comforts you? I think that's me who shuts down that damn keyboard at 2 am and puts your exhausted butt to bed night after night. Who tries to see to it that you're safe and warm and dry and occasionally fed when you won't take the time to do it for yourself. I'm pretty sure that's me who worries when you're late, when you haven't called, when I can't reach you by phone. And I KNOW that me taking flak from Simon when he thinks you are off on some intellectual zone out of your own instead of listening to him, ....defending you, protecting you. TEACHING you..... how to fly fish, rules of interrogation, police policy,...... how to stay in one place more than a month, how to make a home. How to realize a commitment. How not to run way when thing aren't easy. How to keep your promises."

Jim took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. "I'm not done." Blair closed his mouth, silencing the premature comment already on his tongue.

"I'm the one who hauls your little butt back to earth when you escape into the fantasy world of the Sandburg zone. I'm the one leaving an impression on that same little butt that's just exactly the size of my right handprint. And you LET me. You let me be all those things to you. Provider, comforter, protector, watchdog, defender, friend, companion, teacher and disciplinarian. You WANT me to be those things to you. If you didn't, you wouldn't let me near you. I know that and if all those titles don't fit the description of a father, I don't know what does."

Jim leaned forward making sure he had his roommate's full attention and continued.

"I like being all those things to you." His quiet declaration was followed with an even quieter one." I love you. There isn't anything I wouldn't do to keep you safe and happy. The way I see it, a father loves, comforts, disciplines, teaches and protects. Along with the good stuff also comes the part about discipline and teaching lessons, helping to mold a responsible, caring person. Some lessons aren't that pleasant to go through, but that doesn't lessen their value or their impact. God knows my father taught me enough wrong lessons for me to know the difference. Trust me on that one, Chief."

Jim stood up and pulled his keys from his coat pocket. He looked down at Blair, hoping he was making his point clear to the young man.

"You want me to be these thing for you, Blair, I want, I need, to be them for you. But it's a package deal, kid. Just like a garbage plate at Louie's, you have to take the sauerkraut along with the mac salad, beans and hot dog. You have to take the need to teach you less self-destruct behavior, to pull you back when you jump over the edge, right along with the love. Because it's part of it."

Jim ran his hands over his face, suddenly tired. "I love you. Don't expect me to do a half-assed job of it. I don't do anything that way. It's not who I am. You get the whole package."

He turned and walked to the door glancing back at the still figure on the couch. Blair had lost much of the defiance that had fueled his emotions since entering the room. He looked up anxiously at the retreating figure.

Jim turned back to face Blair. "You think about it Darwin. If you come up with a way to separate it, you let me know because I haven't. I've always honored my commitments and I'm more committed to you than I have ever been to anyone in my life. .... I like it that way. I want it that way."

Jim opened the door. "I'll be back in an hour. I'll bring dinner home. I need a little time here, then it's your turn, Junior. Think real hard, put that genius of a mind to work and let me know how to love you and not care when you refuse to learn from these "errors in judgement." I gotta know. I gotta know how not to react when time and time again you put yourself in danger needlessly. For a good cause, a righteous bust, I can live with it. But foolishly? Not gonna happen. I can't see it. So you figure it out and tell me how, Chief."

The door closed softly as Blair lay his head against the couch back. A sudden feeling of loneliness washed over him, making him bring his knees up to his chest and wrap his arms around them. A lone tear slid silently down his left cheek and into his hair. Confusion consumed his thoughts.