Title: I Don't think SO

# 15 in the Father Figure Series

Author: Amethyst

Pairing: none

Warning: DD/CP

Summary: Some of Carolyn's thoughts on fatherhood

This is the standard disclaimer. They don't belong to me. This story is not intended to violate any copyrights held by Paramount, UPN, or Pet Fly Productions.

This story contains corporal punishment. Be warned.

Thank you to my beta Reva for all her hard work.

I can't believe it. I really can't believe it.

Big, burly, bad ass Grizzly Bear, better know as Detective James Joseph Ellison, Ironman to his cohorts in Vice, just turned into big, burly, tender-touch Papa Bear.

Right before my disbelieving brown eyes.

Right in the middle of the Major Crime bullpen.

Right in front of Joel, Brown, Rafe and half a dozen other detectives and uniforms.

And he didn't even flinch one of those big, beautiful muscles.

The same man I spent 45 minutes with at the nearest burger joint chowing down triple-deckers and giant fries not 30 minutes ago just lied and said he hadn't eaten so his little shadow wouldn't be disappointed. He even said it convincingly. I can't be sure, I'm a few feet away, but I think there was something suspiciously like understanding in his voice.

My, God! The same man who had to be blackmailed into holding my hand in public when we were married just casually and tenderly picked lettuce from someone else's hair without his eyes darting around the room to see who might be watching.

The same man who wouldn't kiss me in public just touched that little ragamuffin on the cheek in the time honored parental gesture of checking for a temperature and then reached out with one of his long, strong, muscular arms to drag the street urchin closer, chair and all.

The same man who rarely noticed when I shivered with the great Pacific Northwest chill just dropped the sweater I bought him for our first Christmas together on the adoring munchkin at his side.

Patient Papa Bear caring for his cub. I'll be damned!

I guess if those big dark blue eyes looked at me like I was personally responsible for the world turning I might be inclined to be a little attentive too. I know Blair just turned 23, not 27 like we all thought, including Blair. But with that slight frame, long angelic curls, wide innocent blue eyes and a personality made up of equal parts Einstien, Mother Theresa, Denise the Menace and the energizer bunny, he more often than not leaves everyone with the impression of being a naïve, sheltered teenager. He was never sheltered from the more than a few rants I've heard Jim bend Simon's ear with about Naomi, Blair's mother. I think 'denied' is a better word for Blair. Denied a normal childhood, actually to hear Jim tell it, denied any childhood. Denied a family, stability, security, appropriate male authority figures, or love and comfort from anyone beside himself.

When I first met my ex-husband's new roommate I thought he was cocky and so sure of himself. Lately I'm beginning to see what I think Jim has always seen, a scared young man who desperately would love to have all those things he missed growing up. Like a home, like a sense of permanence, like a father. Like a great big, old, Papa Bear.

Good luck, kid, you got a grizzly in disguise!

Or maybe, the grizzly was the Papa Bear's disguise! I'll have to think about that one.

I was going to see if Jim wanted to grab a drink after work today and relax for a few minutes from the stress of this latest case but I think I'll table that idea for a while. He sounds like he and his cub have plans. Plans Blair doesn't look too happy with, if I'm reading his body language right. Reluctant but resigned, I'd say. I hear what sounds suspiciously like a petulant whine from our little observer. It is cut short by a raised eyebrow from my ex and I watch open mouthed as a now pouting young man quietly consumes a carton of milk to wash down the last of his sandwich.

Unnoticed, I uncurl from my vantagepoint by a support post near Jim's desk to return to my office just as Henri Brown passes by.

"Beautiful sight, huh?"

"What, H?"

"Beautiful sight, Jim taking care of Hairboy. 'Bout time someone showed the kid how important he is. He really missed having a pop around. Or any parent for that matter. You can just tell. He loves Jim. He's his hero, babe. Jim can do no wrong. Of, course Jim loves the little guy right back. It's nice to catch a glimpse of the real Ellison now and then. Only happens with Hairboy but Ironman Ellison can only let so many people into his heart at one time, you know. I'll bet it was quiet in there for you before the energizer bunny showed up, huh?"

A sappy grin is plastered all over Brown's face and he doesn't even wait for my reply as he steps away with a parting statement.

"Always thought Ellison would make a good father. Guess I was right, like always."

I stare at H's back then swing my focus back to the two in question. Jim just bounced his palm off Blair's forehead in retaliation for a wise ass comment about Jim's report writing skills but I noticed it lingered for a second longer than usual. Checking for a temperature again.

Yeah, H, I thought Grizzly Bear would make a good father, too. But Papa Bear makes an even better one.

I haven't gotten Blair a birthday present yet. I wonder if I can find a stuffed bear with short, dark brown hair and muscles. Sally use to tell me about a furry stuffed animal Jim adored when he was little. She offered to bring it over one day when she called to say thank you to Jim for a birthday card he had sent her. He said no. Maybe she kept it. I wonder if it was a bear.

I watch as Blair slips his arms into the too long sleeves of Jim's sweater. I blink hard in amazement as not only Jim but also Simon, who joined them 10 seconds ago, both tug at the front of the sweater to close it more firmly around the embarrassed young man. Sandwiched between two tall, broad-shouldered, imposing men, Blair suddenly looks all of five years old. His soft, surprised smile is infectious and I find myself smiling back at no one in particular.

I realize at that moment that if I had still been married to Papa Bear I would be a step mom right about now.

Ah, I don't think so.

End