"Hey, Chief, are you sure you should be doing that?" Sentinel hearing wasn’t needed to pickup the concern and worry in Jim’s voice.
"I’m fine. Just give me a minute and I’ll be through. Man, you act like I’m not even capable of taking care of myself with even the littlest of things. Get a grip! I can handle this and anything else that comes along just fine. I’ve got a cut on my arm not the bubonic plague." Blair's reply was curt and vibrated with frustration and impatience
He had been home from a three-day hospital stay for only three hours and already he was showing signs of claustrophobia. Restlessly moving from bedroom to couch to chair to dining table, unable to sit still for more than ten minutes at a time. Finally he lighted on a kitchen chair and powered-up his laptop computer. He was busily accessing Rainer University schedules and grade roosters.
Jim watched as each movement of Blair’s right arm caused an involuntary grimace from the young man. Each grimace was accompanied by a small grunt of pain.
"I think that’s enough Chief. I can hear you’re in pain. You don’t have JUST a cut on your arm, you have a 4 inch stab wound made with a knife that had been dug out of a horse stall where it was lying in manure. You have just finished three days of IV antibiotics in the hospital and the ONLY reason you are home now is because the doctor is let a visiting nurse continue the treatments at home. "
Jim tried to keep his voice calm and reasonable, but it was taking a large portion of his already strained patience. Patience that had been sorely depleted since their arrival home three hours ago.
Jim walked over and stood beside Blair’s chair and looked down at the computer screen. "What exactly is so important that you’re willing to be in pain over it? Are you late with a deadline? Do you have a test you missed? I thought the university was going to cover all your obligations and arrange make-up tests for you? At least that’s what the administration office said when I talked to them on your first day in the hospital. What did I miss?"
Blair heaved a huge sigh and shot back a reply. "No one missed anything, man. For crying out loud, back off! I just want to double check who is taking over my classes and that it's all covered. You just can’t trust the office to handle everything. They screw up all the time! Then it’ll be me who pays the price. "
The ordeal of the unexpected knifing was still fresh in Blair’s mind. He had accompanied Jim to the racetrack on Tuesday to meet with an informant regarding information about illegal horse tampering. Someone was attempting to put the track out of business. While Jim met with his informant, Blair decided to check over the horses in the main stable. He had always loved horses and jumped at the chance to be close to them.
Unfortunately for the curious young observer, he happened across a nervous and armed stableboy shooting up in the first stall Blair walked up to. The addict’s reaction had been lightening quick and before Blair realized what had happened, he found himself alone by the stall door on the floor. A burning pain in his right arm drew his attention and he called out frantically for Jim when he realized that the burning was caused by a knife protruding from his right upper forearm. The assailant was picked up attempting to flee shortly afterwards. Blair and Jim spent three hours in the Cascade General emergency department, three and one-half hours in the operating and recovery rooms and three days in a private room on the surgical unit.
Many, many hours and days being told what to do (eat this, sign that, lay down, sit up, go to sleep, wake up), when to do it (time for medication, time for x-rays, time for dressing changes), where to go (to the shower, to the bathroom, to radiology), and how to go (on the stretcher, in the wheelchair, walk in the halls). No small wonder Blair was feeling out of control.
Jim reached over and quickly terminated the program and shut down the power. With a firm twist of his hand, the laptop closed. "Enough. I can’t believe your behavior right now. I know you’re tired. You have been up since 6 am in the hospital waiting to come home and it’s almost dinnertime now. You were due for pain medication 40 minutes ago, when you conveniently spent 30 minutes of it in the bathroom. You barely ate any lunch, and your dressing needs changed. You DON"T need to be using, let alone overusing, your injured arm. Nothing at the university is this important. They said they would take care of it and they will. Let's grab a snack and you can take your meds before I change your dressing."
Blair turned an astonished and angry face to his roommate as he jumped up from his chair hard enough to cause it to fall to the floor with a bang. "Fine! If I can’t figure it out from here, I’ll have to go down to the campus."
An iron voice halted his move around the table. "You're not leaving this apartment, not now, not later. If I need to, I can imprint that message on your butt if your head doesn't understand it. " A steady, unyielding gaze sent the message home. Unfortunately, Blair wasn't accepting any mail. He threw the sentinel a glare and small snort of disbelief.
Blair attempted to charge passed his companion and to the front door. He managed to get two steps before a large hand reached out and caught him by the waistband at the back of his pants. Blair came to an abrupt and immediate stop.
"Hold it right there, Junior, you’re not going anywhere but to bed. And I mean right now. This daytime drama is over and I am regaining control of the remote. You are going into your room, getting into bed, and waiting for me. Then you are going to eat the food I bring you, take the pain medication the doctor prescribed, and let me change your dressings. Then you are going to take a nap. When you wake up, you and I are going to have a little discussion about your health and what’s expected of you until the infection is gone and your arm is completely healed, maybe longer. Then I'll tell you what you can expect from me. Now march, mister." A second large and insistent hand on the middle of his back aided the one on his waistband to propel him to his bedroom.
Before Blair realized it, he was standing beside his bed. Mt. Saint Helene erupted more quietly then he did.
"Who the HELL do you think you are? You have NO right! You can’t tell me where to go or where not to go. You’re just being a macho jerk! I’m an adult. If I want to skip some meals, it’s my right. If I don’t want to take those chemicals the doctor ordered, I don’t have to. If I want to go to my office when I’m sick, it’s my decision. I’m in control. Not you! Not some creep with a filthy knife. I do what I want to. You don’t control me. You’re not my FATHER. You’re not! You can’t make me behave. I’m not a child. I’m not! I’M IN CONTROL! ME! I’M- IN- CONTROL!" Blair's voice had been steadily rising until he was shouting his final words.
Blair realized, as he screamed at his best friend, that his emotions had taken over his mouth. He was unable to stop the flow of words .He knew he was throwing hurtful and untrue accusations at the most important man in his world, but was past being able to stop himself. The young man’s body vibrated with the strong emotions and the increasing pain from both his injury and his heart.
Jim knew the young man before him was to his breaking point. He also realized this display of Blair’s needed to come to an end before Blair did any more damaged to his arm and his conscience. Jim knew Blair would regret his little speech when he had calmed down and rested. It was clear that Blair was not going to be the one in the room who was strong enough, at the moment, to bring the confrontation to an end.
"I said enough, Chief, and I meant it. If you can’t get yourself straightened out and pulled together enough to see that you’re not thinking things out clearly, I’ll straightened them out for you."
Blair suddenly found himself upside down and staring at his bedspread. His chest and head were supported on the end of his bed, while his trunk was firmly and securely immobilized against Jim’s waist by one large, warm arm. His legs rested over Jim’s right thigh, two feet off the floor. His injured right arm was tucked up next to his body and gently but firmly held immobile to prevent further harm to it. One small, and at present, unprotected bottom was raised in the air as Jim shifted his left thigh. A warm and comforting hand rubbed his back for a brief moment.
"I know I’m not your father, Junior, but sometimes when you are out of control and don’t know how to find your way home, I don’t mind being him. As a matter of fact, I don’t mind being him anytime for you. In control or out of control, I love you and I’ll always be here for you. You’re THE most important thing in the world to me. So, I’m going to be here for you now."
Blair had time for one shallow breath before the warm comforting hand on his back becoming a warm unwelcome hand on his bottom. Blair never realized just how large Jim’s hands were. It felt as if his entire backside was in contact with Jim’s heavy falling hand, both cheeks, on top and below at the crease between buttock and thigh. No portion of his bottom escaped attention. Sharp stinging gave way to deep burning as the swats continued to fall, each firm, measured and hard. Each swat jarred his thoughts and he was soon overwhelmed by emotions that he had kept bottled up inside ever since he was attacked.
Jim watched as Blair struggled to remain silent. It was to be a losing battle if Jim had his way. The smacks to the rear end in front of him grew in number and strength. Small grunts of disbelief and discomfort quickly turned into gasps and yelps. Once again Blair found his voice.
"Stop! Stop! You can't do this! You can't! I don't want you to! I don't! I want up! Let me UP! You're not m-my father! You can't DO this! I don't need help! I don't need you to help! I don't need y-y-you! " The cries continued as the spanks fell in a steady rhythm. Angry shouts turned into tremulous whimpers.
Unable to struggle free against his captor's secure hold, Blair could only draw Jim's attention with words. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I didn't mean it! I won't do it again, I promise. Please! Please! I promise. You're right, Jim, I'm sorry. I'm s-s-sorry." The young man was quickly tiring, the pain from his arm, the surprise of the spanking and the outpouring of his emotions all conspired to leave him drained and confused.
Jim knew he had finally broken through to his hurting young charge. Gone were the anger and belligerence of just fifteen minutes ago. A frightened boy was left behind. The spanking immediately stopped and the warm, comforting hand returned to his back, once again stroking a calming pattern over his skin. Sobs caught in his throat as he was lifted and turned. Strong arms gathered him close, cradling his injured limb close to both bodies for support. His head was caught in soft embrace and tucked securely under a granite-like chin. Blair turned his face toward the warmth of the neck and shoulder he was resting on.
Jim gently carded his fingers through Blair's disheveled brown hair, murmuring soft words of comfort and support. "Ssh..ssh. It's all right. I know. I know. Don't worry. It's all going to be all right. Catch your breath. That's right, slow down and just breathe. It's OK. We're fine. We're good. Don't worry, Chief. Ssh." The raw gasps and muted sobs slowly quieted.
" You think you can tell me what that was all about?"
Strangled sobs forced their way out of Blair's throat. His shoulders were hunched and his head bowed. "I'm so sorry, man. Jim, please, believe me. I didn't mean those things. I was just mad. Mad at everything that happened the last few days. It's not fair that stupid junkie can messed up my whole world in 5 seconds. It isn't. I work so hard for everything and he gets to set back my whole life for weeks. I couldn't even stop him. I didn't even know I was hurt right away. Then it's got to be a dirty, filthy, disgusting knife that has enough germs growing on it to wipe out half of Cascade. Man, I don't want to be sick. I don't want to take pain medication. It makes me drowsy. I can't think let alone study. I don't want to have to rearrange my schedule around a daily visiting nurse. I want to go to the station with you and take my classes and teach my students. I want my life back on line."
He pulled his head from under Jim's chin and sought out his comforter's eyes. Blue eyes linked with blue eyes. Steady hands reached up and held his face, thumbs gently brushing teardrops away. A familiar rumble escaped Jim's lips. The small laugh caught Blair's full attention.
" Of course you do, Chief, I want the same things for you. Always. I want you healthy and happy and working at the things you love. But, you can't pretend this didn't happen. WE can't pretend. You were attacked, you were stabbed, and you have a severe infection. You need time, medication, rest and extra care to come out of this in the best possible condition. That not going to happen if you refuse to cooperate. You know that and I know that. If you can't see that now, I can keep helping you out here with another spanking any time it becomes unclear to you. Maybe it's being upside down that clears your head, huh, Darwin? Do we need to clear things up some more?"
Blair dove for cover back under Jim's chin. "No, man, I'm cool. I can see the whole picture here. You don't need to help anymore right now. I got it. I know you're just looking after me. It just upsets me sometimes that I need looking after. Like a kid, or an invalid." Quiet sniffles accompanied the slightly embarrassed confession.
Jim pulled the small figure closer, mindful of his injury. "Everyone needs help sometime, Chief, even sentinels need help. Just about every other day as a matter of fact, Darwin. Does that make you think less of me? Does it make me weak?"
Blair clutched tightly to the fabric of Jim's shirt. "No way, man. I never think of you as anything but strong, in control, and on top of the situation. I just guide you through the rough spots. Even I don't know what I'm doing most the time with this sentinel stuff. "
Blair's breathing had settled down to a normal pace and the gulped sobs were fading away. Jim rubbed soothingly across his shoulders and down his back. Taking a deep breath, Jim lifted the small form from his lap to the bed, slowly settling Blair against the headboard.
"I think it's time for that snack and your pain pills. Then I'm going to change your dressing and then you ARE going to take a nap. Are we CLEAR on this Junior?" A gentle tap to his chin punctuated the question.
"We're clear, big guy, we're clear." Blair shifted his bottom several directions, attempting to find a more comfortable position, with little success.
"Hey, Jim, can I ask you a question? Um, Jim? Umm, what made you decide to, you know, um, to put me over your knee like that. I was really surprised. You startled me. You scared me for a minute. I didn't know what was happening. I've never been spanked before. Ever. I-I'm not complaining. I know I was getting out of hand there and that really snapped me back to reality, but why? Why a spanking?"
Jim turned at the doorway of the bedroom, and gazed at his young friend. "Because I care about you Junior. Because I love you. I won't standby and see you hurting yourself like you were. I said it earlier and I'll say it again. If you get lost, I'll find you. Even if you're right here at home. I'll be there, like a friend, a brother, like a father. I like being there. A spanking is the most immediate and uncompromising way I know of to regain control of an out of control young man without actually doing any lasting damage. Remember that next time you feel like a little daytime drama. I'd prefer it if we could talk when things upset you this much, but I have no problem demonstrating my flip and hold technique. You decide next time, Junior. It's always your choice. From now on you'll know what to expect."
A look of stunned amazement fell over Blair's face. "You mean you're going to do this again sometime? You'll really spank me? " Disbelief underscored every word.
"You'd better believe it, Chief. Without a moments hesitation, just like this time." The firm gaze and stern expression on his sentinel's face convinced Blair of his sincerity. Jim left the room, but quickly returned with a bowl of soup and crackers, along with pain pills and packages of gauge and 4x4's.
As Blair spooned soup and munched on crackers, Jim prepared the materials for his dressing change. Half way through the meal, Jim had Blair stop and swallow 2 pain pills. Blair opened his mouth to object, but immediately changed his mind when Jim asked "flip and hold demonstration?"
After his meal was finished, Jim undressed the wound, closely examined the area for signs of increasing infection or irritation, made sure the 3 inch rubber drain was still in place within the wound and redressed the arm carefully. Blair was amazed that hands so gentle and skilled could have caused so much discomfort earlier. He wisely decided not to go there again just yet.
A change of topic was his first line of attack at distracting his roommate.
"What time is the nurse supposed to be here tomorrow? I'll bet she's late AND forgets the medication." Blair turned on his best sickbed pout. "I think I could have just taken pills by now. I don't need a nurse."
Jim finished taping off the gauge and turned to face his young charge. " I could probably come home at lunchtime everyday to hook up the IV, but I think Gwen would be disappointed."
"I don't care if she would be dis…Gwen? The blond with the green eyes and the mole on her lip? That Gwen? The one from the hospital?" Interest sparkled in the young man's eyes for the first time in days.
Jim helped Blair slid down to a prone position and tucked the blanket snuggly around the small form. He picked up the remains of the packages and the dishes, chuckling as he went out the door to the kitchen. "Take a nap, Chief. We'll talk some more when you wake up. Get some sleep."
"Come on Jim, is it her? Is it that Gwen? Tell me, man. Jiiiim-mmm?"