TITLE: THREE LITTLE WORDS 6: THE LONG JOURNEY BACK

AUTHOR: PEJA

FANDOM: the Sentinel

PAIRING: Jim/Rafe Jim/Blair, discussed

RATING: R

SUMMARY: Rafe decides on a new direction

Disclaimers: Not mine, but they like to come and play in my back yard

Archive: To The WWOMB. Others on request, provided all headers are kept intact, and the entire series, found on the WWOMB, is housed together.

URL: http://daltonavon.topcities.com

Feedback: The series only survives as long as there is a call for more. Any ideas on direction are gratefully considered.

Email: daltonavon@yahoo.com

"Wha...What are you doing, Rafe?" Blair rasped, his voice tight as the car turned back toward the cabin. "Oh, no, please, Rafe, don't do this."

Clicking the door locks, Rafe cut him a superior glance. "No choice, kid. I'm talking you home. To Jim."

A soft moan poured from Blair's pale lips. "No, you can't do this." He twisted his hands frantically in his lap. "You can't. You promised you'd take me to Nick. You promised you'd take me back where I belong."

Rafe smiled reassuringly. "I am, kid. Back to the cabin. Back to Jim. Back where you belong."

Staring out the front window, Blair's entire body shook violently and he wrapped his arms around his waist as if he were trying to hold himself together. "You don't know what your doing to me."

"I know what I'm doing for you," Rafe said softly. "You will thank me in the end."

"No," Blair dropped his head against the side window, shuddering violently. "No, I won't."

Rafe frowned, but pushed his foot down on the gas. "I'm right about this, Blair. Trust me."

Blair shook his head listlessly. "I can't take that chance," he whispered and his fingers curled around the door latch. Before Rafe knew what he was about, Blair jerked on the latch and threw his should against the door. Rebounding back as it refused to budge.

"Jesus, Sandburg," Rafe snarled, jerking the trembling man closer to his side. "What the hell are you trying to do?" He cut a searching glance at the younger man. "You could have been killed. My God, if I hadn't locked that door...."

Pale and trembling, Blair shrank away from him. "Why?" he demanded, his voice think with the horror of his fate. "Why are you doing this?

Rafe gifted him with a tender smile. "Because, Blair. Because its the right thing to do."

A soft groan curled Blair in on himself.

"Stay with me, Kid," Rafe murmured.

Blair shook his head slowly from side to side. "I just want to survive, Rafe. I just want to go home and survive another day." he swiveled around in the seat, desperation coming off him in waves. "Don't make me go back to the cabin, Rafe. I....I can't...."

"You can, Blair."

"Rafe, listen to me..."

Rafe held up a silencing hand. "Who are your friends, Sandburg?

"Wha...." Blair shook his head, confusion flowing from his dark blue eyes. "I...What the hell does that have to do with anything? What are you trying to prove...Cop?"

"Just answer the question. When you go hang out with your buddies, who do you go out with?"

Blair frowned, chewing on his lower lip.

"Come on, Blair. Its not a difficult question. Who?"

"Nick," Blair hissed, crossing his arms over his chest and glowering out the front window. "I hang out with Nick."

"Okay." Rafe pursed his lips, nodding. "I've seen you and Nick together. He may love you...."

"He does love me."

""Yeah, I suppose he does. Only a man in love would have to tolerance to stomach your behavior towards him. But that same behavior tells me you don't love him. You're with him because he's convenient, or some other stupid illogical reason you've built up in your head to make it all right."

"I...."

Rafe cut him off with that silencing hand again. "You what, Sandburg?

Blair shrugged. "What difference does any of this make anyway?"

Rafe's hand drifted across the distance between them, coming to rest on Blair's thigh.. Blair's stiffened on contact. Throwing Rafe an angry glare, he sidled away, breaking the touch.

Rafe smiled. "As I thought."

"What?" Blair grumbled.

"You know what I remember most about you, Blair?"

Blair dropped his head against the passenger side window. "Guess you're going to tell me one way or the other, so go for it. Knock yourself out. What do you remember most about me?"

"Touch."

Blair slanted him a glance under lush lashes. "Touch? What the hell are you talking about?"

"Back before you ran away you loved to be touched. Hell, you loved touching. Never mind needing an excuse, you were one of the most touchy-feely men I've ever met. And you got away with it. You'd walk into a room and people would flock to you. And you glowed under the attention." Rafe looked him up and down. "Where are those people now, Blair?"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"You're still good at lying, aren't you?"

"Rafe," Blair's voice was chilling. "You have no right to do this. No right to judge my choices. It's my life. I'm and adult."He glared at the other man. "I do not want your...concern."

"No, I don't suppose you do. You'd rather live in some sort of emotional bubble where you don't have to feel anything. Dammit, Blair, you've cut yourself off from everyone at Rainer, at the CPD, none of your lady friends had any idea where you were. Now you surface with a fiancée....a male fiancée you treat like shit." He cut Blair's protests off with a harsh glare. "Don't bullshit me, Sandburg. I heard how you talked to him. Where the hell was this love you're spouting .off about then? You spoke to him like he was a slave. And a barely tolerated one, at that. Why the hell is he willing to take that from you in a committed way I have no idea. I'd have rammed my fist down your throat if you tried it with me."

"And your point is?"

"I made it, Sandburg. And you understood it. Now we're going to work on breaking you out of that self-imposed crypt and bring you back to life and feeling again. Starting with your frozen love for Jim."

Blair's breath hissed through his teeth. "You can't do this."

"Sure I can, Sandburg. I'm a cop."

"Rafe, listen to me," Blair paused, running his tongue over dry lips. His teeth grazed the slicked surface, gnawing a bloody path. "You can't fix this thing between Jim and me, you know? I don't want you to fix it. Jim doesn't want it. Don't you get it? Jim threw me out because of Alex. He says it was to protect me, but a lot of good that did, right? He threw me into Alex' path and got me killed. Oh sure, he found me floating and did some hocus-pocus that brought me back, but he wasn't even honest then. I thought he wanted me to come back because he loved me. Wanted me, but he walked away like I was so much flotsam he wished he could bury."

"Jim was shell shocked. Needed to get the Alex thing behind him."

Blair snorted. "Behind him, huh? Sure, feed me another." Blair's hands twisted restlessly. "I let that one pass. Let the whole Alex thing pass, and went back to him. So what happens? He throws me out less than a year later over a mistake with that damn paper. Okay, maybe it was my fault. I should have known my mom would do what she wanted and to hell with what I wanted, right? She raised me so I should have known, right? Well, Naomi's my mom, dammit. She has that mom thing that turns on and off when its convenient. Just damn the torpedoes and Blair takes the hit. Out the door I go again. Hey, I don't need time to find a place, do I? Got nothing that I can't carry on my back, right? I'm little more than a vagrant with wheels."

"Don't be ridiculous, Blair."

"Why not? I was a joke of the day that time, right? Boy wonder actually boy plunder? A national disgrace?" Blair shuddered, his eyes shadowed with the memory of the cruel abandonment of his friends and colleagues. "I could have been somebody, Rafe. I had the talent to make something of my life and I threw it away....for him. And what do I get from him? He tells me he's getting married to the same bitch that killed me. Well, I got the hell out of there and made room for them. Who could blame me for that. The ever self-sacrificing Sandburg bastard. Trample on my own happiness and give Ellison what he wants. Even if what he wants is Alex."

Blair dashed at the tears in his eyes. "Crap, how much do I have to take, Rafe? How can you sit there and demand I set myself up for this head trip again? Well, how long do you figure it will be before Sandburg fucks up again? How long before I'm cramming boxes in the backseat and sleeping with the steering wheel for a pillow again? Hell how long before he realized his fuck buddy's been screwing all up and down the avenue? Not the 'I know it in my head' realizes. I'm talking the 'Oh God, he's cheated on me with anything with the cash and an itch' kind of realizes. Rafe, you're not doing him any favors bringing me back. You just gotta let me go back to the new life I've made for myself."

Rafe shook his head. "Not until we've resolved this mess, Sandburg."

"I have resolved it, dammit. How much am I expected to take and forgive? How much do I have to accept before I can walk away?"

Sighing, Rafe guided the car into the turn to the wooded cabin. "I am sorry, Blair, but I gotta do what I think is best."

"For who? Jim? What about hat's best for me?"

"This has nothing to do with Jim, Blair." Rafe told him softly."I'm taking you back because its best for you. Because you shut yourself off from yourself and the people who care about you. Because you won't let maything or anyone past that bubble you've sealed yourself in. Because you're killing yourself over all this." He pulled the car into the drive and turned in his seat to study the down-cast younger man. "You need to learn to feel again. You need to realize you're worth loving and being loved in an honest open way."

Cloaking himself behind a wall of arrogance, Blair threw him a sardonic glance. "Go to hell, Rafe."

Rafe's long fingers wrapped around Blair's thin-boned wrist and opening his door, dragged him across the seat and out into the cobbled yard. "Time to go home, Blair."

Once firmly set on the ground, Blair dug his feet in, resisting. "I don't want to do this."

Rife smiled. "I know you don't." He cupped one pale cheek. "It'll be all right, Blair. You'll see. And I'll be there with you every step of the way."

He took a step, and was pulled back when Blair dug his heels deeper. "Come on, Blair. Let's do this."

Blair's head moved back and forth and a soft moan parted his lips growing in intensity until he suddenly hurtled toward the other man. his angry rush sent Rafe into a sprawl. The detective shouted his name, but Blair hurtled himself toward the tree-line.

Fifty yards. Twenty. Ten. Five. Just a few more steps.

Blair never saw the man baring down on him. Never heard the dash of tracking footsteps. Until he was brought down under his captor's heavy weight.

"No," he screamed, struggling for freedom from the suffocating weight. "Let go, Rafe. Let me go."

Firm hands wrapped around his waist and flipped him over on his back. He froze, staring up into the blue blaze of mocking eyes. Jim's smile dazzled him, stealing what little breath he had left.

"And here I thought I sent you back to your lover." Jim murmured, brushing the wild curls back from his face.

Blair remembered to breathe, drawing a shallow gasp at the gentle caress of Jim's fingers.

"Kind of figured you might have had time to reconsider sending him away by now," Rafe's voice floated down on them. "Was I right?"

"He is such a beauty, Rafe." Jim's knuckled tickled Blair's high cheekbone.

Blair winced away from the intimate contact. The sensual softness of Jim's words. "Tell him to let me go."

Jim frowned. "Why would I do that?"

"Please, just tell him..."

Jim shook his head. "I can't do that, Blair. Rafe knows me to well and I don't lie as well as you do." His fingers tangled into he wild curls and his lips slowly descended to savor Blair's.

Blair whimpered, stiffening under the soft kiss.

"Relax," Jim murmured, tracing Blair's trembling lips with a delicate swish of his tongue. "You taste so good."

Blair whimpered again, softening under the sensations flooding his melting body. He whispered Jim's name, opening his lips to accept the gentle seduction of his senses. Passion flared and he deepened the intensity of the kiss.

"That's it, babe," Jim murmured, nuzzling Blair's neck. "Enjoy."

Blair's hands stopped pressing for freedom and his arms crept up around the strong back, pressing Jim's groin against his own. His hips rose and fell gently, shyly.

"Ah, sweet baby," Jim purred, sliding his knee between Blair's thighs, settling into the cradle of Blairs legs.

Blair stiffened, whimpering a soft protest.

"Hush, babe," Jim coaxed between soft kisses. "It's all right."

Blair's eyes went wide when Jim rocked on him. "Don't. Oh god, don't...."

"Easy," Jim plucked one of Blair's resisting hands from his shoulder, kissing the finger tips. "I'm not gonna fuck you in the dirt, Blair. Just letting you get used to the feel of me topping you."

Blair blanched. "Oh God, no." His fingers clawed for purchase, squirming to escape.

Jim's fingers tightened on him, holding him firmly under him until the smaller man succumbed to his position. "You belong to me, Sandburg." Jim told him as he lie panting and docile under him.

"No."

Jim smiled against Blair's neck. "Yes." He nibbled .at the juncture of shoulder and neck, making Blair arch under him. "You belong to me. Say it."

Blair bit his lower lips, shaking his head.

Jim continued his sensual assault, Kissing, nibbling, tickling and teasing the sensitive skin. "You belong to me, Blair." He gently bit the hollow of Blair's shoulder.

Blair squirmed under him, this time seeking contact instead of retreating from it. .

Jim chuckled low in his throat and began murmuring nonsense words.

The tension seeped out of Blair's body and he tightened his embrace.

"I won't hurt you again, babe," Jim whispered, sealing the vow with a kiss steeped in all the longing inside him. A kiss that Blair returned with equal heat.

A kiss that he seconds later broke, staring up at the man above him with total, absolute horror. A low keening cry broke the silence of the yard and grew, spilling horror around the three men.